Metallic Onslaught Show Archive

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Fun night, overall. Not only did we have Dave from Spater on hand for a couple of hours, we actually had the entire BAND in the studio! Which was cool as hell, 'cuz they've got a great show coming up this Saturday night at Donselaar's in Clyde. Yep, Spater is opening for Battery, the only Metallica tribute band that is ACTUALLY APPROVED BY METALLICA! Now, I've seen Battery, and I'll tell ya something: They are as close as you can get to the real deal without forking over roughly $90.00 a ticket. Yes, THEY ARE THAT GOOD!
Of course, if you're not a Metallica fan, you probably won't care, and that's okay! For my part, I'm gonna be there throwin' the horns and giving myself a case of whiplash...hopefully DURING Whiplash!

By the way, this recap is being typed as i enjoy my very last cigarette...or what I HOPE to be my last cigarette! It ain't gonna be easy for the next couple of days, but your fuzzy friend here is bound and determined that he's kickin' the habit! Just be careful approaching me the next couple of days, I might nip...

Anyhoo...

Well, I waited an awful long time to do this, but it has finally happened. I've experienced my very first Jeffie death on the show!
Now, if you remember correctly, I had to sacrifice Jeffie in order for him to reveal God's plan for the Metallic Onslaught. Of course, leave it to him to reveal that his death would have to take place during the last talk break of the evening. Then he tells us that his body has to rot in the studio before we resurrect him on the next show, using the same "Resurrection Bath" that was used on Josh as a trial run.
So, yes, in the closing moments of the show, I went on a little rampage of Jeffie destruction, and after what seemed like an eternity, he finally died. Which was my cue to break out that little Wal-Mart greeting card that plays the Hamster Dance. This was followed by Joe playing Angtoria's "God Has A Plan For Us All", as I felt it was a fitting piece of music.

Now, I've got a few reservations about how all this is going to turn out.
Here's the deal: Jeffie's, as I understand it, are clones of Jeff The Radio Guy, who in turn is a clone of the Demon Azkath from The Last Exit For The Lost, our sister show. Before, when a Jeffie died, Azkath would just send another along.
However, this time we're resurrecting a Jeffie, and I'm a little leery about some complications that could occur.
I mean, is it possible that this Jeffie could come back to life worse than before he died? Will he be altered in some horrible way? Will it even work? What if the bath wasn't prepared properly?
And even worse! What is Azkath sends ANOTHER Jeffie clone, anyway? Can we really handle a new Jeffie and a resurrected Jeffie?
I'm a little nervous about how this next show is gonna go, I have to admit!
Well, regardless of what transpires next, at least we'll have some good music to enjoy before the shit hits the fan!