Metallic Onslaught Show Archive: no pants

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May 4, 2013 - No Pants Day!

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Playlist

** Slayer Tribute **

Captor Of Sin

Die By The Sword

Hell Awaits

Raining Blood

War Ensemble

South Of Heaven

Silent Scream

Dittohead

Gemini

Scrum

War Zone

Jihad

Hate Worldwide

Agressive Perfector

Angel Of Death

Masters Of Metal - Chameleon

The Resistance - To The Death

Pamela Moore - Paranoia

F.K.U. - Scream Bloody Mosher

M:Pire Of Evil - Blackened Are The Priests

Atrocity - Death By Metal

Ark Of The Covenant - Transgressors

Vicious Rumors - Electric Punishment

Orchid - Mountains Of Steel

Black Water Rising - Show No Mercy

Death Dealer - Hammer Down

Gary Clark Jr. - When My Train Pulls In

Amorphis - Enchanted By The Moon

Iron Glove - Heaven Hellbound

Suidakra - Let Me Put My Love Into You

Trail Of Tears - Path Of Destruction

The Monolith Deathcult - Drugs, Thugs & Machetes

Starkill - New Infernal Rebirth

Killswitch Engage - Time Will Not Remain

Potential Threat - Written In Blood

Horseface - Succubus (I Warned You!)

Ghost B.C. - Depth Of Satan's Eyes

Arsis - Choking On Sand

Anciients - Faith And Oath

Kings Destroy - The Toe

Kadaver - Rythm For Endless Minds

Sodom - Tracing The Victim

We As Human - Dead Man

Skid Row - Get Up

Ugly Kid Joe - No One Survives

Pamela Moore - Melt Into You

Avantasia - Dweller In A Dream

Pushmen - The Year Of Hands & Neck

Stygian - Bloodlines

Blood Ceremony - Witchwood

Kobra And The Lotus - No Rest For The Wicked

Recap by The Metal Wulf...

So, as per tradition, the night of the 3rd was our annual No Pants Day celebration (being the first Friday of the month). And, in all honesty, the first couple of hours were pretty uneventful in the sense that there was no uncomfortable silly occurrences, of the type we are all too well known for on this particular evening.

In fact, Joe attempted a save by suggesting that No Pants Day was over by the time the rest of the crew arrived (Jeffie, JustJoe, and Arydaea), mentioning how it was officially Saturday, and therefore May 4th, which is apparently now Official Star Wars Day (May The Fourth Be With You...)

But, Jeffie and JustJoe proclaimed it to be No Pants Day Weekend, so there was no avoiding it...

Before I get into any more detail regarding the horrors that befell later in the evening, I should mention that we devoted the first hour of the show to paying tribute to Slayer's Jeff Hanneman, who had sadly passed the day before.

Those familiar with Hanneman's story know that he'd taken ill a couple year's ago, contracting necrotizing fasciitis, possibly from a spider bite. The official cause of death, as of recently, seems to be pointing to cirrhosis of the liver, however.

No matter, you can't prepare yourself for anything like this. I mean, come on, Hannaman was part of a major movement in heavy metal history, being part of the early thrash scene and helping to pave the way for a completely new genre of heavy music. His contributions to Slayer are practically limitless, including both music and lyrics, especially in the early years. He will be deeply and sorely missed...

So, moving along to the horrors of No Pants Day...

Okay, I confess, even I found myself to be highly creepy in the aftermath of the whole thing, when photos and video were being shared on Facebook. I mean, I even kept my shorts on this year, literally NO boxers and NO man-kini!

Can't say the same for the shirt, though.

So, yeah, in a nutshell, I put rainbow stickers around my nipples to act as Pasties, strapped on an inflatable unicorn horn, painted a mop head in rainbow hues (a HORRIBLE paint job, by the way...), and wore Jeffie's blonde wig (my head's been itchy every since...) in the interest of putting forth my ultimate personification of what a Brony would be. And I'm kinda ashamed of myself...

Of course, shame doesn't make it okay that at the end of the evening Jeffie and JustJoe beat me down and violated me with my own unicorn horn...and I'm pretty sure there was some sincere attempts at tea-bagging me at the very end...

Ewwww...

And let's not forget Arydaea's assurances to the three of us that not only was there a No Pants Day bus outside waiting for us, but there was also a Brony bus, specifically for me.

We looked...long and hard...far and wide...there were no buses...

