Metallic Onslaught Show Archive

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Playlist;
Jorn - Road Of The Cross
Arch/Matheos - Neurotically Wired

Uncle Knucklefunk - Little Problem
House Of Lords - Blood
Opeth - Slither
Powerman 5000 - Candy-O
George Lynch - Son Of Scary

Dream Theater - On The Backs Of Angels
Hatesphere - Smell Of Death
Blind Illusion - Gargantuan
Blood Red Throne - Trapped, Terrified, Dead
Me First And The Gimme Gimmes - I've Done Everything For You
Michael Schenker Group - Out In The Fields

Malformed - As The Churches Smolder
Anubis Gate - Facing Down
Divine Ascension - Guided By Osiris
Dr Sin - May The Force Be With you
We Came As Romans - A war Inside
Will Haven - Mida's Secret

Pagan's Mind - Power Of Mindscape
Kittie - Already Dead
Sebastian Bach - Dance On Your Grave
Powerman 5000 - Devil Inside
Textures - Black Horses Stampede
The Devil Wears Prada - Mammoth

Arkona - Odna
MonstrO - Solar
Rival Sons - Get Mine
Armed With Valor - I Killed The Peeping Tom
Diamond Plate - At The Mountains Of Madness
Chimaira - Born In Blood
Trivium - A Grey So Dark
Design The Skyline - Break Free From Your Life

Arch/Matheos - Any Given Day (Strangers Like Me)
Alice Cooper - I'll Bite Your Face Off
Thrashfire - Dead Collector

Jasta - The Fearless Must Endure
Trouble - Assassin
Icon In Me - Nuclear Drama
Eat The Gun - Not Dead Yet
ICS Vortex - The Sub Mariner

Last Red Ember - Dead Weight
Order Of The Dead - Bullets
Fleshgod Apocalypse - The Violation
Wayne Static - Assassins Of Youth
Warbringer - Living Weapon

Vio-Lence - Phobophobia
Mastodon - Curl Of The Burl
Machine Head - Locust

Thrashfire - Angels And Drunk Witches
Thrashfire - Death Is Near
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Recap by The Metal Wulf;
There was plenty of new music on hand, which is always a plus. Wouldn't be much of a hard rock/heavy metal radio show if we didn't actually play music, now would it? Especially knowing that there's a whole slew of new releases arriving in the coming weeks. Lots to look forward to, and we'll be playin' it!

Plenty of craziness to go around last night, as well. Josh actually impressed us for a bit as he stood up and tried to keep Tim in order. Well, you know, you shouldn't come on a radio show of this type and start singing Olivia Newton-John songs. I really can't blame Josh for getting "Physical"...
Tim stated that he thought he was bleeding, at which point I asked him if he was sure it wasn't menstrual. I mean, the guy DOES like "Glee", after all...
(Tim, once again, I apologize. That was a brutally low comeback, even from me! But DAMN it was funny!)

Another, brief, bit of silliness occurred when I mentioned that I'd shared a fun little Facebook link that portrayed what, to me at least, is the ultimate lawn decoration. Lawn gnomes and pink flamingo statues are boring as hell, but when you make them ZOMBIE GNOMES, and they're actually EATING the flamingos, they become awesome!
Hell, as great as that would be for Halloween, I'd keep them up year-round!
Of course, Joe had to ask what I had against flamingos...
And Josh had to mention something about the flamingos dancing flamenco-style...
Yep, downhill from there!

There was some discussion regarding the State Fair. Seems I'm the only one who went this year, so it was my turn to face the ridicule. Not so much for seeing REO Speedwagon, who actually were quite good. I'd see them again, to be honest. However, I DID get busted on for just mentioning the possibility of going to see Starship. I understand the reasoning, believe me. Starship started to suck as soon as the stopped being Jefferson Starship, and got even worse with the departure of Grace Slick and Craig Chaquico. And really, the songs that were released after they became Starship? "We Built This City"? Bleah...
Better off passin' that one up!
I also got busted on for having my picture taken with cute sea lions. It was actually quite enjoyable. Don't know why folks don't like sea lions...
Besides, they weren't letting us get out pics taken at the bear exhibit, which would have been REEEEAAAALLLY cool!
Oh well...
So, one more thing to mention about the fair. I don't understand it, but there's been this odd trend in recent years regarding deep-fried foods at the Fair. Literally, deep fried anything. At least it seems that way. Here are some prime examples of what I saw on menus:
Deep Fried: Pickles, Oreos, Pizza, Peanut Butter And Jelly, Twix, Reese's Cups, Apple Pie, Cheese Curds, Snickers (bacon-wrapped, no less! Bleah...) among others. Seriously, I think I prefer my junk food just a little more pure than that...
Oh, let's not forget the Donut Burger, because ground beef is just so much tastier on a glazed fucking donut! Mmmmmm...
And of course, if you happen to look at the people lined up in front of these places, you'd b e amazed. Most are skinny as a rail, totally unexpected. Well, a few more years of that kind of cardiac abuse, and they'll be lookin' plenty different!
Of course, by this point Jeffie had joined us, and he'd suggested deep-fried bacon weenie.
Nobody seemed to find that appetizing for some reason...

