Metallic Onslaught Show Archive

Listen to the Show

Playlist
Rush - Anthem
Rush - BU2B
Anvil - Metal On Metal
Mastodon - Curl Of The Burl
Deep Purple - Perfect Strangers

The Parlor Mob - The Beginning
Megadeth - Guns Drugs & Money
Myrath - Wide Shut
Divine Ascension - Another Battlefield
Anubis Gate - Facing Dawn
Midnight Chaser - Swords For Hire

Fleshburn - Amongst The Dead
Black Tusk - Crossroads And Thunder
Carnifex - Never Forgive Me
Ashes Of Your Enemy - Embodiment Of Rage

Fleshburn - Victim
Thousand Year War - Open Casket
Evile - Centurion
Svolk - Dead:30
Wizard - Heart Eater

Fleshburn - From The Inside
Krisiun - The sword Of Orion
A Plea For Purging - Room For The Dead
Griffar - Monastery
Sick Of It All - Clobberin' Time
Sick Of It All - GI Joe Headstomp
Sick Of It All - Scratch The Surface

Mortal Sin - Down In The Pit
Ana Kefr - In The House Of Distorted Mirrors
Gloominous Doom - Cosmic Super Ghoul
Warbringer - Living Weapon
Megadeth - Deadly Nightshade

Banshee - Locked Inside
Rough Angel - Defiance
Riot - Sins Of The Father
Lance King - Sacred Systems
J.B.O. - Raining Blood
Dixie Witch - Let It Roll

Sulaco - On The Fence
Brainstorm - Temple Of Stone
StormWarrior - The Ride Of Asgard
Confused Little Girl - Have Another Popover, Froggy
Kyng - Bleed Easy

GWAR - Ham On The Bone
GWAR - Sick Of You
GWAR - Gorgor
Sincera - Cursed
Orchid - Masters Of It All
Iron Man - Run From The Light

Redemption - Hold The Line
Fuck The Facts - Die Miserable
Misfits - Land Of The Dead
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Recap by The Metal Wulf

This evening saw the return of Fleshburn, who brought us up to speed on recent happenings within their particular camp. They've been working on some new music, and have got some pretty high profile shows coming up.

There were some further rants against LuLu (the recently-released collaboration between Metallica and Lou Reed, which is utterly, unspeakably, and unforgivably horrendous...) Joe still seems to think I love this pile of dog shit disguised as an album. Thankfully no further tracks were played this week, sparing us further auditory punishment.

Azkath was on hand this week, instead of Jeffie, who apparently had gone fishing.
Without me!
Dammit, I'm supposed to be his best friend, and I'm not even worthy of an invite for fishing trips! I LOVE fishing! Man, I'm gonna have a talk with him when I see him next time...

A brief discussion of what he was fishing for seemed to be a bit mired in confusion. The idea of shark fishing soon became SHART fishing, and shart fishtishing...and eventually interpreted as SHARK FISTING.
Honestly, the outdoorsman in me sincerely does not see the entertainment value in fisting any animal, much less a shark. I'm imagining there's only one way a shark would respond to that type of action, and it would involve many, many rows upon rows of sharp teeth sinking into the "fister", so to speak...
Not my kinda scene, man...

Anyhoo, Bill and I had to depart just a tad early, so I wasn't there to defend myself when it was suggested that I went home to listen to Warrant and Stryper. I also couldn't take part in the discussion involving what track to play in honor of GWAR's guitarist, Flattus Maximus, who had very recently passed away. I'm sure the guys gave him a good send-off, although Joe claimed that GWAR sucked, which I found to be very puzzling. I mean, what self-respecting headbanger doesn't love GWAR?
Geeeez...

