Metallic Onslaught Show Archive

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So this night, everyone from The Metallic Onslaught went to see Overkill at The Montage Music Hall in Rochester. Everyone EXCEPT Jeffie. What they didn't know, despite him warning them he would, is that Jeffie was going to take over The Metallic Onslaught this night. And he did. Apparently Joe got wind of it a bit more than halfway through, but it was really too late...

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; I'd been looking forward to this show, especially when you consider I missed out on last year due to my foot surgery. Yep, celebrating Halloween on the Onslaught was a great way to kick off what would be a full weekend of fun!

Rick had brought an old friend by the name of Will along, and he definitely seemed to fit in with the rest of the crew, especially when it came time to beat on Jeffie at the end of the show! Turns out that he's done radio before, in the Buffalo area. I have a feeling we'll be seeing more of him!

Jeffie seemed a little confused when he arrived. Being in costume for this show, I was foregoing my wolf form, and Jeffie kept thinking I was Josh, and also thinking Josh was me. Yeah, it got a little annoying trying to keep him straight, but it would get worse before the night was over!

So, it seems that Jeffie's got an alternate personality called Pepe that he was embracing for the evening. So, he comes out in a Mexican bandito outfit, complete with a sombrero, a wool poncho, and maracas...Gotta say, that poncho was more than just a little on the itchy side, as Bill and I both got our heads wrapped up in it. Of course, then Jeffie had to try dressing me up as Pepe.This didn't go over too well to begin with, since I was already pretty satisfied with my zombie-demon (demon-zombie? Hmmmm...) get-up. But, before you could say "South Of The Border", I had the sombrero, the poncho, the sunglasses, and even the maracas.I tried to make the most of it, though, right up to the point where Jeffie used his bandanna to dose me with chloroform...I don't remember much after that, just that I was starting to come back to my senses and was still pretty groggy when something utterly unthinkable happened. Apparently Jeffie was pretty sure he'd killed me, and Joe had told him to give me mouth-to-mouth.Now, imagine my shock when Jeffie's tongue made it's way down my esophagus! Yep, I was pretty outraged, I must say. I even tried strangling him with his own poncho once he was finished with concert listings.

The night pretty much spiraled down from there, ending with Will and I beating on Jeffie, and Jeffie clutching Bill's leg and being dragged about the studio.

So, in retrospect, I've gotta say I'm still pretty mortified by the whole "mouth-to-mouth" thing. This whole I-Dosing thing has obviously only made Jeffie worse, and in the interest of getting away from him permanently, as of this weekend, I'M LEAVING THE METALLIC ONSLAUGHT! That's right, I can't go back there, Jeffie wins, they can have him. I'm hooking up with The Last Exit For The Lost starting this Saturday night!

Really, it can't possibly be any worse than hanging with Jeffie!

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Well, I'd say the big topic of conversation for the evening was the High On Fire show that the five of us attended the previous Saturday. It was definitely a kick-ass night all around, with all three bands pretty much bludgeoning us. In a good way! I think I may have finally pushed Joe over the edge in the early portion of the show. As in during the first talk break... I'd brought up a confession I'd made on our way to the High On Fire show (mostly in jest, by the way!) I'd mentioned that I should build a shrine to Jackyl, complete with a giant golden chainsaw that could be used for sacrificial purposes. Joe didn't really seem too keen on discussing the matter too much, but I took it a step further by mentioning that I'd also added Jesse James DuPree as a friend on Facebook! Joe's response?

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

He seemed to have regained his composure by the next talk break, though. Good thing, too, because by then we'd had a visitor arrive from Roc City Roller Derby. Yep, it had been over a year since Shockin' Audrey's last visit, and she was kind enough to bring us up to speed on her status. She's been out of action since June, when she suffered a broken leg. Happy to say that she's up and about, now, though, and pretty much ready to hit the track again! She was also promoting the season's closing bout on November 13 at the Dome Arena in Henrietta. Proceeds from this bout will be going to the Breast Cancer Coalition of Rochester, and will feature a silent auction where bidders can walk away with plaster castings of...well...the breasts of some of the derby girls! That's right, these casts have been painted and decorated, and will be up for bid, and it's all for a good cause! Just think of the potential these have as far as being conversation pieces!

Jeffie was on hand once again, and he's still I-Dosing. He's also become fond of a new song, which seems to be called "(We All Love) Yelling On The Radio!", or something to that effect. Kinda fun to participate in, but I can see where there's an underlying annoyance factor... Speaking of annoying, I wasn't too thrilled by the attention that was almost given to a donut I was nibbling on at one point. Seems Jeffie thought it would make a nice subject for a game of "What's In Jeffie's Pants?", but thankfully I had broken it in half and was eating it  before he had a chance to play a special game of ring toss. EWWWWWWWWW!!!

So, next up is our Halloween show, which I'm especially looking forward to. If you remember correctly, I missed out on last year's while I was recovering from my foot surgery. But I'm on hand for this year, and I can't wait to see what kind of craziness transpires!

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Recap by The Metal Wulf;If you tuned in at 9 p.m. Friday night to find...well, not sure what exactly would have been heard at that time, to be honest...anyhoo, you may have been a little disappointed. Or not? Suffice to say, the show had been pre-empted by an hour due to circumstances beyond our control... Okay, so we went live at 10:00 instead, it was all good. It was actually a relatively calm night, with a bigger focus on the music, which, as I've said before, is never a bad thing! Kinda nice to push the silliness in the Stupid Room (as we've affectionately come to call it) off to the sides every now and then. Besides, quiet nights like these usually result in twice the craziness when things go back to "normal" on the following week.

So, as far as music goes, we were featuring new material from Flotsam And Jetsam, which is actually REALLY, REALLY good, more than worth a listen or two! Triptykon has a new EP coming out soon, and we were more than happy to feature "Shatter", the discs title track. I'll be gettin' my paws on that one, without a doubt. We also threw some High On Fire and Torche into the mix, as we anticipated seeing both bands (along with Kylesa) at Waterstreet Music Hall the following night. Yep, the entire Onslaught crew were in attendance, and I'll tell ya, that was one crazy damned crowd! Personally, the best club show I've ever attended, and High On Fire are officially the heaviest band on the frickin' planet. Okay, maybe with the exception of Behemoth, but I personally haven't seen them perform yet...

Also featured some tracks from "Bitten By The Beast", which is the new solo disc from David "Rock" Feinstein of The Rods. We'd been treated to some of these tracks at a couple of shows in recent months, but there was one track in particular that I badly wanted to hear the studio version of. "Metal Will Never Die" features vocals by David's cousin, now departed metal legend, Ronnie James Dio himself. It was great hearing David performing the song live with The Rods, back in June in Ithaca, as well as last month in Auburn, but to hear the actual song off the disc, knowing it was among Ronnie's last recordings, well that's something pretty damned special in my book!

No Jeffie last week, which probably contributed greatly to the feel of "normalcy", but he'll be back this week, I'm sure. On top of that, Halloween is fast approaching, so I can only imagine how that night's going to go! Hell, last year I totally missed out on Halloween on The Metallic Onslaught as I was recovering from my foot surgery, so this year I get to make up for lost time! Heh, heh, somethin' to look forward to!

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; This night saw Seneca Falls band Fleshburn drop in for a couple of hours. Imagine my surprise when I walked back into the studio after our traditional trip to Cold Stone Creamery to discover not only the band, but their manager, Jeff Barrett. Now, Jeff also plays in another Seneca Falls band by the name of Str8jacket, and I've personally known the guy since, hell, roughly the age of six or so! Yep, we go back a ways, and it was very cool to get to hang with him on the show! I actually mentioned that he needs to get Str8jacket to pay us a visit, but it seems that they are currently searching for a new drummer... Anyhoo, we were playing a few Fleshburn songs throughout the evening, and gotta say, ummmm...they're just a little on the heavy side! Okay, it's like this, the first song they mentioned was supposedly their "weakest" track, and it was anything but! Heavy, brutal, very much in the death metal vein. Good stuff, by all means keep your eyes and ears open accordingly!

Dave Henninger from Spater also joined us for a bit to let folks know that they're starting to look into booking bands for next years Fingerlakes Metal Fest. I was happy to hear that the event will actually be held a week earlier than usual, in the hopes that more people will attend if it's not on Memorial Day weekend. That's right, no excuses! Next year you don't have to worry about passing it up for a camping trip, and I won't have to worry about missing it because I have to work the entire holiday weekend!