November 24, 2012 - Randy's Xmas Annoucement

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Playlist

Mammoth Mammoth - Bare Bones
Fozzy - God Pounds His Nails
Death - Low Life
Incubus - Beyond The Unknown

Kamelot - Ashes To Ashes
Overkill - Deny The Cross
Troubled Horse - As You Sow
Uncle Acid & The Deadbeats - Curse In The Trees
Anthem - Ghost In The Frame

Triumph - When The Lights Go Down
Megadeth - Good Mourning/Black Friday
Paragon - Bulletstorm
Destruction - Princess Of The Night
Bloodbound - Bonebreaker
Agony Lords - The Tree Of The Hanged

Abhor - Beating A Dead Horse
Incite - Exposed
Aeon - Blessed By The Priest
Chthonic - Takao
This Divided World - Unconditional
Druid Lord - Witchfinder

Helloween - Burning Sun
Grand Supreme Blood Court - Behead The Defense
Soundgarden - Into The Void
Skalmold - Loki
Finsterforst - Stirbt Zuletzt

Maps Of War - Charon's Decree
Pig Destroyer - Deny Everything
Sacred Reich - War Pigs
Destruction - City Of Doom
Quiet Riot - Resurrection

Herder - Mundane Affairs
CJSS - Red Handed
Butcher Babies - Jesus Needs More Babies For His War Machine
Burnt Offering - Slaughterhouse Grizzle
Diamond Plate - At The Mountains Of Madness

T&N - It's Not Love
King Diamond - No Presents For Christmas
Kiss - Hell Or Hallelujah
Aerosmith - S.O.S. (Too Bad)
Black Country Communion - Confessor
Machine Head - Davidian

My Dying Bride - The Poorest Waltz
Graveyard - An Industry Of Murder
Warlock - Touch Of Evil
Mammoth Mammoth - Sitting Pretty
Corrosion Of Conformity - Strong Medicine Too Late
Earthship - Athena

Abhor - Murder King
Cryptopsy - Red-skinned Scapegoat
____________________________________________

Recap by Fire Eater Wizard;

All in all, just a couple of points of interest to touch on, really.

There was a great deal of ball-busting about the possibility of me going to see Green Jelly this Friday night at The Bug Jar in Rochester.

Now, the deal with this show is that there is only one actual remaining member of Green Jelly. Vocalist Bill Manspeaker has actually been recruiting from city to city to fill out the remaining band, relying on local talent everywhere he goes. Actually, to me, that sounds pretty damned cool!

Still, it IS Green Jelly we're talking about here, not necessarily a band that was really meant to be taken seriously. But, keeping that in mind, I honestly thought their first album was hilarious. Well, better than half of it, anyway...

Anyhoo, my attitude toward this show is that, while it MAY suck, it most definitely will NOT be boring and might honestly be worth a laugh or two by the end of the night. We'll see how it goes, should I decide to attend...

Definitely had some weirdness goin' on, as Azkath made an announcement based on something I supposedly told him. Claims that I made him write this particular proclamation, which I can assure you certainly did NOT happen...

So, the deal here is, according to this announcement, I'm supposedly so depressed about the upcoming END OF THE WORLD (based on this misconstrued Mayan silliness...) and the fact that it's going to ruin a yearly Christmas ritual of mine.

This ritual apparently involves me doing the Pantsless Sata Dance, whatever the hell that is supposed to be...

*** HERE IS WHAT RANDY HAD AZKATH READ ON THE AIR **

I, Randy Smith, being of mind and body, have come to the conclusion that there will not be a Christmas this year. The world will end on the 21st of December and thus I will not be able to celebrate my typical Christmas tradition. Thus, this year I shall be celebrating this tradition at the end of the world, here on The Metallic Onslaught. You see, every Christmas day, at the end of the day, when I am alone and full of food and merryment, I perform the majestic rite of The Pantless Santa. Normally a private ceremony, but this year, due to the world ending, I will celebrate, here, at the Metallic Onslaught. with all of you.
Yup, no clue as to what this is about, and I can strongly assure all of our listeners that, despite any of my actions over the past couple of years on No Pants Day, there will be ABSOLUTELY NO Pantsless Santa Dance.

Relax folks, nothin' to worry about here. We might have ourselves an End Of The World show on that particular night, but it won't involve me running around without my pants!

To cap things off, Josh pulled something that nobody else had ever managed to do on the show, at least to my knowledge...

