Metallic Onslaught Show Archive: February 2012

Janaury 21, 2012 - Tribute to the Past Show

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Playlist
Black Sabbath "Tomorrow's Dream"
Tesla "Cumin' Atcha Live"
AC/DC "Walk All Over You"
Motley Crue "Slice of Your Pie"
Whitesnake "Slow and Easy"

Iron Maiden "Rhime of the Ancient Mariner"
Ratt "Scene of the Crime"
Slayer "Chemical Warfare / At Darn They Sleep"
Anthrax "A Skeleton in the Closet"

Badlands "Rumblin' Train"
Guns 'n Roses "Rocket Queen"
Lita Ford "Dancin on the Edge"
Black Sabbath "Lady Evil"

Cerebral Fix "Unity for Who"
Coroner "Reborn Through Hate"
Kreator "Riot of Violence"
Ludichrist "Most People are Dicks"
Razor "Evil Invaders"

Scorpions "Speedy's Coming"
Motorhead "Stay Clean"
Judas Priest "Dissident Aggressor"
Deep Purple "Storm Bringer"
Gillan "Lucitania Express"

Vendetta "Go and Live, Stay and Die"
Destruction "Bestial Invasion"
Wargasm "Bullets and Blades"
ZnoWhite "War Machine"
Legacy "Reign of Terror"

Corrosion of Confomity "Kiss of Death"
Suicidal Tendencies "Possessed to Skate"
S.O.D. "Milk"
Dead Kennedy's "Nazi Punks Fuck Off"
Negative Approach "Nothing"
Cro-Mags "Hard Times"
DRI "I'd Rather Be Sleeping"
Fear "I Don't Care About You"
The Exploited "Anti-UK"
Black Flag "TV Party"

Kix "No Ring Around Rosie"
Faster Pussycat "Babylon"
Shotgun Messiah "SexDrugsRockN'Roll"
Ozzy Osbourne "Rock n Roll Rebel"
Def Leppard "Hello America - Live"
Cycle Sluts from Hell "I Wish You Were a Beer"

Blind Illusion "Blood Shower"
Sepultura "Troops of Doom"
Death Angel "Mistress of Pain"
Holy Moses "Dear Little Friend"
Tankard "Zombie Attack"

Megadeth "Looking Down the Cross"
Flotsam and Jetsam "Iron Tears"
Diamond Tyr "The Restless One"
Saint Chaos "Pressure"
Scorcher "More Whiskey"
Krystal Synn "We are the Ones"
Immaculate Mary "Give It All You Got"

Mercyful Fate "Nuns Have No Fun"
Dangerous Toys "Scared"
Sword "Children of Heaven"
_________________________________________

Recap written by Randy "MetalWulf" Smith

Not a lot in the way of hijinks for this particular show, which was very much about the music.
So, I'd celebrated my...ummmm...well....sigh...
(46th... man, is that even fucking POSSIBLE? Damn...)
birthday on Tuesday. Not my best moment to be honest, as I was down with a dose of the plague right up through Wednesday. Not the first time I'd been sick on my birthday by any stretch, kinda goes with the territory of being born pretty much right in the heart of the winter season. Still, it sucked, and made me wish more than ever that I'd been conceived in...oooh, I don't know...July...August...hell, even an OCTOBER birthday would be more fun! Halloween-themed birthday parties? FUCK YEAH!!!!
Anyhoo, I'm digressing, so let's get that train of thought back on the right track before we completely derail. We all know how horrible that can be when that happens...
In a nutshell, by the time last night rolled around, I was feeling much better, and was more than ready to take part in the show we'd planned on having to celebrate my birthday this year.
Many months ago (like, back in August or so...), we'd discussed the possibility of doing something called a Tribute To The Past show, which is something done on The Last Exit For The Lost at least a couple of times a year. The idea is that all the music played is of the old-school variety. Nothing played that came out after 1989 is the general rule of thumb, although the rules can be prodded and twisted just a tad.
So, at the time that the idea was originally breached, it just wasn't a good time. Bad time of year, way too many new releases coming up, but we'd agreed that maybe after the first part of the new year we could give it a try. And, since we always try to do something at least a LITTLE special for each of our birthdays, I decided that I'd like to try this format for mine.
So, we did, and it went amazingly well, if you ask me. It was honestly pretty damned incredible to just sit back and toss song and band ideas around from that time period (60's, 70's, 80's...), many times surprising ourselves with tracks we'd completely forgotten about, or (for me, at least) being exposed to bands I'd heard OF but never got to enjoy back then (Coroner, Ludachrist, Shotgun Messiah, etc..., ). I think I actually shocked Azkath by having a copy of the first Crimson Glory CD. Actually, we never did get to play anything off of that disc. I'll have to tuck it aside and bring it again on another night...
Over all, the evening was a great deal of fun for all of us. Definitely will have to try that again sometime, especially on a night when Joe will be able to participate. (He was enjoying his final evening of a Florida vacation on the night of this particular show).

Of course, that doesn't mean there wasn't a down moment or two. I admit, I was very, very bad in the relatively early portion of the show. I snuck a Guns N' Roses track ("Rocket Queen") into the mix right around the time that Azkath arrived, which earned me a beating at his hands. Not only for playing G N' R, though, but also for saying I wouldn't be attending his Last Exit For The Lost show. Seems there's going to be a rare performance by Worm Quartet at this show (which will be held next Friday night at The Haunt in Ithaca), but the truth is that Bill, Erica, and I had already purchased tickets to go to Cry To The Blind's CD release show in Rochester.
Yep, Azkath wasn't at all happy to hear that...
Well, what's done is done, and I can only hope that Worm Quartet will not completely pack it in any time soon, because I really WOULD like to see Shoebox perform at least once.
So, yeah, there was a beating in the early part of the night, with my name all over it.
Beatings I can handle, for the most part, though. What I'm really not prepared for are the series of verbal lashings that will be coming my way in two weeks. Seems that Azkath wants to have a Metallic Onslaught Roast, with me as the subject...
Yeah, maybe I'll stay home that night...I think I may feel a relapse of that plague hovering in the wings...

January 14, 2012 - Order of the Dead

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Playlist
Blue Oyster Cult - Don't Fear the Reaper
Nightwish - Scaretale
Whitesnake - A Fool in Love
Alice Cooper - He's Back (The Man Behind the Mask)
Laestrygonia - Fenrir
Kyng - Trampled Sun
Isole - Condemned
Mayan - Drown the Demon / Celibate Aphrodite
Order of the Dead - Subversion
High on Fire - Death is a Communion
Burn Everything - Ghost of the Waves / Between Airports and Hospitals
Legion of the Damned - Killzone
Order of the Dead - Brotherhood of Darkness
Riot - Crawling
White Wizzard - Blood on the Pyramids
Vader - Whisper
Crowbar - Protectors of the Shrine
Order of the Dead - What Humans Remain
Benediction - Painted Skulls / Violation Domain
Morbid Angel - Eyes to See, Ears to Hear
Death - Lack of Comprehension
Killing Culture - Lockfist
Order of the Dead - Neurot / Despot
Combat - Judas
Grave Descent - Surgical Awakening
Between the Buried and Me - Augment of Rebirth
Gigan - The Raven and the Crow
Bolt Thrower - This Time It's War
Cradle of Filth - Hell Awaits
Six Feet Under - Sick in Twisted
Napalm Death - Plague Rages
White Zombie - Creature of the Wheel
Type O Negative - Cinnamon Girl
Machine Head - Struck a Nerve
Orchid - Black Funeral
Argus - Wolves of Dusk
Charred Walls of the Damned - Ashes Falling Upon Us
Nightwish - Turn Loose the Mermaids
Megadeth - You're Dead
ICS Vortex - Oil in Water
Black Sabbath - Heaven and Hell
Diamond Head - Dead Reckoning
Red Fang - Throw Up
Triptykon - Abyss within My Soul
Supreme Pain - Trapped in Heresy
The Black Dahlia Murder - On Stirring Seas of Salted Blood
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Recap by Fire Eater Wizard
The band Order Of The Dead was there in the first portion of the program. They are a very cool band. Rick was hosting the show because Joe was out of town for a couple of weeks. We think he has gone shark fistishing with Jeffie again, no matter how much or strongly he denies it. So Rick and Josh held down the fort on this night. A lot of very cool, rockin' metal was played...

January 7, 2012 - Best of 2011

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Playlist
Orchid - Black Funeral
Motorhead - Rock N Roll Music
Headcat - Let It Rock
Megadeth - 13
Hell - Plague And Fyre

Arch/Matheos - On The Fence
Uriah Heep - Money Talk
White Wizzard - Fall Of Atlantis
Iced Earth - Dystopia
Anthrax - I'm Alive

Lazarus A.D. - Light A City (Up In Smoke)
Anthrax - The Giant
Winds Of Plague - Drop The Match
Megadeth - Guns, Drugs & Money
Machine Head - Locust

The Rods - The Code
Chrome Division - Bulldogs Unleashed
Kittie - We Are The Lamb
Iwrestledabearonce - Karate Nipples
Evile - Centurion

Mastodon - Curl Of The Burl
Lazarus A.D. - The Ultimate Sacrifice
Diamond Plate - At The Mountains Of Madness
Pagan's Mind - Walk Away In Silence
Evile - Long Live New Flesh

Chthonic - Southern Cross
Ghost - Stand By Him
Chrome Division - Long Distance Call Girl
Megadeth - Public Enemy No. 1
Within Temptation - Faster

Anthrax - Fight 'Em Til You Can't
Machine Head - Pearls Before The Swine
Mastodon - Dry Bone Valley
Septic Flesh - Five-Pointed Star
Vektor - Dying World

Crowbar - As I Become One
Sulaco - Corridor
Ana Kefr - Thaumatrope
Unexpect - Unfed Pendulum
Vallenfyre - Ravenous Whore

The Bronx Casket Co. - Antihero
The Rods - I Just Wanna Rock
Deceased - The Traumatic
In Solitude - Demons
Gentlemans Pistols - Midnight Crawler
Arch/Matheos - Midnight Serenade

Warbringer - Living Weapon
Mortal Sin - Blood Of My Enemies
Isole - The Lake
Sulaco - The Approach

Reign Of Vengeance - She's Best Kept Headless
___________________________________________

Recap by Fire Eater Wizard
So, there is very little to discuss in this recap, as the majority of the evening was chock full of some GREAT music! Love counting down everybody's favorites from the previous year!
There were, however, some points of interest, and I'm going to touch on them before sharing everybody's favorites from 2011.