Listen to the Show

Playlist
Tormented "Rotten Death"
Seplophile "Pale Horse"
Loudness "Survivor"
Immolation "Illumination"
To the Deep "Capsized"

Worm Quartet "The Laudromat of Sin"
Woods of Desolation "The Inevitable End"
Boguslaw Balcerak's Crylord "Ante Bellum Overture / Blood of the Prophets"
Careless "Blackened Walls of Freedom"
Golden Ressurection "The End of the World"

Dark Angel "Darkness Descends"
Sabbat "The Best of Enemies"
Sacrifice "Re-Animation"
The Nefilim "Pazuzzu (Black Rain)"
Godflesh "Christbait Rising"

Immortal Souls "Last Day on Earth"
Only Flesh "Sexual Holocaust"
Arryan Path "Kiss of Kali"
Generation Kill "Feast for the Wolves"
Tony Goldmark "Burn"

Drophead "Fighting for Air"
Cryptic Reality "When the Towers Decay"
Chains of Honor "A Giant John Wilkes Booth"
Imperial Venegeance "The Voice of Thelema"
Maax "Do As Thou Wilt"

Lance King "Dance of Power"
The Lobster Quadrille "Descendit Ad Invferos - Live"
Van Canto "The Seller of Souls"
Hundreth "Humane"
Nuclear Torment "Sniper Zombie Rape Abortion"

Vicious Rumors "The Crest"
Warrior "Fighting for the Earth"
Indestroy "Dead Girls (Don't Say No)"
Keel "Speed Demon"
Saint Chaos "Come Back Strong"

Thousand Year War "No Gods, No Masters"
Cage "War of the Undead"
Confused Little Girl "Jeebus Ate My Matchbox"
Giant Squid "Mating Scars"
Cradle of Filth "Thank Your Lucky Scars"

Earthbound "Victim of a Madman"
The Agonist "The Lonely Solipsist"
Ana Kefr "The House of Distorted Mirrors"
Nekrogoblikon "Bears"
Revenant Dead "Opportunities"

Circus of Dead Squirrels "Overpopulation Annihilation"
Volumes "Limitless"
Animals as Leaders "Isolated Incidents"
Others "Josie"
Procession of Aeons "Particle Explosion"

DieMonsterDie "A Priest and a Zombie Rent a Fishing Boat as Friends"

Listen to the Show

Playlist
The Answer - Caught On The Riverbed
The Parlor Mob - Into The Sun
Lance King - 333. Manifest Destiny
Astral Doors - Babylon Rise
Animals As Leaders - Isolated Incidents

Dio - King Of Rock And Roll
Overkill - Rotten To The Core
Anvil - Mothra
EdGuy - Fire On The Downline

Megadeth - Never Dead
J.B.O. - Long Live Metallica
Junius - All Shall Float
Black Tusk - Set The Dial To Your Doom
Svolk - 12 Times The Pain

Cradle Of Filth - Thank Your Lucky Scars
Volumes - Wormholes
No Redemption - Dying Day
Opeth - Pyre
Hammers Of Misfortune - The Grain
Blizzard - Killed By A Blizzard

Generation Kill - Dark Days
Five Finger Death Punch - Menace
Noctem - Seeking The Ruins Of Souls
Dub Trio - Swarm
Suffocate - Always Hopeless
Hundredth - I Hold The Key
Tonight We Feed - They Were Dead Before They Died

Ana Kefr - Parasites
Horde Of Torment - As I Lay Dying
Sindrome - Cathedral Of Ice
Tsjuder - Black Shadows Of Hell
Charred Walls Of The Damned - The Beast Outside My Window
Eye Empire - Bull In A China Shop

The Elves - Four Day Creep
Ashes Of Your Enemy - Face Of The Flood
Derek Sherinian - I Heard That
Kyng - Trampled Sun
To The Deep - What The Sun Created
Fuck The Facts - Alone
Wayne static - Thunder Invader

Seplophile - Lambs
Iratetion - Days In Truth
EXE - Slayer
Lobster Quadrille - Chop Chop
Lobster Quadrille - Rusty
Warbringer - Savagery
Evile - In Dreams Of Terror

Landmine Marathon - Liver And Lungs
Pedifile - The Definitive Apology
Mastodon - Curl Of The Burl
Sulaco - On The Fence

Recap by The Metal Wulf
Had a very strange night in some regards. Azkath from The Last Exit For The Lost had paid a brief visit, and for some reason I get a little fuzzy-headed when he's around.
No worries, though...not like the guy can hypnotize me or anything...
Still, it sure would be nice to know how in the Hell I was capable of sprouting a furry, claw-covered paw. Talk about messed up! Then the guys tried to convince me I was a werewolf, which is utterly ridiculous, of course.
Those goofy fellas, I tell ya...
There was also some confusion regarding the return of the Plant From Hell. Honestly, wasn't sure if it was the same spiky-leafed monstrosity in a different planter, or if it was the terrible Spawn Of Plant From Hell. Whatever the case, I wasn't getting too close. I've still got the scars on my butt cheeks to remind me not to fool around with that thing in the room...