He fell asleep on the air!

But, thanks to Azkath, not for long...

Amazing how that boy can scream like a twelve year old with skinned knees, isn't it?

May 5, 2012 - No Pants Day!

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More Pictures

This was our traditional No Pants Day show. The First Friday of May, every year. This one will not disappoint. You will see wonderful and horrible things, and leave very scared or scarred, or maybe happy, who knows...

Listen to the Show;

Playlist;
Iron Maiden - The Number Of The Beast
Dragonforce - Give Me The Night
Metal Church - Beyond The Black
Metal Church - Metal Church

Black Sabbath - Meglomania
Hellyeah - War In Me
Torche - Reverse Inverted
Beastie Boys - Heart Attack Man

Europe - Demon Head
Kyng - Bleed Easy
Prong - Eternal Heat
Hour Of Penance - Deprave To Redeem
Cattle Decapitation - Gristle Licker

Ihsahn - The Paranoid
Kill Devil Hill - Strange
Candlemass - The Sound Of Dying Demons
Killwhitneydead - Vote With A Bullet
Uncle Slam - Dazed & Confused

Huntress - Eight Of Swords
Confessor - Suffer
Cripple Bastards - Agony Of A Reformed Band
Ironchrist - World War Three (Crack Party Weekend)
Deathwish - Demon Preacher
Eternal Helcaraxe - As The Snow Gathers

Otherwise - Die For You
Hellish Outcast - Your God Will Bleed
Before The Dawn - Perfect Storm
Bonded By Blood - Restless Mind
Kataklysm - Iron Will

Septekh - Not Quite What I Had In Mind
Fear Factory - Recharger
Cradle Of Filth - Dusk And Her Embrace
Unleashed - Gathering Battalions
16 - Beyond Fixable

Running Wild - Sailing Fire
Mares Of Thrace - The Perpetrator
Black Spiders - Mans Ruin
Band Of Skulls - Sweet Sour

Cancer Bats - Old Blood
Jeff Loomis - Continuum Drift
Candlemass - Psalms For The Dead
Pantera - Piss

Overkill - Old Wounds, New Scars
Legacy Of Disorder - Impaler
A sound Of Thunder - Out Of The Darkness
Cattle Decapitation - Lifestalker

Vio-lence - Bodies On Bodies
Anvil - Old School
Burn Everything - Ghost Of The Waves
Allegaeon - Timeline Dissonance

__________________________________________________

Recap by The Metal Wulf
Well, things got underway just a little later than expected, and it was actually mentioned that there would only be a brief amount of time for actual No Pants Day celebration, since after midnight it would no longer be No Pants Day. But Jeffie assured us that it was now known as No Pants Weekend, so we were apparently in the clear to continue as planned.

So, taking something of a cue from Foul Mouth Girl, who two years ago cruelly deceived us all with her infamous "It's after midnight, so No Pants Day is over..." trick, Jeffie, JustJoe, and Raven were wearing layers of undergarments. Arm wrestling challenges throughout the night would determine who took off a layer. Just think of it as "Strip Arm Wrestling" instead of poker, you'll get the idea...

So, Jeffie and JustJoe both took turns trying to best Raven in arm wrestling matches. Now, those who've become familiar with her over the past few months know that Raven is pretty damned tough, and it was Jeffie and JustJoe who were found on the losing end most of the time, and we had to endure the sight of them peeling down one layer at a time. I'm almost postive at one point that Jeffie was wearing a pair of lacy women's undies. I'll give 'em credit, though, they tried really hard and actually were able to beat her a couple of times.

Jeffie had mentioned a "secret identity" early in the evening, and this was later revealed. Yes, he informed us that he was actually the Undie-Taker...stealing our undies right from under our noses. And, true to form, out of nowhere, some of us started losing underwear...Unfortunately for Jeffie, our long-suffering host, Joe Wyatt, was among those caught sans underwear, resulting in one of the most brutal beatdowns with large pieces of styrofoam that I've ever witnessed. Now, you may laugh, but styrofoam makes one HELL of a mess when you continually bash it into someone's head, and it's almost impossible to clean up, especially when the vacuum cleaner is MIA... Truly, it was a horrible, HORRIBLE sight...

