Metallic Onslaught Show Archive

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Recap by The Metal Wulf: Okay, it's a wrap. My very first celebration of No Pants Day on The Metallic Onslaught is officially done and over, so any feelings of unrest and overwhelming discomfort can get shelved.
Until next year, anyway...

We had quite the gathering this year, too. Karma-Lized from Roc City Roller Derby joined us with a few of the girls, specifically Ja-Boodie, Mia Malicious, and Camaraderie. We were more than happy to give them some time to introduce themselves, discuss how they got into Roller Derby, and promote their season opener.

Wrestler's Dewey Murray, aka The Man Of 1,000 Gimmicks and "Super Bad" Richard Venice also joined us once again. They took full advantage of No Pants Day by donning their wrestling tights, and decided to promote an upcoming Rochester show with me sandwiched firmly between them.
I was told this was one of the funnier moments of the show. Let's put it this way, they were mentioning certain ECW wrestlers appearing at this event, and it was a little awkward hearing the name Balls Mahoney mentioned considering the close proximity of, well...I'm sure you can understand why I pleaded, "Don't say balls!!!"

Jeffie was on hand, along with Foul Mouth Girl and Just Joe from The Last Exit For The Lost. I gotta say, they were certainly in the No Pants Day spirit. Jeffie in his boxers, Just Joe in his boxers, and FMG in layers of undergarments.
Okay, so I really can't complain about FMG in her undies, but she pulled a slightly mean little trick on us. At the top of each hour she removed one layer of undies, and said she'd remove the last layer at midnight.
But, when midnight arrived she announced that No Pants Day was over, and promptly put her pants back on...
We are ALL such suckers...

The night had more than it's fair share of carnage, with Just Joe becoming an early casualty as he fell victim to an attack from Joe. Jeffie certainly took his lumps as well, as he and Just Joe each took turns getting wrestling chops not only from Dewey and Super Bad, but from Karma and Mia as well.
Actually, I'd have to say that Mia's chop was probably the loudest and sounded the most painful. It also left the reddest handprint on Just Joe's chest...

Josh had actually decided to protest No Pants Day by wearing jeans, and claiming that he had grown denim skin didn't convince anybody. Before the night was over, he was separated from his jeans courtesy of Karma, Mia, and Camaraderie.
Of course, Josh somehow didn't seem to object too much, and was grinning blissfully as the girls got him down to his boxers...

I took my share of abuse as well. In addition to being sandwiched between Dewey and "Super Bad", I ended up with both Jeffie and Just Joe in my lap throughout the evening. And Jeffie seemed to feel a need to fondle my man-boobs (yes, I'm a big guy, I have them...), which I think I tolerated with at least some semblance of grace, if not a complete lack of panic...

Cthulhu also decided to drop in for a brief visit.
Funny thing, one moment I'm fine, next there's a clap of thunder from outside and I've got this green squid-like thing attached to my wrist...
You know things have gotta be bad when you've officially traumatized an Elder God. When you've made a Great Old One shudder in horror, I imagine you must have been involved in something pretty distasteful, and Cthulhu made it very clear to us that we were ALL out of our minds!
Seriously, here's a being that's been awoken from eons of slumber, thinking it's time to bring his own brand of madness into the world and to do his part to spread chaos, and when he thinks the time has finally come...
...he discovers that it's already too late and the world is officially a lost cause...
I'm sure our little green buddy will be fine, though. Of course, he didn't take too well to the impostor that Just Joe had in his possession. Kind of a "Will the real Cthulhu please stand up" moment. Should look fun on the video!

Outside of some confusion over whether or not I'm a real wolf (seriously, how could anyone possibly think otherwise...), that pretty much covers all the No Pants Day bases. Things should be back to a relatively normal scope next week!
Not that we ever really have a "normal" show, that is...







And the Time Lapse Version of the whole night...

