Listen to the Show
Playlist;
Cypherseer - From The Womb
Symphony X - Dehumanized
Gentlemans Pistols - Midnight Crawler
George Lynch - Brand New Day
Trivium - Watch The World Burn
Megadeth - Killing Is My Business...And Business Is Good (live)
Psychostick - Numbers (I Can Only Count To Four)
Pagan's Mind - The Master's Voice
Arch/Matheos - Stain Glass Sky
Dream Theater - On The Backs Of Angels
Uncle Knucklefunk - Acoustic Man
Scorcher - Don't Hold Back
Jasta - The Fearless Must Endure
Order Of The Dead - Brotherhood Of Darkness
Absolution Project - Delusional
Serianna - Inheritors
Bury Your Dead - Mosh N' Roll
Dir En Grey - Decayed Crow
Mastodon - Black Tongue
Fair To Midland - Rikki Tikki Tavi
August Burns Red - Internal Cannon
Sulaco - Summon The Hammer
Tyrant Of Death - Necronomicon
Communic - In Union We Stand
Doom Unit - Dead Pilot
Dark Castle - To Hide Is To Die
No Redemption - No Return
Sepultura - Relentless
Ringworm - Cleansing Of The Fall
Altars - Advocate
Exhumed - As Hammer To Anvil
Jungle Rot - Kill On Command
vanna - Passages
KYNG - Falling Down
Burn Everything - They Don't Advertise Killers
Hail!Hornet - Unholy Foe
Iwrestledabearonce - Deodorant Can't Fix Ugly
Warbringer - Living Weapon
Armored Saint - stricken By Fate
Overkill - Wrecking Crew
Candlemass - Under The Oak
Malevolence - Face The Death
The Quill - Running
I.N.C. - The Good Bones Stay Down
Affiance - Call To The Warrior
Zombie Shaker Box - Hideaway
Hands - Water
Zeroking - Black Friday
Armed With Valor - I Killed The Peeping Tom
Law - Bees
Unkind - Kaivannot
Eternity - Sleepwalk
A Hill To Die Upon - The Perfection Of Evil
_____________________________________________
Recap by The Metal Wulf;
Big focus on new music lately, and last night was no exception.
Truth is, things are going to get a little crazy very soon, as we'll be
seeing new releases from Trivium, Kittie, Warbringer, Anthrax, Dream
Theater, Opeth, Evile, Machine Head, Mastodon, Skeletonwitch, and a crap
load of others.
Gonna be a little tough prioritizing, but for my
part I can't wait to get my hands on the Anthrax, Evile, Opeth, and
Mastodon discs!
Got on some bizarre subjects last night,
which is really nothing new when it all boils down, but still, there are
nights where I honestly end up wondering "How in the HELL did we get on
that?"
For one thing, we seemed to be in a severe non-metal slump
as far as topics went. I mean, seriously, you know there's something
very wrong when you end up discussing Huey Lewis and John Denver during
the course of a metal radio show. I'm wondering if there was a strange
astrtological convergence going on or something, the subject matter just
got so weird.
Then somebody commented that someone sounded like
Julia Child, so of course that just sparked shit in my brain, and next
thing you know I'm imitating her, talking about braising pork chops.
Really, don't ask, I don't know why my brain makes these connections, it just does...
Of
course, it just got sillier when we took the discussion even further.
Somehow Bob Ross got mentioned. Remember him? The guy who painted all
those "happy little trees"?
Yeah...
So, somehow saw Bob and
Julia Child making a really good couple. Assuming, of course, that they
were still alive, which they're not. But, really, it seemed like it
could have been a match made in heaven. Bob kind of struck all of us as
the type who occasionally liked to smoke some happy little trees, as
well as painting them. So, occasionally he'd perhaps have the munchies.
This is where Julia Child would be his dream woman, because she'd always have something yummy on hand just for those moments!
And Bob would be able to paint all kinds of nice pictures for Julia's kitchen...
Hell, maybe, just MAVBE, in some weird alternate reality, that's EXACTLY what happened!
Better abandon this train of thought before folks think I'VE been smoking them happy little trees...
Anyhoo...
So, the clone b.s. is continuing, and in the interest of proving me wrong, Jeffie mentioned a theory he had involving my...
Sigh...
...anal divot...
Yeah,
back to that again, something about if I were a clone, my divot would
be deeper than a regular person. Wasn't about to let him anywhere near
my divot, by the way. Especially when he mentioned the divot in
conjunction with his hands and other parts of my anatomy.
There was omething mentioned about it being like a finger puppet...
Yeah, that definitely wasn't happening! And to make it worse, Jeffie felt that I might enjoy a screwdriver to the divot.
Have I mentioned that this Jeffie is among the worse we've encountered?
Funny
side note: Josh is still spouting theories about this Jeffie and
another one that is possibly time travelling, in the tradition of Dr.
Who. Only, in this case, instead of a Tardis, Jeffie is piloting a
Re-Tardis...
When he puts it that way, it's a little hard to argue...
Anyhoo,
my evening on the show last night ended rather abruptly, after Jeffie
slipped a little something into my chewing gum. Honestly, at first I
thought he was going to stick the pack into his pants, because we all
know how much Jeffie LOVES to stick things in his pants...
Ick...
But,
no, oddly enough that wasn't the case this time. I was still hestiant
about chewing a piece after he'd handled it, of course, but then he
forced a piece into my mouth, and from there it was all over. Seemed
he'd been experimenting with something that duplicated the effects of
both Ecstacy AND Viagra...
So, yeah, my night ended by stroking
all kinds of interesting surfaces, and being unable to stand up without
embarrasment. I eventually wandered off into the night, looking for,
ummmmm...something to....
Yeah...
More on that later...MUCH
later, as I'll be missing the next couple of shows. Next week because of
my day job, the following week because a few of us are going to be in
Ithaca to see Sorrow Of Batavia and some other great bands at The Haunt.
So,
yeah, a little patience is in order. I'll just say this
much...squirrels are REALLY bad-tempered when you wake them up at
night...and splinters really, REEEEAAAALLLY suck...
