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Showing posts with label mayhem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mayhem. Show all posts

June 22, 2013 - Joe's Birthday

Listen to the Show






Playlist

Dio - Fever Dreams
Queens of The Stone Age - I Sat By The Ocean
Jorn - I Came To Rock
Moon Curse - Black Elk

Metallica - Trapped Under Ice
Havok - Worse Than War
Darkane - Collapse Of Illusions
Brutus - Square Headed Dog
Amon Amarth - We Shall Destroy
Kalmah - Pikemaster

Extol - Behold The Sun
The Black Dahlia Murder - Phantom Limb Masterbation
Alice In Chains - Lab Monkey
Huntress - Destroy Your Life
Dream Death - Bludgeon

Wolf - A Dangerous Meeting
Scorpion Child - Salvation Slave
August Burns Red - Count It All As Lost
Anger As Art - Speed Kills

Satan - Time To Die
Into The Flood - Sufferer
Children of Bodom - Damaged Beyond Repair
A Pale Horse Named Death - The Needle In You
Evile - Skull
Anvil - Call Of Duty
The Quill - Freak Parade

Spirits Of The Dead - Song Of Many Reefs
Mumakil - Fresh Meat For The Grinder
King Kobra - The Crunch
Battlecross - Wage A War
Gutted - Collector Of Souls
Beyond Creation - Omnipresent Perception

White Wizzard - Kings Of The Highway
Queensryche - X2
Queensryche - Where Dreams Go To Die
Zed - Settle The Score
Megadeth - Kingmaker
Demon Lung - Eyes Of Zamiel

Pasadena Napalm Division - 100 Beers With A Zombie
Svartcrown - Genesis Architect
Colossus - Beacons
Disfigured Dead - Deranged Concecration
Yellowtooth - '75 Black Pontiac
Venomous Maximus - Father Time
Venomous Maximus - Dream Again

Revelation's Hammer - Buried As Filth
Kalmah - Windlake Tale
The Black Dahlia Murder - Control

Havok - Living Nightmare
   


Recap by The Metal Wulf


Birthdays are a sure guarantee of carnage and chaos on the Onslaught, with our long-suffering host Joe Wyatt being the most recent celebrant.
Joe had mentioned the previous week that he'd like a visit from Sloth for his birthday, and Sloth didn't disappoint. Of course, in addition to Sloth, Seriah Azkath, Arydaea Insanity, and JustJoe (from The Last Exit For The Lost) had also joined us for the evening. 
As a matter of fact, according to Azkath, Arydaea was supposed to emerge from a cake. Joe was unconvinced, however, insisting that the cake probably had Jeffie in it. Azkath countered with assurances that the cake was too small to have Jeffie in it...but in the end, that's exactly who was in it...
Odd, I would have sworn Jeffie NEVER would have fit inside that thing...yet, he did...sort of...
Truth is, he almost made it out of the cake before he got stuck...and I mean FIRMLY stuck. There was absolutely NO getting him out without a lot of effort on our part.
Which, in the long run, really felt like way too much trouble and energy to expend on his stupid ass, so we just relocated him to another room and let him fend for himself. Truth is, last time I saw him, he'd somehow repositioned himself in the cake so that only his feet were sticking out. I think he may have been trying to eat his way free.
He's fine, though, no worries! I'm almost positive he'll be back without needing to clone him again...

Thanks to Bill throwing me under the bus, word got back to Azkath that I had once again snuck in a cigarette. This led to an attack with the Pooh stick. That didn't sit well with me, because anybody who saw the last video segment to feature the Pooh stick knows where the thing had ended up. Yep, that same Pooh stick that Sloth violated himself with months ago on The Last Exit ended up getting shoved in my face, in and around my nose and mouth area, among other places that I'd rather not discuss.
Yeah, it was pretty bad... 

Further birthday shenanigans included a mouse trap toss. Literally, taking loaded mouse traps and tossing them at Sloth's tush. This eventually led to covering a portion of the floor in loaded mouse traps and tossing Sloth into them. 




March 23, 2013 - Tormenting Randy with ABBA



Playlist

    Queensryche - Deliverance 
Avenger Of Blood - Aggressive Psychotic Behavior 
Robot Lords Of Tokyo - Night Songs 
Stryper - Soldiers Under Command 

Anthrax - Keep On Runnin' 
NightShade - Betrayal 
Mudhoney - In This Rubber Tomb 
Atrocity - Haunted By Demons 

Iron Maiden - Seventh Son Of A Seventh Son 
Sepultura - Procreation (Of The Wicked) 
Cauldron - Nitebreaker 
Dark Sermon - Hounds 
Spiritual Beggars - Too Old To Die Young 

Hypocrisy - Soldier Of Fortune 
Jungle Rot - I Am Hatred 
Lost Society - Diary Of A Thrashman 
Byzantine - Soul Eraser 
Black Star Riders - Bound For Glory 

Torture Killer - March Of Death 
Throw The Fight - Breaking The Cycle 
Memory Garden - The King Of The Dead 
Orchid - Wizard Of War 
Sebastian Bach - Slave To The Grind 

Clutch - The Face 
Hope For The Dying - Reformation 
Horseface - The Nile 
Horde Of Torment - As I Lay Dying 
Avenger Of Blood - Centuries Of Hell 
Kvelertak - Tordenbrak 
Hatchet - Screams Of The Night 

Ghoultown - Drink With The Living Dead 
Grim Reaper - See You In Hell 
Anthrax - Jailbreak 
Cathedral - Cathedral Of The Damned 
The Accused - I'd Love To Change The World 

Blowsight - We All Fall Down 
Heaven Shall Burn - Hunters will Be Hunted 
Warbreath - Hell Fire 
Pretty Maids - Sad To See You Suffer 
NightShade - Creepy Crawlies 
While She Sleeps - Death Toll 
Crossfaith - Monolith 

Sevendust - Till Death 
Million Dollar Reload - Blow Me Away 
Black Actress - Mopar 
Lordi - I Luv Ugly 
Mortillery - Angel Witch 
Avenger Of Blood - Spawn Of Evil 
Hatriot - Suicide Run 

Krokus - Dirty Dynamite 
_________________________________________________

Recap by The Metal Wulf

A highly sarcastic discussion centering on Iron Maiden occupied the early portion of the evening.