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Recap by The Metal Wulf:  All in all, a relatively laid-back show. Originally we were supposed to feature UW's Kriptic Keegan, but hey, sometimes things don't quite pan out. No hard feelings!
We did, however, get another visit from James Allan from Children Of The New Sun who'd dropped in to promote their show last night in Rochester, not to mention Dave from Spater once again, who was on hand to further promote Finger Lakes Metal Fest this Memorial Day Weekend, May 29th and 30th.

We also had a visit from UW's Jay Flyier, who's been great about dropping in on the night before events, and we enjoy having him on. We're gonna miss him when he takes off for a few months. Seems he's got himself a chance to train for something bigger, and I can't say I can blame him. We definitely will be wishing him the best of luck!

Outside of that, the main theme of the evening seemed to be the cloud of dread that permeated the studio as we discussed next weeks' No Pants Day show.

Here's the deal with No Pants Day, an event I have yet to experience first hand, although I have seen and occasionally shared the video from last year's fiasco...
Not sure where the trend started, it may be a college thing, but somehow the first Friday of May has, somewhere along the line, been deemed No Pants Day. No pants means just that. Guys can wear shorts, girls can wear shorts or dresses or skirts and such.
Now for The Metallic Onslaught twist...
Some folks may start out in shorts, but will generally end up in their boxers, or briefs, or what have you.
Bear in mind this is a male-heavy show, although Foul Mouth Girl has taken part, and hey, that's not necessarily a bad thing!
But then you've also got Jeffie, and members of the Last Exit For The Lost Crew like Just Joe and Dave (and his alter ego Super Dave). In their boxers...
Trying to give folks lap dances...
You see where the comfort level can somewhat diminish, while raising the bar for the show's silliness.
Yep, one of the biggest shows of the year, and it's the one that everybody seems to dread!
And good ol' Wulfie's gonna be right in the thick of it...

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Recap by The Metal Wulf: Our guests for this particular evening consisted of "Super Bad" Richard Venice and Dewey, the Man of 1,000 Gimmicks. (Seriously, this guy borrows from all kinds of wrestling gimmicks, and has wrestled as Dew-dust, Dew-berg, The Dew Meanie, and others.) They collectively call themselves the "Rude Boys Of Wrestling" and have made appearances at assorted Ultimate Wrestling events in recent months, and also perform for other promotions across the state. They were kind enough to share the stories of how they broke into the business, not to mention some things I probably shouldn't mention. Let's just say "Super Bad" had a very unfortunate incident when he attempted to pull Earthquake's old finisher on an opponent...

We also premiered a certain game I'd concocted for the show, which "Super Bad" and Dewey both seemed pretty keen to try out.
This all came about thanks to a conversation that occurred a few weeks ago when we received a surprise visit from Jim Schreck, somehow getting on the subject of song lyrics and how they'd sound being sung or recited by other artists. I believe it was Joe who'd originally mentioned that we should turn that whole thing into a game, and my brain just started running with it.
Seriously, the gears were grinding so heavily that I eventually invested in two sizes of note cards.
On one stack of 3" X 5" cards I wrote the names of assorted rock vocalists, public figures, celebrities, and cartoon characters. The other stack of note cards, 4" X 6" in this case, had snippets of song lyrics written on them. A verse here, a chorus there, an odd middle segment there, you get the idea.
Each player took one of each card from the top of their respective stacks, thereby drawing one card representing a character voice to impersonate and one card for lyrics to sing or recite in that voice.
For example, I started the initial round off by having to sing Deep Purple's "Perfect Strangers" in the voice of Simon Cowell. Now, I've got some voices I can do pretty well, and Simon ain't one of them, but it's all in good fun, and the overall result was worth a chuckle. I did a little better when my turn came again, this time impersonating W.C. Fields reciting "Toxic Waltz" by Exodus.
Poor Josh had a couple awkward moments, each time drawing a female voice to impersonate. His first attempt was Iron Maiden's "Killers" in the voice of Janis Joplin, followed up by having to impersonate Grace Slick singing Metallica's "The Four Horsemen".
It got really silly when Dewey impersonated Darth Vader reciting Motley Crue's "Ten Seconds To Love", as well as Danzig's "How The Gods Kill" in the voice of Batman as done by Christian Bale. (For those unfamiliar, Christian Bale tends to throw a little bit of the ol' death-metal growl into his Batman voice. It's a kind of a kick once ya get used to it!)
"Super Bad" had a couple of fun moments as well, with his first round attempt falling on William Shatner singing performing Sepultura's "Roots Bloody Roots", and following it up with Johnny Cash singing W.A.S.P.'s "Blind In Texas".
Overall, I think the games' maiden voyage went well. We'll have to periodically dabble with it some more as I add to the variety of voices and song lyrics. Lotta potential for growth here, and I have a feeling it's gonna be a load of fun once Jeffie returns to the show in a couple of weeks.
On No Pants Day...
Shudder...