Gotta point out a great moment that Josh had. During one of the music breaks, while chatting with the guys in the band, we somehow got on the subject of anal leakage (you know, chips, Olestra, unpleasant oozing from your bum...don't ask me how these things come up, they just do!) Josh joked that Anal Leakage would be a great name for a Grindcore band, and I told him I'd have to search the name out on MySpace, just for shits and giggles. Well, Bill whipped out his trusty Droid-X and searched it out himself, and guess what? THERE'S AN ACTUAL GRINDCORE BAND ON MYSPACE CALLED ANAL LEAKAGE!!! I shit you not, it's actually there! Of course, we had to bring this up on the air, which everybody agreed was a terribly wrong thing to discuss on the air. But discuss it we did, and it was pretty damned funny!

Another source of amusement was our teasing Bill about his interest in going to see Lady Gaga's show in Buffalo next March. Yes, Bill is probably a little more diverse than the rest of us in his listening interests, and he likes some of Lady Gaga's material. For my part, I don't really care for her music, but I've heard enough about her live shows to admit a grudging semi-interest. But, no, I'm passing on that one. Got myself in enough hot water just by going to see Jackyl!

No Jeffie on this show, and it was mentioned that he was probably at Wicked Ithaca. I'd brought up a bit of news I'd heard though, and passed along that he was in rehab after i-dosing just a little too much. This news was greeted by general disinterest from the rest of the crew, which really wasn't very surprising. Should be interesting to see if he happens to find his way back to us this week!

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Previously, the Onslaught had been pre-recorded as we all made our way to The Haunt in Ithaca to check out some great bands at a show that was hosted by our sister program, The Last Exit For The Lost. Gotta say, it was very cool that we all got down there to hang out with that crew, since it really doesn't happen very often. But, this week it was back to business as usual, meaning our usual mix of music and mayhem! Lance had dropped in for a bit, and once again we found ourselves discussing Jackyl's free show at the State Fair. I just can't seem to find a leg to stand on with this one, but at least Lance was able to try to back me up a bit. Hey, I'm of the mind that if something is pleasing to your ears, then more power to you. That's how I've always approached this kind of music. Not every genre or sub-genre is going to be to everybody's tastes, and I'm cool with that. Personally, my favorites fall into the categories of straight hard rock, shock rock, power metal, and thrash, plus a little bit of death and black metal. That is just how I'm wired, and I don't expect everybody to like the same things I get into. Besides, I've said before that it's our listening diversity that makes for a great little radio show! So, I just take the ribbing about Jackyl with a grain of salt, even if Joe seems to think I need to be sacrificed to Shagrath at the Dimmu Borgir show that's coming to Buffalo in December. Hell, I know he doesn't really mean it. At least, I hope he doesn't...

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So this show was just Jeffie and Joe, pre-recorded because all involved were at The Haunt in Ithaca for a Last Exit for the Lost Show... They still managed to have a good time...  I believe Joe even admitted hosting the show with Jeffie was.... Fun. Listen for it.

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; We had a return visit from some of our Roc City Roller Derby friends on this edition, specifically Ja-Boodie, Izzy Normous, and Cuss Muffin, who incidentally had recently returned from Nicaragua. Yep, our Cuss is a worldly lady, and always has some cool stories to relate about her travels. They were, of course, on hand to promote last night's bout at the Dome Arena. Not sure how that went for them, but I'm sure the ladies skated their hearts out. At least those who aren't on the injured list, as part of this evening's discussion centered around the number of casualties for this season. C'mon girls, stay healthy!

Now, as those of you who listen regularly know, I'd acquired a very large plush version of Animal from The Muppet Show a few months back. Well, after Friday night, Animal is no longer in my care, and it's probably for the best. He'd taken a bit of abuse and was showing more than a little wear and tear. The new owner of Animal is none other than Cuss Muffin herself, who is a tremendous fan of The Muppets, and when she'd expressed interest in him awhile back, I'd decided that if she really wanted him, I'd hand him over the next time she paid us a visit. Let me tell ya, that was one happy Derby girl who left on Friday night! Hey, in the long run, I'd rather see Animal stay in one piece with somebody who'd be happy with him than see the poor thing get decimated during the radio show. Take care of him, Cuss!

I'd taken a bit of abuse during the evening for going to see Jackyl's free show at the State Fair last Monday. I was fully expecting to take a ribbing over it, yet was completely unrepentant for having seen them. As I've said, we all have our favorite styles when it comes to heavy music, and some of my favorite bands are just straight up hard rock. The important part is that I had a GREAT time at that show. Besides, I'll have some upcoming opportunities to redeem myself as I take in upcoming shows from the Gruesome Twosome (Alice Cooper and Rob Zombie) on their Halloween Hootenanny tour, as well as High On Fire, Overkill, and quite possibly Dimmu Borgir in Buffalo! Sooooo many good shows coming up!

One of the cooler moments of the show, for me at least, came when we played a Sister Sin song for none other than The Hardcore Legend, Mick Foley, himself! "Wow, Wulfie, how did this come about?", you may ask. Well, it's kinda like this. Two weeks ago, Joe had played a Nasty Savage song that featured an appearance from Luna Vachon, a former WWE wrestler who had recently passed away. A day or so later, I was reading Mick Foley's blog, where he'd taken some time to pay his respects to Luna and relate some of his experiences with her over the years. I'd left a comment for Mick telling him about Joe's tribute, and Mick had actually responded with some interest in the show. I'd sent him a message via MySpace to fill him in a bit, and he responded with a thank you and a request for us to play some Sister Sin, as they're his new favorite band! Seriously, how damned cool is that? Or course we had to come through on this! Don't know if Mick was actually listening, but we delivered for him, by God!

I've gotta give myself a little credit, here. As I was relating that Mick Foley story, I had to attempt to ignore some distracting behavior from Jeffie, who seemed to think I'd appreciate a back massage at that moment... Then Cuss Muffin and Billiam joined him... Talk about grace under pressure. Hey, at least my back felt better! But, yeah, this led to some aggravation with Jeffie. Yep, I'd pretty much reached my limit of tolerance, and I actually told him I was going to make a trip down to Ithaca's The Last Exit For The Lost to have a discussion with the Demon Azkath. Jeffie, of course, was undeterred and wanted to come along with me. Seems Azkath doesn't really want Jeffie around either... That's okay, though, 'cuz I DID make that trip, and I think we've got a solution to make Jeffie less annoying in the coming weeks!

It won't, however, occur on the next show. Seems that next week's edition of The Metallic Onslaught will be pre-recorded as we all attend a very cool Last Exit For The Lost-hosted show at Ithaca's The Haunt. Yep, we are ALL going there to see Vindicator, Moore, Angels Beneath Me, and a special guest band who are coming down from Canada. If you like old-school thrash metal, this show may just be up your alley! Besides, how many opportunities do those involved with BOTH radio shows have to hang out on the same night? This is gonna kick ass!

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Seemed a little strange this week, I must say, not that there wasn't a valid reason. Bill, Rick, and myself had all taken a little pre-show trek to Suzy's Tavern in Auburn to check out Torment The Vein. This show also featured 9 Round and Caustic, and I'm sure if it weren't for the fact that we still wanted to hit the airwaves, we would have stayed for the other bands as well. There'll be other opportunities, though!


So, yes, it was a tad awkward walking into the show at about 11:30 to find Jeffie had beaten us! And he was in Rick's spot in the control room! On top of that, Josh hadn't joined us since he'd gone to the State Fair to see Coheed and Cambria's free show at Chevrolet Court. Yep, things definitely felt a little off-kilter, so to speak! It wasn't long after we arrived that I was petitioning strongly for Rick and Jeffie to trade to their usual spots. Nothing against Rick personally, at all, but Lordy, I don't think I want to know what that guy ate Friday! I even ended up visiting Joe and Jeffie in the control room, for the simple fact that it just smelled better in there! Of course, another visit was a little less pleasant for Jeffie. Seems someone thought he'd goad me into a chorus of Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name". Most other nights, with any other band, it probably would have worked. But, Wulfie's not a Bon Jovi fan... I ended up making my way into the control room, and those listening probably heard me slapping Jeffie around a bit as I yelled, "DO I LOOK LIKE A BON JOVI FAN TO YOU!?!?!?!?!?" Oh, Jeffie, Jeffie, Jeffie... I also asked him if he'd been into my mushroom collection again, because he started spouting some nonsense about unmasking me last week. Honestly, I had to ask him if he was on crack! Now, I have a feeling someone hacked my recap last week, saying some slanderous b.s. I wouldn't trust that at all! Nope, not in a million years! And if any video happens to pop up, well, don't trust that either... I am well and truly a wolf! Count on it! : )


Now, there was some speculation on this particular evening that had to do with the theory that all the stupid on the show seems to hover in the "other room", where Bill, Josh, Lance, myself, and most recently Tim, hang out. Hell, I figured it would be a little more sane in there, since Jeffie was in the control room. I mean, it stood to reason that all the stupid should have followed Jeffie in there, right? Wrong... I think I can categorically say, after an evening of Rick (yes, and me, too!) playing the "butt trumpet", and Bill playing some crazy sound bits off of his Droid-X, we have plenty of our own stupidity going on! Which is why, during the final talk break, we admitted that "WE NEED A MOMMY IN THE STUPID ROOM"!!!!