This coincided, of course, with the official release of Maiden England on DVD. Pretty sure this is the first time this concert video has been available on DVD in the states, and as such, the package is pretty damned solid. You not only get the original concert, but there are bonus performances from the same show that didn't make it to the original VHS release.

On top of that there's also a second disc which features The History Of Iron Maiden, Part 3 (1986-1988), not to mention 12 Wasted Years (a 2012 remaster of the late 80's documentary, also on DVD for the first time), as well as a number of remastered promo videos from that time period.

And that's not all! There's also a live CD version of the show available!

And, seemingly, this is part of the problem. Over-saturation of Iron Maiden in the metal market! 

Now, as Maiden fans, Josh and I are perfectly cool with this. I'm actually chomping at the bit to get my hands on it. Joe, on the other hand, has pretty much had enough. That, however, didn't stop the rest of us from teasing him on the air about how much he LOVES Iron Maiden. As a matter of fact, he likes the new live CD so much, he played "Seventh Son Of A Seventh Son" within the first hour of the Onslaught! I mean, that's the LONGEST track on the setlist, so he must really, REALLY dig that tune!

Further discussion of my supposed upcoming expression of Bronie-ism on No Pants Day was held, and I actually did confess to researching this bizarre phenomenon, just a little bit.

Personally, I just don't get it...

I mean, I don't have an issue when it comes to adults liking cartoons. Personally, I still love most of the old classics, Loony Toons in particular. Some of that stuff just never gets old. Flintstones, Scooby Doo, Underdog, Josie And The Pussycats, Tom And Jerry...all good, still love them, no problem.

Bronie's are an odd bunch, though. I mean, if you like the cartoons, fine, but holy shit, the money people are willing to drop so they can have a Rainbow Dash wig? Or socks? Or lunch boxes? Or a fucking $65.00 zipper hoodie? Really? Adult males are into this crap? 

Seriously, you have my assurance that No Pants Day is going to be 100% Bronie-free...

The only other major item of note that I can remember is hearing ABBA playing during most of the talk breaks. I mean, I KNEW I was hearing ABBA, but the rest of the guys kept saying I was crazy, and that there was no ABBA playing at all.

It all must have been too much to bear, though, as Rick finally lost it, claiming that he had heard enough, and yelling about how Abba sucked. He then came out and beat the snot out of me, throwing me around the studio like a rag doll, bludgeoning my knees with large metal pipes, and basically leaving me a bruised mess on the floor.

Now, considering who was running the sound board, I'm pretty sure it was Joe who should have received that beating. Not that I'd normally wish harm upon the guy, but I'm just saying that it certainly wasn't ME who was trying to be all deceptive and shit. As for the rest of the guys, well Hell, they were in on the joke as well, so I don't think they've got a lot of room to bitch!

Yep, definitely should have been somebody else on the other end of that beatdown...Where's Jeffie when you need him?

March 16, 2013 - Arydaea's Surprise Party




Playlist
Iron Maiden - Killers 
Iron Maiden - Hallowed Be Thy Name 
Gloryhammer - Angus McFife 
Saxon - Walking The Steel 
Anthrax - Big Eyes 
Clutch - The Wolf Man Kindly Requests... 

Cathedral - Tower Of Silence 
Gamma Ray - Empire Of The Undead 
Kvelertak - Trepan 
Witchburner - Possession 
Volbeat - Cape Of Our Hero 

Ken Mode - The Terror Pulse 
Adrenaline Mob - High Wire 
Ghost B.C. - Year Zero 
Intronaut - Milk Leg 
Rotting Christ - In Yumen-Xibalba 

Sanjuro Fields - Death's Umbrella 
Moss - The Bleeding Years 
Finntroll - Skogsdotter 
In Vain - To The Core 
Hope For The Dying - Reformation 
Hope For The Dying - Iniquitous 
Lordi - The Riff 

Sanjuro Fields - Smoking Cold Cigarettes 
Anthrax - Smokin' 
Robot Lords Of Tokyo - Keepers Of The Night 
Mama's Boys - Needle In The Groove 

Sanjuro Fields - Driver Included 
Mortillery - Evil Invaders 
Serenity - The Art Of War 
Legacy - Armored Forces 
This Is Hell - The Enforcer 
Head Of The Demon - Phantasmagoria 

Cathedral - Vengeance Of The Blind Dead 
Gamma Ray - Death Or Glory 
Clutch - Cyborg Bette 
Howl - Attrition 
Carnivore Diprosopus - Colossal Destruction 
Suffocation - Eminent Wrath 
Hatriot - Globicidal 
Tennessee Murder Club - Cyborg Deathbed 

Thin Lizzy - Emerald 
The Modern Age Slavery - Arise 
Mothership - Win Or Lose 
Soilwork - Leech 
Krokus - Hallelujah Rock N' Roll 
Toranaga - Sword Of Damocles 
Avenger Of Blood - Aggressive Psychotic Behavior 

Nick Hellfort - Fame Is Just A Whore 
Robot Lords Of Tokyo - Chicken Little


Recap by The Metal Wulf

Very likely the craziest night we'll have on the show all year. Of course, I'm not going to swear to that, because we've still got nine and a half months of craziness to get through.