Also of note, and actually very funny, was Foul Mouth Girl's dominance of Josh. We were all wearing shorts, so by that definition alone, we were well within the attire requirements for No Pants Day. But, of course, people started stripping to their underwear, and Josh deciided he didn't want to. Which, in all fairness, is FINE. But, whenever Josh got difficult, FMG would yell out "Take your pants off, Josh!"

And he did, without question, every time! Pretty damned hilarious, to be honest.

Just as amusing was the visit we ALMOST received from Steve Papagiorgio, who apparently doesn't stay up to date with our antics via Facebook, and who didn't see an entire week's worth of No Pants Day promotion, and who decided to visit us on that night! Until he was greeted by Jeffie in a pair of boxer shorts...We tried to get him to come in, we really did, but in the end I think he just couldn't bear the sight of me in a t-shirt and my Batman boxer briefs.

I'll bet he'd have stuck around if they were Darth Vader boxers, though!

Unfortunately, not quite so hilarious, was my...ummmm...episode...or something...that resulted in further trauma, adding to the damage i'd already inflicted last year when the Olaf personality took over for the first time. The only difference is that this time it wasn't a viking people saw, it was Wulfie...not fully covered in fur...or clothing for that matter...doing the Blue Meanie dance...

...and once again, I am so, SOOOOO sorry...

June 18, 2011 - Joe's Birthday

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Listen to the Show - Pictures

Playlist
Apostle Of Solitude - Coldest Love
Death - God Of Thunder
Twisted Sister - The Fire Still Burns
Stream Of Passion - Broken

Draconian - Elysian Night
A Storm Of Light - Wasteland
Cypherseer - Lost, Plagued And Redefined

In Solitude - Demons
Metal Church - Watch The Children Pray
Alice Cooper - He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask)

Metallica - ...And Justice For All
The Rods - I Just Wanna Rock
Ozzy Osbourne - Believer
Morbid Angel - Nevermore
The Black Dahlia Murder - The Raven

Polkadot Cadaver - Slaughterhouse Striptease
Deceased - Skin Crawling Process

The Untold Lies - Enemy
Novembers Doom - Buried
A Pale Horse Named Death - Devil In The Closet
Burn Everything - Ghost Of The Waves

Vanna - History On Repeat
Devin Townsend Project - Stand
Unexpect - Mechanical Phoenix
IKILLYA - Bombs Away
Anorexia Nervosa - I'll Kill You

Black Country Communion - Save Me
Rival Sons - White Noise
Seven Witches - Ragnarock
Unearth - Watch It Burn

Spater - Rat Salad
Cry To The Blind - Better Than Me
Black Stone Cherry - Let Me See You Shake
Black Tide - Walking Dead Man
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
Slayer - South Of Heaven

Alestorm - Midget Saw
Tyr - Take Your Tyrant
Anthrax - Aftershock

Chrome Division - Zombies And Monsters
_____________________________________________

Recap by The Metal Wulf;
So, after the out of control insanity of last week, I figured we'd be hard pressed to follow that goofiness up for a second straight week.
I was wrong, so terribly, terribly wrong...

The Demon Azkath, Just Joe, and Foul Mouth Girl from The Last Exit For The Lost showed up to honor the birthday of our long-suffering host, Joe Wyatt. We celebrated by doing a variation of a Russian Roulette show. If you're familiar with The Last Exit, you know what I'm talking about. For those new to this concept, allow me to explain:

In a traditional Russian Roulette show, "bullets" are chosen at random from a bag, but only when certain songs are played. These songs usually fall into the category of cheesy, overplayed stuff. Each "bullet" is actually a small slip of paper with a special action or activity printed on it. For example, if Joe had chosen the slip that said Just Joe Hugs Everybody, that's what would happen. And, as I recall, that did transpire. One of the more tolerable bullets, to be honest. Believe me, they can get pretty brutal...
So, in this variation, Joe the birthday boy got to pick a random bullet during each talk break, and got to choose who got to perform the action written on that particular bullet.
Much to Joe's dismay, one of the first bullets to be pulled said that Joe had to play Alice Cooper's "He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask)". Not one of Alice's most popular tracks on our show. Personally, I really don't mind it so much, but Joe can't stand it, so you can only imagine how that went over...
But, in the end, the song was played, and Joe complained that his birthday was starting to suck. And things weren't about to get any better...