I'd mentioned in the previous recap that Tim seemed to have another side to him that was becoming more dominant. This "Other Tim" had assured the cast of The Last Exit For The Lost that he was going to do something that would "make Satan happy", but when confronted with it on The Metallic Onslaught, he claimed that the details were between the Devil and himself.
Yep, he was proving to be a hard nut to crack, but on the January 1st edition of The Last Exit, we got him to confess to some of his actions on that controversial Christmas morning. After much interrogation, we were able to piece together some of the following:

He'd been speeding...going about 35 in a 30 mph zone...
He may or may not have parked in a handicapped spot...
He removed a mattress tag...
I believe he may have stolen money from a Dunk N' Donuts tip jar, or perhaps a "take a penny, leave a penny" dish...
I know there was some more, but it escapes me at the moment.
Okay, I don't know how happy any of that would have made Satan, but I'm sure if there's a Hell and he exists, he's probably laughing his big red ass off...
He revealed even more on Friday's edition of the Onslaught, but, once again, the details escape me.

Azkath had expressed some curiosity as to how I'd been doing recently, and I explained that I'd pretty much become a new resident of Skyrim.
Yeah, that's what happens with this game. You don't just become addicted, you fucking move in. Welcome to your new life, whether it's as a Nord, Breton, Khajit, Argonian, or any other number of races available to you in what I beleive to be the greatest RPG ever made. Seriously, you think you've only been playing for two hours, and you realize it's actually four or five hours that have passed. It is the most immersive video game I've ever played.
Anyhoo, that brought on a full discussion of everybody's favorite old-school games. We basically ran the gamut of everything you could imagine from 80's arcade and console games. Something was even mentioned about a Cabbage Patch Kids game for Colecovision...
From there, it was generally agreed that most of us preferred Garbage Pail Kids (loved those disgusting little fuckers...). Strangely, it was during this part of the discussion that my tongue decided to betray me, and Garbage Pail started to come out as Gorbachev...eventually translating into Gorbachev Pail Kids...
Hilarity ensued...

So, finaly, onto the meat and potatoes of this recap. Here are the top albums of 2011 as picked by Joe, Rick, Josh, Bill, and myself, along with the songs we played to represent each album. Not necessarily in any specific order, mind you.
So, here goes!

Joe's Top Picks for 2011
The Bronx Casket Co.- Antihero (Antihero)
The Rods- Vengeance (I Just Wanna Rock)
Deceased- Surreal Overdose (The Traumatic)
In Solitude- The World, The Flesh, The Devil (Demons)
Gentleman's Pistols- At Her Majesty's Pleasure (Midnight Crawler)
Arch/Matheos- Sypathetic Resonance (Midnight Serenade)
Warbringer- Worlds Torn Asunder (Living Weapon)
Mortal Sin- Psychology Of Death (Blood Of My Enemies)
Isole- Born From Shadows (The Lake)
Sulaco- Build & Burn (The Approach)

Rick's Top Picks for 2011
Anthrax- Worship Music (Fight "Em 'Til You Can't)
Machine Head- Unto The Locust (Pearls Before The Swine)
Mastodon- The Hunter (Dry Bone Valley)
Septic Flesh- The Great Mass (Five-Pointed Star)
Vektor- Outer Isolation (Dying World)
Crowbar- Sever The Wicked Head (As I Become One)
Sulaco- Build & Burn (Corridor)
Ana Kefr- The Burial Tree (Thaumatrope)
Unexpect- Fables Of The Sleepless Empire (Unfed Pendulum)
Vallenfyre- Fragile King (Ravenous Whore)

Josh's Top Picks for 2011
Orchid- Capricorn (Black Funeral)
Motorhead- The World Is Yours (Rock N' Roll Music)
The Head Cat- Walk The Walk...Talk The Talk (Let It Rock)
Megadeth- Thirteen (13)
Hell- Human Remains (Plague and Fyre)
Arch/Matheos- Sympathetic Resonance (On The Fence)
Uriah Heep- Into The Wild (Money Talk)
White Wizzard- Flying Tigers (Fall Of Atlantis)
Iced Earth- Dystopia (Dystopia)
Anthrax- Worship Music (I'm Alive)

Bill's Top Picks for 2011
Lazarus A.D.- Black Rivers Flow (Light A City (Up In Smoke) )
Anthrax- Worship Music- The Giant
Winds Of Plague- Against The World (Drop The Match)
Megadeth- Thirteen (Guns, Drugs, & Money)
Machine Head- Unto The Locust (The Locust)
The Rods- Vengeance (The Code)
Chrome Division- 3rd Round Knockout (Bulldogs Unleashed)
Kittie- I've Failed You (We Are The Lamb)
Iwrestledabearonce- Ruining It For Everybody (Karate Nipples)
Evile- Five Serpent's Teeth (Centurion)

Randy's Top Picks for 2011
1. Within Temptation- The Unforgiving (Faster)
2. Megadeth- Thirteen (Public Enemy #1)
3. Ghost- Opus Eponymous (Stand By Him)
4. Chrome Division- 3rd Round Knockout (Long Distance Call Girl)
5. Chthonic- Takasago Army (Southern Cross)
6. Evile- Five Serpent's Teeth (Long Live The New Flesh)
7. Pagan's Mind- Heavenly Ecstasy (Walk Away In Silence)
8. Diamond Plate- Generation Why? (At The Mountains Of Madness)
9. Lazarus A.D.- Black Waters Flow (The Ultimate Sacrifice)
10. Mastodon- The Hunter (Curl Of The Burl)

So, before I wrap this up for this week, let's take a peek at those a little more closely. Last year, there was a great deal of overlapping. Not quite so much this year, but there is definitely some. Mastodon, Lazarus A.D., Evile, Chrome Division, Sulaco, The Rods, Machine Head, Arch/Matheos each appear on two separate lists, with Megadeth and Anthrax appearing on three lists. Truth is, if I'd been paying more attention when submitting my picks, Anthrax would have made it onto FOUR out of five of the lists for 2012!
So, I'd say Anthrax is back with a vengeance with what could be considered the best album of 2011 as picked by The Metallic Onslaught, followed closely by Megadeth, and must-own albums by each of those acts that charted twice.
When it all boils down, you can't go wrong with any album on any of those lists! I'm pretty damned happy with the results!

December 31, 2012 - A Proper Way to End the Year

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Playlist

Dream Theater - Bridges In The Sky
Rush - Bastille Day
Nightwish - Scaretale
Grave Robber - Something Wicked This Way Comes

Primal Fear - unbreakable
Primal Fear - Strike
Riot - Metal Soldiers
Banshee - We want You
The Answer - Caught On The Riverbed
Circus Of Power - Mama Tequila

Metallica - Mercyful Fate
Combat - Under The Guise Of Terror
Burn Everything - Directed By David Lynch
Stemm - Face The Pain
Fleshburn - From The Inside
Hellcannon - Chainsaw Ripping Death

Overkill - Under One
Die Hard Till Death - Die Hard Till Death
Kreator - Fatal Energy
Sulaco - Make A Move
Lamb Of God - Ghost Walking
Brutal Truth - Celebratory Gunfire

Thousand Year War - No Gods, No Masters
Krisiun - The Extremist
Slammer - Hunt You Down
Mortal Sin - Psychology Of Death
Slayer - Mandatory Suicide
Lethargy - Among

Isole - Black Hours
Midnight Chaser - Swords For Hire
Iron Fire - Slaughter Of Souls
Vektor - Venus Project
Vektor - Dark Creations, Dark Creators
Mastodon - Creature Lives

Beehler - Destroy
Burn Everything - Ambulance Chaser
Warbringer - Future Ages Gone
Judas Priest - Starbreaker
Opeth - Famine

Arch/Matheos - Neurotically Wired

Lethargy - Humor Me
Combat - Blessings From The Death Saint
Yesterdays Saints - War Method
Svolk - Sweet Agony
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Recap by The Metal Wulf
Well, this was our last installment of the Onslaught for 2011, and I'd have to say we went out in...
Okay, I wanted to say "style", but I'm not so sure that's the appropriate word for it.
Hold tight, we'll get back to this before too long...

Steve Papagiorgio was on hand for a visit, his first since August or September of 2010. It had been a long damned time. In fact, it was on his last visit that he threatened to sue me for not really being a werewolf. Seems I lost the trial in absentia, and I've been losing money from my pay each week since. That would explain a damned lot, to be honest....
If Papagiorgio's good for one thing, it's an amusing discussion about Star Wars. Can't remember specifically how this came up, I believe there was something mentioned about a Boba Fett coffee mug, and from there something was said about Boba Fett being the worst character from the orginal Star Wars series.
Joe, our long-suffering host, took immense offense at this statement...
To be honest, I can't really argue with Steve. I mean, Boba Fett wasn't even IN the first movie, and he needed Vader's help to capture Han Solo (in The Empire Strikes Back), and then turned around and ACCIDENTALLY fell into the mouth of the Sarlacc (Return Of The Jedi).
I mean, c'mon already, how pathetic is that?
From there the whole thing turned into a discussion about favorite Star Wars characters (Chewbacca, Darth Vader, and Han Solo, pretty much in that order, for me!), and also a suggestion from Joe that Star Wars wasn't...well...
Real...
WHAT?!?!?!?!
Imagine my shock at discovering that a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, NONE OF THAT EVER HAPPENED!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
And then they told me that Santa Claus wasn't real! HUH?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
And the Easter Bunny? And the Tooth Fairy?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

It seems that we can never really avoid fart humor. Case in point, Will farting into the mic at one point. Seriously, he backed his ass right up to the mic and let it rip. Fact is, it sounded like more of a shart than a fart.
Now, intentionally doing that will generally earn you a chop from Azkath, and this time was no exception.
I believe Will is probably still sporting Azkath's handprint on his back somewhere....