Anyhoo, we'd been preparing for this particular evening for a number of weeks, as we wanted to do something special for Arydaea Insanity (the little lady who does most of the video recording for both the Metallic Onslaught as well as The Last Exit For The Lost), in honor of her birthday. This is actually the second time we've gotten a large number of her friends to converge on the same night. Two years ago we had met in Ithaca for an edition of The Last Exit, with all of us from the Onslaught showing up, as well as members of Zadoc...And The Nightmare!, and many others as well. It went over pretty well, so Azkath arranged another one for this year, this time at the Onslaught.

So, if you tuned in, you know things were pretty much out of control right from the starting gate. My vote for surreal moment of the evening was when Shoebox (of Worm Quartet fame) suggested we all randomly read the closest thing within reach, simultaneously.

There is video of this occurring, and it's pretty damned funny. Stay tuned!

In addition to Shoebox, we also saw the return of JustJoe, who's always good for his own brand of insanity, and there was also an appearance put in by Sloth, who we'd last seen on The Last Exit on their End Of The World show.

We'd also seen Sloth back in June when we celebrated Joe's birthday, the high point of that evening being a round of soccer with a ball constructed of barbed wire...

Cortland's Sanjuro Fields had also dropped in for Arydaea's birthday. Truth is, we'd tried to get them in the studio about a month earlier, on the same night that some of us were to go see Doro Pesch.

You'll recall that the weather that night put a damper on a LOT of people's plans...

(Fucking weather...*grumble grumble*...Doro...*grumble*... )

Anyway, Sanjuro Fields are pretty killer if you've never heard them or seen them live. Good high energy band with some catchy tunes, leaning a bit toward the punk end of the spectrum. Worth a listen, without a doubt, and you can find them right here on good ol' Facebook!

So, I'm not even going to attempt to recount everything that happened Friday night, it would be pointless. A lot of stuff got lost in the madness, and everything is pretty much a blur. All I can say is between photos and video, you can expect to see loads of madness and things done with balloons that...well, I'm pretty sure balloons weren't meant to be used in such a way...

So, things should return to some semblance of "normalcy" on the next edition of the show, when we'll be getting a visit from some of our Roc City Roller Derby friends. Most of the ladies haven't been out to see us in quite some time, so this should be pretty entertaining!

February 23, 2013 - Randy vs Azkath




Listen Now

 



Playlist


U.D.O. - Braindead Hero 

Savatage - Starlight 

Anthrax - Anthem 
Cancer Bats - Into The Void 
Bullet For My Valentine - Riot 

KMFDM - Quake 
Darkthone - Lesser Men 
Black Mass - Mountain Of Skulls 
Soilwork - Realm Of The Wasted 

Setiva - Sick Sinister 
Cold Steel - Blood Secrets 
Hatriot - And Your Children To Be Damned 
Crashdiet - Excited 

Setiva - Bury Me 
Hatebreed - Dead Man Breathing 
Soothsayer - Govern Me 
Zen Kura - Cyanide 
Riot - Outlaw 
The Beards - This Beard Stays 

Setiva - Hellmouth 
Gemini Syndrome - Left Of Me 
Finntroll - Blodsvept 
Hatchet - Signals Of Infection 
Sir Reg - 'Til The Dead Come Alive 
Blood Of God - Master Of The Dead 

Setiva - Purpose 
Call Of The Void - Napalm Lungs 
Hypocrisy - End Of Disclosure 
Mad Season - Locomotive 
Omnium Gatherum - Nightwalkers 

Megadeth - Hangar 18 
M.O.R.G. - Devil Inside 
Saxon - Wheels Of Terror 
Seplophile - Glassstorms 
The Porridgeface - Fire Fear Flames 

Ghost - Secular Haze 
Kongh - The Portals 
Avenger Of Blood - Centuries Of Hell 
Gibby Haynes - Horse Named George 
Psyche Corporation - Nightmares 

Flotsam And Jetsam - Ugly Noise 
Flotsam And Jetsam - Gittyup 
Manilla Road - Stand Your Ground 
Enforcer - Death Rides This Night 
Volume IV - Wager 
Victor Griffin's In-Graved - Love Song For The Dying 

Savatage - Chance 
Kiss - All American Man 
Maelstrom - Arise 

Voivod - Corps Etranger 




Recap by The Metal Wulf...

Gotta say, it was cool having some representation from Setiva on the show this past Friday night. Most of us have known Ferg since his days in Loopus, and we got to talk about some of those fun times, as well as the recent reformation of Setiva.

They'll be out and about doing some shows in the coming months, most notably the 4/20 show at Pineapple Jack's, which will likely have at least a couple of us in attendance. Gonna be a tough call, as that's also the same day as the Wounded Warrior's benefit show in Geneva. Hmmmmm...

Speaking of shows, there was some happy discussion regarding Testament's show in Buffalo the previous Sunday. Great sets from all the bands that played, yet sadly Overkill had to cancel due to Blitz's bout with pneumonia. Apparently it was bad enough that Overkill actually had to back out of the rest of the tour while Bobby recovers.

