Metallic Onslaught Show Archive

In fact, Joe attempted a save by suggesting that No Pants Day was over by the time the rest of the crew arrived (Jeffie, JustJoe, and Arydaea), mentioning how it was officially Saturday, and therefore May 4th, which is apparently now Official Star Wars Day (May The Fourth Be With You...)

But, Jeffie and JustJoe proclaimed it to be No Pants Day Weekend, so there was no avoiding it...

Before I get into any more detail regarding the horrors that befell later in the evening, I should mention that we devoted the first hour of the show to paying tribute to Slayer's Jeff Hanneman, who had sadly passed the day before. 

Those familiar with Hanneman's story know that he'd taken ill a couple year's ago, contracting necrotizing fasciitis, possibly from a spider bite. The official cause of death, as of recently, seems to be pointing to cirrhosis of the liver, however.

No matter, you can't prepare yourself for anything like this. I mean, come on, Hannaman was part of a major movement in heavy metal history, being part of the early thrash scene and helping to pave the way for a completely new genre of heavy music. His contributions to Slayer are practically limitless, including both music and lyrics, especially in the early years. He will be deeply and sorely missed...

So, moving along to the horrors of No Pants Day...

Okay, I confess, even I found myself to be highly creepy in the aftermath of the whole thing, when photos and video were being shared on Facebook. I mean, I even kept my shorts on this year, literally NO boxers and NO man-kini! 

Can't say the same for the shirt, though. 

So, yeah, in a nutshell, I put rainbow stickers around my nipples to act as Pasties, strapped on an inflatable unicorn horn, painted a mop head in rainbow hues (a HORRIBLE paint job, by the way...), and wore Jeffie's blonde wig (my head's been itchy every since...) in the interest of putting forth my ultimate personification of what a Brony would be. And I'm kinda ashamed of myself...

Of course, shame doesn't make it okay that at the end of the evening Jeffie and JustJoe beat me down and violated me with my own unicorn horn...and I'm pretty sure there was some sincere attempts at tea-bagging me at the very end...

Ewwww...

And let's not forget Arydaea's assurances to the three of us that not only was there a No Pants Day bus outside waiting for us, but there was also a Brony bus, specifically for me.

We looked...long and hard...far and wide...there were no buses...

Very likely the craziest night we'll have on the show all year. Of course, I'm not going to swear to that, because we've still got nine and a half months of craziness to get through.

Anyhoo, we'd been preparing for this particular evening for a number of weeks, as we wanted to do something special for Arydaea Insanity (the little lady who does most of the video recording for both the Metallic Onslaught as well as The Last Exit For The Lost), in honor of her birthday. This is actually the second time we've gotten a large number of her friends to converge on the same night. Two years ago we had met in Ithaca for an edition of The Last Exit, with all of us from the Onslaught showing up, as well as members of Zadoc...And The Nightmare!, and many others as well. It went over pretty well, so Azkath arranged another one for this year, this time at the Onslaught.

So, if you tuned in, you know things were pretty much out of control right from the starting gate. My vote for surreal moment of the evening was when Shoebox (of Worm Quartet fame) suggested we all randomly read the closest thing within reach, simultaneously.

There is video of this occurring, and it's pretty damned funny. Stay tuned!

In addition to Shoebox, we also saw the return of JustJoe, who's always good for his own brand of insanity, and there was also an appearance put in by Sloth, who we'd last seen on The Last Exit on their End Of The World show.

We'd also seen Sloth back in June when we celebrated Joe's birthday, the high point of that evening being a round of soccer with a ball constructed of barbed wire...

Cortland's Sanjuro Fields had also dropped in for Arydaea's birthday. Truth is, we'd tried to get them in the studio about a month earlier, on the same night that some of us were to go see Doro Pesch.

You'll recall that the weather that night put a damper on a LOT of people's plans...

(Fucking weather...*grumble grumble*...Doro...*grumble*... )

Anyway, Sanjuro Fields are pretty killer if you've never heard them or seen them live. Good high energy band with some catchy tunes, leaning a bit toward the punk end of the spectrum. Worth a listen, without a doubt, and you can find them right here on good ol' Facebook!

So, I'm not even going to attempt to recount everything that happened Friday night, it would be pointless. A lot of stuff got lost in the madness, and everything is pretty much a blur. All I can say is between photos and video, you can expect to see loads of madness and things done with balloons that...well, I'm pretty sure balloons weren't meant to be used in such a way...

So, things should return to some semblance of "normalcy" on the next edition of the show, when we'll be getting a visit from some of our Roc City Roller Derby friends. Most of the ladies haven't been out to see us in quite some time, so this should be pretty entertaining!

Gotta say, it was cool having some representation from Setiva on the show this past Friday night. Most of us have known Ferg since his days in Loopus, and we got to talk about some of those fun times, as well as the recent reformation of Setiva.

They'll be out and about doing some shows in the coming months, most notably the 4/20 show at Pineapple Jack's, which will likely have at least a couple of us in attendance. Gonna be a tough call, as that's also the same day as the Wounded Warrior's benefit show in Geneva. Hmmmmm...

Speaking of shows, there was some happy discussion regarding Testament's show in Buffalo the previous Sunday. Great sets from all the bands that played, yet sadly Overkill had to cancel due to Blitz's bout with pneumonia. Apparently it was bad enough that Overkill actually had to back out of the rest of the tour while Bobby recovers.

Still, if you haven't seen this show yet, don't let that deter you! Check 'em out!

So, as you'll remember, Joe had taken out the Abba chip so I'd be able to enjoy the Testament show, which I have to say I was immensely grateful for. The idea of hearing Chuck Billy singing "Fernando" was kind of frightening to me, to be honest.

But, I didn't end up getting off quite as lucky as I'd thought. At some juncture I must have briefly dozed off in between talk breaks, and somehow a new chip got placed in me.

And in it's own way, it sucks JUST AS BAD as the Abba chip. See, instead of hearing random ABBA songs whenever music plays...all I hear now is Gordon Lightfoot singing "The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald"...

Okay, admittedly, I've never really disliked this song. It's not like it's a bad song, but still...every time I hear music? All day long, while I'm at work...over and over and over...

Yup, I'm in hell, all over again...

I'd have to say that these circumstances probably contributed, at least in part, to my actions later in the show. For those who were listening, you know that Azkath was taunting me once again with his damned breath strips. Well, he pushed me a little too far, and I went off on him. I ended up throwing him into one of the corners, following it up with a running splash that should look pretty cool on video, once it's up. I tried going in for a Stink-Face after he crumpled to the floor, but he was able to avoid that particular indignity.

Things went back and forth from there, we basically beat the tar out of each other. But, in the end, I think I had him on the run...at least this time...

Eventually I DID end up with some breath strips, and well...things got a little weird from there. By weird I mean everybody's shirts and/or hoodies seemed so soft. Just couldn't stop touching fabric...never had that happen before...very strange experience...

Of course, nobody else seemed very receptive, and I can't say I can blame them. In retrospect, I'm not overly comfortable with that, either...

Note to self: Stay away from breath strips...even if they ARE minty fresh awesomeness...