Tim Binder is still in the area, and he dropped in for a bit during the last hour of the show. In true Tim style, we entered a discussion about romantic comedies...
Okay, not my first and foremost choice for film discussions, but some of us did happen to name a couple of films that didn't 100% suck. Personally, I thought "Good Luck Chuck" was pretty damned hilarious...
But, this is Tim we're talking about, so you can imagine some of the stuff he likes to watch.
Now, somewhere during Tim's visit something was said about "Dude, Where's My Car" which I really didn't like when I saw it. Thought it sucked, to be perfectly honest. Azkath completely lost it on me, though, proceeding to beat me down, and to make things worse, he stuck one of the mics down my throat.
Yeah, it was the mic that Will sharted on...
Now, Josh found this particularly amusing, and I threatened to expose a little secret that he revealed in between talk breaks last week. Wasn't going to do it, but he left me little choice.
I tokd everybody that Josh was a closet Hall & Oates fan!
Yeah, that didn't sit well.
Oh, we've discovered that although Josh drops like a Fainting Goat when he's tickled, he reacts quite differently when his nipples are twisted . Truth is, he laughs like Goofy. Kinda creepy, to be honest...

Speaking of creepy, we were briefly exposed to a different side of Tim. I mean, this was downright BIZARRE!
Seems that he'd shown this side on the previous week's installment of The Last Exit For The Lost. Now, they always celebrate Christmas with a We Love Satan show, and apparently this "new" Tim had left the show, saying he was going to do something to "make Satan happy", only to call the station a little later, cackling into the telephone. So, there was really no clue what kind of mischief Tim had gotten into...
Now, Azkath tried to pump Tim for info on the Onslaught, but it was like pulling teeth getting anything useful. The problem was that Tim was bouncing between his "normal" self, and this new, "Tough Tim" personality. Every time he was on the verge of revealing what had happened in the wee hours of Christmas morning, something triggered a return of the "normal" Tim. Mostly references to Hall & Oates....
Now, it was getting really frustrating as we all tried to get Tim to focus. Things came to a head when Tim started singing Janet Jackson songs, causing Joe to lose it completely. He beat the hell out of Tim, and eventually had him twisted up using the "Tazmission".
In the end, the most we could get out of "Tough Tim" was that his actions were between him...and Satan...

And that's pretty much where things left off for us in 2011!

December 24, 2012 - Azkath's Twisted Xmas Show

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Seriah Azkath hosts an Apocalyptic Xmas Show... Enjoy...

Playlist;
Green Carnation "Light of Day, Day of Darkness - Part 1"

HPLHS "Have Yourself a Scary Little Solstice"
King Diamond "No Presents for Christmas"
TV's Kyle "All I Want for Christmas is Stuff"
Fields of the Nephilim "Chord of Souls"
Sacrifice "Flames of the End"
HPLHS "Death to the World"

Worm Quartet "A Worm Quartet Christmas"
Carnivore "Armageddon"
Robert Lund "Undead Elves"
Iperyt "A Pocket Sized Armageddon"
HPLHS "Harley Got Devoured by The Undead"
Sleepytime Gorilla Museum "Bring Back the Apocalypse - Live"
Kekal "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"

Lemmy, Billy Gibbons, and Dave Grohl "Run, Rudolph, Run"
Psychostick "Jingle Bell Metal"
This Will Hurt You "Put the X Back in Christmas"
Monster Magnet "Dead Christmas"
Therion "Quetzalcoatl"
HPLHS "I'm Dreaming of a Dead City"

Venom "Black Xmas"
Baldbox "The Island of Recalled Toys"
HPLHS "Carol of the Old Ones"
The Pushrods "XXX-Mas Sucks"
Anacrusis "Apocalypse"

Harley Poe "It's Only the End of the World"
Jesse Smith "Christmas with the Zombies"
Nekrogoblikon "Goblin Christmas Armageddon: Part 1"
HPLHS "It's the Most Horrible Time of the Year"
This Will Hurt You "Xmas Tree on Fire Fire Fire"
UK Subs "Hey Santa"
Slayer "Hand of Doom"

Trouble "Black Shapes of Doom"
Pandora's Toybox "Slaves to the Sleigh"
Insane Clown Posse "Santa's a Fat Bitch"
South Park "Chorus of the Bells"
Fearless Iranians from Hell "Pushing Armageddon"
Firewater "Feels Like the End of the World"
HPLHS "Death May Die"

Stryper "Winter Wonderland"
Septicflesh "Apocalypse"
Robert Lund "Fun to Fly (with the Fat Guy)"
Rage "End of All Days"
Devo Spice "The Christmas Season"
The CNK "The Doomsday"

Morte McAdaver "We Three Priests (Of Azathoth)"
Raven "Armageddon"
Blind System "The Ultimate Christmas Song Melody"
Holy Grail "No Presents for Christmas"
Bob Wayne "2012"
Pandora's Toybox "The Reapers X-Mas"

Black Tusk "End of Days"
Tortured Conscience "The Little Drummer Boy"
The Nefilim "Pazuzu (Black Rain)"
HPLHS "Mountains of Madness"
Synnove "Rhythms of the Apocalypse"
Vandals "Nothing's Going to Ruin My Holiday"

Mastermind "The End of the World"
IXXI "Armageddon Nobility"
This Will Hurt You "2nd Noel"
Neurosis "Threshold"
HPLHS "Oh Come All Ye Olde Ones"
Napalm Death "On the Brink of Extinction"
Harter Attack "Death Bells of the Apocalypse"

Green Carnation "Light of Day, Day of Darkness - Part 2"

December 17, 2011 - Xmas Show

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Playlist
Redemption - Love To Love
Riot - Black Leather And Glittering Steel
Anubis Gate - Facing Dawn
Isole - Born From Shadows

Midnight Chaser - Dynamite
Mastodon - Octopus Has No Friends
Sulaco - Dingy Metropolis
King Diamond - No Presents For Christmas
Megadeth - Sudden Death

Metallica - Rebel Of Babylon
Possessed - Death Metal
Krisiun - The Extremist
Laestrygonia - The Grizzly
Lamb Of God - Ghost Walking

Morbid Angel - God Of Emptiness
Eat A Helicopter - Sluggard (Infected With Life)
Thousand Year War - Spartacus
Mortal Sin - Deny
Vektor - Venus Project

My Ruin - Highly Explosive
Trans-Siberian Orchestra - Wizards In Winter
Bob Rivers - I Am santa Claus
Saxon - Crusader
Hellcannon - Chainsaw Ripping Death
Carnifex - Dead But Dreaming
Austrian Death Machine - Who Told You You Could Eat My Cookies

Vio-Lence - Phobophobia
Benediction - Artefacted/Spit Forth
Flotsam And Jetsam - I Live You Die
Judas Priest - Desert Plains
Halford - We Three Kings

Argus - Pieces Of Your Smile
Opeth - Famine
Slash - Nothing To Say
Beehler - Kill The Witch
Terminate - Rotten Dead Mass

Machine Head - Blood For Blood
Kreator - Betrayer
Worm Quartet - A Worm Quartet Christmas
Where She Wept - A Dangerous Neglect
OZ - Turn The Cross Upside Down

Queens Of The Stone Age - No One Knows
Black Sabbath - Voodoo
___________________________________________

Recap written by Randy Smith, aka MetalWulf

Disclaimer: I would like to note that at no point in my life have I ever taken part in anything that resembled "Roller Boogie", and have never had anything remotely resembling an afro. I hated Solid Gold, and thought Deney Terrio was a pussy. Thank you very much...
=============================================================

Due to the fact that next week's edition of The Metallic Onslaught is going to be pre-recorded, we celebrated Christmas on the show last night. In fact, I had it on good faith that a visit from Satan Claus was imminent. C'mon, do you honestly think the guy wouldn't eventually show up, after being discussed on the show for who knows how long?
More on that in a bit!

There was another episode of Stryper denial on my part, as Joe passed along news that he'd seen one of their posters at a local thrift shop. Honestly, not interested, but I can say that until I'm blue in the face, and I'll still got ragged on for actually going to see them live way back when. Trust me, I'm well aware that I'll never be able to live that down.
Still, in the interest of making a dart board, I may just invest in that damned poster, anyway...

Metallica had dropped a new 4-song EP earlier in the week called Beyond Magnetic. In a nutshell, they're all songs that didn't quite make the cut for the Death Magnetic album. After hearing "Rebel Of Babylon" played last night, I can kind of understand why these songs were put on the backburner. I mean, the song wasn't terrible, but it didn't exactly floor me, either. It's honestly been many years since I can honestly say that I've been floored by anything Metallica has done...
Ironically, the newest Megadeth disc HAS floored me. Kinda says something, doesn't it?

Tim Binder is back in the area, visiting family and friends for the holidays. Always cool to have Tim hanging out with us, but isn't it kind of strange that when he visits, our metal cred kinda goes through the floor? Don't get me wrong, Tim genuinely loves metal, but he likes a lot of other stuff as well.
I mean, not that diversity is a bad thing, but Janet Jackson? Okay, maybe "Black Cat" wasn't so bad, but...c'mon...
And then he turned around and started playing some Hall & Oates on his laptop! I'm cringing as I type this, believe me!
Of course, it didn't seem to help matters when I admitted a modicum of respect for the band Men At Work. Okay, they'll never be one of my favorite bands, but they stood out from a lot of the shit that was on MTV at the time. Really, if you were around at the time, just think of some of the utter crap that got played back then.
Of course, defending and showing support for these artists got Tim and I banned for life, so technically he and I aren't even allowed back on the show. (Joe will NEVER remember this, though, so I can pretty well guarantee that we'll be back in two weeks!)
I'd actually brought up, in mine and Tim's defenses, that we all probably have dirty little musical secrets that we wouldn't necessarily want the rest of the world to know about. Hell, I now know for a fact what one of Josh's secret favorites is. I'll hold that bit of info for blackmail purposes, though. Never know when tidbits like that could come in handy.