Still, if you haven't seen this show yet, don't let that deter you! Check 'em out!

So, as you'll remember, Joe had taken out the Abba chip so I'd be able to enjoy the Testament show, which I have to say I was immensely grateful for. The idea of hearing Chuck Billy singing "Fernando" was kind of frightening to me, to be honest.

But, I didn't end up getting off quite as lucky as I'd thought. At some juncture I must have briefly dozed off in between talk breaks, and somehow a new chip got placed in me.

And in it's own way, it sucks JUST AS BAD as the Abba chip. See, instead of hearing random ABBA songs whenever music plays...all I hear now is Gordon Lightfoot singing "The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald"...

Okay, admittedly, I've never really disliked this song. It's not like it's a bad song, but still...every time I hear music? All day long, while I'm at work...over and over and over...

Yup, I'm in hell, all over again...

I'd have to say that these circumstances probably contributed, at least in part, to my actions later in the show. For those who were listening, you know that Azkath was taunting me once again with his damned breath strips. Well, he pushed me a little too far, and I went off on him. I ended up throwing him into one of the corners, following it up with a running splash that should look pretty cool on video, once it's up. I tried going in for a Stink-Face after he crumpled to the floor, but he was able to avoid that particular indignity.

Things went back and forth from there, we basically beat the tar out of each other. But, in the end, I think I had him on the run...at least this time...

Eventually I DID end up with some breath strips, and well...things got a little weird from there. By weird I mean everybody's shirts and/or hoodies seemed so soft. Just couldn't stop touching fabric...never had that happen before...very strange experience...

Of course, nobody else seemed very receptive, and I can't say I can blame them. In retrospect, I'm not overly comfortable with that, either...

Note to self: Stay away from breath strips...even if they ARE minty fresh awesomeness...

February 16, 2013 - Randy Wants Breath Strips!



Playlist

Voivod - Mechanical Mind 
Destruction - Legacy Of The Past 
Maelstrom - A Futile Crusade 
Unbreakable Hatred - Years Of Violence 

Suffocation - Sullen Days 
Kongh - Sole Creation 
M.O.R.G. - Feelings 
Eye Of Solitude - Night's Dew 

Great White - Face The Day 
Druid Lord - Curse Of The Skull 
Saxon - Warriors Of The Road 
Orange Goblin - The Filthy & The Few 

Death - Altering The Future 
Deathrow - Watching The World 
Slammer - No Excuses 
Exodus - Within The Walls Of Chaos 
Flotsam & Jetsam - The Evil Sheik 
Sanctuary - Battle Angels 

Seplophile - Quarantined 
Gibby Haynes - Paul's Not Home 
Psyche Corporation - Whirring World 
Avenger Of Blood - Spawn Of Evil 
Volume IV - Wager 
Manilla Road - Stand Your Ground 

Dark Throne - Leave No Cross Unturned 
Twelve Foot Ninja - Mother Sky 
Hatriot - Weapons Of Class Destruction 
2Cellos - Supermassive Black Hole 

Victor Griffin's In-Graved - Teacher 
Intronaut - Milk Leg 
Mothership - Angel Of Death 
Newsted - Skyscraper 

Zen Kura - The Warning 
The Beards - Why Having A Beard Is Better Than Having A Woman 
Nile - When My Wrath Is Done 
Killswitch Engage - In Due Time 
Dreamshade - Consumed Future 
Deathchain - Abzu Doom 
Neaera - Black Tomb 

Steel Panther - Fantasy 
U.D.O. - Desperate Balls 
Cold Steel - America Idle 
Clutch - Earth Rocker 
Lightning Swords Of Death - Cloven Shields 
The Porridgeface - Ancient Rider 

Black Drawing Chalks - Street Rider 
___________________________________________________________

Recap from The Metal Wulf


Had Darrel Lake on hand to help promote the upcoming event, "Bring 'Em Home", a multi-band show to help benefit the Wounded Warrior Project at the American Legion in Geneva, NY on April 20. The show will feature a solid selection of local bands as well as some out-of-state talent, and should kick ass. Best of all, it's for a good cause! Pretty safe to say that at least a couple of us will be on hand!

Joe seemed to take a great deal of pleasure in the amount of suffering I'd been going through as a result of his implanting me with the Abba Chip.

It was bad, people. I'm dead serious when I say there are few things worse than hearing ABBA in every piece of music that makes it to your ear canal. Think I'm kidding? Television theme songs...radio of all varieties...the muzak system at work...all ABBA, all the time...

No shit, I was ready to power drill straight into my brain, from both ears... 


However, Joe WAS kind enough to turn the chip off for a brief amount of time, as we played the newest track from Darkthrone, which clocks in at almost fourteen minutes, and completely kicks ass. Looking forward to hearing the entire new disc once it's available. I'm thinking it could be an early contender for this year's Top 10...but, then, it really is far too early to say!

I was pretty much begging him to take the chip out, especially knowing that Rick, Josh, Bill, Erica, and myself were all headed to Buffalo to see Testament (along with Overkill, Flotsam & Jetsam, and 4Arm) at the Town Ballroom. I really wanted to enjoy that show, and the idea of hearing ABBA vocals emanating from Chuck Billy's throat just made me cringe... 

Things actually worked out well in the end, as Azkath was on hand, further taunting me with breath strips. He ended up pushing me a little too far, and I ended up mugging him, mercilessly, for his entire stash.

Yep, I devoured every last breath strip he had, after pummeling him and throwing him into some of the equipment, savoring the minty freshness for the rest of the evening.