Speaking of Jeffie, he now claims that he comes in 78 delicious flavors. Obviously, nobody was about to do a taste-test to find out...
I had a lot to share with Jeffie this week. Specificallly that my doctor would love to talk to him, as well as some of his colleagues. Quite frankly, Jeffie has successfully baffled science.
Here's the deal: Not only am I a clone (yeah, I know, I didn't believe it for the longest time, but apparently they did kill me that night, and Jeffie somehow made another "me"...), but it seems that he'd incorporated wolf DNA into the mix. And he did it in such a fashion that I won't experience any adverse effects until the full moon...
They'd love to know how Jeffie did this, and are talking about considering him for the Nobel Prize. Yeah, it makes MY brain hurt, too...
Of course, Jeffie says he has NO idea how he did it, and claims that I'm a werewolf only because he super-glued the mask to my face last week. Well, the blood work was confirmed before the gluing happened, so who can really say. Apparently I'm gonna be Wulfie for real, now. I guess we'll find out in the coming weeks...

Let's see, what else...

Jeffie was on this kick about impersonating a sad whale. Okay, I admit it was just silly enough that I had to join in. We soon had the sound of a whole pod of sad whales. Bill even gave us a dose of what a sad Wookie would sound like (he does a GREAT Chewbacca impersonation!)
As the eveing started to wind down, Jeffie decided to share some bleach with me, claiming that since we were both clones, we'd be fine. I really didn't believe it was bleach at first.
Stupid me...
Okay, so I now know what the effects of bleach drinking are on clones. You eventually become a tickle monster, and you sing bad television theme songs, and then you have Jeffie shoot little foam darts at you, from the toy machine gun he found upstairs.
Or at least that's how the show ended this week...

Listen to the Show - Pictures




Playlist
Uncle Knucklefunk - Papa's Pretty Pickle
Jorn - Stormcrow
Pagan's Mind - Revelation To The End
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind

DC4 - Electric Ministry
Symphony X - Electric Messiah
Gentlemans Pistols - Heavy Petting
The Godz - Go Away
The Quill - Waiting For The Sun
George Lynch - Brand New Day
Rival Sons - Face The Light

Dramagod - Jackabite
Armed With Valor - What All The Kids Are Craving
MonstrO - Stallone
Jeff The Brotherhood - Bummer
Chimaira - Year Of The Snake

Dramagod - Road To Nowhere
Wayne Static - Assassins Of Youth
Lemmy - Enter Sandman
Opeth - The Devil's Orchard
Alice Cooper - I'll Bite Your Face Off
Diamond Plate - Pull The Trigger

Spater - Rat Salad
Warbringer - Shattered Like Glass
Faster Pussycat - Lovedrive
Mastodon - Curl Of The Burl
The Devil Wears Prada - Born To Lose
Evile - Centurion

Spater - Sucker Punch
Lowkey - Jumping On The Back Of A Shark
Black Pyramid - Warswine
Vader - Lord Of Thorns
Anterior - Blood In The Throne Room
Dirge Within - Absolution

AC/DC - Inject The Venom
Raging Slab - Anywhere But Here
Vio-lence - Bodies On Bodies
Revocation - Beloved Horrifier
Serianna - Deep Sleep
KYNG - Falling Down
Black Tide - Fight Til The Bitter End
Anthrax - Fight 'Em 'Till You Can't

Nekrogoblikon - Bears
Careless - Boundaries
Gypsy Hawk - Gypsy Hawk
Georgy - Third Degree Sodomy
ICS Vortex - Storm Seeker
Embrace The Massacre - Red Hour