The next bullet said "Randy Dances". Now, this was kind of tough, because anything with a danceable rhythm is kind of scarce on our show. However, I had a little brainstorm. There's an old classic rock song called "Black Betty" that never fails to get me moving, and thankfully Azkath had a version of it handy. Yes, that is what I danced to, and I'm thinking from here on in, that song's got to be my official dancing music.
During my performance, it was suggested that I give out lap dances. Joe didn't seem very receptive, though, so I moved on to Will, Lindsey, Kasey, and Josh. Can't really say that what I was doing could best be described as a lap dance, though. More like random humping motions, in rhythm, of course.
Overall, my efforts really weren't appreciated that much.
Amd Joe's compaints continued...

Things picked up on the next bullet. Funny thing is, Josh jumped at the chance to take one more the team when this bullet, which was called "Through The Board", was drawn.
A large, and moderately thin, board was placed on the floor, held up by two cinder blocks. It was then debated as to who was going to go through the board, and how they were going to go through. After much deliberation it was decided that Azkath would actually be the one to go through.
Further deliberation ensued as to HOW he would go through...
Approximately five minutes later, it was finally decided that Rick and I would do a double chokeslam on Azkath. It went pretty well, all told. I mean, Azkath was able to still talk and walk about afterward, so I guess he must have been okay.

Will was the subject of the next bullet, entitled "Hammer Smashed Face". Will had to lie on the floor, holding a Mac Book in front of his face. Azkath then took a VERY large hammer (and when I say large, imagine Viking weaponry...), and proceeded to smash the Mac Book over Will's face. Eventually the book was just left on the floor to be abused as we passed the hammer from person to person. I honestly thought we were going to lose Josh to a full-blown Viking Berserker Rage, and even I started to enjoy swinging that thing just a little too much.
Let's face it, Azkath's got some REEEEAAAALLLLY cool toys at his disposal!

Joe's birthday present from Azkath was finally revealed, much to the dismay of all. Yes, I regret to inform the Metallic Onslaught listening community that a brand new Jeffie has been created and unleashed on our show.
It was all good though, because the newest Jeffie made the perfect subject for the next bullet, which was entitled "DVD Player To The Head". Now, it was around this time that an old guest of ours decided to pop in unexpectedly. UWF wrestler, Jay Flyer, showed up with his security staff, and it was actually Jay's head of security who got to swing the DVD player at Jeffie's skull.
It didn't take long for the real carnage to happen. We ended up with a full-on Onslaught/Security staff brawl, and once the smoke cleared, I found myself holding that monstrous hammer, and wearing that goofy viking helmet that keeps popping up in my vicinity. Oh, have I mentioned that it seems this new "personality" is called Olaf?
Go figure...

Next bullet: Hugs! Yes, Just Joe made his rounds, accompanied by Jeffie, hugging everybody in their paths. To be honest, this was kind of a breath of fresh air, following everything else.

Speaking of fresh, Josh got the opportunity to freshen up Just Joe, because the next bullet requred that Just Joe be bathed. Not sure how that went for Josh. I mean, there IS a shower upstairs, and the two of them went up together, and Just Joe DID come back in his boxers, and with wet hair, so....
I'm guessing it was a success?

Time flies when your having fun, as the saying goes, and the final bullet of the evening once again fell on Just Joe. This one was called "Basement Time", and it was with the promise of cake that Just Joe was lured inside the door behind the basement. He was promptly shut in and told to be careful of the spiders...
I really can't blame Just Joe for screaming like a little red-haired girl with skinned knees. I don't particlularly care for spiders eithes, which probably explains my own screams when he came out of the basement and started hugging me, allowing the spiders to leave his body and crawl all over mine...
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

And so, it was on that note that Joe's birthday celebration for this year came to a close, meaning this will probably be the last time we experience the Russian Roulette fun for at least another, oh, seven weeks or so, when Bill's birthday rolls around!

May 7, 2011 - No Pants Day!!!

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Listen to the Show;
http://www.metalliconslaught.com/11/05-07.m3u
Playlist Below...

Pictures

Recap by Randy, aka Wulfie, who is really, REEEEAAAALLLLLY sorry...
(Truly, you have no idea...)

Seeing as how this edition was our annual celebration of No Pants Day, I'm going to break this recap into two parts. Serious (yeah, believe it or not, amidst the chaos there was time for such a thing!) and Seriously Fucked Up...