Joe was so impressed by the amount of violence I directed at Seriah that he decided to cut me a break, deactivating the ABBA Chip, and allowing me to enjoy the concert in all it's Thrash-tastic goodness!

See, happy endings really do happen!

So, next installment, we'll be having Ferg and the rest of the boys from Setiva on hand. This should be a fun night to tune in, as most of us have known Ferg since his days in Loopus. Lookin' forward to this one! 


December 22, 2012 - End of the World!!

Listen to the Show


12-21-12 MO End of the World from Aethyric Productions on Vimeo.

Pictures

Playlist
Gary Moore - End Of The World
Def Leppard - Answer To The Master
Kiss - Take Me
Kiss - Hard Times

Hemina - Otherworldly
Stone Magnum - Grave Of Cryptic Sorrows

Doro - Revenge
T&N - Kiss Of Death
Dead On - The Matador's Nightmare
Exodus - Blacklist
Ion Vein - Fools Parade

Within Temptation - Ice Queen
Dropkick Murphys - The Boys Are Back
Heaven's Cry - Gaia's Judgement
VoiVod - Kluskap O'Kom

The Project Hate - At The Entrance To Hell's Unholy Fire
Laconist - Chaos Of A Million Flames
Omnihility - Unsummoned
Manticore - Torn Apart By Hate
Killaton - Shattered
Fight - Christmas Ride

King Diamond - No Presents For Christmas
Xanthochroid - Winter's End
Doomsday - Bring Down The Knife
Mors Principium Est. - Destroyer Of All
Swarm Of Arrows - Rustmaker

Aeon Zen - Eternal Snow
Death - Pull The Plug
Destruction - City Of Doom
CJSS - Need Of Dreams
Butcher Babies - Axe Wound

Grand Supreme Blood Court - Fed To The Boars
Daemonicus - From Alive To Dead Life
Aeon - I Wish You Death
My Dying Bride - The Poorest Waltz

Midas Touch - Accessory Before The Fact
Lawnmower Deth - Watch Out Grandma (Here Comes A Lawnmower)
Jesse Smith - Christmas With The Zombies
Devo Spice - The Christmas Season

Wintersfear - Daywalker
Hate - Solarflesh
Erupted - Dark Mistress
Overtorture - Slaves To The Atom

Sonic Reign - Daily Nightmare Injected

Recap by The Metal Wulf;
One of the crazier nights in recent memory, we were actually visited for a couple of hours by my long-lost brother Bill...or BILL!!!! as he is known on the show...
Oddly enough, I actually got thrown under the Brony bus by him, as he insisted that I have almost a fully collection of My Little Ponies! Couldn't believe that! I mean, here's the kid who grew up with a Care Bears record!
In all honesty, the only toys I currently collect are stuffed Opus penguins. Those who remember the Bloom County comic strip know what I'm speaking of. Can't help it, I'm a huge fan of that cominc, to this day. And, really, it's not much of a collection...
We also took advantage of Bill's presence to further discuss the Sound Lab, where we'd recently seen Job For A Cowboy, with the general consensus being that the place is pretty much a dive that you don't want to go to after eating Mexican food...

We also saw the return of Jeffie. Honestly, it was only a matter of time. 
He brought us up to speed, telling us of the ill-fated fishing trip in the swamp that Joe took him on. Seems that Joe had pushed Jeffie into the swamp, and took off back for civilization. Jeffie took his time in the swamp to supposedly raise an allgator and train it to attack Joe.
As a matter of fact, this alligator was supposedly lurking about the radio station on Friday night, but I'll be damned if I saw it. At one point I thought maybe I'd accidentally flushed it down the toilet, but Jeffie assured me it was a BIG gator...So, in addition to having an alligator companion, Jeffie is also supposedly a zombie again, courtesy of the voodoo priestess, Papa Shango...
Yeah, I know, none of it really makes any kind of sense. And to be honest, I can't really remember the point where things really disintegrated, causing Joe and I to team up on Jeffie by giving him multiple Pit Stops (remember the Nasty Boys? Yeah, ewwwww...)

So, sadly I have to confess that, thanks to the rumors of Armageddon on that day, I gave in and did the Pantless Santa Dance. I just couldn't resist the idea, it sounded pretty damned amusing, so I ran with it. Grinch shirt, Santa hat, silky red boxers with fuzzy white trim all done to the tune of "Skating" from the soundtrack to "A Charlie Brown Christmas"...
Yes, there will be video...
Things really got out of hand when we got Jeffie involved. Funny, really.  After all the times we've been subjected to lap dances from him, I thought for sure he'd have been cool to get a lap dance from one of us. Not so at all. As a matter of fact, by the time that Tim and I were through with him, we'd pretty much broken Jeffie. I honestly wouldn't have thought it possible...

Things really got out of hand, though, when our visit from Satan Claus went terribly wrong. I mean, here's Satan Claus, trying to convince naughty children that they'll be sorry if they can't keep it together on Christmas Day, and all of a sudden, Jeffie attacks us with a tiny little sauce pan. From there more Pit Stops were given, and then Fred took over! Yeah, Fred! As in that dirty old man persona that popped out of Jeffie earlier in the year.
Needless to say, that forced Satan Claus to cut his visit short. Honestly, after that...I think it might be a little difficult to convince him to return next year...