Oh, also wanted to mention that it seems Josh won't be leaving the show after all, as he's decided to take online classes to get his Masters. To be honest, I think we're all just as glad that he's sticking around. Of course, this also means no spiked dunking booth to use in search of his replacement, and no Foul Mouth Girl in a bikini...

Awwwww, hell, like that was gonna happen anyway...

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Last night started out pretty strong, only to spiral to levels of silliness we haven't accomplished in awhile. I LOVED IT!
Surprisingly, we had an unexpected visitor early on. Imagine our shock when my old manager and nemesis, Steve Papagiorgio, dropped in! Early questioning into his current status as a cyborg seemed to be met with some confusion. After being asked how he got in, he claimed that he was pretty sure that the door had already been ripped off the hinges. Now, I'm pretty damned sure I'd remember if I'd done that, so I'd say that should stand as a testament as to how much more of a machine Steve's become in recent months. Some experimentation later in the evening seemed to provide further evidence, but more on that in a bit...

We had Dave from local band Spater on hand to promote the upcoming Fingerlakes Metalfest, an event that features a slew of bands over the course of Memorial Day weekend. It's held at Donselaar's in Clyde, NY, runs both Saturday and Sunday (May 29 and 30), and is free to the public, all ages. Can't go wrong with that! Oh, Rick Horton from the Metallic Onslaught will also be on hand to emcee the show, and who knows, work schedule permitting, ya might even see a Wulf wandering about!

James Allan, guitarist for Rochester NY's Children Of The New Sun, had dropped in to promote one of their upcoming shows at Water Street Music Hall. He was kind enough to plug in for a bit and jam for us. Gotta tell ya, the guy's pretty damned good, so if you're into power metal, by all means check out his band! Definitely worth the attention

We took the time to pay tribute to Type O Negative's Peter Steele, who we lost far too soon just a few days ago to heart failure. This has been a hard one for some of us. Type O Negative was one of those bands that helped me keep faith in hard rock and metal during the Nineties, when grunge and alternative were the preferred flavors. But, yeah, Joe devoted a segment to not only Type O Negative, but also to Peter's previous band, Carnivore.

In all honesty, I think the only reason that I wasn't tearing the face off of Steve in the early portions of the show was due to the fact that I was still pretty saddened over the loss of Pete...
Joe noticed this little lapse of character, and after explaining that my heart just didn't seem to be into the carnage he started reminding me of the tumultuous relationship that Steve and I have had in the past.
For those unfamiliar with the story, Steve "discovered" me working as a bouncer at a Donkey Show in Tijuana, Mexico. After promising to take me back to the States to make me a star, the only gig he could get me was on the Metallic Onslaught. Hey, not that I'm complaining, but dammit, he promised me a hosting job on Headbanger's Ball! At least I'm pretty sure he said something about that...
Anyhoo, the floodgates opened soon afterward, and all the broken promises and all the beatings with garden hose came back to me, (not to mention that offer to appear in "Twilight: New Moon", uggggh...) It didn't take long for the milder, content to laugh and sing, happier Wulfie reverted back to the vicious killing machine that first showed up in November of 2008.
And ya know what?
IT FELT GREAT!!!!
In all honesty, I think that letting the beast come out a little more helped shake off that infection that Jeffie had subjected me too earlier this year. At least he claims that's why I've been a happier, friendlier, singing Wulf as of late.
Of course, that also brought me to the conclusion that Jeffie had to be punished...
Funny thing. I discovered last week that Jeffie is a little uncomfortable hearing the Hamster Dance when he actually hasn't died on the show. So, to make him squirm a little, I just had to break out that little greeting card I found at Wal-Mart a few weeks ago.
It worked at first, but a little later in the evening he didn't seem to mind it any more. Seemed he'd taken a moment to coat the card with a powdered version of the infection, thinking he'd revert me back to my less-vicious self. I spent a good portion of the later segments resisting that urge to sing...
Of course, this is also where the silliness bar got raised. I ended up dosing Josh with a little bit of that powder, and within minutes he started sprouting fur!
Oh no, Jeffie's powder had turned Josh into a...