That discussion of lameness actually sparked further talk, focusing on bad 45's we had when we were younger. To be honest, I don't remember owning many 45's, although I confessed that the first one I owned, at roughly age 4 or 5, was "Rubber Ducky".
Joe didn't seem too pleased when I mentioned that he'd probably had 45's of The Banana Splits and The Bay City Rollers...

The midnight hour was approaching, so it was time for me to make some preparations. You see, it's kinda like this. Satan Claus doesn't have a physical form. Being a demonic anti-Christmas spirit, he needed to...ummmm...possess me, so to speak...
That, and he NEVER arrives before the Witching Hour. Don't know why this is, though. I think he just gets off on the drama...
Overall, it was a strange experience, really, not sure I'd like to go through that again. Of course, should he want to return (and he probably will...) it's completely feasible that he could take over somebody else next year!
But, yeah, he showed up, and seemed a little puzzled over Azkath's lack of faith in anything holiday related. Seriously, here's a guy who, to the best of my knowledge, arrives the day AFTER Christmas to take toys back from bad children who didn't really deserve them, or anyone who generally just messed up big-time on Christmas day. Oh, he also thrives on everybody's holiday stress. Take it from me, he gets a HUGE kick out of all that!
Anyhoo, Satan Claus demanded that somebody give Azkath something for the holidays, so he could take it back. Seemed really insistent about that...
Now, bear in mind that while my consciousness was tucked away while Satan Claus was in charge, I was still perfectly aware of what everybody was saying. Yep, heard every word, and you can imagine my frustration upon hearing that the guys thought Satan Claus was cooler than me!
Damn...
All told, our demonic visitor couldn't stay for long, and whether the rest of the crew liked it or not, I was put back in control of my...self...
Probably not going to do that again any time soon, to be honest...

December 10, 2011 - Russian Roulette Birthdays

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Playlist
Arch/Matheos - Stained Glass Sky
Banshee - Call Of The Wild
Riot - Riot
Rush - Anthem

Anubis Gate - World In A Dome
Opeth - The Devil's Orchard
Trans- Siberian Orchestra - Wizards In Winter
Black Sabbath - Headless Cross

Kyng - The Beauty Of The End/Shoreline PT. 1 & 2
Divine Ascension - Garden Of Evil
Holy Grail - No Presents For Christmas
Argus - Wolves Of Dusk
Megadeth - Endgame

Dethklok - Birthday Dethday
Lamb Of God - Ghost Walking
Sulaco - On The Fence
Thousand Year War - Tyrants & Men
Mortal Sin - Doomed To Annihilation

Vektor - Fast Paced Society
Isole - Condemned

Midnight Chaser - Hotshot
The Isotopes - 50 Centigrade
Abomination - Possession
Benediction - Painted Skulls
Type O Negative - My Girlfriend's Girlfriend

Krisiun - Rise And Confront
Slayer - South Of Heaven
Slayer - Silent Scream
Iced Earth - Days Of Rage
Black Tusk - Ender Of All
Die Hard Till Death - Self Hate

Vio-Lence - Calling In The Coroner
Carnifex - A Grave To Blame
Supreme Pain - Treasonous Disease
Counterparts - The Constant
Myrath - Braving The Seas
Lonely Kamel - Ragnarokr

VoiVod - VoiVod
Venom - Pedal To The Metal
Vio-lence - World In A World

Korn - Narcissistic Cannibal
Megadeth - Hook In Mouth
Svolk - End Of Days

Vallenfyre - Ravenous Whore
________________________________________

Recap by The Metal Wulf

We celebrated Rick and Josh's birthdays this week with a Roulette show, but did it a little differently this time. More on that in a bit, though!

So, I don't know what the deal was, but somebody's got a weird sense of humor. On the lines of "Ha ha, it's the night before the full moon, so we're gonna mess with Randy some more". Now, it's been well established that I'm NOT REALLY A WOLF, dammit! I mean, don't people feel it's enough that I've had to cope with actually DYING AND BEING CLONED! Isn't that bad enough? But, noooo, once again I found myself all furry and fanged after blacking out periodically. I hope someone's having fun with all that super glue they're using as they go through all this trouble to mess with my head!
But, yeah, we had a little "Full Moon Madness" in conjunction with the birthday hijinks. It all just added to the chaos, as you'll soon see...

So, eventually Azkath arrived with Foul Mouth Girl and Kal from the Last Exit in tow. Ironically, Kal's birthday was Saturday, so he actually turned 18 while on our show! FMG was joking that we only had a limited time to take advantage of Kal before he turned "legal", but nobody was up for that kind of action.
Sorry, Kal, nothin' personal...

As far as the celebration went, Azkath decided to forego the usual array of "bullets" to be drawn, instead opting for something called the "Wheel Of Satan". Each spin resulted in a fun activity. Of course, there's a slightly different definition of "fun" on our show...

Let's see, first up we all sang "Happy Birthday"...as badly as possible! Which was pretty frickin' bad, I must say...

Next, there was a balloon squash. Kal was chosen to hold the balloon, and I was chosen to squash it on him, in whatever manner I chose. And I chose a standing, lunging maneuver that popped the balloon on the second lunge. Kal then had to endure some splashes as more balloons were handed to him. I'm happy to say that Kal didn't end up broken during this segment.

Tickle Fest was next, with a bunch of us ganging up on Josh and tickling the hell out of him. Poor guy could barely breathe when we were done with him.

This was followed by Hammer Smash with Will, which should be pretty self-explanatory. Basically, Azkath beat the snot out of Will using Thor's hammer.

Next up was Lift The Anvil. Once again, self-explanatory. I'll say this much, major kudos to Will and Joe, who both lifted that thing above their heads. I was happy to get that fucker up to knee level!

Our attempt at a Balloon Room on the Onslaught fell just a little short. We needed another hundred or so to really fill the room in question, but it was still fun. Especially when you consider we were all standing around singing "Mana Mana" while inside it. Added to the silliness nicely!

Next was the opening of the Room Of Jeffies. Yes, we were invaded not by one, not by two, but by FOUR Jeffies throughout the evening, each one dying in relatively short order, and in differing manners. And with Josh disposing of the bodies in some mysterious fashion that nobody was aware of until it was too late.
More on that later...

Rick actually volunteered for the next spin, which was Five Cane Shots. Now, I can attest to the fact that Azkath's Kendo stick is pretty damned solid, but Rick took those shots like a champ. Didn't even flinch, even as he was hit hard enough to actually break the stick...

The next spin had me dancing to MC Hammer's "You Can't Touch This". Badly, I might add. Twenty years and a hundred pounds ago I could have torn the floor up to that song, but my knees were really hating me Friday night, and I just sort of wobbled a bit. Actually, what happened next was probably for the best, because Joe started beating me with one of Jeffie's severed hands (we'd already killed a couple by this time...), and then Rick bashed me with a No Parking sign. That got me to stop. In all honesty, that pretty much knocked me senseless for a bit. Seems I had mistaken some of the green balloons for alien boobies, and I was licking them as well as making motor-boating sounds.

So, on to those Jeffie Deaths. The first one was taken out by Rick. I had actually gotten a fun, festive candy cane-shaped pinata and filled it up with enough chocolate to put us all into diabetic comas. I'd also thrown in some other...ummm...surprises...
Rick broke the pinata over Jeffie's head, spilling the chocolate onto the floor, along with four pairs of bikini briefs. Two of which I had worn for previous installments! Will got a mouthful of the infamous No Pants Day man-kini, courtesy of Azkath. Can't remember poor Kal's man-kini experience, but I personally assured him that I had NEVER worn the pair he'd been exposed to. I'd like to clarify, as well, that all pairs that had been worn prior to this show were all thoroughly laundered. No dirty skivvies were used in this segment, I assure you!

The next Jeffie was killed by, well, everybody to be honest. It was actually a Wulfie moment that took him down completely, but all were involved when it all boils down to it.

I hugged the next Jeffie to death, not really meaning to hurt him, but I guess I squeezed a little too hard, and he stumbled a bit, and proceeded to fall head-first into the anvil...

The next, and last, Jeffie had a fuse sticking out of his neck and was filled with explosives. Foul Mouth Girl got to handle this one, taking him to light outside.
On Joe's car...where Josh had stashed the rest of the Jeffie corpses...
So, the resulting explosion not only immolated Joe's car entirely, it also caused a bloody rain of Jeffie chunks to pelt the studio. Next thing we all knew, Josh was going outside and bringing in some of those chunks to feed upon. In fact, it looks like Josh and Kal found Jeffie to be more than a little tasty.
Personally, I've gotta say that Jeffie smells worse cooked than he does alive, which is saying something, so I honestly had to pass on the birthday cannibalism.
Really, not my thing...

December 3, 2011 - The Isotopes Live

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The Isotopes play for a while in the first half of this show...

Playlist

Riot - Sins Of The Father
Banshee - We Want You
Edge Of Paradise - Walk The Line
Iron Maiden - Tail Gunner
Arch/Matheos - Stained Glass Sky

Divine Ascension - Guided By Osiris
Anubis Gate - Telltale Eyes
Megadeth - Sudden Death

Supreme Pain - The Dark Army
Saving Grace - Man Of Sorrows (The Funeral Dirge)
A Hope For Home - Firewind

Thousand Year War - The Sea
Sulaco - Corridor

Isole - The Lake
A Plea For Purging - Music City

Die Hard Till Death - Die Hard Till Death
Charred Walls Of The Damned - Lead The Way
Mortal Sin - Burned Into Your Soul
Venom - Death Be Thy Name
Confused Little Girl - Hookers On Horseback
VoiVod - Hell Driver
Carnifex - Creation Defaced
Type O Negative - Wolf Moon

Abigail Williams - Ascension Sickness
Counterparts - Sinking
In The Midst Of Lions - Cry Of The Oppressed
Vallenfyre - Cathedral Of Dread
Ashes Of Your Enemy - Face Of The Flood
Black Tusk - Mass Devotion

Kiss - Black Diamond
Bob Rivers - I Am Santa Claus
Iced Earth - Boiling Point
Midnight Chaser - Out On Your Shield
Lonely Kamel - Roadtrip With Lucifer
Svolk - 12 Times The Pain
Myrath - Tales Of The Sands
Austrian Death Machine - I'm Not A Pervert

Vektor - Echoless Chamber
Trigger The Bloodshed - You, The Ominious Future
Vio-lence - Kill On Command
The Horde Of Torment - Viral Malignance
Overkill - Bring Me The Night
The Sacrificed - The Little Drummer Boy
Forced Entry - Anaconda

Trigger Made Solution - I Am Ghost
Austrian Death Machine - It's Time
Golden Dawn - Denial
Dungeon - Stormchaser
____________________________________________

Recap by Randy Smith, aka MetalWulf or Wulfie.