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Featured a lot of new music this week, with tracks from Accept, Death Angel, and former Nightwish vocalist, Tarja. From what I heard, you probably can't go wrong with any of them, although I'd personally say that the new Accept material seemed to stand out a little more. I definitely need to hear some more of that one...

Elmira death-metallers, Sorrow Of Batavia, had joined us in the studio. We'd been wanting to get them on the show for some time, and it proved to be well worth the wait. These guys flat-out blew us away when we first started playing their material on the show a few months back, one of those cases where our ears perked up and we said, "This is great, who the hell is this?" Further proof that there are some great bands throughout the area, if you look hard enough! The guys were a great deal of fun to hang with. Hell, one of the members even joined Bill, Rick, Josh, and myself on a run to Cold Stone Creamery in between talk breaks. Seems Bryan LOVES Cold Stone just as much as we do, and told Bill he'd even ride in the trunk if he had to. Bill had told him, jokingly, that there was probably room for him in the trunk. And he was right! Yes, I bullshit you not when I say that Bryan rode with us IN THE TRUNK of Bill's Nissan! We squeezed him into the back seat on the way back, though. Would've been a little difficult for him to eat his ice cream if he went back into the trunk...

Anyhoo, on to some of the craziness of the evening.

I got into a bit of a tussle with Jeffie. Can't seem to remember what sparked it, but things eventually got out of hand with his continued insistence that I'm not really a wolf and his belief that I wear a mask.Well, things came to a head during a talk break. Yep, Jeffie'd been slapping me on the snout all night, and I'd had enough! However, during one of our tussles, he got one hand on my snout and one hand on the back of my head, and then he started to twist...For those listening, you probably heard me yelling, which led to a blood-curdling scream as Jeffie twisted my head until it faced backwards.Then, you probably heard a thud as I hit the floor...Then, you probably heard me yell "THAT DOES IT!!!"And then, you probably didn't hear anything, 'cuz I accidentally hit the "on/off" switch on the surge protector that was lying on the floor. You probably did hear some confusion from Joe and Rick in the other room just before going to the next music break! Now, what you DIDN"T get to hear was me confessing that I'm NOT REALLY A WEREWOLF AFTER ALL!!!!!(GASP!!!!) And yes, it was REALLY A MASK ALL ALONG!!!! (DOUBLE GASP!!!!) Of course, if you were still tuned in after the talk break, you got to hear that confession anyway, along with Jeffie's boasting about knowing it all along! C'mon Jeffie, I had you fooled, and you know it! It took you over a year to even get a LITTLE suspicious! The joke was all on you, bro! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!Of course, I have to admit something else that was addressed on the show. I may not actually be a real werewolf, but I DID eat Jeffie's Llamas a couple months ago...EWWWWW!!!

So, yeah, for the record, let me introduce myself: My real name is Randy, and I only PRETEND to be a headbanging werewolf! But I'm sure you were all smart enough to put that together, anyway...One thing's certain: It's only gonna get crazier from here! I mean, eventually somebody else has to hear what God's message was, don't they?

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Had a couple of surprises on this particular evening, as we were paid a visit not only from Lance, but also Lance's friend, Tim.Now, Tim's been on the show before, and I'm not 100% sure what he's involved with now, but I know as of his last visit, he was employed by Century Media. So, here's a guy who's got some closer insight to the business than we'll probably ever have. Not that I'm complaining about my little niche in all this fun, but it's kinda cool to have that extra perspective on hand from time to time. Looks like he might be hanging with us a bit more in the coming weeks, and I say the more the merrier!

Probably the funniest discussion of the evening centered around a tattoo idea for Josh. Lance suggested we all kick in for Josh to get the Helloween pumpkin design for his first tat, with the stipulation that the tat has to go on his lower back.Josh really wasn't down with the idea of a Helloween tramp stamp so to speak, but if he wants it someplace else, he's gotta pay for it himself.Of course, this concept went further as we discussed an old 80's band called Rail, who I'd remembered had a video for a song called "1,2,3,4 Rock N' Roll", and I never heard much of them since then.Well, somewhere along the line it was mentioned that maybe Josh could get a Rail tramp stamp. I went so far as to suggest that it wouldn't be so bad, as long as it wasn't a prison tattoo, because then it would give new meaning to the term "running a train"...Which led Joe to mention something about Josh's cellmate would be someone named "Gerbil"...Yeah, things spiraled down pretty low, I must say!

Possibly one of the more uncomfortable moments of the evening came when Joe went to play an Exodus song, and decided to share a couple of terrible covers from the disc in question. He didn't play the full songs, just a minute or two from each, but even that much of listening to Exodus doing versions of "Bitch" by The Rolling Stones and "Pump It Up" by Elvis Costello proved to be almost unbearable.But, we got through it only slightly worse for wear.

Also got into a little discussion about some upcoming shows (they're still teasing me about wanting to see Jackyl...), which led into a further discussion about the future of the Penny Arcade in Rochester. Now, it's been close to a year since this place hosted any shows, and it's really heartbreaking to think that it may never open it's doors again. Place has way too much history to just sit there empty, but it seems that Joe and Bill said it best when they mentioned that the current owners just seem content to run it into the ground... Now, as far as other venues go, we've got some GREAT shows coming through to the Water Street Music Hall, who'll be hosting Gwar in October, as well as High On Fire. Not to mention the Montage, who not only just hosted Devildriver and a number of others last weekend, but who will also be hosting Overkill in November, as well as Epica.Good times, good damned times!

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Focused a lot on music, as Joe played a few tracks from the Murderdolls latest disc, "Women And Children Last", as well as "The Order Of The Black", from Black Label Society.Both of these discs are already among my favorites for the year, needless to say.
As far as the usual insanity went, Billiam pretty much received his official initiation to the show, as he was the subject of some Jeffie abuse.Can't remember if I've ever mentioned these pants that Bill has had for awhile. Think of the most ridiculously flared bell bottom jeans you've ever seen, then add about ten inches in diameter. There's a reason we refer to them as the "Holy Shit Pants", I assure you...Well, Jeffie decided to try sticking his head as far up Bill's pant leg as it would go, and he made it a pretty good distance. Amazingly enough, Bill managed to handle the experience with a surprising lack of hysterics.Of course, that wasn't all. Bill's new Droid-X became the subject of a game of "Guess What's In Jeffie's Pants", as did a Jester's cap that he's fond of wearing for offbeat occasions. I think his car keys may have been involved at some point as well.Poor Bill, it was bound to happen eventually! Of course, things just deteriorated from there. Got to be a bit of a mess, actually, as cases of CD's were upturned over Jeffie's head, and a Frisbee was broken over his head...Honestly, I didn't mean to break the poor Frisbee! I didn't think I'd hit him that hard, I swear!!!!Somewhere in all the chaos, I ended up nipping Jeffie. I don't think it was a full-fledged bite, but things got our of hand. He seemed to think he was going to become a werewolf, and eventually he put on this really cheap-looking vinyl wolf mask.I mean, really, it looked like something you'd buy at the zoo...Well, we called his bluff soon enough, and further carnage ensued.All has been recorded for posterity, so keep your eyes open for the impending video footage. I have a feeling it's gonna be worth more than a few chuckles!

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Alright, admittedly I wasn't there for a good portion of the show. Truth be told, Josh and Joe were pretty much on their own, since Rick, Billiam, and myself had all gone to see the Carnival Of Madness stop in Canandaigua.