June 23, 2012 - Joe's Birthday

More Pictures

This show was primarily a celebration of Joe's birthday. In a way only The Metallic Onslaught could celebrate! Read the recap for more info or watch the video...  Or Listen to the Show;






Playlist;
Opium Symphony - Soul For Sale
L.A Guns - Hollywood Forever
Rush - Wish Them Well
Candlemass - The Sound Of Dying Demons

Jorn - Live And Let Fly
Malice - Sinister Double
Manowar - Manowarriors
Fist - Thunder In Rock

Mercia - Nothing A Brick Can't Fix
Horseface - Speak
Mortillery - Despised By Blood
Chaosweaver - Wings Of Chaos
Ihsahn - Introspection

Dying Fetus - From Womb To Waste
Fear Factory - God Eater
Nile - Tribunal Of The Dead
Widow Sunday - The Wave

The Company Band - House Of Capricorn
Witchsorrow - Megiddo
Witch Mountain - Never Know

Master - Remove The Knife
Mantas - Evil Dead
Mnemic - Junkies On The Storm
Lita Ford - Living Like A Runaway
Ire Clad - Little Middle Man

Baroness - March To Sea
Rumpelstiltskin Grinder - Cold Haunting Death
Spineshank - I Am Damage
The Flower Kings - For Those About To Drown
Gojira - Planned Obsolescence
Dr. Acula - Aerola 51
The Bunny The Bear - This Isn't Why You Made Her

Rush - Headlong Flight
Tank - Hammer And Nails
Whitechapel - Dead Silence
Lowriderz - Ride Low Get High
Mortillery - Without Weapons

For Today - Fearless
Kreator - From Flood Into Fire
Manners - Hallows
Shadows Fall - Divide And Conquer
Kill Devil Hill - War Machine
Nachtblut - Dogma
The Ghost Inside - Engine 45

Diablo Swing Orchestra - Kevlar Sweethearts
Circus Maximus - Reach Within
_____________________________________________


Recap by The Metal Wulf;

As most of you are aware, the previous week's show had been pre-recorded, as a large percentage of the Onslaught crew made their way to Rochester to see Dream Theater at the Main Street Armory in Rochester.

Kick-ass show, I must say, with highly impressive performances not only from the headliner, but also from openers, Dark Day Sunday. For those unfamiliar, this band includes Jason Bittner (Shadows Fall) on drums and Frank Aresti (Fates Warning) on guitar, and quite frankly, you should check them out. Highly recommended!

Still, it was good to be back on the Onslaught after our short little break, and we were more than happy to have members of both HorseFace and Mercia on hand. Both bands are promoting the upcoming Hickstock event, which is a two-day event being held at the Phelps Community Center on July 27th and 28th. There's a very diverse line-up of entertainment, a little something for everybody, and it sounds very much worth checking out, if you're of a mind to do so!

This particular night was actually kind of special, as it fell directly on Joe's birthday, bringing folks out of the woodwork who hadn't been around in some time. My brother Bill and his little lady, Erica, made it out for a bit, and were kind enough to drop off some awesomely delicious brownies for Joe. Good to see them both, as it's a little difficult for Bill to hang with us as much as he used to, considering his new work hours. Still, he likes his new job, and if he can only periodically drop in for a couple of hours, so be it. We appreciate it all the more when he can drop by!

Another visitor was Sloth, who I had prior knowledge of only from watching some of the old Last Exit For The Lost DVD's. To be honest, nothing...and I mean NOTHING...can "prepare" you for an evening with Sloth...

You see, it starts with this nerve-shredding screeching and squealing. I mean, there may be words intermixed with the noise, but if there are, I surely couldn't tell what most of them were. I'm pretty sure at one point there was a great deal of "RANDY! SEX!" screamed at me, to which I shrieked back, "NOOOOOOO!!!"

And, of course, Jeffie and JustJoe from The Last Exit crew were on hand to add to the carnage...

Oh yes, there was carnage...carnage the likes of which had not been seen on the show in quite some time. I'm honestly thinking not since Rick and Josh's birthday. Numerous implements of chaotic destruction were on hand for our use and/or abuse, many items of which had been previously used on the show. The anvil was back, not to mention a couple of Kendo sticks (they hurt, a lot...take it from me...), as well as lots and lots of barbed wire.

There was the traditional barbed wire board (which some of us were body surfing on...) and the barbed wire baseball bat, as well as a new item, the barbed wire BALL!

Yeah, you read that right...and seeing Sloth and Josh playing soccer with it was a sight to behold, I must say. Sloth being barefoot at the time, of course.

Also interesting to play "Hot Potato" with, I must say...and let's not forget the barbed wire Bowling!

Josh eventually kicked the ball a little too hard, completely knocking it out of shape and requiring it to be re-wound and re-bound, ultimately making it look more like a Flail than a ball...and it also made a very nice pendulum!

Somebody also broke out a staple of the Last Exit shows, this being what's known as the "Dick Bat". Literally, it's a little dildo that was expertly duct-taped to a Whiffle bat by EVD when we celebrated my birthday in 2010. Kind of an awkward item to have in the midst, to be perfectly honest.

Seriously, you'll get to see all this and more once the video is put up later this week. It should be pretty freaking memorable...

Let's see...there were also some amusing discussions throughout the evening.

One discussion centered around a letter that I personally guarantee was NOT written by me, suggesting that I was not only a Trans-sexual but perhaps also a Pan-sexual or some crazy shit like that. Not even 100% sure what that means, but I'm guessing it's a way of suggesting that I wouldn't be too particular of where I'd stick my penis...Personally, I think there's way too much speculation on what I'm doing with my penis, and maybe some jealousy that it's not being directed in certain directions? Just speculating, of course!

