Metallic Onslaught Show Archive

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Well, once again we were to pay tribute to another lost member of the tribe, this time Slipknot's Paul Gray. Always sad to see someone so young pass on, especially when their band is at the top of the current heap.
Seriously, this really sucks. I mean, I'm cool with the idea of a Rock N' Roll Heaven, but I think the Higher Powers should concentrate on someone NOT in the metal universe...

We had members of Newark's "Break The Silence" on hand for a little while. They were promoting their appearance at this weekend's Finger Lakes Metal Fest.

Josh's corpse was still there this week, so, I took a few moments to roll around in it.
If you remember correctly, I killed Josh in a bestial rage on the air in the closing moments of last weeks show. Well, it seems that somebody had just tucked his body into a corner and forgot about it, and he was gettin' pretty ripe. Perfect!
Yep, as Break The Silence promoted their show, you could hear me rolling around in near-orgasmic ecstacy, crunching some of Josh's ribs in the process...
Josh didn't take too well to that after he rose as a zombie about half an hour later...
Oddly enough he wasn't looking for revenge on me, though, although the broken ribs didn't exactly sit well with him.
Nope, he was pretty well prepared to take out all his undead aggression on Jeffie. Of course, after a little speculation he decided that eating Jeffie's brains was pretty pointless. Would've been like finding a needle in a haystack, to be honest...

Then we all started annoying the hell out of our long suffering host, Joe. Poor guy...
It's Jeffie's fault, of course. Leave it to him to come up with another annoyingly catchy song to sing along to. Before long he had Josh and I chanting along to "I Am Rubbernecking, I Am Rubbernecking..."
Really, don't ask me what it means. Who knows where Jeffie comes up with this stuff. It was just insanely fun!
Except for Joe and Rick...

Okay, guilty confession, I should know better than to nibble on anything that Jeffie offers to me, mainly because you never know where it's been, but, DAMN, those dog bisquits smelled good! They were kinda like the Lays potato chips of dog bisquits, I couldn't eat just one. In fact, before the night was over, I think I can categorically say I became addicted to them...
This didn't sit well with Joe either. I mean, one minute I'm a self-respecting werewolf, and the next I'm behaving like an attention hungry chihuahua, begging for more bisquits, whining...
What the HELL were in those things?
Of course, eventually the bisquits ran out, and Jeffie had the brilliant idea of offering me peanut butter.
Talking through peanut butter is hard enough in human form, imagine what it's like through a wolf muzzle...
And then Jeffie had to go and speculate how the peanut butter would taste if he smeared it in his armpits. My stomach just kinda lurched at the thought.
It's almost impossible to puke through a mouthful of peanut butter...
Of course, Jeffie had to remark on that particular phenomenon, describing in detail how I was vomiting peanute butter and bisquit chunks through my nose...

On top of that, before the night was over, Jeffie assured us that Josh's rising as a zombie is all part of the overall plan, as we continue toward this great revelation that he says God wants to share with us in the coming weeks. He even went so far as to prepare a special bath for Josh, which brought him back to life, pretty much the same as ever.
Of course, knowing Jeffie there's going to be a catch to this somewhere. Part of me is dreading the coming weeks...