Steve Papagiorgio had stopped in, along with the members of Lowkey. They were on hand to promote the upcoming Hage Fest, a whole weekend of metal music! Looks like they've got a helluva lineup, including local and non-local talent. I'd say it's probably going to be a must-see, and I'm pretty sure I heard mention of our own Rick Horton emceeing the show on that Saturday. Hell, work permitting, ya might even see a Wulf out there!

Billiam and I arrived shortly after 11:30, and we were more than happy to share the events of our evening.

I'm still seeing tentacles. Kinda played it down on Friday night, though. I figure we can get all this hashed out when Jeffie returns to the show this Friday night, maybe find out exactly what's going on here...
Maybe it's time to share the message with everybody else!

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; I think we experienced some kind of record in the early portion of the show, as Jeffie joined us at approximately 9:15 p.m. My GOD! He's NEVER that early! What the hell?
Then he explained that he was just showing up late from last week, which kind of ruined our moment, damn him!
Anyhoo, it wasn't much later that we were joined by Steve Papagiorgio. Surprisingly enough, he and I didn't attempt to kill each other for THE ENTIRE NIGHT!!!
That's gotta be another kind of record! Man, we're on a roll, lately!


Of course, it also could have had something to do with the fact that we had a band in the studio that night, as well. Amelia Is Dead, from Syracuse, were kind enough to join us for a couple of hours.
What can I say about Amelia Is Dead? Sound-wise, think of a hybrid of Flyleaf (with heavier guitars), Otep, and Kittie. At least those are bands that come to my mind when I hear them.
I actually caught their performance at the Women's Right To Rock Festival in Seneca Falls roughly three weeks ago, and I loved the live show. Definitely some high energy and aggressiveness from the boys in the band, and vocalist Stephanie Smile has got a scream that will pretty well curdle your brains after she pierces your eardrums.
They also recently got to perform at the Darien Lake stop of the Van's Warped Tour, which I believe is the biggest show they've played so far. I think it's safe to say that there's loads of potential there, and I wouldn't be surprised to see bigger and better shows in their future.
All in all, had a damned good time hanging with them, and I believe we'll be seeing more of them in the coming months, quite possibly with an acoustic performance in the studio! Something to look forward to!

So, I don't remember much of what happened after the band left.
Truth is, I was kept muzzled throughout the evening, particularly while Amelia Is Dead were visiting. I'm assuming this had to do with the fact that I was still seeing tentacles. Part of me wants to take comfort in the fact that Jeffie and even Steve could see them, which tells me that maybe I'm really NOT going crazy!

Of course, Steve says he was seeing tentacles AND testicles, so I don't even want to fucking speculate as to what's up with that shit...

Anyway, I was able to slip the muzzle off once or twice, thankfully. Damned thing was uncomfortable as hell, truth be told. Don't even fully understand why they felt the need for it, I suppose they felt I might embarrass them in front of the band or something...

But, as I was saying, it was after the band left that things get blurry. All I remember is waking up in the basement of the studio and Bill helping me out shortly thereafter. Good thing he showed up, too, or he may not have gotten me to my 25-year class reunion in time!
Got the story from Bill in the meantime, though, and it seems that I just went completely bat-fuck insane during a music break. I guess I was screaming "THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!!", over and over, and attacking the walls, not to mention beating the utter shit out of Animal, who we'd had propped up in a safe place while the band was there. I guess this prompted Joe to lure me into the basement, and lock me in there until I calmed down.
All I can say is I hope I didn't damage Animal too badly, and I hope Joe's not gonna be too pissed that Bill broke me out again!

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; More or less a quiet evening, which, as usual, meant a greater focus on music. Pretty much the way it should be!
Early discussions focused on last week's Battery show in Clyde, still can't believe the tribute band played longer than Metallica could ever have dreamed of...wow...
We also somehow got on the topic of "Shandi", a tune that is historically significant only because it is the absolute WORST KISS SONG EVER WRITTEN!!!
To be brutally honest, I'd rather listen to "Music From The Elder", front to back, a thousand times over, than ever have to hear "Shandi" again...
Believe me, I'm pretty sure the listening audience got a damned good dose of just how bad this song is when I started singing snippets of it on the air. Honestly, I don't mind the occasional breaking into song thing, but belting out "Shandi" left me feeling just a little nauseous.
Damn, I'm gettin' queasy just thinking about it...mmmph...
Jesus Christ, it's no wonder Peter and Ace left the fuckin' band...

Discussing "Shandi" seemed to leave a bad taste in all our mouths, so it's a damned good thing Rick mentioned that a Cold Stone Creamery had just opened in the Tim Horton's, which is conveniently located a short distance up the road from the station. Yep, an ice cream break was just what the doctor ordered, and I strongly recommend the Peanut Butter Cup Perfection!
Mmmmmm, ice cream!

Around the time that we would normally have been expecting Jeffie, we got word from him via phone and text that he couldn't make it, due to bus issues. Somebody mentioned tires, to be precise, prompting me to ask if he'd tried taking the square ones off...
Rick (or was it Joe? hmmmm...) mentioned that Jeffie should just try the old Fred Flintstone technique, to which I replied that Jeffie actually looks more like Captain Caveman...
Seems that Jeffie had also mentioned that the show would be fine in my hands.
Okay, so does it seem to anybody else that getting a vote of confidence from Jeffie is a bit of a dubious honor? Anybody else not quite trusting that?
Yeah, thought so...

So, no Jeffie meant that reading the listings for upcoming shows fell into Joe's hands. Eventually we got onto a discussion of some of the free shows coming to the State Fair this year, and there's actually a pretty good line-up, if you're looking for some rock. Of particular interest to me are Blue Oyster Cult (who I just recently saw in Farmington, and they were GREAT!), Kansas, Coheed And Cambria (yes, they are performing for FREE!), and Jackyl.
Now, personally I was pretty excited about Jackyl, but it seems the other guys just don't share my appreciation for some good ol' redneck rock. Not even breaking into a little bit of "I Stand Alone" could sway them, and I happen to think that's a pretty bad-ass song!
Guess it all boils down to taste, and we all have our preferences on the Metallic Onslaught. Part of what makes it a good solid show, if you ask me!

So, it seems that in some ways I really wasn't keeping it together very well on the show that night.
I can't remember much of what Jeffie had whispered in my ear last week, but I can definitely say that something is really, REEEAAALLY weird. I mean, all I saw that night were tentacles! Little by little, throughout the evening, there were more and more of them! At first, it was just one or two caressing Josh's shoulder, and then there was a mass of them all over the place by the end of the night!
And nobody else could see them! What the fuck is up with that? How could they NOT see all of that green, slimy squishiness?
Of course, knowing what I saw and where those tentacles were going, maybe it's just as well that they couldn't see anything...

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Now, last week I explained some of my reservations about resurrecting Jeffie. Tough decision, and I'd actually told the other guys on the show that I wasn't going to do it...
But, of course I did...
I mean, come on, Azkath just would have sent more. Hell, there was apparently one night before I joined up where there were 40 Jeffies, and they had to kill 39 of them!
In the end, I decided that it would be the lesser of two evils to just go ahead and resurrect the Jeffie that was sacrificed last week...
Of course, there was that whole bath thing to take care of. After a week of rotting in the heat, Jeffie's corpse was in pretty rough shape. I mean, we had to clean chipmunk nests out of his hair! EWWWWW!!!
Of course, the chipmunks themselves just served as a little snack for me. Hey, waste not, want not!
Josh had even contributed to the bath by adding a little of this and that to at least make Jeffie smell a little better when he came back.
So, at least he was nice and lemon-y fresh when he came downstairs, completely bare-assed naked...
I never, EVER want to see that again...
Anyway, when it came time for Jeffie to reveal God's plan to The Metallic Onslaught, he revealed that none of us were worthy of hearing it.
Well, with the exception of me...
Admittedly, I was a little skeptical about being the only person on the show who was deserving of this...ummm...honor..., and I almost didn't go for it. But in the end...Ia...
I did...Ia...
And the word of God...Cthulhu...apparently drove me...Fhtagn...
quite...
insane...
To be honest, I really don't remember much...something about seals and singing "Strawberry Fields"...
Hmmmmmmm...
Hey, look, a tentacle!