...especially THERE...
July 23, 2011 - Burn Everything
Listen to the Show
Playlist
Trivium - Dusk Dismantled
George Lynch - Son Of Scary
Eternity - Dead & Cold
Symphony X - Dehumanized
Burn Everything - Directed By David Lynch
Seven Witches - Eyes Of Flame
Megadeth - Bad Omen (Randy Burns Mix)
Gentlemans Pistols - Sherman Tank
Burn Everything - They Don't Advertise Killers
The Quill - Pace That Kills
Hands - Restart
Altars - Volition
Burn Everything - Ambulance Chaser
Morbid Angel - Where The Slime Live
Morbid Angel - He Who Sleeps
Morbid Angel - Rapture
Burn Everything - Crumbling Monolith
Slayer - South Of Heaven
I.N.C. - Swallowed
Cannabis Corpse - Immortal Pipes
Burn Everything - Kenny Jihad
Exhumed - I Rot Within
Fair To Midland - Rikki Tikki Tavi
Ringworm - To The Grave
Jungle Rot - Bloodties
Zombie Shaker Box - Gates Of Hell
Clinging To The Trees Of A Forest Fire - Garbage
Annotations Of An Autopsy - Stage Breaker
Iwrestedabearonce - Karate Nipples
Warbringer - Livng Weapons
KYNG - Trail In Veins
Lamb Of God - 11th Hour
All Shall Perish - The Death Plague
Gigan - Mountains Perched Like Beasts Awaiting The Attack
Ana Kefr - Bathos And The Iconoclast
Unexpect - Mechanical Phoenix
World Under Blood - Dead And Still In Pain
Exit Existence - Wreckage Of The Damned
Shadowside - Inner Monster Out
Mescaleros - Don't Give A Damn
I Am Abomination - Abduction
Overkill - Thanx For Nothin'
Hail!Hornet - Beast Of Bourbon
Dying Fetus - Born In A Casket
Cenotaph - Sacrificial Suicide
Chelsea Grin - All Hail The Fallen King
August Burns Red - Poor Millionaire
Vanna - I, The Remover
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
Sepultura - Embrace The Storm
___________________________________________
Recap by Randy, aka The Hoax Formerly Known As MetalWulf
So, with the past couple of recaps I've been trying to kick things off with the sane topics. Pretty good system, to be honest, so let's stick to that!
Matt Dalberth, a staple among the local scene for quite awhile, was in the studio last night to promote his newest band, Burn Everything. Far cry from his days with Forty Oz. Failure, but times and circumstances change, and to be honest, it sounds like he's got a good thing going on here.
So, if your're interested in hearing what they're like, it just so happens that if you go to Burn Everything on Facebook, you can actually download tracks for free, and I know that's gotta sound good to somebody! Personally, I'd say it's too good to pass up!
You can also catch them live at the upcoming Hage Fest, a yearly 3-day event in the Sodus area that features a whole slew of local and regional bands. It takes place the weekend of August 19-21 this year, and I'm betting we'll be getting some visits in the coming weeks from some of the bands that are to be featured.
Oh, I think it's worthwhile to mention that there were some guilty confessions on the show during Matt's visit. Matt confessed that he'd actually purchased Bon Jovi's "Slippery When Wet" when he was younger, and was set straight by a cousin who exposed him to Slayer's "South Of Heaven". Joe and I confessed to actually seeing them live. In my case, it was just once, with them opening for .38 Special just after "Slippery When Wet" was released, and in Joe's case it was actually twice!
Oh, c'mon, like YOU'VE never seen or supported a band and later realized that you're not necessarily very proud to admit it...
So, there was some discussion about Monday night's show at the Montage Music Hall in Rochester. Great show, featuring headliner Devin Townsend with Obscura, and some very cool local openers, Psychopath, Malformed, and Exit Eistence. I highly recommend checking them all out!
Rick and I were able to get a brief interview with Devin, and once it's gone through a ltitle bit of an audio clean-up, we'll be posting it on YouTube and sharing with everybody! Gotta say, we were lucky to get this opportunity, because things had kinda gone south during the course of the day. Devin's bus had broken down, delaying the band's arrival by a couple of hours, so it was just after 9:30 when we got to do the interview. Still, Devin was very cool, and we just appreciate the fact that he was willing to take the time with us!
So, more on this cloning nonsense. Seems like my own brother is getting in on the joke. (C'mon, what else could this really be?)
So, Bill says that parts of my "corpse" had been ground up, and he suggested that his cats really enjoyed eating...me...
-.-
On top of that, he even suggested that his girlfriend, Erica, had eaten "Randy Burgers".
Okay, c'mon, the silliness has to stop somewhere. I mean, cannibalism? Really?
REALLY?
Sorry, still not buyin' it, but if they really want to pursue this madness, I'm sure it's making for some humorous Onslaught moments!
If it benefits the show, so much the better!
Let's see, got to discussing a five-minute trailer promoting the return of Beavis And Butthead. Hey, personally, I freakin' LOVED that show! Of course it was crass, immature, occasionally vulgar, but it was also funny as HELL! Personally, I think it's the smartest move MTV has made since...well..since the FIRST time Beavis And Butthead originally aired!
Really, life is just better with those two idiots on the television screen.
Let's see, what else...
Ah yes, had a surprise visit from Lance! Yes indeed, for the first time in EIGHT MONTHS, Lance paid us a visit! All the more surprising, because I thought he'd gone to see Motley Crue and Poison at Darien Lake. But, it seems he'd sold his tickets and decided to drop in to say "Hi" to us!
Had a discussion about current wrestling topics. Seriously, overall, whether you watch WWE or TNA, things have kinda sucked as far as story lines go. I mean, TNA seems to have better action lately, and WWE lately has insisted that they aren't a wrestling company.
Really, what does that tell you...
Still, we discussed some potentially interesting goings-on, and mentioned that there was actually a lot of genuine wrestling action on the most recent addition of Raw. Joe, of course, felt the need to remind us that wrestling, at the end of the day, is still fake.