Talked about last weeks Primus show at the Main Street Armory in Rochester. Great show, and as predicted most of us spent the week with Les Claypool bass-lines playing in our heads. Some folks may have been a little disappointed with the setlst, which was kind of sparse on hits, but everything was played to perfection. That, and we got two full sets of music, as the entire new album (Green Naugauhyde) was played front to back.
Overall, no complaints!

One of the funnier moments in the show last night came during a discussion of Thanksgiving. This was a prime example of just how far off the beaten path we can get, and end up spiralling downward until we crash and burn.
Honestly, I dont' remember how we got to discussing Thanksgiving, but from there I mentioned something about Turducken.
If you've never heard of it, Turducken is a multi-bird roast, and is a pretty hot item among Cajun-style foods. Literally, it's a de-boned chicken, stuffed into a de-boned duck, stuffed into a de-boned turkey, also stuffed with a breadcrumb mixture or sometimes sausage.
Just for those who have no clue as to what the Hell I'm talking about, mind you...
So, we went from discussing that (which, let's face it, was already going off the beaten path), and less than two minutes later we're discussing John Madden and former WWE Women's Champion, Chyna, doing a porno flick together.
For the life of me, I don't know how we made that jump. Logically, there was nothing there to sensibly connect Thanksgiving to John Madden getting freaky with Chyna. It made no sense...
But damn it was funny!
Seriously, it was such a diversion from the original topic that Joe felt it was necessary to play that new LuLu song (Metallica/Lou Reed collaboration, god-awful, in case you were wondering...) for added ambience. Much to our dismay, of course, because the song blows. Yet, Joe keeps insisting that we love it, so he keeps playing it...
But yeah, sometimes it really doesn't take much to throw us off the beaten path and straight down the side of a big ol' hard rockin' cliff...
Crash and burn!

So, on top of everything else, Jeffie was lurking about. It's always fun when Jeffie's around! It made my night coming back from a Dunkin' Donuts run to see him washing Joe's car!
And he was doing a pretty thorough job of it, as well! Joe's convertible was getting hosed down pretty efficiently, inside and out! I just hope it had dried out enough by the time Joe went home...
Have I ever mentioned that Jeffie's my best friend! I never realized it until last night, oddly enough, but he's the greatest! Always a blast when he's hanging around, with plenty of laughing and singing. We even capped the evening off with a chorus of "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" from Monty Python's "The Life Of Brian".
How can you not love a guy who's into Monty Python, really?
Oddly enough, Joe seemed to be getting a little grumpy toward the end of the night, saying that he hates the show. Must have had a bad day, or something.
I mean, it couldn't possibly have anything to do with the rest of us!

Listen to the Show



Playlist
Slipknot - Disasterpiece
EdGuy - Rock Of Cashel
Girlschool - Hit & Run
L.A. Guns - Electric Gypsy

Opeth - Face In The Snow
No Redemption - Dying Day
Anvil - Mad Dog
Kyng - Pushing & Pulling

Arch/Matheos - On The Fence
Chickenfoot - Up Next
Immolation - Still Lost
Generation Kill - Walking Dead
Vangough - The Rabbit Kingdom

Tonight We Feed - Five Finger Priest Punch
Hammers Of Misfortune - Grey Wednesday
Myrath - Braving The Seas
Blizzard - 666 Angry Barbarians
Forgotten Tomb - You Can't Kill Whos Already Dead

Michael Schenker - Lover's Sinfony
Lou Reed & Metallica - The View
Bulletboys - Falling In Love
Five Finger Death Punch - Wicked Ways
Maylene And The Sons Of Disaster - Faith Healer

Immortal Souls - Nuclear Winter
Nothing Til Blood - Stands True
Kyng - Trampled Sun
Charred Walls Of The Damned - Forever Marching On
Judas Priest - Desert Plains

Fuck The Facts - Cold Hearted
Landmine Marathon - Knife From My Sleeve
Crowned By Fire - Witch In The window
Mortal Sin - Blood Of My Enemies