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Fun night, overall. Not only did we have Dave from Spater on hand for a couple of hours, we actually had the entire BAND in the studio! Which was cool as hell, 'cuz they've got a great show coming up this Saturday night at Donselaar's in Clyde. Yep, Spater is opening for Battery, the only Metallica tribute band that is ACTUALLY APPROVED BY METALLICA! Now, I've seen Battery, and I'll tell ya something: They are as close as you can get to the real deal without forking over roughly $90.00 a ticket. Yes, THEY ARE THAT GOOD!
Of course, if you're not a Metallica fan, you probably won't care, and that's okay! For my part, I'm gonna be there throwin' the horns and giving myself a case of whiplash...hopefully DURING Whiplash!

By the way, this recap is being typed as i enjoy my very last cigarette...or what I HOPE to be my last cigarette! It ain't gonna be easy for the next couple of days, but your fuzzy friend here is bound and determined that he's kickin' the habit! Just be careful approaching me the next couple of days, I might nip...

Anyhoo...

Well, I waited an awful long time to do this, but it has finally happened. I've experienced my very first Jeffie death on the show!
Now, if you remember correctly, I had to sacrifice Jeffie in order for him to reveal God's plan for the Metallic Onslaught. Of course, leave it to him to reveal that his death would have to take place during the last talk break of the evening. Then he tells us that his body has to rot in the studio before we resurrect him on the next show, using the same "Resurrection Bath" that was used on Josh as a trial run.
So, yes, in the closing moments of the show, I went on a little rampage of Jeffie destruction, and after what seemed like an eternity, he finally died. Which was my cue to break out that little Wal-Mart greeting card that plays the Hamster Dance. This was followed by Joe playing Angtoria's "God Has A Plan For Us All", as I felt it was a fitting piece of music.

Now, I've got a few reservations about how all this is going to turn out.
Here's the deal: Jeffie's, as I understand it, are clones of Jeff The Radio Guy, who in turn is a clone of the Demon Azkath from The Last Exit For The Lost, our sister show. Before, when a Jeffie died, Azkath would just send another along.
However, this time we're resurrecting a Jeffie, and I'm a little leery about some complications that could occur.
I mean, is it possible that this Jeffie could come back to life worse than before he died? Will he be altered in some horrible way? Will it even work? What if the bath wasn't prepared properly?
And even worse! What is Azkath sends ANOTHER Jeffie clone, anyway? Can we really handle a new Jeffie and a resurrected Jeffie?
I'm a little nervous about how this next show is gonna go, I have to admit!
Well, regardless of what transpires next, at least we'll have some good music to enjoy before the shit hits the fan!

Listen to the Show - Pictures


Recap by The Metal Wulf; So, we weren't really expecting anybody as far as guests this week, pretty much figuring most of the focus would be on the music. Hey, it IS a radio show after all! But, unexpected things happen...
There were some technical difficulties in the early going, but thankfully we got them squared away in a somewhat timely manner. Be thankful you couldn't hear what was going on in the station in the first five to ten minutes or so, there would have been some interesting things heard as some of us explored our range of creative profanity. Okay, maybe it wasn't THAT bad, but it's just as well it didn't make it over the airwaves!

Probably the most unexpected event of the evening was the return of Lance! Yeah, you read that correctly, after a hiatus of about six months or so (some would suggest years, but that was all in good fun!) Lance dropped in to catch up with us. He was kind enough to share some recently acquired music, and true to form it was heavy on the 80's glam. Hey, no complaints here, for the most part. Although I think we could have done without that Heavy Pettin' song, and to be honest, that re-recording of Dokken's "Tooth And Nail" probably wasn't the greatest thing ever. Musically, pretty sound, but I think Don's vocals were much better the first time around!
All in all, I'd say we were all pretty pleased that he showed up, though, and he promises it won't be another six months between visits.
Hmmmm...time shall tell...

Forgot to mention something about the closing moments of last week's show: Jeffie felt he needed a little reminder of what exactly God's message for the Onslaught was, so he asked if I had any more of those mushrooms. At first I told him that he'd already eaten them all, but it turned out that there were a handful or so left, which he immediately ate in the closing moments.
Well, once he showed up for this week's fun, we asked him how it all went. He knew of two things:
A. He'd been told that Lance would show up. Ummmm, yeah, easy enough to say after the fact Jeff-ward, try again...
B. He said that he would have to be killed on the show, by me. And then resurrected in the same manner that Josh had been. Seems Josh was just a test subject, to see if the process would work.

So, next week, I get to kill Jeffie and then give him the "Resurrection Bath"! Of course, I'm pretty eager to take part in my first "Jeffie Death", so I'm gonna take some time to decide exactly how I'm going to do this. I'll try to make it as memorable as possible!

We also had another edition of Jeffie's new talk show, "Long And Deep With Jeffie: Banging It In And Filling It Up All Night, Now With No Llamas", with Lance as his first guest.
Attempts at getting any insight into Lance's whereabouts over the recent months proved to be mostly fruitless, with Lance mostly commenting on just how much of an idiot Jeffie is. Really, the most that was revealed had something to do with taking a Red Rocket to Uranus, and I really don't think most folks wanna hear about that...

Oh, and how could I forget! My brother Bill was on hand again to hang with us, and we'd brought our own little special guest. Seriously, one man's trash is another's treasure, and as soon as Bill and I saw that life-sized plushie of Animal from The Muppet Show at a local yard sale, we immediately knew there'd be a place for him in conjunction with the show! We'll be bringin' him back for some fun, guaranteed! In the meantime, you'll see him in this week's photos once they're posted!

Yep, that pretty much covers the major bases, I'd say. Although, I would like to mention that no hedgehogs were actually harmed on the show that night. Hey, it's not OUR fault that some toy maker decided to make a hedgehog finger puppet, with the finger hole directly where the poor hedgehogs bunghole would be!
It WAS funny as hell, though!

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Okay, so one of those nights where things didn't go quite according to plan. Sorrow Of Batavia couldn't make it, and there was no sign of Richard Venice or Dewey, but hell, that's alright. These circumstances usually just mean more focus on music, and maybe just a little more random silliness. Not such a bad thing, really!

I got the guys laughing pretty hard early on in the show as we all shared a Beavis And Butthead moment. I've been able to do a solid imitation of Mr. Anderson's voice for years, and it's always good for a chuckle, but this went on for a good chunk of the talk break, and at one point I'm pretty sure I had Rick in tears from laughing so hard!
Hey, just a sign that I'm doing something right!

Josh departed a little early, and there was some speculation as to why. We think it may have been because I didn't let him ride me around the parking area again. Hey, what the hell does he want? I'm a werewolf, not a damned pony! Besides, once should be enough!
Jeeeeeez...

Jeffie continued his doubtful ways as to my status as a lycanthropic terror. Jeeez, this guy just doesn't give up!
He even went so far as to introduce a new interview segment called "Long And Deep With Jeffie: Banging It In, Filling Up All Night (Now With Extra Llamas!)".
Gotta give him credit, he pulled through with the llamas. There were probably about half a dozen or so roaming around the studio.
So, we had our little interview, and I had to go into the whole back story of my origins as a werewolf again. For those who missed out on the story when I first appeared on the show, here's a synopsis:

In January of 1984 (the week of my 18th birthday!), Ozzy Osbourne came to Rochester, NY on his Bark At The Moon tour. This was my first show, and on my way back to the car I got separated from my friends somehow. I'd found my way to the backstage area and ended up getting knocked loopy by what I suspect was a whiskey bottle thrown by Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue, who were the opening act on that tour.
Anyhoo...
I returned to consciousness to discover somebody urinating heavily near my prone body. Now, this really didn't sit well with me, and when I looked up and started yelling at the person to stop, I noticed it was Ozzy himself!
Well, Ozzy didn't take too well to my verbal lashings, and he immediately transformed into a werewolf in front of me! (Just think of the Bark At The Moon cover, you'll know what I mean!) And then, he BIT ME!!!!
Well, from that night on, I not only transformed on the full moon, but I also changed whenever heavy metal music played!
Yeah, life sure got interesting after that!
Anyway, there's more to the tale, especially the events that led Steve Papagiorgio to discover me in Mexico, but that's a story for another day.
Maybe...

Further interrogation into the "hands coming off" incident occurred, and I just couldn't seem to convince him that I'm having a little problem in the excess shedding department.
I don't think Jeffie's gonna let go of this any time soon. Oh well, what ya gonna do?

The evening came to a close amidst a small amount of bloody carnage in the station. Hey, it was a full moon, and those llamas were DAMNED tasty!
Hell, I ate like a king in that last half hour, and imagine my surprise when Foul Mouth Girl decided to jump in to make a kill!
Wow, I never took her for the blood-thirsty type!
As for Jeffie, he ended the night in shock, crying over the massacre of his beloved furry llama friends.
Me? Hell, I just used a chunk of rib bone to pick my teeth!