We know, Joe, but we still enjoy it.
It's still real to us, dammit!
Playlist
Trivium - Dusk Dismantled
George Lynch - Son Of Scary
Eternity - Dead & Cold
Symphony X - Dehumanized
Burn Everything - Directed By David Lynch
Seven Witches - Eyes Of Flame
Megadeth - Bad Omen (Randy Burns Mix)
Gentlemans Pistols - Sherman Tank
Burn Everything - They Don't Advertise Killers
The Quill - Pace That Kills
Hands - Restart
Altars - Volition
Burn Everything - Ambulance Chaser
Morbid Angel - Where The Slime Live
Morbid Angel - He Who Sleeps
Morbid Angel - Rapture
Burn Everything - Crumbling Monolith
Slayer - South Of Heaven
I.N.C. - Swallowed
Cannabis Corpse - Immortal Pipes
Burn Everything - Kenny Jihad
Exhumed - I Rot Within
Fair To Midland - Rikki Tikki Tavi
Ringworm - To The Grave
Jungle Rot - Bloodties
Zombie Shaker Box - Gates Of Hell
Clinging To The Trees Of A Forest Fire - Garbage
Annotations Of An Autopsy - Stage Breaker
Iwrestedabearonce - Karate Nipples
Warbringer - Livng Weapons
KYNG - Trail In Veins
Lamb Of God - 11th Hour
All Shall Perish - The Death Plague
Gigan - Mountains Perched Like Beasts Awaiting The Attack
Ana Kefr - Bathos And The Iconoclast
Unexpect - Mechanical Phoenix
World Under Blood - Dead And Still In Pain
Exit Existence - Wreckage Of The Damned
Shadowside - Inner Monster Out
Mescaleros - Don't Give A Damn
I Am Abomination - Abduction
Overkill - Thanx For Nothin'
Hail!Hornet - Beast Of Bourbon
Dying Fetus - Born In A Casket
Cenotaph - Sacrificial Suicide
Chelsea Grin - All Hail The Fallen King
August Burns Red - Poor Millionaire
Vanna - I, The Remover
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
Sepultura - Embrace The Storm
___________________________________________
Recap by Randy, aka The Hoax Formerly Known As MetalWulf
So, with the past couple of recaps I've been trying to kick things off with the sane topics. Pretty good system, to be honest, so let's stick to that!
Matt Dalberth, a staple among the local scene for quite awhile, was in the studio last night to promote his newest band, Burn Everything. Far cry from his days with Forty Oz. Failure, but times and circumstances change, and to be honest, it sounds like he's got a good thing going on here.
So, if your're interested in hearing what they're like, it just so happens that if you go to Burn Everything on Facebook, you can actually download tracks for free, and I know that's gotta sound good to somebody! Personally, I'd say it's too good to pass up!
You can also catch them live at the upcoming Hage Fest, a yearly 3-day event in the Sodus area that features a whole slew of local and regional bands. It takes place the weekend of August 19-21 this year, and I'm betting we'll be getting some visits in the coming weeks from some of the bands that are to be featured.
Oh, I think it's worthwhile to mention that there were some guilty confessions on the show during Matt's visit. Matt confessed that he'd actually purchased Bon Jovi's "Slippery When Wet" when he was younger, and was set straight by a cousin who exposed him to Slayer's "South Of Heaven". Joe and I confessed to actually seeing them live. In my case, it was just once, with them opening for .38 Special just after "Slippery When Wet" was released, and in Joe's case it was actually twice!
Oh, c'mon, like YOU'VE never seen or supported a band and later realized that you're not necessarily very proud to admit it...
So, there was some discussion about Monday night's show at the Montage Music Hall in Rochester. Great show, featuring headliner Devin Townsend with Obscura, and some very cool local openers, Psychopath, Malformed, and Exit Eistence. I highly recommend checking them all out!
Rick and I were able to get a brief interview with Devin, and once it's gone through a ltitle bit of an audio clean-up, we'll be posting it on YouTube and sharing with everybody! Gotta say, we were lucky to get this opportunity, because things had kinda gone south during the course of the day. Devin's bus had broken down, delaying the band's arrival by a couple of hours, so it was just after 9:30 when we got to do the interview. Still, Devin was very cool, and we just appreciate the fact that he was willing to take the time with us!
So, more on this cloning nonsense. Seems like my own brother is getting in on the joke. (C'mon, what else could this really be?)
So, Bill says that parts of my "corpse" had been ground up, and he suggested that his cats really enjoyed eating...me...
-.-
On top of that, he even suggested that his girlfriend, Erica, had eaten "Randy Burgers".
Okay, c'mon, the silliness has to stop somewhere. I mean, cannibalism? Really?
REALLY?
Sorry, still not buyin' it, but if they really want to pursue this madness, I'm sure it's making for some humorous Onslaught moments!
If it benefits the show, so much the better!
Let's see, got to discussing a five-minute trailer promoting the return of Beavis And Butthead. Hey, personally, I freakin' LOVED that show! Of course it was crass, immature, occasionally vulgar, but it was also funny as HELL! Personally, I think it's the smartest move MTV has made since...well..since the FIRST time Beavis And Butthead originally aired!
Really, life is just better with those two idiots on the television screen.
Let's see, what else...
Ah yes, had a surprise visit from Lance! Yes indeed, for the first time in EIGHT MONTHS, Lance paid us a visit! All the more surprising, because I thought he'd gone to see Motley Crue and Poison at Darien Lake. But, it seems he'd sold his tickets and decided to drop in to say "Hi" to us!
Had a discussion about current wrestling topics. Seriously, overall, whether you watch WWE or TNA, things have kinda sucked as far as story lines go. I mean, TNA seems to have better action lately, and WWE lately has insisted that they aren't a wrestling company.
Really, what does that tell you...
Still, we discussed some potentially interesting goings-on, and mentioned that there was actually a lot of genuine wrestling action on the most recent addition of Raw. Joe, of course, felt the need to remind us that wrestling, at the end of the day, is still fake.