Isole - Black Hours
Machine Head - Be Still And Know
Mastodon - Stargasm
Dream Theater - Build Me Up, Break Me Down
Wayne Static - Chrome Nation

Warbringer - Echoes From The Void
Anthrax - Earth On Hell
The Devil Wears Prada - R.I.T.
Megadeth - Never Dead
Hull - False Priest

Sulaco - The Approach
Misfits - Land Of The Dead
Charred Walls Of The Damned - Zerospan
Insomnium - Meandering Through The Shadows
Slayer - Post Mortem
Slayer - Raining Blood

Skeletonwitch - Erased And Forgotten
Anvil - March Of The Crabs
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Recap by The Metal Wulf;

So, if you were tuned in this week, you know that I was ousted from the show early. Somehow I ended up by the road with a For Free sign tied around my neck...
Good thing Bill was passing by at around that time, 'cuz who the Hell knows where I may have ended up otherwise?
Thanks a bunch, guys, I won't forget this one...

Anyhoo, I probably deserved it, considering I'd consumed some Zatarain's Red Beans and Rice before the show, and the results were a little worse than normal...
(Worse meaning that Jeffie ended up comparing the smell to dead Sea Monkeys...25-year-dead Sea Monkeys, to be precise...)
Okay, I'm kind of a gassy guy, and yeah, everybody's right, it doesn't seem to matter what I eat! Maybe I should just starve myself? Either that , or just accept things for what they are and just go for broke every week. Maybe I'll have a whole bunch of broccoli and taco dip before the next show!
Mmmmm...
(No worries, I'm not actually a big fan of broccoli...)

Anyway, from a music perspective, there was a bit of a mixed bag for some of us. I mean, Joe played "Mad Dog" by Anvil, a song I hadn't heard since the 80's. Seriously, the last time I'd heard that song was on Bob Appel's old show, The Rock Shop.
The good old days...
So, yeah, that was pretty awesome. However, Joe decided that we deserved to hear that Metallica/Lou Reed song again. Now, this collaboration has officially been dubbed LuLu...although, as much as I love Metallica (and I really do, don't get me wrong...), the majority of us on the Onslaught seem to think that the name should be changed to PuPu...

Okay, the music itself really isn't terrible. It's mostly Lou Reed's involvement that turns this into a huge pile of shit, at least in my book. And face it, Lars' drumming in recent years hasn't been so great. Can't put my finger on it, but there is definitely something missing from his old sound...

Now, as if that weren't bad enough, he also tossed in some more Bulletboys from their recent cover album, as well as some Michael Schenker with Robin McCauley (a little lame, I'm sad to say, and I seem to remember that line-up of MSG actually being pretty good...), Five Finger Death Punch (hate 'em, just don't care for this band, never have...), and a truly awful track from Maylene and The Sons Of Disaster, a band that Joe actually liked an album or so ago.
Oddly enough, the best song that came out of that Set Of Pain (as I have dubbed it...) was the Bulletboys track, a cover of Scorpions "Falling In Love". In fact, we all agreed that Bulletboys actually IMPROVED on the original.
(Honestly, not that big of a feat, if you ask me, and I'm actually a fan of the Scorps...)

Redemption for this set came a little later, as Joe played some Charred Walls Of The Damned, which features former Judas Priest vocalist Tim "Ripper" Owens, and was pretty freakin' good! He also backed that up with some classic Priest in the form of "Desert Plains", so the night really wasn't a complete bust!


On to the usual, non-musicall insanity:
Jeffie showed up with FMG, as well as Justjoe (from The Last Exit For The Lost). Seems it was Justjoe's birthday, and we all got to sing "Happy Birthday" for him!
As we all beat and kicked him into submission...
(Seriously, we clubbed him like a baby seal!)
We didn't have any water to revive him, but there was a big ol' bucket of cheese balls that he'd brought along! Oddly enough, pouring them on top of his head seemed to help.
Go figure...

It was shortly after this that I was forcibly ejected to the side of the road with a For Free sign tied around my neck, so from there, I've no clue what happened...