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Download Jeffie's birthday song for Joe

Recap by Metal Wulf; Well, we were anticipating some surprises on this particular night, since we were celebrating Joe's upcoming birthday. Honestly, we had visions of Jeffie arriving with some of the crew from The Last Exit For The Lost, most likely Just Joe and Dave. Indeed, it was probably even more surprising when Jeffie arrived WITHOUT Just Joe and Dave...
He did have Genevieve from Psyche Corporation with him, however, and it was fun to get a chance to catch up with her. Always a pleasure to have her on hand!

Anyhoo, further attempts to get Jeffie to share God's plan with us proved to be fruitless. He continued to insist that the time wasn't quite right yet.
Well, I certainly hope the time is coming soon, 'cuz I think The Metallic Onslaught may have some plans for Jeffie before God can make good on His!

So, let's see, what were some of the crazier moments? Jeffie made sure he was going to make the most of spreading birthday cheer for Joe, who oddly enough decided at a couple points in time that he actually LIKED Jeffie!
Now, Joe really doesn't like Jeffie at all, so this kinda boggled our minds. Even more puzzling was Joe's showing how much he liked Jeffie by screaming "BERSERKER RAGE!!!" and pummeling the hell out of him. Then he'd come to his senses and realize that he really didn't like Jeffie after all. This happened a few times.
For further birthday enjoyment, Jeffie played a new birthday song for Joe, which we all thought was one of his coolest pieces yet. Strangely, when we actually like some of Jeffie's songs, he doesn't seem to appreciate the music. Seriously, some people just can't take a frickin' compliment!
Then there were a couple of live musical interludes, one of which featured Genevieve singing "Happy Birthday To You"...
...backwards!
Hey, it was actually kind of fun, especially with a little accompaniment from me and Foul Mouth Girl on bongos and Casio keyboard respectively.
And since we had the instruments on board, anyway, it just seemed like a fun idea to do a live jam of Jeffie's "Rubbernecking" song, which for some reason Joe and Rick just can't seem to embrace...
Just can't please some folks, I guess!

Interesting side note to that "Rubbernecking" segment:
That silly Jeffie, I gotta tell ya...
At some point a big clump of fur flew off of my hand as I was playing bongos, and Jeffie insisted that my hand itself flew off! Can you believe it?
Look, the weather's been really hot lately, and I've been shedding a lot more than normal for this time of year, that's ALL IT WAS! Honestly, Jeffie seems to think I'm trying to pull something on everybody. How many ways can I say that I am genuinely a wolf! I am a snarling, carnivorous beast! HONESTLY!!!!

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Recap by The Metal Wulf: Well, talk about some bizarre situations. On the last show I pretty much succeeded in driving everybody out of their minds with my biscuit addiction. Once again, Jeffie is the primary party to blame, although I should have known better than to eat something that he offered me. But those biscuits were sooooo yummy...
Mmmmmm, biscuits...
NOOOOO!!!!

Okay, so maybe there's some lingering attachment there, but I've found other entertainments in the meantime. More on that in a bit...

Anyhoo, Joe had me sedated in my closing moments on that last show, and had supposedly dropped me off at Rehab.
Strange thing, though. I don't think most rehabs come equipped with an S&M Dungeon...
So, there I was chained to a wall surrounded by a bunch of leather-clad dingbats who thought they knew something about inflicting pain.
Poor, poor bastards...

Upon my arrival at the show, I explained the situation to the guys, explaining that the above-mentioned leather-clad folks were currently chained up for my further entertainment. Yep, I'd been teaching them a LOT over the previous week!
Imagine my surprise, though, when my handiwork was interrupted by my brother, Bill, who had arrived to rescue me from Rehab (using his amazing invisible Ninja skills!) and get me to the radio show in time to hang with Cry To The Blind.
In the end, I reluctantly left my victims where they were for the time being. I was pretty sure they'd be alright until I got back. I mean, a couple of dangling organs here and there couldn't have been THAT life-threatening, could they?

Anyways, on to the serious aspects of this weeks show: Cry To The Blind!
So, let's go back to the early part of the New Millennium, when an event called Party Project at Geneva, NY's Smith Opera House introduced me to a rap/metal combo called 40 Oz. Failure, whose sound could best be compared to Limp Bizkit. 40 Oz. Failure were a LOT heavier, and infinitely better, in my opinion.
These guys blew me away that night, as well as another band called Loopus. Over the next three years or so Bill and I took in as many shows featuring these bands as humanly possible. Seriously, I've lost track, It seems like every weekend we were seeing one or the other or both.
Well, since that time, both 40 Oz. Failure and Loopus have disbanded.
Cry To The Blind is the band that rose from the ashes of 40 Oz. Failure, with less focus on the rap aspects and more of a modern hard-rock sound. Still damned good, let me tell ya!
So, it was vocalist Jon Lamana, drummer Jay Telarico, and bassist Kory Maclauchlan who joined us in studio this week, bringing us up to date on many things, as well as reminiscing about some of the "old" days. Seriously, with enough hard work and dedication (and believe me, these guys have got it in SPADES!), the sky is the limit for this band. I wish them nothing but the best!

Anyway, other discussions drifted toward recent events concerning Jeffie. I have a feeling he may be in for a rough evening when he returns next week. I think we're all a little impatient to discover what this message from God is all about, and we may have to get some answers from him! And considering Bill has shown interest in hanging with us a bit more frequently, maybe those invisible clowns living in his pants could be of help!
Yeah, I'm expecting some extreme craziness in the coming weeks!

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Recap by The Metal Wulf: This was a rough night for ol' Wulfie, I've gotta tell ya. And it's all Jeffie's fault...
The evening started off on a positive note, as Roc City Roller Derby's Cuss Muffin and Ja-Bootie joined us once again. They brought along a fresh face this evening, although we had to look up a bit to get a good look at her. At 6', 4" we were ALL looking up at Izzy-Normous.
Anyhoo, the ladies were on hand to promote their upcoming June 12th event at the Genesee Valley Sports Arena, and we were, as always, more than happy to oblige them. We LOVE our Derby!

Rick took some time to share some of his fun memories from hosting the Fingerlakes Metal Fest, and it sounded like he had himself a great time. Two days of great music, and not a bad band to be heard among them all! Hopefully next year, more of us will get to enjoy it!

On to the not so pleasant aspects of the evening...

I'd mentioned in last weeks' recap that Jeffie had handed over some biscuits for me to try, and the effects they had on me.
Well, guess who was under the impression that Jeffie was going to be back on the show, with more biscuits. Imagine the disbelief and disappointment when informed that Jeffie wasn't coming on the show that night...
That couldn't be! There had to be MORE BISCUITS, DAMMIT!!!!!
I imagine I must have gotten a little out of hand by that point, as I kept insisting that Jeffie was coming, and the guys kept telling me he that he wouldn't be returning for another TWO WEEKS!

THAT COULDN'T BE TRUE!!!

And so, Wulfie's night on the show spiraled downward into drastic stages of biscuit withdrawal, forcing Joe's hand. Yep, the only thing left to do was to take me to...

REHAB?!?!?!?!

Of course, I insisted that wasn't necessary. Why, I could quit any time I wanted, I'd be just fine!
But, no, in the end it was an early departure from the show. Rick must have found some of that elephant tranquilizer that Steve Papagiorgio used to use on me, 'cuz the next thing I felt was a little prick in my arm, and a warm, relaxing feeling as I drifted off to sleep...

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Well, once again we were to pay tribute to another lost member of the tribe, this time Slipknot's Paul Gray. Always sad to see someone so young pass on, especially when their band is at the top of the current heap.
Seriously, this really sucks. I mean, I'm cool with the idea of a Rock N' Roll Heaven, but I think the Higher Powers should concentrate on someone NOT in the metal universe...

We had members of Newark's "Break The Silence" on hand for a little while. They were promoting their appearance at this weekend's Finger Lakes Metal Fest.