We know, Joe, but we still enjoy it.
It's still real to us, dammit!
July 16, 2011 - Armed with Valor and The Death of Randy...
Listen to the Show
Playlist;
Pagan's Mind - The Master's Voice
George Lynch - Wicked Witch
Daedalus - Perspective Of The Moon
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
Motorhead - Burner
Motorhead - Nightmare/The Dreamtime
Motorhead - Orgasmatron
Motorhead - Killed By Death
Arch/Matheos - Stained Glass Sky
Symphony x - The End Of Innocence
Devin Townsend Project - Sumeria
Armed With Valor - I Killed The Peeping Tom
Cannabis Corpse - Gateways To Inhalation
Injury - Violence Unleashed
Battlecross - Man Of Stone
Powerwolf - Night Of the Werewolves
Armed With Valor - We Used A Bandaid
Affiance - Call To The Warrior
Altars - Advocate
August Burns Red - Internal Cannon
Hands - Jovian
Kaapora - The Day I Left The Dust
Excruciator - Metal Forces
Malefice - Baying For Blood
All Shall Perish - The Death Plague
Jungle Rot - Push Comes To Shove
Lowkey - Porcupine Cannonball
The Quill - River Of A Moonchild
Megadeth - Devil's Island (Randy Burns Mix)
40 Watt Sun - Between Times
Dream Theater - On The Backs Of Angels
Trivium - In Waves
Gentlemans Pistols - Comfortably Crazy
Zeroking - Kings Of Self-Destruction
Eternity - Sleepwalk
Sepultura - Kairos
Exhumed - As Hammer To Anvil
Morbid Angel - 10 More Dead
Seven Witches - Eyes Of Flame
Voodoo Highway - The Fire Will Burn
Anthrax - Fight 'Em 'Till You Can't
Othin - When The Ash Desolves
Toxic Holocaust - Red Winter
Misfits - Helena
Ninth Moon Black - Kalyug
Ted Nugent - Dog Eat Dog
Attack Attack! - Turbo Swag
Suicide Silence - Smashed
Uriah Heep - Trail Of Diamonds
George Lynch - Rattleshake
______________________________________________
Recap by The Metal Wulf;
Members of Armed With Valor joined us in the studio this week. For those unfamiliar, this is a band that has formed from the ashes of Amelia Is Dead and Torment The Vein. They were kind enough to provide a couple of demo tracks for us to feature, overall not sounding bad at all. A little more melodic than fans of Amelia Is Dead might be expecting, but that's really not a bad thing in my book. Keep an eye out for them soon, as they'll be performing their debut show very soon, and they also have an opening slot for Kittie coming up next month (August 25) at The Lost Horizon in Syracuse.
They were also kind enough to take some time for an interview for YouTube and our main website. You can find that interview on YouTube as well as Metallic Onslaught Facebook page as of right now!
Now, on to the goofiness...
And when I say goofiness, I mean these guys are losin' their minds. I mean, literally bonkers, outta their minds.
Why do I say this?
Well, they seem to think that I died on the show last week. Now, I remember having a really weird dream where Bill and Jeffie slammed me through the floor, and Jeffie body splashed me from the upper floor as I was lying in the basement (covered in spiders...), and I also dreamed that Josh slipped on my blood and fell on top of me.
But it was a dream, it had to be! I mean, here I am, HELLO!!!!
I'm alive and well, and feelin' great!
Yet, they seem to think that I was cloned in the meantime, and that I'm another version of Randy. They kept referring to me as Randy 2, which is just plain ridiculous.
Honestly, at one point I suggested that, since summer is in full swing, maybe they'd been visiting the cow pastures looking for some special mushrooms. I mean, come on, that's probably the most practical explanation, not that I see any of these guys honestly partaking of hallucinogens...
Maybe they're just crazy...
Speaking of crazy, Jeffie joined us once again. He was also suggesting I was a clone, and even went so far as to mention that he'd combined his DNA with mine.
Sigh...
Truly disturbing, Jeffie kept referring to "anal divots" throughout the evening. I'm not too specifically sure what an anal divot is, but I've got a pretty good idea.
It got worse, as Jeffie suggested measuring each of our divots, and doing measurements of weenies as compared to the depths of our divots.
Do I really need to say that there were NO takers for that?
Of course, then there was mention of anal lint, or "Shlint" as I've come to hear it referred to over the years.
All I can say to that is...EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
Let's see, we'd also got on the subject of some photos I'd taken while enjoying a relaxing day in Auburn with my girlfriend, Deb. I'd mentioned that I'd gotten some pics of squirrels, as well as a mama duck with her hatchlings. Hey, is it really so terrible to have an appreciation for the outdoors, and to take advantage of having a good camera for wildlife moments? Joe seemed to think it was kinda gay, to be honest...
Seriously, what do they want? It's not like I can jump into wildlife photography with gigantic predators. Not around here, anyway, and I really would rather not encounter any bears. Been there, done that, it was a little on the scary side.
With that being said, I think the birds and herbivores should be just fine for now!
Anyhoo, before closing this for another week, just wanted to say that Rick and I are EXTREMELY stoked at our opportunity to interview Devin Townsend this Monday in Rochester. His band, The Devin Townsend Project, will be performing at the Montage Music Hall with Obscura and a few locals (including Malformed and Order Of The Dead), and it should be a damned good time. Look for the interview on our Facebook page, as well as YouTube and our main website, very likely by Tuesday evening!