Part 1. Serious

So, an early discussion centered around an upcoming release from King Kobra, their first new music in many years. This next disc is going to feature Paul Shortino (formerly of Rough Cutt) on vocals, replacing Mark Free, known these days as Marcie Free, after undergoing a sex change. (No disrespect meant, just statin' the facts.)
Actually, there's an amusing parallel between both bands. Both had very strong releases for their debut albums (King Kobra had "Ready To Strike" while Rough Cutt's was self-titled), and both had really, REEEEAAAALLLY disappointing follow-up albums ("Rough Cutt Wants You" and King Kobra's "Thrill Of A Lifetime").
Now, Mark Free sounded damned good on "Ready To Strike", and their single, "Hunger", has been a personal favorite of mine for many years, but I got to see Rough Cutt when they opened for Dio back in 1985, and I can personally assure you that Paul Shortino has got some of the best pipes in the business, live or otherwise.
Yet Joe seemed to be implying that he preferred Mark Free, and that's quite alright. I quite enjoyed that little bit of banter, and wish we had time for more discussions along those lines.

So, later on, somewhere in the random chaos that is No Pants Day, we had time to have a few words with Joe Lupia, who had last joined us in the studio while he was a member of Amelia Is Dead, sadly a now-defunct outfit.
Still, Joe remains busy and was more than happy to share some news about his current project, God Astray, and we were more than happy to play some tracks!

Of course, there was also the discussion of whether or not Jeffie would show. Azkath had flatly refused to show up on No Pants Day, and really, who can blame the guy? So, yeah, the debate was on, and sure enough, Jeffie showed up, bringing us to...

Part 2: Seriously Fucked Up

Yes, believe it or not, Jeffie had arrived, defying all logic. I mean, the guy is supposed to be dead as a doornail, after all, killed by my hand, torn asunder, shredded into bloody chunks of flesh and grosser things...
But, it seems this is a DIFFERENT Jeffie...
Okay, since when is there more than one Jeffie active at a given time? After I killed what I thought was the last Jeffie, Azkath INSISTED that he wouldn't make any more, so where in the Nine Frickin' Hells did this one come from? I mean, apparently it's been traveling through time, but did it exist before or after I killed what I thought was the final Jeffie? So many questions, and no real answers forthcoming. And of course, he'll be back...
Dammit...
Just Joe and Foul Mouth Girl were both on hand. Wouldn't be No Pants Day without either of them, and we hadn't had FMG in studio in a few weeks. We miss her when she's not there.
Just Joe was sporting layers of underwear, sort of a throwback to FMG last year, and far less alluring, I must say. Hey, for my part I was sporting a pair of black cut-offs, perfectly within the domain of No Pants Day reason. Bill was in his boxers AND a bath robe, Will (Shades) was in a pair of tuxedo boxers, and Lindsey was in a little black nightie, very cute, and perfectly acceptable.
Of course, carnage ensued very quickly. Befiore I knew it, and at Joe's suggestion, I was subjected to the indignity of a Bronco Buster from Just Joe, with a little help from Jeffie. I wasn't overly thrilled by the prospect of having somebody's (ANYBODY'S...) package that close to my face, so it was a mentally painful moment.
At some point, Jeffie and Just Joe thought I should give our long-suffering host, Joe Wyatt, a Rikishi-style Stink Face to make up for him suggesting the Bronco Buster. So, I stripped down to my my AC/DC boxers. As it turned out, it was Jeffie and Just Joe on the receiving end of their own respective Stink Faces, and I've gotta tell ya, THAT WAS FUN!!! I made sure they got a good idea of what I'd had for dinner the night before, you'd best believe it! I'll bet their still gargling!
So, from there, Jeffie carried out this big suitcase that was full of women's underwear. FMG seemed to think some of it looked pretty familiar, and one pair in particular I recognized from last year. These were all going on Jeffie's head, much to FMG's dismay. As a matter of fact, she showed Jeffie just how dismayed she was when she proceeded to beat the piss out of him. We, of course, cheered her on.

Things got a little hazy for me following this. I remember Jeffie attacking me with wooden boards, resulting in more head trauma. Next thing I knew, I was wearing a viking helmet, as well as carrying a plastic sword and shield. Apparently some very bad things had happened up until that point, but I couldn't remember a damned thing. There was a lot of in and out of coherence from there, and each time I came back to myself, I either had the helmet on, or the sword and shieid, or some combination thereof. Chaos doesn't even describe it, to be honest...