Disclaimer: Any suggestion that was made Friday night that the Demon Azkath may have wi-fi in his sack is purely speculative...at least, I sure hope so, 'cuz that would just be really, REEEEAAALLLY weird...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, this week's installment of the Onslaught was pretty much dominated by a visit from Rochester instrumental rock act, The Isotopes. Now, I got to see these guys play during halftime at a roller derby bout, so I knew they were good. Old school guitar rock, very much in the style of 60's icon Dick Dale. At least, that's what they reminded me most of. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that they could up the heaviness level appreciably when they played live in our studio.

No bull, it was a good time. Hope they can drop in again sometime, and maybe bring their go-go dancers along for the visit. I highly recommend them, so check 'em out if you get the chance!

As for that video footage, you'll also get to see Azkath beating the crap out of me.
Okay, I suppose I had it coming. Once the band was done performing, I'd mentioned that I wasn't sure if it was Jeffie or Azkath that was in the studio, and, well...somebody got really upset by that...and the beatdown commenced.
And culminated with a big stack of records falling on my head, leaving a nice selection of paper cuts for my trouble. Oh well, I've had worse things happen...

Let's see...

About the only other pertinent topic that I seem to remember has to do with the efforts we're going to take to further pursue my weight loss. Already trying to improve my eating habits, but exercise is a slightly different matter. Fact is, my joints suck, and yeah, carrying the extra poundage isn't helping. Truth is, even when I was much lighter, it was hard to get around.
Azkath recommended that a bike may be my best bet, which I'm in full agreement on. Only one problem: I have an upstairs apartment, and no bke rack within a reasonable distance. At least, not in a place where I can trust that it won't come to harm. I suppose I could bring it upstairs when it's not in use, wouldn't be that big of a deal. Hmmmm...food for thought...
Of course, the whole topic just got completely out of control when it was mentioned that i could just get a large, adult-size tryicyle and ride that around.
In my man-kini...at the playground...
NOT MY IDEA, I SWEAR!!!!
Believe me, I know full well where that would land me. I personally don't care for the idea of jail/prison time, I've managed to not have to go near one for pretty much my entire life, and I'd really like to keep it that way! But, were I to ride near, oh, let's say Kid's Territory right here in Seneca Falls, I'd end up behind bars faster than you could say Elizabeth Cady Stanton...

November 26, 2011 - Rough Night for Randy...

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Playlist
Iced Earth - Days Of Rage
Midnight Chaser - Earthquake
Brainstorm - Below The Line
Black Sabbath - Seventh Star

Riot - Riot
Mastodon - Curl Of The Burl
The Parlor Mob - The Beginning
StormWarrior - Bloode To Bloode

Jeff The Brotherhood - Whatever I Want
Myrath - Under Siege
Megadeth - Good Mourning/Black Friday

Venom - Beggarman
Turbowolf - Seven Severed Heads
Mournful Congregation - The Waterless Streams
Lonely Kamel - Rotten Seed

Saving Grace - Deathless
In The Midst Of Lions - Cry Of The Oppressed
Counterparts - Jumping Ship
A Plea For Purging - Music City
Supreme Pain - Spiritual Sickness

Million Miles From Broadway - Death Rattle
Forced Entry - Unrest They Find
Banshee - Cry In The Night
Abigail Williams - Ascension Sickness

Svolk - Anchor
Mortal Sin - Deny
Sulaco - Make A Move
Vektor - Venus Project
Trigger The Bloodshed - You, The ominous Future
Rammstein - Mein Land

Riot - Sins Of The Father
Black TusK - Set The Dial To Your Doom
The Gardnerz - Lady In The Grave
Thousand Year War - Tyrants And Men
Venom - Valley Of The Kings
Vallenfyre - Cathedral Of Dread

Carnifex - Dehumanize
Kyng - Porcelain
The Isotopes - 50 Centigrade
Die Hard Till Death - Weak Are The Cruel
Absu - Earth Ripper
Warbringer - Savagery
Vio-lence - T.D.S. (Take It As You Will)

Counterparts - Optimist
Nekrogoblikon - Bears
Hate Machine - Hasben

Vio-lence - Serial Killer
_________________________________________

Recap written by Randy Smith, aka MetalWulf.

So, with this edition falling on the evening following Thanksgiving, I have to admit that I was actually just a little out of it. Indeed, my meal of leftovers in the form of hot turkey sandwiches put me into a little tryptohan coma following the first talk break.

What can I say, I was VERY relaxed...
I woke up pretty quick once Joe played Megadeth's "Black Friday", in honor of that most chaotic of shopping days that kciks off the "Holiday Season". Actually, I got somewhat bouncy after hearing that. Megadeth has strange effects on me sometimes...
And it wasn't just me feeling the after-effects of Thanksgiving. Seems Rick had partied a little too much the night before, and had a fun moment bonding with the porcelain altar. That's okay, Rick, we've all been there!
(Sssshhh...gotta keep this quiet, we didn't want to say too much in front of him the other night, but...Rick's an alcoholic...DON'T TELL HIM!!!!)

Yep, many a time I've passed out wearing the ol' toilet seat around my head. Of course, that actually hasn't happened in over fifteen years, but...definitely been there!

(We were contemplating an intervention for him, but that may have to wait a bit. Just remember, don't breathe a word to Rick! SSSSHHHHH!!!!!)

Moving right along...

This particular night seemed to be spending a lot of focus on busting my balls. I mean, it's pretty much a given any week, but it was comin' down pretty hard this week. I don't understand why, but that stupid photo of me in the Stryper shirt has gotten me more grief than I ever could have imagined. Seems to be some suspicions that it may still be floating around, but I guarantee that it is LONG GONE. Thrown out years ago, I'd swear to it!
Then I was getting teased because I'd gone down to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade with Bill and Erica. For some reason, Azkath felt that this refelcted VERY negatively upon me. Don't see what the problem is, outside of the fact that it's gotten more about "check out these Broadway shows" than it is about the actual parade.

Hey, I want to see floats and giant freakin' balloons, dammit!!! Not to mention marching bands with pretty girls in short skirts, twirling their little batons!
Speaking of giant balloons, it was speculated that perhaps there should be a Wulfie balloon in the parade. That's right, just imagine a giant Wulfie balloon, complete with man-kini!
Ummmm...maybe not...

Further discussion about my future doses of negative reinforcement led to talk of what kind of scales we're going to need. I assure alll that there will be no need of truck scales, or any vehicular scales for that matter.
Damn you, Azkath...
But yeah, weekly weigh-ins are being discussed with both Azkath and myself, and the one who loses the least weight in a given week is the one who gets the tar beaten out of him on the air. Should be interesting in the coming weeks...

Another interesting train of thought for the evening had us referring to Josh as the coolest guy on the Onslaught. Literally, I referred to him as "The Fonz" of The Metallic Onslaught.
For the life of me, I have no earthly idea of WHY I would have said something like that...hmmmm...the tryptophan must have tampered with my memory of certain events of the evening...
Another Josh moment came later when Azkath decided to start tickling him. Josh is kind of like those "fainting goats" you may have heard about. Start tickling him, and he just drops to the floor, limp as a rag, giggling like a little school girl. It's honestly among the funniest things I've seen in recent weeks on the show. You honestly have to witness it to appreciate it.

As the show was winding down for the evening, I had been pushed a little too far by Azkath. I mean, the guy was taking everything I said completely out of context, and was saying some pretty damned unkind things about me. I admit, I lost it a little, and proceeded to beat him bloody. Honestly, needed a mop. And it was a little disturbing, as he was bleeding from parts of his body that I didn't even go near. Something weird's goin' on with the ol' Demon's orifices, it seems.
Of course, I'm really not concerned enough to look for myself ...
Oh Hell, he'll be fine!

November 19, 2011 - Armed with Valor

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Playlist
Rush - Working Man
Megadeth - Millennium Of The Blind
Kyng - Bleed Easy
StormWarrior - The Ride Of Asgard
Brainstorm - Dark Life

Lonely Kamel - Grim Reefer
Charetta - Lights Out
Battlerage - Raw Metal
Fastway - Deliver Me
Outrage - Pact Of The Wicked

Isole - The Water
Black Pyramid - Endless Agony
Vektor - Dark Creations, Dead Creators
Ion Vein - Anger Inside
Trigger The Bloodshed - Devouring All That Is Kind

Armed With Valor - I Killed The Peeping Tom
Vallenfyre - As The World Collapses
Edge Of Paradise - Tail Of The Gun
A Plea For Purging - My Song

Armed With Valor - We Used A Band-Aid
Die Hard Till Death - Die Hard Till Death
Iced Earth - Days Of Rage
Sulaco - Build And Burn
Mortal Sin - Doomed To Annihilation

Armed With Valor - What All The Kids Are Craving
Midnight Chaser - Hotshot
Black Country Communion - Burn
Dixie Witch - Sevens
Rough Angel - Defiance

Carnifex - We Spoke Of Lies
Ashes Of Your Enemy - Face Of The Flood
Thousand Year War - Open Casket
Myrath - Dawn Within
Supreme Pain - Trapped In Heresy
Black Tusk - Resistor

Close Your Eyes - Scars
Counterparts - Pedestal
Hundredth - Weathered Town
The Gardnerz - Lady In The Grave
Sincera - Cursed
Suffokate - Always Hopeless

Objex - RSVP
Undergang - Table Scraps
Nekrogoblikon - Goblins Ahoy
Svolk - Overload

Slipknot - New Abortion
__________________________________

Recap by The Metal Wulf
Disclaimer: No sharks have been violated by any member of The Metallic Onslaught. In fact, while Shark Fisting may sound fun to certain adventurous types or those who are addicted to danger (or just the plain stupid, let's not forgot them!), when it's all said and done, it really just sounds like a good way to piss off the shark...and get killed and eaten by it...
In other words, DON'T DO THAT!!!
==========================================================================

It was back to the usual chaos last night after doing a pre-recorded show last week. That actually makes two pre-recorded shows that I need to catch up on now. I'm a little intimidated to be honest...