Playlist;
Pagan's Mind - The Master's Voice
George Lynch - Wicked Witch
Daedalus - Perspective Of The Moon
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
Motorhead - Burner
Motorhead - Nightmare/The Dreamtime
Motorhead - Orgasmatron
Motorhead - Killed By Death
Arch/Matheos - Stained Glass Sky
Symphony x - The End Of Innocence
Devin Townsend Project - Sumeria
Armed With Valor - I Killed The Peeping Tom
Cannabis Corpse - Gateways To Inhalation
Injury - Violence Unleashed
Battlecross - Man Of Stone
Powerwolf - Night Of the Werewolves
Armed With Valor - We Used A Bandaid
Affiance - Call To The Warrior
Altars - Advocate
August Burns Red - Internal Cannon
Hands - Jovian
Kaapora - The Day I Left The Dust
Excruciator - Metal Forces
Malefice - Baying For Blood
All Shall Perish - The Death Plague
Jungle Rot - Push Comes To Shove
Lowkey - Porcupine Cannonball
The Quill - River Of A Moonchild
Megadeth - Devil's Island (Randy Burns Mix)
40 Watt Sun - Between Times
Dream Theater - On The Backs Of Angels
Trivium - In Waves
Gentlemans Pistols - Comfortably Crazy
Zeroking - Kings Of Self-Destruction
Eternity - Sleepwalk
Sepultura - Kairos
Exhumed - As Hammer To Anvil
Morbid Angel - 10 More Dead
Seven Witches - Eyes Of Flame
Voodoo Highway - The Fire Will Burn
Anthrax - Fight 'Em 'Till You Can't
Othin - When The Ash Desolves
Toxic Holocaust - Red Winter
Misfits - Helena
Ninth Moon Black - Kalyug
Ted Nugent - Dog Eat Dog
Attack Attack! - Turbo Swag
Suicide Silence - Smashed
Uriah Heep - Trail Of Diamonds
George Lynch - Rattleshake
______________________________________________
Recap by The Metal Wulf;
Members of Armed With Valor joined us in the studio this week. For those unfamiliar, this is a band that has formed from the ashes of Amelia Is Dead and Torment The Vein. They were kind enough to provide a couple of demo tracks for us to feature, overall not sounding bad at all. A little more melodic than fans of Amelia Is Dead might be expecting, but that's really not a bad thing in my book. Keep an eye out for them soon, as they'll be performing their debut show very soon, and they also have an opening slot for Kittie coming up next month (August 25) at The Lost Horizon in Syracuse.
They were also kind enough to take some time for an interview for YouTube and our main website. You can find that interview on YouTube as well as Metallic Onslaught Facebook page as of right now!
Now, on to the goofiness...
And when I say goofiness, I mean these guys are losin' their minds. I mean, literally bonkers, outta their minds.
Why do I say this?
Well, they seem to think that I died on the show last week. Now, I remember having a really weird dream where Bill and Jeffie slammed me through the floor, and Jeffie body splashed me from the upper floor as I was lying in the basement (covered in spiders...), and I also dreamed that Josh slipped on my blood and fell on top of me.
But it was a dream, it had to be! I mean, here I am, HELLO!!!!
I'm alive and well, and feelin' great!
Yet, they seem to think that I was cloned in the meantime, and that I'm another version of Randy. They kept referring to me as Randy 2, which is just plain ridiculous.
Honestly, at one point I suggested that, since summer is in full swing, maybe they'd been visiting the cow pastures looking for some special mushrooms. I mean, come on, that's probably the most practical explanation, not that I see any of these guys honestly partaking of hallucinogens...
Maybe they're just crazy...
Speaking of crazy, Jeffie joined us once again. He was also suggesting I was a clone, and even went so far as to mention that he'd combined his DNA with mine.
Sigh...
Truly disturbing, Jeffie kept referring to "anal divots" throughout the evening. I'm not too specifically sure what an anal divot is, but I've got a pretty good idea.
It got worse, as Jeffie suggested measuring each of our divots, and doing measurements of weenies as compared to the depths of our divots.
Do I really need to say that there were NO takers for that?
Of course, then there was mention of anal lint, or "Shlint" as I've come to hear it referred to over the years.
All I can say to that is...EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
Let's see, we'd also got on the subject of some photos I'd taken while enjoying a relaxing day in Auburn with my girlfriend, Deb. I'd mentioned that I'd gotten some pics of squirrels, as well as a mama duck with her hatchlings. Hey, is it really so terrible to have an appreciation for the outdoors, and to take advantage of having a good camera for wildlife moments? Joe seemed to think it was kinda gay, to be honest...
Seriously, what do they want? It's not like I can jump into wildlife photography with gigantic predators. Not around here, anyway, and I really would rather not encounter any bears. Been there, done that, it was a little on the scary side.
With that being said, I think the birds and herbivores should be just fine for now!
Anyhoo, before closing this for another week, just wanted to say that Rick and I are EXTREMELY stoked at our opportunity to interview Devin Townsend this Monday in Rochester. His band, The Devin Townsend Project, will be performing at the Montage Music Hall with Obscura and a few locals (including Malformed and Order Of The Dead), and it should be a damned good time. Look for the interview on our Facebook page, as well as YouTube and our main website, very likely by Tuesday evening!
July 9, 2011 - Joe Marro
Listen to the Show - Pictures
Playlist;
Megadeth - The Conjuring
Metallica - Mercyful Fate
Black Country Communion - Crossfire
George Lynch - Brand New Day
Twisted Sister - Come Out And Play
Gentlemans Pistols - Into The Haze
Headcat - The Eagle Flies On Friday
Seven Witches - Harlot Of Troy
Symphony X - Heretic
Ozzy Osbourne - Crazy Train
Jungle Rot - Bloodties
Sepultura - Embrace The Storm
Hands - The Helix
Absolution Project - Playing God
August Burns Red - 40 Nights
Fugazi - Repeater
Morbid Angel - 10 More Dead
Chthonic - Southern Cross
Lock Up - Anvil Of Flesh
Decapitated - United
Demonical - Ravenous
Illnath - Scarecrow
The Greenery - Drag Beneath
Skalmold - Hefnd
Svartsot - Kunsten At Do
Anthrax - Fight 'Em 'Till You Can't
Channel Zero - Guns Of Navarone
Spellcaster - Power Rising
Jeff The Brotherhood - Ripper
Zeroking - Black Friday
Zombie Shaker Box - Industry Witch
George Lynch - Man On Fire
Gentlemans Pistols - Your Majesty
Fleshburn - Victims
Thorr-Axe - Hall Under The Mountain
Draconian - Dead World Assembly
Warlock - I Rule The Ruins
Pestilence - Doctrine
Exhumed - I Rot Within
Icon In Me - Un-Slaved
Denial Fiend - Horror Holocaust
Dream Theater - On The Backs Of Angels
Voodoo Highway - Gasoline Woman
Othin - False Revelations
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
Orodruin - Letter Of Life's Regret
Amplifier - Fractal
_____________________________________
Recap by The Metal Wulf;
Since we pretty much parted ways with almost anything remotely serious this week, I'll start the recap off with the lone moment of sanity from the evening:
So, Will Polson (who is a friend of Rick) and Lindsey Boykin (a friend of mine and Bill's) met on the show on the 29th of October, last year. They started dating shortly thereafter, and last night they had a little announcement to make. They are officially expecting a child, so I'm proud to announce that the Metallic Onslaught is looking forward to it's first offspring, as such...