It wasn't until the evening was over and I'd gotten home that I discovered the truly nasty nature of the evenings most disturbing event. Upon watching what was saved to YouTube via the web cam, I saw myself run around in nothing but a pair of bikini briefs, wearing the helmet, carrying the sword and shiield, and attacking both Jeffie and Just Joe as I screamed like a maniac...

Sincerely, my apologies to all who may have (let's face it, PROBABLY) suffered any undue mental distress as a result of viewing any of that. Look on the bright side, I really don't see how next year's No Pants Day celebration could be worse...

Playlist;
Pentagram - 8
Midnattsol - Spellbound
CypherSeer - From The Womb

Anvil - New Orleans Voo Doo
Cavalera Conspiracy - Blunt Force Trauma
Black 'N Blue - Candy
The Rods - Rebels Highway
Saviour - Killing Fields

Within Temptation - In The Middle Of The Night
Leaves' Eyes - Spirit's Masquerade
The Gates Of Slumber - Wretch
Here Comes The Kraken - Beverly Hell
Motherboar - Croctosquatch

Septic Flesh - Five-Pointed Star
Gates Of Slumber - Bastards Born
Red Fang - The Undertow
Kaapora - Existence And Sickness
Hope For The Dying - Perpetual Ruin

God Astray - Dark Grey
Tyr - Take Your Tyrant
Infant Sorrow - Furry Walls
Alestorm - Miget Saw
Nine Round - Lost In The Fold

The May 4th Massacre - Flag Of Separation
I.N.C. - Swallowed
Before The Dawn - Winter Within
While Heaven Wept - Saturn And Sacrifice
Deceased - Kindred Assembly
Combat - The Mutant Inside

Orange Barrel Acid - Useless
Arkona - Skal
Villian - Kamikaze
Pestilence - Malignant
Ana Kefr - Parasites
Tokyo Blade - Night Of The Blade
Diamond Head - Helpless

God Astray - Sex Poison
Hate Eternal - Hatesworn
Lowkey - Passion
Venom - Black Metal
Grave Decent - Morbid Extraction
OTEP - Fists Fall

Genitortures - Sin City
New Lows - Last Of The Rats
The Exalted PileDriver - Witch Hunt
Here Comes The Kraken - Nu Beginning
Cause For Revelation - Another Failure
Becoming The Archetype - The Magnetic Sky

The Rods - The Code
Thinning The Herd - Chill In The Air
Septic Flesh - The Undead Keep Dreaming

May 15 - Paradyme Visit

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Listen to the Show - Pictures

Recap by The Metal Wulf: Well, last night was about plowing on ahead and putting No Pants Day behind us. Unfortunately, I don't think anyone reminded Jeffie that it was over, as we were periodically subjected to his pants falling down throughout the evening...
Jeffie, Jeffie, Jeffie, what are we gonna do with you?

So, we had Joe Marro back in the studio last night, along with a couple of his bandmates from Paradyme, bass player Derek Schwarzkopf and keyboardist/vocalist John Walsh. They were not only kind enough to provide a couple of demos to play on the show, but they also plugged in for a little in-studio jam session. Things seem to be gelling very well for these guys, and we're all looking forward to seeing what else they have in store in the coming months!
Gotta say I'm getting a little concerned about Mr. Marro's state of mind, though, as I'm pretty sure we all heard him state at some point in the evening that he wanted to marry Jeffie...
Funny side note to that: My girlfriend told me today that she thought it was ME who made that remark about marrying Jeffie.
EWWWWW!

I must say, having the guys in the studio with their instruments added a little extra atmosphere to the show. John even gave a little musical accompaniment to Jeffie's reading of the concert listings.
Then there was Joe Marro and his impersonation of ummmm...
Shit, what's that guys name?
Hmmmm...one of those really unique voices, ya used to hear him all the time in movie ads and television ads...
Well, just think "In a world where werewolves rule the airwaves...", and you'll know who I mean!
Yeah, Joe did a great impersonation of that guy, prompting Foul Mouth Girl to construct a Mad Lib for him to read, using that voice, with some dramatic keyboard music thrown in. Kind of a surreal moment, but worth a chuckle!