Jasta - Set You Adrift
Demonical - Return In Flesh
Design The Skyline - Witch Of The Woods
Last Red Ember - Anchor Management
Testament - Into The Pit

Alice In Chains - Check My Brain
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Recap by The Metal Wulf;

Had Dramagod in the studio this evening, as well as Dave from Spater.
Dramagod were on hand to promote an upcoming benefit festival for autism awareness called Pick Up The Pieces, being held this Saturday at KEGS Canalside in Jordan Elbridge. The event begins at 1:00 p.m. and runs through 2:00 a.m., and features a number of great bands from around the Finger Lakes Region. Among the bands scheduled to play, in addition to Dramagod, are Lowkey, Amerikan Primitive, Hunter Allen Murray, When Everything Fails, Smite, Just A Memory, Avigal, Just A Peace, and more.

Dave was on hand to promote Metal Night at the Sons Of Italy in Geneva, a show that not only saw Spater play with Lowkey and Dawn Of The Apocalypse, but also saw Spater do a short tribute set of AC/DC classics. Rick, Josh, and myself were on hand to help intoduce the bands, and video footage is forthcoming. Had some crazy and unexpected moments, particularly during D.O.T.A.'s set, as they'd found themselves without a singer just hours before this event was to take place.

Dave also wanted the listening audience to know that submissions will soon be accepted for the 2012 edition of Finger Lakes Metal Fest, so if you're in a band and want to play this event, keep your eyes peeled! It's a great time, and it's looking as if The Metallic Onslaught will once again be asked to emcee.

There was some discussion of a couple shows that some of us had attended during the week, particularly Amon Amarth and Kittie. Both shows were great in their own ways.
Amon Amarth are just epicly awewome. Honestly, before this show, I liked most of what I'd heard by them anyway, but didn't own any of their albums. After seeing their performance at Water Street Music Hall, I'll be rectifying that in the coming months. Definitely a must-see if you're into their style of epic, mythoology-inspired death metal. I've honestly gotta say that it's been a long damned time since I've heard a crowd so excited for a performance, and showing that excitement in such a loud manner!
Kittie flat out slayed at The Lost Horizon. These girls are all business, do NOT underestimate their ability to bludgeon your eardrums to the point of surrender. I'm going out on a limb at the moment and saying that "We Are The Lamb" is probably one of the most crushingly heavy songs I've heard all year. Check them out if they come to your town!
I'd also like to give major shout-outs to the opening bands for this show. A very diverse line-up, featuring Dirge Within, a killer thrash outfit called Diamond Plate, along with three local bands, Capricorn Black, Armed With Valor, and Tirade. Made for a varied assortment of styles, and that's never a bad thing!
Some video clips from both shows are up on my YouTube page (metalwulff). You'll find Amon Amarth and Kittie, as well as Diamond Plate, Capricorn Black, and Armed With Valor. Feel free to check 'em out!

So, moving on to the crazier moments of the evening...

I have vague memories of Jeffie putting me out with chloroform, and when I came to I'd sprouted fur, claws, fangs, a snout, you name it, it was there.
Needless to say, I freaked. I mean, the whole Wulfie thing, to begin with, was just a fun gimmick that Jeffie ruined by revealing that I wasn't really a werewolf.
Well, evidence at the time of my awakening indicated that he'd somehow made me a werewolf for real, and I flipped out. Never really wanted that, Jeffie...
So, of course, carnage was unleashed upon Jeffie, as well as Josh, who got caught up in the mayhem along with Tim Binder, who's been visiting the show over the past couple of weeks.
But, once the show was over and I got calmed down a bit, I realized that Jeffie had just glued the old Wulfie mask to my face, along with the gloves. A painful process getting all that stuff off, to be honest. Thankfully I was able to keep the majority of my skin intact as I removed these things. Can't imagine how I would have explained it at my job...
Yep, what was thought to be the return of Wulfie seems to have just been a clever little trick orchestrated by Jeffie.
Of course, I hadn't said anything at the time about the results of some recent blood work I'd had done as part of my yearly check-up...
Jeffie, Jeffie, Jeffie, what have you done to me?