Josh's corpse was still there this week, so, I took a few moments to roll around in it.
If you remember correctly, I killed Josh in a bestial rage on the air in the closing moments of last weeks show. Well, it seems that somebody had just tucked his body into a corner and forgot about it, and he was gettin' pretty ripe. Perfect!
Yep, as Break The Silence promoted their show, you could hear me rolling around in near-orgasmic ecstacy, crunching some of Josh's ribs in the process...
Josh didn't take too well to that after he rose as a zombie about half an hour later...
Oddly enough he wasn't looking for revenge on me, though, although the broken ribs didn't exactly sit well with him.
Nope, he was pretty well prepared to take out all his undead aggression on Jeffie. Of course, after a little speculation he decided that eating Jeffie's brains was pretty pointless. Would've been like finding a needle in a haystack, to be honest...

Then we all started annoying the hell out of our long suffering host, Joe. Poor guy...
It's Jeffie's fault, of course. Leave it to him to come up with another annoyingly catchy song to sing along to. Before long he had Josh and I chanting along to "I Am Rubbernecking, I Am Rubbernecking..."
Really, don't ask me what it means. Who knows where Jeffie comes up with this stuff. It was just insanely fun!
Except for Joe and Rick...

Okay, guilty confession, I should know better than to nibble on anything that Jeffie offers to me, mainly because you never know where it's been, but, DAMN, those dog bisquits smelled good! They were kinda like the Lays potato chips of dog bisquits, I couldn't eat just one. In fact, before the night was over, I think I can categorically say I became addicted to them...
This didn't sit well with Joe either. I mean, one minute I'm a self-respecting werewolf, and the next I'm behaving like an attention hungry chihuahua, begging for more bisquits, whining...
What the HELL were in those things?
Of course, eventually the bisquits ran out, and Jeffie had the brilliant idea of offering me peanut butter.
Talking through peanut butter is hard enough in human form, imagine what it's like through a wolf muzzle...
And then Jeffie had to go and speculate how the peanut butter would taste if he smeared it in his armpits. My stomach just kinda lurched at the thought.
It's almost impossible to puke through a mouthful of peanut butter...
Of course, Jeffie had to remark on that particular phenomenon, describing in detail how I was vomiting peanute butter and bisquit chunks through my nose...

On top of that, before the night was over, Jeffie assured us that Josh's rising as a zombie is all part of the overall plan, as we continue toward this great revelation that he says God wants to share with us in the coming weeks. He even went so far as to prepare a special bath for Josh, which brought him back to life, pretty much the same as ever.
Of course, knowing Jeffie there's going to be a catch to this somewhere. Part of me is dreading the coming weeks...

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; You never really WANT to have that moment come when you devote a portion of a radio show to the memory of one of your heroes. When it all boils down, you really just want to be selfish and go on wishing that the person in question never passed on, never had his voice forever silenced, and will still be around to continue making contributions to the music you love.
But, the reality is that Ronnie James Dio has forever left us, and that beautiful voice of his, which could go from angelic to demonic in the blink of an eye, has been silenced. There will be no more trips to the magical and sometimes frightening worlds he introduced us to in his songs.
With that being said, I'm sure we probably didn't feature the greatest tribute likely to be done in Ronnie's honor, but I'd say it was probably up there among the most heart-felt and genuine, as each and every one of us on The Metallic Onslaught know full well what Ronnie contributed to our kind of music over the years, be it with Elf, Rainbow, Black Sabbath, Dio, or Heaven And Hell.
Truth be known, each and every one of those bands was featured in our tribute, that ran slightly over the one-hour time slot that was originally planned for it. Not that any of us complained. Hell, given the opportunity, I'm sure we would've been more than happy to just keep going with it right up until the end of the show.
Ronnie, wherever you may be now, we're all going to miss you terribly. Rest In Peace!

Above and beyond that, we had Dave from Spater join us once again for some more promotion of the Finger Lakes Metal Fest, being held next weekend in Clyde! Seriously, this 2-day event has an extremely solid line-up, and shouldn't be missed if you can at all possibly avoid it!
We also had members of Lowkey on hand, who will actually be performing at the Metal Fest next week. In addition to that appearance, the boys have been hard at work on a new album. If you've been listening in recent weeks, you may have heard one of their new tracks, "Porcupine Cannonball", and in addition to that, they also provided us with another new track called "Passion". Sounded pretty damned good to me!

Jeffie was once again on hand, and he seemed a little confused in the early goings of his visit. Seems he woke up in a hole after last weeks show, which saw him getting into some mushrooms I'd gathered earlier in the day.
I actually thanked him for testing them for me. Considering the after-effects, I don't think I would've enjoyed those on a pizza...
I'd remarked to him that the last time I'd seen him, he was sitting on the roof of the station. He didn't seem to remember getting up there.
I swear, I honestly don't know how he got up there! I had nothing to do with it!
Heh heh heh...
Anyhow, he started rambling about being chased by a walrus and ending up in a hole. And then looking up from the hole to look into the starlight, where God revealed his plans for the Onslaught to him.
Riiiiiiight...
He later mentioned that he couldn't tell us God's plan until we sacrificed Josh. At first, I was a little hesitant. I mean, normally if anyone dies on the show, it's a Jeffie, and we haven't had a Jeffie death in, well...I honestly think the last one was the week before I made my first appearance!
Even then, he showed up as a zombie, and eventually another Jeffie was cloned anyway...
Seriously, you can't get rid of Jeffie forever. Azkath just keeps sending us more of them...
Anyhoo, back to God's plan.
In the long run, I decided that sometimes, in the interest of having your destiny revealed, a little bloodshed may just be a tad necessary.
So, in the closing moments of the show, in a bestial rage, I killed Josh on the air.
Sorry Josh, but God has a plan for us all!

Listen to the Show - Pictures

Recap by The Metal Wulf: Well, last night was about plowing on ahead and putting No Pants Day behind us. Unfortunately, I don't think anyone reminded Jeffie that it was over, as we were periodically subjected to his pants falling down throughout the evening...
Jeffie, Jeffie, Jeffie, what are we gonna do with you?

So, we had Joe Marro back in the studio last night, along with a couple of his bandmates from Paradyme, bass player Derek Schwarzkopf and keyboardist/vocalist John Walsh. They were not only kind enough to provide a couple of demos to play on the show, but they also plugged in for a little in-studio jam session. Things seem to be gelling very well for these guys, and we're all looking forward to seeing what else they have in store in the coming months!
Gotta say I'm getting a little concerned about Mr. Marro's state of mind, though, as I'm pretty sure we all heard him state at some point in the evening that he wanted to marry Jeffie...
Funny side note to that: My girlfriend told me today that she thought it was ME who made that remark about marrying Jeffie.
EWWWWW!



I must say, having the guys in the studio with their instruments added a little extra atmosphere to the show. John even gave a little musical accompaniment to Jeffie's reading of the concert listings.
Then there was Joe Marro and his impersonation of ummmm...
Shit, what's that guys name?
Hmmmm...one of those really unique voices, ya used to hear him all the time in movie ads and television ads...
Well, just think "In a world where werewolves rule the airwaves...", and you'll know who I mean!
Yeah, Joe did a great impersonation of that guy, prompting Foul Mouth Girl to construct a Mad Lib for him to read, using that voice, with some dramatic keyboard music thrown in. Kind of a surreal moment, but worth a chuckle!

Things got pretty goofy in the latter portions of the show. Jeffie started acting more unusual than normal, and said something about taking something he found in my bag. Took me a moment to think about that one, but I realized what he must have been referring to, and I responded with something to the effect of, "You took THOSE?"
Jeffie referred to them as Goof Balls, and that certainly seems to be a reflection of what they were doing to him.
Seriously, I thought those mushrooms were perfectly safe! Thought they'd be good on a pizza!
I guess I have Jeffie to thank for testing them out, 'cuz we now know that they probably weren't very healthy in the long run. He started to hallucinate heavily, at one point thinking Josh had turned into an elf and asking him to jump into his hand.
On top of that, he thought that I had turned into a regular man! Can you imagine that? Yep, they seemed to be pretty potent. I shudder to think of what happened to poor Jeffie after the show was over...

Listen to the Show - Pics
Download The No Pants Day Song!

Recap by The Metal Wulf: Okay, it's a wrap. My very first celebration of No Pants Day on The Metallic Onslaught is officially done and over, so any feelings of unrest and overwhelming discomfort can get shelved.
Until next year, anyway...

We had quite the gathering this year, too. Karma-Lized from Roc City Roller Derby joined us with a few of the girls, specifically Ja-Boodie, Mia Malicious, and Camaraderie. We were more than happy to give them some time to introduce themselves, discuss how they got into Roller Derby, and promote their season opener.