Okay, so it's not actually the SHOW'S offspring, but...
Oh, never mind...
Congrats, Will and Lindsey!
This is where the Serious Boat drifts off and never comes back to shore...
Joe Marro returned for a couple of hours last night, and he brought his guitar! Which was awesome, outside of some interference problems, which we attributed to cell phone usage. May have to tone that down in the future, hmmmmm...
Of course, it didn't exactly help that Jeffie wanted to contribute to the music that Joe was playing. I mean, we were actually having fun as Joe just let his guitar do the talking for him.
To be honest, I'd have to say it was at least moderately entertaining as Jeffie exchanged banter with Joe's guitar. Made me tjhink of Steve Vai for some reason...
But, then Jeffie had to ruin something that was actually humorous by wanting to sing a song while Joe played, and it turned into this goofy, surreal mess...
Speaking of surreal, Jeffie got on the subject of Joe Marro being made of Smarties.
Or was it Skittles? Damn...
Thankfully this was after Joe had departed for the evening, so there was no way for him to fully suibstantiate that claim. Although I do believe he mentioned pieces of Joe being left behind, and suggesting that they tasted like Skittles...or Smarties...
SweetTarts, maybe?
Shit...
Have I mentioned yet that this Jeffie seems to be among the stupidest yet? Unfortunately, I've only known one other Jeffie in my two years on the show, so I've really got no basis for comparison. I mean, I've seen a lot of the older videos, and each Jeffie pretty much seems to be damned stupid. Still, I guess Joe and Rick would be able to tell when one seems to be surpassing the others. Looks like we've got a doozie this time!
So, let's look at a few moments from last night to show just how pathetic this one is...
Still going on about balloon-zippers for storage. Keeps goin' on and on about it, I swear it's the most ridiculous thing ever. Then somehow whales got brought into the equation (as in Beluga-zippers...), with the suggestion being made that whales are bigger and can hold more.
Personally, I just don't want to see Jeffie trying to inflate a whale...
Then there are things he mentioned throughout the evening that really didn't need to be shared with us, such as:
-His love of Suzi Q's and the white cream inside them...
-Passing a message to me from Azkath. Something about eight owls, which triggered an Olaf appearance. Apparently Olaf ranted and raved about seeing eight olws in his tree, and that it was an omen, a sign from Odin that me must go and hunt a vicious wolf. You realize that this will probably end badly...
-Rockin' Josh's bottom. Didn't need that image in my head, thank you...
-His hot, salted pre-buttered corn...
-Defintiely could have done without the exposure of his penii, as he put it. Penii, of course, suggesting he has more than one. I wouldn't know. As hard as he tried to make me look, I kept my eyes closed. Of course, that didn't stop him from sticking it into my belly button...ewwwwwww...
-Then there was something about Jeffie's belly button lint, which Josh seemed to think was somehow connected to a Jeffie virus? Not sure where that line of thought came from, but consider the source. I mean, Josh still thinks that there's another Jeffie out there somewhere, and that he's traveling through time! Josh, Josh, Josh...
You see, of course, what we're currently dealing with here. Not only is this Jeffie exceptionally stupid, but he could potentially be spreading it all throughout the show. Might be a dangerous combination...
Speaking of danger, there was a bit of a menacing air throughout the evening. A little edge of hostility that seemed to be aimed at yours truly. I could have sworn that at one point I heard Joe saying something like, "Kill, kill, kill...Randy, Randy, Randy...Kill, kill, kill...Randy, Randy, Randy...', over and over, in a low voice. And Bill didn't look very happy with me, but that probably had to do with my deleiting his YouTube videos. Still, I'm bringing them all back, bit by bit, so he shouldn't be TOO angry...
Of course, there was that, and also the fact that I'd had a cigarette. I mean, it was just ONE. In two weeks! No reason to want to do me bodily harm, really?
Tell that to Azkath, who called Jeffie and said I should be punished not only for smoking, but also for the YouTube debacle.
The plan was for Jeffie and Bill to pick me up and bodyslam me through the floor, which they did!
Y'know, I didn't think they could do it, but I'll give 'em credit. I went right through, among a clatter of pipes and insulation, and wood splinters...and an abrupt stop in the basement, on a concrete floor, with spiders...crawling all over me...as I spit up a great deal of blood...and...Jeffie adding insult to injury as he body splashed me from the upper floor...I think Josh may have slipped on blood and fallen on top of me...
Strange. I must have dreamed all of that, because if it had really happened, well, Hell, I'd be lucky to be alive! I mean, I'm in one piece, typing the recap, feeling pretty damned good to be honest.
In fact, I almost feel like I've been reborn, and can take on the whole world!
Yup, must've been a dream!