We had most of Armed With Valor in the studio. Always fun to have these folks sit in with us, although I think we confuse Stephanie a litlle...or a lot...
(Really Steph, we're pretty harmless...maybe not entirely sane, but we're harmless!)
Hey, I'll be honest, if I weren't accustomed to the show, I'd probably wonder what the hell was up with a discussion that started with something about corn meal, and evolved into making Swamp Muffins for Croctosquatch...
Really, those are just the natural turns our discussions take. I can honestly understand why some people could end up brain damaged just listening to us!

Anyhoo...

There was also some concern over the whereabouts of Bill. The only thing we're sure of, 100%, was that he was at a viewing of the latest Twilight film, "Breaking Dawn". Now, I'm pretty sure he'd been kidnapped aggressively, by rabid Twi-fans, and dragged to the theater completely against his will.
I mean, what kind of guy would actually OFFER to go?
NOT MY BRO, THAT'S FOR SURE!!!
But, Joe seemed pretty sure that Bill had volunteered his services, and that Bill is actually a Twilight fan. I find that a bit difficult to swallow, but I'm sure the truth will be revealed at some point!

Jeffie was visibly absent, and I'd suggested that perhaps he was still cleaning his fists from his fishing trip last week. After all, it was he and Joe who were supposed to go fishing...or fisting...shart fistishing...shark fishing...
Whatever...
Either way, no Jeffie, and I'm still a little hurt at not being invited for the fishing trip. Not that I would have been in a hurry to fist any sharks...or sharts...however it went down...
Maybe it's best I wasn't involved?

So, the evening came to a close with Azkath wanting to confirm that I hadn't smoked in awhile, which, to be honest, I hadn't. Hard to remember when my last one was, to be honest.
Here's the official tale of the tape, so to speak. I haven't actually purchased cigarettes since the end of March. I've pretty much quit them entirely, except for rare moments where I'm hanging out at a show. Those are really the only times I want to have a cigarette or two. So, on the average, two cigarettes every two to three weeks, depending on how often I check out some bands. Hey, some folks are social drinkers, I'm more or less a social smoker. I can actually live with that!
Azkath seemed pretty pleased that I'd been behaving myself, but informed me that it's now time to get working on bringing my weight down.
Personally, I'm not gonna argue with the guy about the need to lose some pounds...but did he really have to beat the snot outta me to announce this next phase?

November 12, 2011 - Pre-recorded Show

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Lots of old clips from the show will be found within...

Playlist;
Neige et Noirceur "Hymn 5"
Golden Ressurection "The Final Day"
ReinXeed "Through the Fire"
Lance King "A Moment in Chiros"
Forteresse "Spectres du Solstice"

BML "God Be Laughin'"
Reason "Before the Dawn"
Emil Bulls "Battle Royal"
Circus Grenade "Exit"
Illnath "Shorthanded"

Consortium Project "Evilworld"
Junius "A Universe Without Stars"
DieMonsterDie "From Screaming Graves We Rise"
Black Tusk "Resistor"
Mortal Sin "Down in the Pit"

Worm Quartet "J.R.O."
Ion Vein "Enough"
Dead "The Fineribber"
Glooinous Doom "Cosmic Super Ghoul"
Aiden "Broken Bones"

The Commander-in-Chief "Paranoid"
Chains of Honor "Territories"
The Dogs Divine "Hell Wouldn't Have Me"
Dead Horse "Eaten by the Grey"
Giant Squid "Snakehead (Channidae Erectus)"

Arrayan Path "Hollow Eyes of Nefertiti"
Chained and Desperate "Chained"
Lonely Camel "Blues for the Dead"
Die Apokalyptischen Reiter "Gib Dich Hin"
Harpoon "Troglodite's Delight"

Sick of It All "The Deal"
Krisiun "The Sword of Orion"
B.R.A.S.H. "AntiChrist"
Midas Fate "Liars in the Name of Faith"
Cirque Du So What? "Stupid Cowboy Thing"
Scholar "Pants on Fire"

Jonestown "Bloodless"
Infernal Legion "Wallowing in Your Own Faith"
Skinny Puppy "AshAs"
Iced Earth "V"
Nile "Worship the Animal"

Hawaii "Call of the Wild"
Kryst the Conquerer "March of the Mega-Mites"
Kyuss "Green Machine"
Vow Wow "Too Late to Turn Back"
Queensryche "Queen of the Reich - Live"

Vicious Rumors "Paint It Black"
Savatage "Holocaust"
Lizzy Borden "Notorious"
Paradise Lost "Eternal"
VoiVod "Pre-Ignition"

The Coup De Grace "Burning with Optimism"
Worm Quartet "I Bit William Shatner"

November 5, 2011 - Azkath Returns...

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Playlist
Rush - Anthem
Rush - BU2B
Anvil - Metal On Metal
Mastodon - Curl Of The Burl
Deep Purple - Perfect Strangers

The Parlor Mob - The Beginning
Megadeth - Guns Drugs & Money
Myrath - Wide Shut
Divine Ascension - Another Battlefield
Anubis Gate - Facing Dawn
Midnight Chaser - Swords For Hire

Fleshburn - Amongst The Dead
Black Tusk - Crossroads And Thunder
Carnifex - Never Forgive Me
Ashes Of Your Enemy - Embodiment Of Rage

Fleshburn - Victim
Thousand Year War - Open Casket
Evile - Centurion
Svolk - Dead:30
Wizard - Heart Eater

Fleshburn - From The Inside
Krisiun - The sword Of Orion
A Plea For Purging - Room For The Dead
Griffar - Monastery
Sick Of It All - Clobberin' Time
Sick Of It All - GI Joe Headstomp
Sick Of It All - Scratch The Surface

Mortal Sin - Down In The Pit
Ana Kefr - In The House Of Distorted Mirrors
Gloominous Doom - Cosmic Super Ghoul
Warbringer - Living Weapon
Megadeth - Deadly Nightshade

Banshee - Locked Inside
Rough Angel - Defiance
Riot - Sins Of The Father
Lance King - Sacred Systems
J.B.O. - Raining Blood
Dixie Witch - Let It Roll

Sulaco - On The Fence
Brainstorm - Temple Of Stone
StormWarrior - The Ride Of Asgard
Confused Little Girl - Have Another Popover, Froggy
Kyng - Bleed Easy

GWAR - Ham On The Bone
GWAR - Sick Of You
GWAR - Gorgor
Sincera - Cursed
Orchid - Masters Of It All
Iron Man - Run From The Light

Redemption - Hold The Line
Fuck The Facts - Die Miserable
Misfits - Land Of The Dead
______________________________________

Recap by The Metal Wulf

This evening saw the return of Fleshburn, who brought us up to speed on recent happenings within their particular camp. They've been working on some new music, and have got some pretty high profile shows coming up.

There were some further rants against LuLu (the recently-released collaboration between Metallica and Lou Reed, which is utterly, unspeakably, and unforgivably horrendous...) Joe still seems to think I love this pile of dog shit disguised as an album. Thankfully no further tracks were played this week, sparing us further auditory punishment.

Azkath was on hand this week, instead of Jeffie, who apparently had gone fishing.
Without me!
Dammit, I'm supposed to be his best friend, and I'm not even worthy of an invite for fishing trips! I LOVE fishing! Man, I'm gonna have a talk with him when I see him next time...

A brief discussion of what he was fishing for seemed to be a bit mired in confusion. The idea of shark fishing soon became SHART fishing, and shart fishtishing...and eventually interpreted as SHARK FISTING.
Honestly, the outdoorsman in me sincerely does not see the entertainment value in fisting any animal, much less a shark. I'm imagining there's only one way a shark would respond to that type of action, and it would involve many, many rows upon rows of sharp teeth sinking into the "fister", so to speak...
Not my kinda scene, man...

Anyhoo, Bill and I had to depart just a tad early, so I wasn't there to defend myself when it was suggested that I went home to listen to Warrant and Stryper. I also couldn't take part in the discussion involving what track to play in honor of GWAR's guitarist, Flattus Maximus, who had very recently passed away. I'm sure the guys gave him a good send-off, although Joe claimed that GWAR sucked, which I found to be very puzzling. I mean, what self-respecting headbanger doesn't love GWAR?
Geeeez...

October 29, 2011 - Halloween

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Playlist
Redemption - Jane
Dream Theater - Bridges In The Sky
Rival Sons - Burn Down Los Angeles
Midnight Chaser - Awesome Party

King Diamond - Halloween
Anvil - Mad Dog
Opeth - The Devil's Orchard
Megadeth - Never Dead
Visions Of Atlantis - Change Of Tides
Iced Earth - Days Of Rage
The Elves - Four Day Creep

Sulaco - Corridor
Carnifex - A Grave To Blame
Holy Blood - Wind Of Death
As I Lay Dying - War Ensemble
Whitechapel - Strength Beyond Strength

Sulaco - It's Over Johnny
Ghoul - Blood Feast
Wizard - Hearth Eater
Riot - Whiskey Man
Cynic - Box Up My Bones

Sulaco - The Approach
BML - Thanks Jim, Thanks
Thousand Year War - Open Casket
Sincera - A Grievers Soul
Mortal Sin - Blood Of My Enemies
Warbringer - Living Weapon

Sulaco - Build And Burn
Confused Little Girl - We Got A Great Big Convoy
The Gardnerz - Lady In The Grave
The Horde Of Torment - Viral Malignance
Executioner - Victims Of Evil
Dead Horse - Reach Around

Misfits - Scream
Misfits - Cold In Hell
Entrench - Blind Illusion
Charred Walls Of The Damned - Avoid The Light
Ashes Of Your Enemy - Face Of The Flood
Diamond Plate - Pull The Trigger

Mercia - The BoomStick Shakedown
Ghost Thrower - Chemistry Sells
Skinny Puppy - Brownstone
Giant Squid - Snakehead
Kvelertak - Ordsmedar Av Rang

Charetta - Distraction
The Isotopes - Antiseptic Tank
Judas Priest - Desert Plains
Alice Cooper - He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask)
Kyng - Between The Blame
Generation Kill - Feast For The Wolves

Dub Trio - Ends Justify The Means
_________________________________________

Recap by The Metal Wulf

So, we returned Friday night after pre-recording the previous week. I believe Azkath and/or Jeffie took care of that show. Haven't listened to it yet...almost afraid to, to be perfectly honest.
Anyhoo...