** Letter Supposedly NOT written by Randy aka Metal Wulf **
I, Randy Smith, on this occasion of Joe's 50th birthday, am proud to announce that I am indeed a Transvestite. And a Panvenstite. And Pansexual. That's right, I will have sex with anything and anyone. None of you are safe, well, I mean, I am slow, so you can probably run away, but if you don't want to run away, I assure you will enjoy yourself, because I am a sexual master. A Pan-sexual master at that. Just ask the broom in the other room. It was beyond satisfied. So, I now offer my special services onto you, Joe, and anyone else here, included those of you who are inanimate. Meet me in the other room during the music set and we will get down... ***

And, in the realm of things that I personally find utterly terrifying, there was talk of a new breed of spiders in India. Apparently they're closely related to tarantulas, and are pack hunters. Specifically, they've been hunting HUMANS...

So, with that being said, I don't foresee me taking any trips to India in the near (or distant, for that matter...) future. Sorry folks, ain't gonna happen...

May 19, 2012 - Lowkey

More Pictures

Listen to the Show;

Playlist;
L.A. Guns - Hollywood Forever
Accept - Hellfire
Candlemass - The Sound Of Dying Demons
Fates Warning - Outside Looking In

Spiders & Snakes - Public Enemy #1
Tenacious D - Low Hangin' Fruit
Great White - Shotgun Willie's
Barnoness - Take My Bones Away
A Sound Of Thunder - Murderous Horde
Confessor - Condemned

The Agonist - Dead Ocean
Miss Lava - Ride
I, Omega - Butchers
Havok - Arise
Shadows Fall - Nothing Remains

Lowkey - Forward
Ritual Of Odds - Nightmare On Elm Street
Venom - Meglomania
Cattle Decapitation - Lifestalker

Lowkey - Backstabber
Overkill - Wish You Were Dead
Prong - Eternal Heat
3 Inches Of Blood - Look Out
Solstice - Cleansed Of Impurity
Spater - Rat Salad

Diatribe - This Hell
Burn Everything - Ghost Of The Waves
The Corey Smoot Experiment - Fortunate Sun
Firewind - Few Against Many
Kill Devil Hill - Gates Of Hell

Ihsahn - The Paranoid
The Feds - Barracuda
Six Feet Under - Vampire Apocalypse
Hellish Outcast - Face Forced Down
Obituary - Burned In

Lawnmower Deth - Watch Out Granma, Here Comes A Lawnmower
Pantera - Walk
Devildriver - Pale Horse Apocalypse
Overkill - Hammerhead
Sabaton - A Lifetime Of War
Alice In Chains - Dam That River
Napalm Death - Protection Racket

Metal Duck - March Of The Metal Duck To The Duck Ponds Of Hell
Eternal Helcaraxe - We Assist Death
Septekh - Shoot Them All
Watain - Four Thrones
Diseim - Son Of The Winter
Pyramada - Mind Abuse
Undivided - Words Of Wisdom

Persist - The Daze
Shadowside - Angel With Horn

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Recap by The Metal Wulf;

So, about half-way through last week I realized that I hadn't written a recap for the previous show, and when I actually started to get down to writing it, I couldn't remember a damned thing of interest that had occurred that night. I will take a moment, though, to thank members of Stygian for coming out and hanging with us, as they talked about performing at Metal Fest and their need of a new vocalist. Any singers out there that need a band would do well to look them up, assuming they've got some range and versatility.

Moving right along, this past week was our final show before the big day. Metal Fest was upon us, and Lowkey dropped in to talk for a bit, supplying us with a brand spanking new track to be played that very evening, called "Forward". Very cool number, I must say, and those of you who came out for the event got to hear them play it live at Metal Fest! The guys were also cool enough to provide us with a brief interview, bringing us up to speed on the progress of their new album, and some upcoming live dates.




Some discussion centered on the postponing of Van Halen tour dates. Apparently there's some rumors going about that the band members aren't getting along, other sources saying that they just needed a break, and that the dates will be made up this fall. I should probably look around for some more recent updates...

There was also mention of the removal of Bill Ward from photos of Black Sabbath, which has pretty much infuriated fans worldwide, including myself. All due respect to the rest of the Sabs, but Ward deserves a lot more respect than he's been getting. He is, after all, a founding member of the band that pretty much laid the original foundations for metal as we have come to know it. As always there was a bit of craziness.

Once again I found myself in some awkward postiions, as it seemed that I was attempting to....ummm...do some bad things to Joe...Apparently I was walking around saying, "Screw the host...screw the host...", and actually attempted to do just that...And I guess I also went stark, raving mad at the mention of eight owls...in the trees...Sincerely, I'm pretty glad I don't remember these things when they happen!

The majority of the latter portion of the show centered on Josh, as it had been established that he needed an intervention. He spent a great deal of time reading on No Pants Day, which would be understandable if it was only a bunch of guys running around in their underwear, but there were scantly clad ladies running about as well. And still, Josh sat there with his nose in a book...So, it had been determined that Josh had some Catholic guilt that needed to be addressed. He needs to understand that, in this day and age, it's actually okay to admire the female form outside the boundaries of marriage. I mean, how is the guy ever going to settle down with the right lady, if he can't even pull his nose out of a book to admire her at the most crucial of moments?

Drastic steps needed to be taken, and they were!

So, just imagine Foul Mouth Girl and Raven in lots of black. Black undies, black skirts, black tights, leather AND pleather, fishnets, bondage gear, etc.

Although, I don't think one of the other methods used was really...quite necessary...