Listen to the Show

Recap by The Metal Wulf; Well, I made a bit of a slip in the first talk break, I must admit. Joe had played Armored Saint's "Can U Deliver" in the opening set of music, and I confessed on the air that I'd almost creamed myself... Okay, so it had been awhile since I'd heard it, and I was pretty pumped. Can ya blame me? Anyway, that little slip only led to things spiraling downward very quickly in the early going of the show, especially when Steve Papagiorgio showed up. Yeah, he walked in, much to our surprise, and proceeded to hand me something, saying "Read this, Wulfie." Turns out it was a subpoena, and that he was planning on suing me for NOT BEING A WOLF! That son of a bitch! I promptly reminded Steve that he'd been in on the whole gimmick from the beginning, and that he knew full well that I wasn't really a werewolf, but he wasn't having it, telling me I'd better get a lawyer. Now, I can't quite remember who it was who mentioned this, but somebody suggested that Just Joe from The Last Exit For The Lost could represent me in court. Forgive me if I'm a little hesitant about jumping on that... From there, Joe threatened to sue Steve in return, because he isn't really a cyborg, meaning he isn't really made of metal! Oddly enough, for some reason I started sneezing at the mention of "metal". It got worse, too, because the more somebody said "metal", the more I sneezed. Something definitely wasn't right, and I mentioned that I was pretty sure something had happened when Bill, Rick, and myself had gone to visit The Last Exit the week before. Rick said that he knew what was going on, but he was sworn to secrecy. Hmmmmm...maybe Jeffie would know what was going on, assuming he wasn't still in rehab.

Cuss Muffin had joined us once again, as there was a derby bout on the next night. Joe, Rick, Josh, and I were all in attendance for that, by the way, and we had a great time cheering the Roc Stars to victory over the Boston B Party! Anyhoo, it's always great to have Cuss on the show, and she was even kind enough to bring along some brownies and cookies as a gesture of thanks for passing Animal over to her. Seems Animal has been repaired and holds a special spot in her home, which is great because I think the poor guy wouldn't have survived too much longer on the Onslaught!

Jeffie arrived eventually, and he promptly informed me that he was going to make me pay his rehab bill... WHAT?!?!?!?! Now, Papagiorgio's news was bad enough, but for Jeffie to say I was going to have to cover the rehab expenses, well, that was just a bit much, right there! On top of that, I was in pretty rough shape from sneezing all night at the mere mention of "metal". Jeffie actually made a call to Azkath to get to the bottom of the situation, and to see if there was any way to stop it.

Now, on a previous edition of The Last Exit, Just Joe had been hypnotized and was asked to envision what the Earth would be like after December of 2012. Apparently he'd seen a lot of terrible things, like rabbits...BURNING RABBITS! Hordes of 'em, and lots of tentacles, which we've come to learn are actually Shoggoths. Well, that explains a lot right there, doesn't it? I KNEW that Jeffie's word of God was anything but! More like the word of ELDER GODS!!! Anyhoo, during our recent visit to The Last Exit, Azkath had hypnotized me to get some insight into Just Joe's vision. Sure enough, I saw the burning bunnies, and the Shoggoths, and something far, FAR WORSE!!! Nope, can't think of that one, WAAAAAY too terrible to mention! Anyhow, while in that hypnotic state, Azkath had planted the suggestion in my brain that anytime I heard the word "metal", I'd become allergic to wolves, and being a wolf, well... Okay, that certainly explained the problem, but how about getting rid of it? Seems that all I had to do was envision the "unspeakable horror" I'd seen in my vision, and I'd stop sneezing. So, reluctantly I tried to remember what I'd seen, and sure enough, once I'd remembered that, the sneezing stopped. Of course, I'm still left with that vision of The Unspeakable, so things aren't really much better...

Now, in my previous recap I mentioned that Bill and I had paid a visit to The Last Exit For The Lost, where we approached the Demon Azkath about Jeffie and the fact that he totally ruined my perfectly good werewolf gimmick. Azkath had suggested a solution that would possibly make Jeffie stupider, and hopefully more tolerable and less annoying. Well, I'm glad to tell you all that it seemed to work! Yep, seems there's this cool little phenomenon called I-dosing. It uses audio stimulation to produce effects that are similar to drugs, be it marijuana, ecstasy, or acid. I'm sure there are others as well. Well, Bill acquired an i-dose version of ecstasy, which we then exposed Jeffie to. We'd explained to him that it would just make him more awesome, although he didn't seem to believe he could become any awesomer. In the end, we convinced him that it would work, and the end result was very much to our approval. Docile, quiet, not in the least annoying, and just dumb enough to be fooled by the wolf get-up! Yep, I'd have to say problem solved! I mean, what could possibly go wrong now?