Recap by Fire Eater Wizard;
Jeffie arrived with Just Joe in tow. It was Just Joe's birthday! Jeffie said that, instead of giving Just Joe birthday spankings, they should all sing "Happy Birthday" to him... While they all gave him a brutal beat down throughout the entire song, which they all did. Just Joe wasn't too happy with this birthday greeting for some reason. Next Jeffie said he had a new fun game for them all to play... It was called Yearbook. Jeffie would give a category of "who is most likely to...", and everyone would give their vote for the person, there, or not there, that they thought best fit. So that went on for a while, and they voted on stuff like who was the most likely to have sex and not know it, who was the most likely to get set on fire, the most likely to fall off a roof, to get really drunk and tear someone's head off in a frenzied rage in a mosh pit, things like that. Then Jeffie brought back a feature from almost a decade ago, where he tells us what he did on each day of the past week, only, in Jeffie's week, there is no Monday, he says Sunday lasts for two days. Dumbass! So Jeffie did things during this past week like get naked and see how long it took someone to start screaming (he claimed it took a bit over five minutes, but I, and no one else, believes that, we're all sure it took WAAAAAYYY less time than that, more like five seconds, and even that's a stretch!), go kite flying, walk on a beach. Then Jeffie asked Just Joe to tell us what he had done during the week... And, with the exception of his going to The Last Exit For The Lost radio program, where he is a regular co-host, from midnight to six A.M., Saturday night into Sunday mornings, all of the rest of his days were exactly the same... He worked, he took care of his spawn, he slept. Oh yeah, one of the days, between work, the spawn, and sleep, he did something really different... He took a nap. Everyone pointed out to him how much his life sucked. Just Joe became depressed and was pouting. Jeffie told Just Joe that The Demon Azkath had told him what he needed to do to make Just Joe feel better, that he had something for him that he would really like... It was a board, covered in barbed wire. Jeffie said that Azkath had told him that he needed to body slam Just Joe onto it, that that would make Just Joe feel MUCH BETTER! Just Joe seemed somewhat doubtful that this would make him feel better, but Jeffie insisted that it would. He body slammed Just Joe onto the board. Just Joe's butt and crotch were firmly impaled on the barbed wire. The screams of agony were quite something to behold, and went on and on! Jeffie kept pushing Just Joe down onto the barbed wire, making him scream more. Jeffie kept asking Just Joe which way he should push. Just Joe shrieked not to push at all. Everyone explained to Jeffie that he needed to get Just Joe's butt and crotch off the barbed wire. Finally, after much agonized howling, Just Joe was free. It came out that Azkath had told Jeffie to do that as pay back from when, a couple weeks back, on The Last Exit For The Lost, Just Joe, and Shane, had teamed up to blind side him, causing him to be impaled on the barbed wire board by Just Joe, after Shane, who had been supposed to be providing cometary of the match, had clobbered him from behind with a metal sign. So this had been his revenge on Just Joe. Jeffie asked Just Joe if he felt better now, like he was supposed to. Dumbass! Just Joe said no, he felt even worse, much worse! Jeffie asked what would make him feel better? Just Joe said a hug from Rick would, because he said he now thought of Rick as his new Dave, Dave being Just Joe's good friend. Rick actually did agree to hug Just Joe, and hug him nicely, not like in a strangle hug or anything, and it actually was helping Just Joe feel better... Until Rick smacked Just Joe across the face, which Rick said he had done because Just Joe had wiped bodily fluids, fluids from the barbed wire experience, on him. Just Joe was still feeling quite miserable. Jeffie told Just Joe he knew of something that would make him feel better, something he would really like, and, he promised, it had absolutely nothing to do with barbed wire... They would tickle Josh! Which they proceeded to do. That finally made Just Joe feel better and happy after what had been pretty much a real bummer of a birthday for him, what with the brutal beat down at the beginning of the night, then finding out just how boring his life is, and how much it sucks, then the excruciating pain of having his crotch and butt torn up on the barbed wire, and topped off by being slapped by Rick, even if that last one was due to his own stupidity. Just Joe said he really liked tickling Josh, and was going to do it some more. They tickled Josh 'til his face was purple, and he was about suffocated. So Josh was the sacrifice to salvage something of Just Joe's birthday for him, and bring some happiness into what had not been a very happy birthday for him at all. Sorry, Josh, I guess you took one for the team there.