So, on to the actual show recap!

So, in celebration of Halloween, I'd dressed as former ECW and WWE wrestler, The Blue Meanie. This came about from a discussion toward the end of summer when we were joking around about going as members of the Blue World Order (bWo). Joe suggested he could be Raven, and at the time we figured Josh could make a good Stevie Richards. Thing is, Bill could have pulled Stevie off as well, so either would have been great! I, of course, chose the Meainie, because with the right hair cut and the face paint (not to mention that I have his dance down pretty well...) I figured I'd pretty much own the costume.

And I did!

We had Chris and Brian from Sulaco in the studio, and they brought us up to date as we played some tracks from their newest release, Build And Burn. They were also kind enough to do a video interview with Rick and I.

Speaking of these interviews, you can see them on YouTube under the metalwulff page. You can also find a direct linik to that page at the main website. There you'll find all the aforementioned interviews, live videos from shows we've attended, not to mention some other crazy shit I've put up.

Jeffie, of course, was on hand. He was dressed as Azkath for Halloween, but you could still tell it was him. I mean, really, you just know...
He seemed a little confused by Bill, who was covered from head to toe in Cookie Monster attire. This meant that Bill was going as Jeffie for Halloween, by the way. Or maybe Bill had been afflicted with the dreaded Jeffie virus. Hard tellin'...
As for content, Jeffie just couldn't seem to shut up about this news feed he'd read about a fecal transplant. Kinda put the rest of us off, to be honest. I mean, I'm perfectly happy with my own poop in my own body. Don't want anybody else's poop inside me...EVER!!!
Ewwwwwww...
He also mentioned something about having a spectacular speculum, whatever that means. Probably best not to speculate...
Hmmmm...No Speculation About Jeffie's Spectacular Speculum...
Beyond that, I really don't remember much else about the evening, which is probably for the best!

October 22, 2011 - Pre-Recorded Show

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Playlist
Tormented "Rotten Death"
Seplophile "Pale Horse"
Loudness "Survivor"
Immolation "Illumination"
To the Deep "Capsized"

Worm Quartet "The Laudromat of Sin"
Woods of Desolation "The Inevitable End"
Boguslaw Balcerak's Crylord "Ante Bellum Overture / Blood of the Prophets"
Careless "Blackened Walls of Freedom"
Golden Ressurection "The End of the World"

Dark Angel "Darkness Descends"
Sabbat "The Best of Enemies"
Sacrifice "Re-Animation"
The Nefilim "Pazuzzu (Black Rain)"
Godflesh "Christbait Rising"

Immortal Souls "Last Day on Earth"
Only Flesh "Sexual Holocaust"
Arryan Path "Kiss of Kali"
Generation Kill "Feast for the Wolves"
Tony Goldmark "Burn"

Drophead "Fighting for Air"
Cryptic Reality "When the Towers Decay"
Chains of Honor "A Giant John Wilkes Booth"
Imperial Venegeance "The Voice of Thelema"
Maax "Do As Thou Wilt"

Lance King "Dance of Power"
The Lobster Quadrille "Descendit Ad Invferos - Live"
Van Canto "The Seller of Souls"
Hundreth "Humane"
Nuclear Torment "Sniper Zombie Rape Abortion"

Vicious Rumors "The Crest"
Warrior "Fighting for the Earth"
Indestroy "Dead Girls (Don't Say No)"
Keel "Speed Demon"
Saint Chaos "Come Back Strong"

Thousand Year War "No Gods, No Masters"
Cage "War of the Undead"
Confused Little Girl "Jeebus Ate My Matchbox"
Giant Squid "Mating Scars"
Cradle of Filth "Thank Your Lucky Scars"

Earthbound "Victim of a Madman"
The Agonist "The Lonely Solipsist"
Ana Kefr "The House of Distorted Mirrors"
Nekrogoblikon "Bears"
Revenant Dead "Opportunities"

Circus of Dead Squirrels "Overpopulation Annihilation"
Volumes "Limitless"
Animals as Leaders "Isolated Incidents"
Others "Josie"
Procession of Aeons "Particle Explosion"

DieMonsterDie "A Priest and a Zombie Rent a Fishing Boat as Friends"

October 15, 2011 - Randy gets Hypnotized

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Playlist
The Answer - Caught On The Riverbed
The Parlor Mob - Into The Sun
Lance King - 333. Manifest Destiny
Astral Doors - Babylon Rise
Animals As Leaders - Isolated Incidents

Dio - King Of Rock And Roll
Overkill - Rotten To The Core
Anvil - Mothra
EdGuy - Fire On The Downline

Megadeth - Never Dead
J.B.O. - Long Live Metallica
Junius - All Shall Float
Black Tusk - Set The Dial To Your Doom
Svolk - 12 Times The Pain

Cradle Of Filth - Thank Your Lucky Scars
Volumes - Wormholes
No Redemption - Dying Day
Opeth - Pyre
Hammers Of Misfortune - The Grain
Blizzard - Killed By A Blizzard

Generation Kill - Dark Days
Five Finger Death Punch - Menace
Noctem - Seeking The Ruins Of Souls
Dub Trio - Swarm
Suffocate - Always Hopeless
Hundredth - I Hold The Key
Tonight We Feed - They Were Dead Before They Died

Ana Kefr - Parasites
Horde Of Torment - As I Lay Dying
Sindrome - Cathedral Of Ice
Tsjuder - Black Shadows Of Hell
Charred Walls Of The Damned - The Beast Outside My Window
Eye Empire - Bull In A China Shop

The Elves - Four Day Creep
Ashes Of Your Enemy - Face Of The Flood
Derek Sherinian - I Heard That
Kyng - Trampled Sun
To The Deep - What The Sun Created
Fuck The Facts - Alone
Wayne static - Thunder Invader

Seplophile - Lambs
Iratetion - Days In Truth
EXE - Slayer
Lobster Quadrille - Chop Chop
Lobster Quadrille - Rusty
Warbringer - Savagery
Evile - In Dreams Of Terror

Landmine Marathon - Liver And Lungs
Pedifile - The Definitive Apology
Mastodon - Curl Of The Burl
Sulaco - On The Fence

Recap by The Metal Wulf
Had a very strange night in some regards. Azkath from The Last Exit For The Lost had paid a brief visit, and for some reason I get a little fuzzy-headed when he's around.
No worries, though...not like the guy can hypnotize me or anything...
Still, it sure would be nice to know how in the Hell I was capable of sprouting a furry, claw-covered paw. Talk about messed up! Then the guys tried to convince me I was a werewolf, which is utterly ridiculous, of course.
Those goofy fellas, I tell ya...
There was also some confusion regarding the return of the Plant From Hell. Honestly, wasn't sure if it was the same spiky-leafed monstrosity in a different planter, or if it was the terrible Spawn Of Plant From Hell. Whatever the case, I wasn't getting too close. I've still got the scars on my butt cheeks to remind me not to fool around with that thing in the room...

Talked about last weeks Primus show at the Main Street Armory in Rochester. Great show, and as predicted most of us spent the week with Les Claypool bass-lines playing in our heads. Some folks may have been a little disappointed with the setlst, which was kind of sparse on hits, but everything was played to perfection. That, and we got two full sets of music, as the entire new album (Green Naugauhyde) was played front to back.
Overall, no complaints!

One of the funnier moments in the show last night came during a discussion of Thanksgiving. This was a prime example of just how far off the beaten path we can get, and end up spiralling downward until we crash and burn.
Honestly, I dont' remember how we got to discussing Thanksgiving, but from there I mentioned something about Turducken.
If you've never heard of it, Turducken is a multi-bird roast, and is a pretty hot item among Cajun-style foods. Literally, it's a de-boned chicken, stuffed into a de-boned duck, stuffed into a de-boned turkey, also stuffed with a breadcrumb mixture or sometimes sausage.
Just for those who have no clue as to what the Hell I'm talking about, mind you...
So, we went from discussing that (which, let's face it, was already going off the beaten path), and less than two minutes later we're discussing John Madden and former WWE Women's Champion, Chyna, doing a porno flick together.
For the life of me, I don't know how we made that jump. Logically, there was nothing there to sensibly connect Thanksgiving to John Madden getting freaky with Chyna. It made no sense...
But damn it was funny!
Seriously, it was such a diversion from the original topic that Joe felt it was necessary to play that new LuLu song (Metallica/Lou Reed collaboration, god-awful, in case you were wondering...) for added ambience. Much to our dismay, of course, because the song blows. Yet, Joe keeps insisting that we love it, so he keeps playing it...
But yeah, sometimes it really doesn't take much to throw us off the beaten path and straight down the side of a big ol' hard rockin' cliff...
Crash and burn!