Things got pretty goofy in the latter portions of the show. Jeffie started acting more unusual than normal, and said something about taking something he found in my bag. Took me a moment to think about that one, but I realized what he must have been referring to, and I responded with something to the effect of, "You took THOSE?"
Jeffie referred to them as Goof Balls, and that certainly seems to be a reflection of what they were doing to him.
Seriously, I thought those mushrooms were perfectly safe! Thought they'd be good on a pizza!
I guess I have Jeffie to thank for testing them out, 'cuz we now know that they probably weren't very healthy in the long run. He started to hallucinate heavily, at one point thinking Josh had turned into an elf and asking him to jump into his hand.
On top of that, he thought that I had turned into a regular man! Can you imagine that? Yep, they seemed to be pretty potent. I shudder to think of what happened to poor Jeffie after the show was over...

May 8 - No Pants Day!

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Recap by The Metal Wulf: Okay, it's a wrap. My very first celebration of No Pants Day on The Metallic Onslaught is officially done and over, so any feelings of unrest and overwhelming discomfort can get shelved.
Until next year, anyway...

We had quite the gathering this year, too. Karma-Lized from Roc City Roller Derby joined us with a few of the girls, specifically Ja-Boodie, Mia Malicious, and Camaraderie. We were more than happy to give them some time to introduce themselves, discuss how they got into Roller Derby, and promote their season opener.

Wrestler's Dewey Murray, aka The Man Of 1,000 Gimmicks and "Super Bad" Richard Venice also joined us once again. They took full advantage of No Pants Day by donning their wrestling tights, and decided to promote an upcoming Rochester show with me sandwiched firmly between them.
I was told this was one of the funnier moments of the show. Let's put it this way, they were mentioning certain ECW wrestlers appearing at this event, and it was a little awkward hearing the name Balls Mahoney mentioned considering the close proximity of, well...I'm sure you can understand why I pleaded, "Don't say balls!!!"

Jeffie was on hand, along with Foul Mouth Girl and Just Joe from The Last Exit For The Lost. I gotta say, they were certainly in the No Pants Day spirit. Jeffie in his boxers, Just Joe in his boxers, and FMG in layers of undergarments.
Okay, so I really can't complain about FMG in her undies, but she pulled a slightly mean little trick on us. At the top of each hour she removed one layer of undies, and said she'd remove the last layer at midnight.
But, when midnight arrived she announced that No Pants Day was over, and promptly put her pants back on...
We are ALL such suckers...

The night had more than it's fair share of carnage, with Just Joe becoming an early casualty as he fell victim to an attack from Joe. Jeffie certainly took his lumps as well, as he and Just Joe each took turns getting wrestling chops not only from Dewey and Super Bad, but from Karma and Mia as well.
Actually, I'd have to say that Mia's chop was probably the loudest and sounded the most painful. It also left the reddest handprint on Just Joe's chest...

Josh had actually decided to protest No Pants Day by wearing jeans, and claiming that he had grown denim skin didn't convince anybody. Before the night was over, he was separated from his jeans courtesy of Karma, Mia, and Camaraderie.
Of course, Josh somehow didn't seem to object too much, and was grinning blissfully as the girls got him down to his boxers...

I took my share of abuse as well. In addition to being sandwiched between Dewey and "Super Bad", I ended up with both Jeffie and Just Joe in my lap throughout the evening. And Jeffie seemed to feel a need to fondle my man-boobs (yes, I'm a big guy, I have them...), which I think I tolerated with at least some semblance of grace, if not a complete lack of panic...

Cthulhu also decided to drop in for a brief visit.
Funny thing, one moment I'm fine, next there's a clap of thunder from outside and I've got this green squid-like thing attached to my wrist...
You know things have gotta be bad when you've officially traumatized an Elder God. When you've made a Great Old One shudder in horror, I imagine you must have been involved in something pretty distasteful, and Cthulhu made it very clear to us that we were ALL out of our minds!
Seriously, here's a being that's been awoken from eons of slumber, thinking it's time to bring his own brand of madness into the world and to do his part to spread chaos, and when he thinks the time has finally come...
...he discovers that it's already too late and the world is officially a lost cause...
I'm sure our little green buddy will be fine, though. Of course, he didn't take too well to the impostor that Just Joe had in his possession. Kind of a "Will the real Cthulhu please stand up" moment. Should look fun on the video!

Outside of some confusion over whether or not I'm a real wolf (seriously, how could anyone possibly think otherwise...), that pretty much covers all the No Pants Day bases. Things should be back to a relatively normal scope next week!
Not that we ever really have a "normal" show, that is...

And the Time Lapse Version of the whole night...

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