WERE-BEAGLE!!!

Yep, next thing ya know, Josh was baying away, sniffing around the studio, licking everybody's hands, tail wagging...

In the meantime, I'd tried disassembling Steve, with no results whatsoever. Seriously, beating on him with the spiked gauntlets didn't even leave a scratch.
I did discover a few interesting little buttons here and there, some of which popped out a bar, and others that popped out less pleasant things. Like, lasers and cannons...and something else that could only be described as a power tool...
Best not to think about that!
Then there was another particularly interesting button that Steve highly recommended I avoid, warning that was the Thermonuclear Core.
Now, with No Pants Day looming upon us (it's only three weeks away, Goddess help us!), touching the Core seemed like a good way to avoid the horrors approaching us on that night. But, in the end, something stayed my hand, so it looks like humanity is going to still be around long enough to be subjected to the inevitable.

And so it was that the show ended amidst more silliness than we've had for most of the year.

Another job well done, I'd say!

 Listen to the Show - Pics

Recap by The Metal Wulf: Well, this sure was a busy night!

Kim Draheim joined us for an hour or so to promote a couple of upcoming shows. For those unfamiliar with Kim, he's one hell of a guitar players who's been playing music throughout the area for many years and is probably best known for his previous band, Static Cling. He's now fronting Infra-Red Radiation Orchestra, a group that specializes in good old-school psychedelic garage rock. Worth checking out if it sounds like it may be up your alley!

Also on hand were UWF's Kriptic Keegan and Patrick O'Malley, and I must say this made for a somewhat tense evening. This show fell on the night before these two were to face each other in a No. 1 Contender's Match at UWF's Divine Intervention IV event at DeSales High School in Geneva.
Needless to say, these guys really don't seem to like each other much. There was a great deal of verbal sparring in the early going, but we were able to keep them calmed down enough to get them to share some of their early experiences in the wrestling business.
Things did end up getting physical between them, resulting in Josh and myself attempting to pull them apart. This segment was recorded for posterity, so be on the lookout!
In retrospect, I'm starting to think Josh and I should start receiving a bit of hazard pay!
Or not...



Kriptic ended up storming out of the building at just about the same time Jay Flyier showed up for a bit, and Jay was commenting on how irate Kriptic seemed. We got Jay to discuss his match from last months' Edge Of Darkness event in Phelps, where his tag team partner, David Evans, turned on him. Made for an awkward situation, as they'd retained the tag titles in that match, forcing each of them to choose a different partner for a match at Divine Intervention IV, where the tag belts would go to the winning team.

Jeffie was on hand, and I think it's safe to say that he successfully annoyed a number of people. But, let's face it, that's what Jeffie does best. Hell, he even got my goat toward the end of the show, when he decided to play a little game of "What's In Jeffie's Pants?"
The object in question turned out to be my poor digital camera. Jeffie tried to reassure me that it wouldn't be so bad as he'd recently shaved.
All I can say to that is EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!
It's all good, though, as I'm pretty sure the camera has been sufficiently sterilized and disinfected.
Still, there's the principal of the whole matter...
I think we may have to issue a little payback in the future. Hmmmmm, what's a good way to get under Jeffie's skin? I mean, really, how do you best annoy a being who was created specifically for annoyance?
The gears are grinding folks, the gears are grinding...