So, on top of everything else, Jeffie was lurking about. It's always fun when Jeffie's around! It made my night coming back from a Dunkin' Donuts run to see him washing Joe's car!
And he was doing a pretty thorough job of it, as well! Joe's convertible was getting hosed down pretty efficiently, inside and out! I just hope it had dried out enough by the time Joe went home...
Have I ever mentioned that Jeffie's my best friend! I never realized it until last night, oddly enough, but he's the greatest! Always a blast when he's hanging around, with plenty of laughing and singing. We even capped the evening off with a chorus of "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" from Monty Python's "The Life Of Brian".
How can you not love a guy who's into Monty Python, really?
Oddly enough, Joe seemed to be getting a little grumpy toward the end of the night, saying that he hates the show. Must have had a bad day, or something.
I mean, it couldn't possibly have anything to do with the rest of us!

October 8, 2011 - Just Joe's Birthday

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Playlist
Slipknot - Disasterpiece
EdGuy - Rock Of Cashel
Girlschool - Hit & Run
L.A. Guns - Electric Gypsy

Opeth - Face In The Snow
No Redemption - Dying Day
Anvil - Mad Dog
Kyng - Pushing & Pulling

Arch/Matheos - On The Fence
Chickenfoot - Up Next
Immolation - Still Lost
Generation Kill - Walking Dead
Vangough - The Rabbit Kingdom

Tonight We Feed - Five Finger Priest Punch
Hammers Of Misfortune - Grey Wednesday
Myrath - Braving The Seas
Blizzard - 666 Angry Barbarians
Forgotten Tomb - You Can't Kill Whos Already Dead

Michael Schenker - Lover's Sinfony
Lou Reed & Metallica - The View
Bulletboys - Falling In Love
Five Finger Death Punch - Wicked Ways
Maylene And The Sons Of Disaster - Faith Healer

Immortal Souls - Nuclear Winter
Nothing Til Blood - Stands True
Kyng - Trampled Sun
Charred Walls Of The Damned - Forever Marching On
Judas Priest - Desert Plains

Fuck The Facts - Cold Hearted
Landmine Marathon - Knife From My Sleeve
Crowned By Fire - Witch In The window
Mortal Sin - Blood Of My Enemies

Isole - Black Hours
Machine Head - Be Still And Know
Mastodon - Stargasm
Dream Theater - Build Me Up, Break Me Down
Wayne Static - Chrome Nation

Warbringer - Echoes From The Void
Anthrax - Earth On Hell
The Devil Wears Prada - R.I.T.
Megadeth - Never Dead
Hull - False Priest

Sulaco - The Approach
Misfits - Land Of The Dead
Charred Walls Of The Damned - Zerospan
Insomnium - Meandering Through The Shadows
Slayer - Post Mortem
Slayer - Raining Blood

Skeletonwitch - Erased And Forgotten
Anvil - March Of The Crabs
_____________________________________

Recap by The Metal Wulf;

So, if you were tuned in this week, you know that I was ousted from the show early. Somehow I ended up by the road with a For Free sign tied around my neck...
Good thing Bill was passing by at around that time, 'cuz who the Hell knows where I may have ended up otherwise?
Thanks a bunch, guys, I won't forget this one...

Anyhoo, I probably deserved it, considering I'd consumed some Zatarain's Red Beans and Rice before the show, and the results were a little worse than normal...
(Worse meaning that Jeffie ended up comparing the smell to dead Sea Monkeys...25-year-dead Sea Monkeys, to be precise...)
Okay, I'm kind of a gassy guy, and yeah, everybody's right, it doesn't seem to matter what I eat! Maybe I should just starve myself? Either that , or just accept things for what they are and just go for broke every week. Maybe I'll have a whole bunch of broccoli and taco dip before the next show!
Mmmmm...
(No worries, I'm not actually a big fan of broccoli...)

Anyway, from a music perspective, there was a bit of a mixed bag for some of us. I mean, Joe played "Mad Dog" by Anvil, a song I hadn't heard since the 80's. Seriously, the last time I'd heard that song was on Bob Appel's old show, The Rock Shop.
The good old days...
So, yeah, that was pretty awesome. However, Joe decided that we deserved to hear that Metallica/Lou Reed song again. Now, this collaboration has officially been dubbed LuLu...although, as much as I love Metallica (and I really do, don't get me wrong...), the majority of us on the Onslaught seem to think that the name should be changed to PuPu...

Okay, the music itself really isn't terrible. It's mostly Lou Reed's involvement that turns this into a huge pile of shit, at least in my book. And face it, Lars' drumming in recent years hasn't been so great. Can't put my finger on it, but there is definitely something missing from his old sound...

Now, as if that weren't bad enough, he also tossed in some more Bulletboys from their recent cover album, as well as some Michael Schenker with Robin McCauley (a little lame, I'm sad to say, and I seem to remember that line-up of MSG actually being pretty good...), Five Finger Death Punch (hate 'em, just don't care for this band, never have...), and a truly awful track from Maylene and The Sons Of Disaster, a band that Joe actually liked an album or so ago.
Oddly enough, the best song that came out of that Set Of Pain (as I have dubbed it...) was the Bulletboys track, a cover of Scorpions "Falling In Love". In fact, we all agreed that Bulletboys actually IMPROVED on the original.
(Honestly, not that big of a feat, if you ask me, and I'm actually a fan of the Scorps...)

Redemption for this set came a little later, as Joe played some Charred Walls Of The Damned, which features former Judas Priest vocalist Tim "Ripper" Owens, and was pretty freakin' good! He also backed that up with some classic Priest in the form of "Desert Plains", so the night really wasn't a complete bust!

On to the usual, non-musicall insanity:
Jeffie showed up with FMG, as well as Justjoe (from The Last Exit For The Lost). Seems it was Justjoe's birthday, and we all got to sing "Happy Birthday" for him!
As we all beat and kicked him into submission...
(Seriously, we clubbed him like a baby seal!)
We didn't have any water to revive him, but there was a big ol' bucket of cheese balls that he'd brought along! Oddly enough, pouring them on top of his head seemed to help.
Go figure...

It was shortly after this that I was forcibly ejected to the side of the road with a For Free sign tied around my neck, so from there, I've no clue what happened...

Recap by Fire Eater Wizard;
Jeffie arrived with Just Joe in tow. It was Just Joe's birthday! Jeffie said that, instead of giving Just Joe birthday spankings, they should all sing "Happy Birthday" to him... While they all gave him a brutal beat down throughout the entire song, which they all did. Just Joe wasn't too happy with this birthday greeting for some reason. Next Jeffie said he had a new fun game for them all to play... It was called Yearbook. Jeffie would give a category of "who is most likely to...", and everyone would give their vote for the person, there, or not there, that they thought best fit. So that went on for a while, and they voted on stuff like who was the most likely to have sex and not know it, who was the most likely to get set on fire, the most likely to fall off a roof, to get really drunk and tear someone's head off in a frenzied rage in a mosh pit, things like that. Then Jeffie brought back a feature from almost a decade ago, where he tells us what he did on each day of the past week, only, in Jeffie's week, there is no Monday, he says Sunday lasts for two days. Dumbass! So Jeffie did things during this past week like get naked and see how long it took someone to start screaming (he claimed it took a bit over five minutes, but I, and no one else, believes that, we're all sure it took WAAAAAYYY less time than that, more like five seconds, and even that's a stretch!), go kite flying, walk on a beach. Then Jeffie asked Just Joe to tell us what he had done during the week... And, with the exception of his going to The Last Exit For The Lost radio program, where he is a regular co-host, from midnight to six A.M., Saturday night into Sunday mornings, all of the rest of his days were exactly the same... He worked, he took care of his spawn, he slept. Oh yeah, one of the days, between work, the spawn, and sleep, he did something really different... He took a nap. Everyone pointed out to him how much his life sucked. Just Joe became depressed and was pouting. Jeffie told Just Joe that The Demon Azkath had told him what he needed to do to make Just Joe feel better, that he had something for him that he would really like... It was a board, covered in barbed wire. Jeffie said that Azkath had told him that he needed to body slam Just Joe onto it, that that would make Just Joe feel MUCH BETTER! Just Joe seemed somewhat doubtful that this would make him feel better, but Jeffie insisted that it would. He body slammed Just Joe onto the board. Just Joe's butt and crotch were firmly impaled on the barbed wire. The screams of agony were quite something to behold, and went on and on! Jeffie kept pushing Just Joe down onto the barbed wire, making him scream more. Jeffie kept asking Just Joe which way he should push. Just Joe shrieked not to push at all. Everyone explained to Jeffie that he needed to get Just Joe's butt and crotch off the barbed wire. Finally, after much agonized howling, Just Joe was free. It came out that Azkath had told Jeffie to do that as pay back from when, a couple weeks back, on The Last Exit For The Lost, Just Joe, and Shane, had teamed up to blind side him, causing him to be impaled on the barbed wire board by Just Joe, after Shane, who had been supposed to be providing cometary of the match, had clobbered him from behind with a metal sign. So this had been his revenge on Just Joe. Jeffie asked Just Joe if he felt better now, like he was supposed to. Dumbass! Just Joe said no, he felt even worse, much worse! Jeffie asked what would make him feel better? Just Joe said a hug from Rick would, because he said he now thought of Rick as his new Dave, Dave being Just Joe's good friend. Rick actually did agree to hug Just Joe, and hug him nicely, not like in a strangle hug or anything, and it actually was helping Just Joe feel better... Until Rick smacked Just Joe across the face, which Rick said he had done because Just Joe had wiped bodily fluids, fluids from the barbed wire experience, on him. Just Joe was still feeling quite miserable. Jeffie told Just Joe he knew of something that would make him feel better, something he would really like, and, he promised, it had absolutely nothing to do with barbed wire... They would tickle Josh! Which they proceeded to do. That finally made Just Joe feel better and happy after what had been pretty much a real bummer of a birthday for him, what with the brutal beat down at the beginning of the night, then finding out just how boring his life is, and how much it sucks, then the excruciating pain of having his crotch and butt torn up on the barbed wire, and topped off by being slapped by Rick, even if that last one was due to his own stupidity. Just Joe said he really liked tickling Josh, and was going to do it some more. They tickled Josh 'til his face was purple, and he was about suffocated. So Josh was the sacrifice to salvage something of Just Joe's birthday for him, and bring some happiness into what had not been a very happy birthday for him at all. Sorry, Josh, I guess you took one for the team there.

Metallic Onslaught Show Archive