Imagine Kal from the Last Exit in his green spandex body suit, with a belt harness that contained a green dildo modeled after a massive horse penis...rough guess...about 18 to 20 inches of it...

Yeah, we didn't want to fucking see it, either, and we're all mentally scarred now because of it.

Proof positive that there ARE worse things than me in a man-kini...


May 5, 2012 - No Pants Day!

More Pictures

This was our traditional No Pants Day show. The First Friday of May, every year. This one will not disappoint. You will see wonderful and horrible things, and leave very scared or scarred, or maybe happy, who knows...





Playlist;
Iron Maiden - The Number Of The Beast
Dragonforce - Give Me The Night
Metal Church - Beyond The Black
Metal Church - Metal Church

Black Sabbath - Meglomania
Hellyeah - War In Me
Torche - Reverse Inverted
Beastie Boys - Heart Attack Man

Europe - Demon Head
Kyng - Bleed Easy
Prong - Eternal Heat
Hour Of Penance - Deprave To Redeem
Cattle Decapitation - Gristle Licker

Ihsahn - The Paranoid
Kill Devil Hill - Strange
Candlemass - The Sound Of Dying Demons
Killwhitneydead - Vote With A Bullet
Uncle Slam - Dazed & Confused

Huntress - Eight Of Swords
Confessor - Suffer
Cripple Bastards - Agony Of A Reformed Band
Ironchrist - World War Three (Crack Party Weekend)
Deathwish - Demon Preacher
Eternal Helcaraxe - As The Snow Gathers

Otherwise - Die For You
Hellish Outcast - Your God Will Bleed
Before The Dawn - Perfect Storm
Bonded By Blood - Restless Mind
Kataklysm - Iron Will

Septekh - Not Quite What I Had In Mind
Fear Factory - Recharger
Cradle Of Filth - Dusk And Her Embrace
Unleashed - Gathering Battalions
16 - Beyond Fixable

Running Wild - Sailing Fire
Mares Of Thrace - The Perpetrator
Black Spiders - Mans Ruin
Band Of Skulls - Sweet Sour

Cancer Bats - Old Blood
Jeff Loomis - Continuum Drift
Candlemass - Psalms For The Dead
Pantera - Piss

Overkill - Old Wounds, New Scars
Legacy Of Disorder - Impaler
A sound Of Thunder - Out Of The Darkness
Cattle Decapitation - Lifestalker

Vio-lence - Bodies On Bodies
Anvil - Old School
Burn Everything - Ghost Of The Waves
Allegaeon - Timeline Dissonance
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Recap by The Metal Wulf

Well, things got underway just a little later than expected, and it was actually mentioned that there would only be a brief amount of time for actual No Pants Day celebration, since after midnight it would no longer be No Pants Day. But Jeffie assured us that it was now known as No Pants Weekend, so we were apparently in the clear to continue as planned.

So, taking something of a cue from Foul Mouth Girl, who two years ago cruelly deceived us all with her infamous "It's after midnight, so No Pants Day is over..." trick, Jeffie, JustJoe, and Raven were wearing layers of undergarments. Arm wrestling challenges throughout the night would determine who took off a layer. Just think of it as "Strip Arm Wrestling" instead of poker, you'll get the idea...

So, Jeffie and JustJoe both took turns trying to best Raven in arm wrestling matches. Now, those who've become familiar with her over the past few months know that Raven is pretty damned tough, and it was Jeffie and JustJoe who were found on the losing end most of the time, and we had to endure the sight of them peeling down one layer at a time. I'm almost postive at one point that Jeffie was wearing a pair of lacy women's undies. I'll give 'em credit, though, they tried really hard and actually were able to beat her a couple of times.

Jeffie had mentioned a "secret identity" early in the evening, and this was later revealed. Yes, he informed us that he was actually the Undie-Taker...stealing our undies right from under our noses. And, true to form, out of nowhere, some of us started losing underwear...Unfortunately for Jeffie, our long-suffering host, Joe Wyatt, was among those caught sans underwear, resulting in one of the most brutal beatdowns with large pieces of styrofoam that I've ever witnessed. Now, you may laugh, but styrofoam makes one HELL of a mess when you continually bash it into someone's head, and it's almost impossible to clean up, especially when the vacuum cleaner is MIA... Truly, it was a horrible, HORRIBLE sight...

Also of note, and actually very funny, was Foul Mouth Girl's dominance of Josh. We were all wearing shorts, so by that definition alone, we were well within the attire requirements for No Pants Day. But, of course, people started stripping to their underwear, and Josh deciided he didn't want to. Which, in all fairness, is FINE. But, whenever Josh got difficult, FMG would yell out "Take your pants off, Josh!"

And he did, without question, every time! Pretty damned hilarious, to be honest.

Just as amusing was the visit we ALMOST received from Steve Papagiorgio, who apparently doesn't stay up to date with our antics via Facebook, and who didn't see an entire week's worth of No Pants Day promotion, and who decided to visit us on that night! Until he was greeted by Jeffie in a pair of boxer shorts...We tried to get him to come in, we really did, but in the end I think he just couldn't bear the sight of me in a t-shirt and my Batman boxer briefs.

I'll bet he'd have stuck around if they were Darth Vader boxers, though!

Unfortunately, not quite so hilarious, was my...ummmm...episode...or something...that resulted in further trauma, adding to the damage i'd already inflicted last year when the Olaf personality took over for the first time. The only difference is that this time it wasn't a viking people saw, it was Wulfie...not fully covered in fur...or clothing for that matter...doing the Blue Meanie dance...

...and once again, I am so, SOOOOO sorry...
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