Wrestler's Dewey Murray, aka The Man Of 1,000 Gimmicks and "Super Bad" Richard Venice also joined us once again. They took full advantage of No Pants Day by donning their wrestling tights, and decided to promote an upcoming Rochester show with me sandwiched firmly between them.
I was told this was one of the funnier moments of the show. Let's put it this way, they were mentioning certain ECW wrestlers appearing at this event, and it was a little awkward hearing the name Balls Mahoney mentioned considering the close proximity of, well...I'm sure you can understand why I pleaded, "Don't say balls!!!"

Jeffie was on hand, along with Foul Mouth Girl and Just Joe from The Last Exit For The Lost. I gotta say, they were certainly in the No Pants Day spirit. Jeffie in his boxers, Just Joe in his boxers, and FMG in layers of undergarments.
Okay, so I really can't complain about FMG in her undies, but she pulled a slightly mean little trick on us. At the top of each hour she removed one layer of undies, and said she'd remove the last layer at midnight.
But, when midnight arrived she announced that No Pants Day was over, and promptly put her pants back on...
We are ALL such suckers...

The night had more than it's fair share of carnage, with Just Joe becoming an early casualty as he fell victim to an attack from Joe. Jeffie certainly took his lumps as well, as he and Just Joe each took turns getting wrestling chops not only from Dewey and Super Bad, but from Karma and Mia as well.
Actually, I'd have to say that Mia's chop was probably the loudest and sounded the most painful. It also left the reddest handprint on Just Joe's chest...

Josh had actually decided to protest No Pants Day by wearing jeans, and claiming that he had grown denim skin didn't convince anybody. Before the night was over, he was separated from his jeans courtesy of Karma, Mia, and Camaraderie.
Of course, Josh somehow didn't seem to object too much, and was grinning blissfully as the girls got him down to his boxers...

I took my share of abuse as well. In addition to being sandwiched between Dewey and "Super Bad", I ended up with both Jeffie and Just Joe in my lap throughout the evening. And Jeffie seemed to feel a need to fondle my man-boobs (yes, I'm a big guy, I have them...), which I think I tolerated with at least some semblance of grace, if not a complete lack of panic...

Cthulhu also decided to drop in for a brief visit.
Funny thing, one moment I'm fine, next there's a clap of thunder from outside and I've got this green squid-like thing attached to my wrist...
You know things have gotta be bad when you've officially traumatized an Elder God. When you've made a Great Old One shudder in horror, I imagine you must have been involved in something pretty distasteful, and Cthulhu made it very clear to us that we were ALL out of our minds!
Seriously, here's a being that's been awoken from eons of slumber, thinking it's time to bring his own brand of madness into the world and to do his part to spread chaos, and when he thinks the time has finally come...
...he discovers that it's already too late and the world is officially a lost cause...
I'm sure our little green buddy will be fine, though. Of course, he didn't take too well to the impostor that Just Joe had in his possession. Kind of a "Will the real Cthulhu please stand up" moment. Should look fun on the video!

Outside of some confusion over whether or not I'm a real wolf (seriously, how could anyone possibly think otherwise...), that pretty much covers all the No Pants Day bases. Things should be back to a relatively normal scope next week!
Not that we ever really have a "normal" show, that is...







And the Time Lapse Version of the whole night...

Listen to the Show

Recap by The Metal Wulf:  All in all, a relatively laid-back show. Originally we were supposed to feature UW's Kriptic Keegan, but hey, sometimes things don't quite pan out. No hard feelings!
We did, however, get another visit from James Allan from Children Of The New Sun who'd dropped in to promote their show last night in Rochester, not to mention Dave from Spater once again, who was on hand to further promote Finger Lakes Metal Fest this Memorial Day Weekend, May 29th and 30th.

We also had a visit from UW's Jay Flyier, who's been great about dropping in on the night before events, and we enjoy having him on. We're gonna miss him when he takes off for a few months. Seems he's got himself a chance to train for something bigger, and I can't say I can blame him. We definitely will be wishing him the best of luck!

Outside of that, the main theme of the evening seemed to be the cloud of dread that permeated the studio as we discussed next weeks' No Pants Day show.

Here's the deal with No Pants Day, an event I have yet to experience first hand, although I have seen and occasionally shared the video from last year's fiasco...
Not sure where the trend started, it may be a college thing, but somehow the first Friday of May has, somewhere along the line, been deemed No Pants Day. No pants means just that. Guys can wear shorts, girls can wear shorts or dresses or skirts and such.
Now for The Metallic Onslaught twist...
Some folks may start out in shorts, but will generally end up in their boxers, or briefs, or what have you.
Bear in mind this is a male-heavy show, although Foul Mouth Girl has taken part, and hey, that's not necessarily a bad thing!
But then you've also got Jeffie, and members of the Last Exit For The Lost Crew like Just Joe and Dave (and his alter ego Super Dave). In their boxers...
Trying to give folks lap dances...
You see where the comfort level can somewhat diminish, while raising the bar for the show's silliness.
Yep, one of the biggest shows of the year, and it's the one that everybody seems to dread!
And good ol' Wulfie's gonna be right in the thick of it...

Listen to the Show

Recap by The Metal Wulf: Our guests for this particular evening consisted of "Super Bad" Richard Venice and Dewey, the Man of 1,000 Gimmicks. (Seriously, this guy borrows from all kinds of wrestling gimmicks, and has wrestled as Dew-dust, Dew-berg, The Dew Meanie, and others.) They collectively call themselves the "Rude Boys Of Wrestling" and have made appearances at assorted Ultimate Wrestling events in recent months, and also perform for other promotions across the state. They were kind enough to share the stories of how they broke into the business, not to mention some things I probably shouldn't mention. Let's just say "Super Bad" had a very unfortunate incident when he attempted to pull Earthquake's old finisher on an opponent...

We also premiered a certain game I'd concocted for the show, which "Super Bad" and Dewey both seemed pretty keen to try out.
This all came about thanks to a conversation that occurred a few weeks ago when we received a surprise visit from Jim Schreck, somehow getting on the subject of song lyrics and how they'd sound being sung or recited by other artists. I believe it was Joe who'd originally mentioned that we should turn that whole thing into a game, and my brain just started running with it.
Seriously, the gears were grinding so heavily that I eventually invested in two sizes of note cards.
On one stack of 3" X 5" cards I wrote the names of assorted rock vocalists, public figures, celebrities, and cartoon characters. The other stack of note cards, 4" X 6" in this case, had snippets of song lyrics written on them. A verse here, a chorus there, an odd middle segment there, you get the idea.
Each player took one of each card from the top of their respective stacks, thereby drawing one card representing a character voice to impersonate and one card for lyrics to sing or recite in that voice.
For example, I started the initial round off by having to sing Deep Purple's "Perfect Strangers" in the voice of Simon Cowell. Now, I've got some voices I can do pretty well, and Simon ain't one of them, but it's all in good fun, and the overall result was worth a chuckle. I did a little better when my turn came again, this time impersonating W.C. Fields reciting "Toxic Waltz" by Exodus.
Poor Josh had a couple awkward moments, each time drawing a female voice to impersonate. His first attempt was Iron Maiden's "Killers" in the voice of Janis Joplin, followed up by having to impersonate Grace Slick singing Metallica's "The Four Horsemen".
It got really silly when Dewey impersonated Darth Vader reciting Motley Crue's "Ten Seconds To Love", as well as Danzig's "How The Gods Kill" in the voice of Batman as done by Christian Bale. (For those unfamiliar, Christian Bale tends to throw a little bit of the ol' death-metal growl into his Batman voice. It's a kind of a kick once ya get used to it!)
"Super Bad" had a couple of fun moments as well, with his first round attempt falling on William Shatner singing performing Sepultura's "Roots Bloody Roots", and following it up with Johnny Cash singing W.A.S.P.'s "Blind In Texas".
Overall, I think the games' maiden voyage went well. We'll have to periodically dabble with it some more as I add to the variety of voices and song lyrics. Lotta potential for growth here, and I have a feeling it's gonna be a load of fun once Jeffie returns to the show in a couple of weeks.
On No Pants Day...
Shudder...

Oh, also wanted to mention that it seems Josh won't be leaving the show after all, as he's decided to take online classes to get his Masters. To be honest, I think we're all just as glad that he's sticking around. Of course, this also means no spiked dunking booth to use in search of his replacement, and no Foul Mouth Girl in a bikini...

Awwwww, hell, like that was gonna happen anyway...