Playlist;
Megadeth - The Conjuring
Metallica - Mercyful Fate
Black Country Communion - Crossfire
George Lynch - Brand New Day
Twisted Sister - Come Out And Play
Gentlemans Pistols - Into The Haze
Headcat - The Eagle Flies On Friday
Seven Witches - Harlot Of Troy
Symphony X - Heretic
Ozzy Osbourne - Crazy Train
Jungle Rot - Bloodties
Sepultura - Embrace The Storm
Hands - The Helix
Absolution Project - Playing God
August Burns Red - 40 Nights
Fugazi - Repeater
Morbid Angel - 10 More Dead
Chthonic - Southern Cross
Lock Up - Anvil Of Flesh
Decapitated - United
Demonical - Ravenous
Illnath - Scarecrow
The Greenery - Drag Beneath
Skalmold - Hefnd
Svartsot - Kunsten At Do
Anthrax - Fight 'Em 'Till You Can't
Channel Zero - Guns Of Navarone
Spellcaster - Power Rising
Jeff The Brotherhood - Ripper
Zeroking - Black Friday
Zombie Shaker Box - Industry Witch
George Lynch - Man On Fire
Gentlemans Pistols - Your Majesty
Fleshburn - Victims
Thorr-Axe - Hall Under The Mountain
Draconian - Dead World Assembly
Warlock - I Rule The Ruins
Pestilence - Doctrine
Exhumed - I Rot Within
Icon In Me - Un-Slaved
Denial Fiend - Horror Holocaust
Dream Theater - On The Backs Of Angels
Voodoo Highway - Gasoline Woman
Othin - False Revelations
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
Orodruin - Letter Of Life's Regret
Amplifier - Fractal
_____________________________________
Recap by The Metal Wulf;
Since we pretty much parted ways with almost anything remotely serious this week, I'll start the recap off with the lone moment of sanity from the evening:
So, Will Polson (who is a friend of Rick) and Lindsey Boykin (a friend of mine and Bill's) met on the show on the 29th of October, last year. They started dating shortly thereafter, and last night they had a little announcement to make. They are officially expecting a child, so I'm proud to announce that the Metallic Onslaught is looking forward to it's first offspring, as such...
Okay, so it's not actually the SHOW'S offspring, but...
Oh, never mind...
Congrats, Will and Lindsey!
This is where the Serious Boat drifts off and never comes back to shore...
Joe Marro returned for a couple of hours last night, and he brought his guitar! Which was awesome, outside of some interference problems, which we attributed to cell phone usage. May have to tone that down in the future, hmmmmm...
Of course, it didn't exactly help that Jeffie wanted to contribute to the music that Joe was playing. I mean, we were actually having fun as Joe just let his guitar do the talking for him.
To be honest, I'd have to say it was at least moderately entertaining as Jeffie exchanged banter with Joe's guitar. Made me tjhink of Steve Vai for some reason...
But, then Jeffie had to ruin something that was actually humorous by wanting to sing a song while Joe played, and it turned into this goofy, surreal mess...
Speaking of surreal, Jeffie got on the subject of Joe Marro being made of Smarties.
Or was it Skittles? Damn...
Thankfully this was after Joe had departed for the evening, so there was no way for him to fully suibstantiate that claim. Although I do believe he mentioned pieces of Joe being left behind, and suggesting that they tasted like Skittles...or Smarties...
SweetTarts, maybe?
Shit...
Have I mentioned yet that this Jeffie seems to be among the stupidest yet? Unfortunately, I've only known one other Jeffie in my two years on the show, so I've really got no basis for comparison. I mean, I've seen a lot of the older videos, and each Jeffie pretty much seems to be damned stupid. Still, I guess Joe and Rick would be able to tell when one seems to be surpassing the others. Looks like we've got a doozie this time!
So, let's look at a few moments from last night to show just how pathetic this one is...
Still going on about balloon-zippers for storage. Keeps goin' on and on about it, I swear it's the most ridiculous thing ever. Then somehow whales got brought into the equation (as in Beluga-zippers...), with the suggestion being made that whales are bigger and can hold more.
Personally, I just don't want to see Jeffie trying to inflate a whale...
Then there are things he mentioned throughout the evening that really didn't need to be shared with us, such as:
-His love of Suzi Q's and the white cream inside them...
-Passing a message to me from Azkath. Something about eight owls, which triggered an Olaf appearance. Apparently Olaf ranted and raved about seeing eight olws in his tree, and that it was an omen, a sign from Odin that me must go and hunt a vicious wolf. You realize that this will probably end badly...
-Rockin' Josh's bottom. Didn't need that image in my head, thank you...
-His hot, salted pre-buttered corn...
-Defintiely could have done without the exposure of his penii, as he put it. Penii, of course, suggesting he has more than one. I wouldn't know. As hard as he tried to make me look, I kept my eyes closed. Of course, that didn't stop him from sticking it into my belly button...ewwwwwww...
-Then there was something about Jeffie's belly button lint, which Josh seemed to think was somehow connected to a Jeffie virus? Not sure where that line of thought came from, but consider the source. I mean, Josh still thinks that there's another Jeffie out there somewhere, and that he's traveling through time! Josh, Josh, Josh...
You see, of course, what we're currently dealing with here. Not only is this Jeffie exceptionally stupid, but he could potentially be spreading it all throughout the show. Might be a dangerous combination...
Speaking of danger, there was a bit of a menacing air throughout the evening. A little edge of hostility that seemed to be aimed at yours truly. I could have sworn that at one point I heard Joe saying something like, "Kill, kill, kill...Randy, Randy, Randy...Kill, kill, kill...Randy, Randy, Randy...', over and over, in a low voice. And Bill didn't look very happy with me, but that probably had to do with my deleiting his YouTube videos. Still, I'm bringing them all back, bit by bit, so he shouldn't be TOO angry...
Of course, there was that, and also the fact that I'd had a cigarette. I mean, it was just ONE. In two weeks! No reason to want to do me bodily harm, really?
Tell that to Azkath, who called Jeffie and said I should be punished not only for smoking, but also for the YouTube debacle.
The plan was for Jeffie and Bill to pick me up and bodyslam me through the floor, which they did!
Y'know, I didn't think they could do it, but I'll give 'em credit. I went right through, among a clatter of pipes and insulation, and wood splinters...and an abrupt stop in the basement, on a concrete floor, with spiders...crawling all over me...as I spit up a great deal of blood...and...Jeffie adding insult to injury as he body splashed me from the upper floor...I think Josh may have slipped on blood and fallen on top of me...
Strange. I must have dreamed all of that, because if it had really happened, well, Hell, I'd be lucky to be alive! I mean, I'm in one piece, typing the recap, feeling pretty damned good to be honest.
In fact, I almost feel like I've been reborn, and can take on the whole world!
Yup, must've been a dream!
July 2, 2011 - Jane Evil
Listen to the Show
Playlist
Black Country Communion - The Battle For Hadrian's Wall
Twisted Sister - Be Chrool To Your Scuel
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
Headcat - The Eagle Flies On Friday
Ozzy Osbourne - I Don't Know
Voodoo Highway - Till It Bleeds
The Rods - I Just Wanna Rock
Megadeth - Peace Sells
Cypherseer - Red Rain
Stone Soul Foundation - Ain't No Mystery
Deceased - Cloned (Day Of The Robot)
Thorr-Axe - Dragon King
Pestilence - Malignant
Jane Evil - March Of The Damned
Gentlemans Pistols - The Ravisher
Hands - Northern Lights
Dream Theater - On The Backs Of Angels
Steel Kingdom - Fortune Teller
Skalmold - Sorg
Hackneyed - Magic Malignancy
Earth Crisis - Total War
Svartsot - Dodedansen
Jane Evil - Not Your Saviour
Order Of The Dead - Brotherhood Of Darkness
Orodruin - Dark Rune
Cauldron - Frozen In Fire
Metallica - Whiskey In The Jar
Spater - Rat Salad
Temple Of The Dog - Hunger Strike
Stone Soul Foundation - Christian
Blizaro - City Of The Living Nightmare
A Viking Funeral - Shadows Of The Wolfpack
Exhumed - Your Funeral My Feast
Jungle Rot - Rise Up And Revolt
Death - Suicide Machine
Mastodon - Sleeping Giant
Morbid Angel - Immortal Rites
Cradle Of Filth - Her Ghost In The Fog
The Black Dahlia Murder - Great Burning Nullifier
August Burns Red - Poor Millionaire
Vanna - History On Repeat
Denial Fiend - Flesh Coffin
Trivium - In Waves
MonstrO - Anchors Up!
Icon In Me - Un-Slaved
Machine Head - Locust
The Rain I Bleed - Nightmares
________________________________________
Recap by The Metal Wulf;
So, after an absence of roughly three years, Jane Evil stopped in to hang with us. For those unfamiliar, Jane is no stranger for the local scene, having fronted Haunted By Angels and her own Jane Evil Band over the years, as well ab being involved with Zadoc And The Nightmare, as well. Most recently, she's earned the vocalist spot in Rochester's Steel Kingdom, replacing Sean Williams, who has fallen terminally ill.
For those who are interested in hearing Jane in her first appearance singing for Steel Kingdom, they'll be playing next Saturday night (July 9th) at the Women's Right To Rock Festival in Seneca Falls, which is a free event taking place the entire weekend. I can pretty well guarantee you'll see siome of the Onslaught crew out there as well, so come on down and hang out!
Jane was also kind enough to take some time for an interview, which is now up on YouTube, and can also be seen on Metallic Onslaught's Facebook page.
Oh, we also assured Jane that she's more than welcome to just come and hang with us any old time, even if it's not to promote anything musical.
So, onto other topics. Joe and I ended up sharing a story from a couple weeks back while we were riding home after the show. It was a moderately foggy evening, and somewhere between Border City and Waterloo we saw this figure lunge from the side of the road, arms waving, thumb out as if to hitch a ride. I had a very brief glimpse of what looked like a very slender woman with long, dark, lanky hair,
Naturally, this kind of freaked us out just a little bit. We have no clue as to what the situation was, or who the person was, just a gangly figure in the fog, looking like it was trying to get someplace else as soon as possible. Joking remarks were made regarding what Joe referred to as the "zombie chick", but to be honest, it was pretty damned creepy. I'd say we really don't need to encounter anything like that anytime soon...
What else...
Jeffie arrived, babbling something about balloon zippers.
Yeah, I'm not even going to speculate on what the hell that was all about. Something about putting zippers on balloons and using them for ceiling storage. One of those scenarios that's so utterly ridiculous that it makes my brain throb in agony trying to sort it all out...
Just ain't worth the effort, best not to think about it...
We also discussed an epic fail that came about as a result of my not paying proper attention to what the hell I was doing.
So, it's like this: Bill doesn't yet own his own computer, so when he records interviews for the Onslaught or gets some live clips from shows, he takes the files he's recorded on his Droid-X and imports them to my computer. He would then upload accordingly to his own YouTube account if he happened to have a night free to hang out here. He'd upload, I'd pop in a flick or two, and we'd just kinda hang out.
Well, in the interest of getting an abundance of clips uploaded in a timely manner, Bill entrusted me with his log-in info so I could do the job for him while he was at work. This has worked out well in the past, but on Wednesday night, something went terribly, terribly wrong...
Okay, so it was initially just ONE LITTLE FAILED UPLOAD! I went to deletei it, thought I'd checked the box for JUST THAT VIDEO, and found out later that I'd deleted EVERYTHING on Bill's YouTube...
Over 80 videos...
Gone...
Now, in retrospect folks have said that Bill should have contacted YouTube and they probably could have restored everything after explaining the situation. But, the thought of re-uploading everything was a bit too intimidating, and Bill deleted his account entirely.
Now, obviously I've felt like an utter dick about the whole thing, and despte assurances that I shouldn't kick myself in the ass over it, I have been. However, I've also taken the time to begin re-uploading his material to my account, which I fully intend on sharing with him as needed. I fucked up big time, and it's the least I could do. So, from now on, my YouTube page is also Bill's. I may even change the user name to reflect that, if possible.
Let's see, we could try Wulfliam...Metalliam...MetalBILL!!!...or maybe BILLwulf...
Hmmmmm...
Maybe not...
Playlist
Black Country Communion - The Battle For Hadrian's Wall
Twisted Sister - Be Chrool To Your Scuel
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
Headcat - The Eagle Flies On Friday
Ozzy Osbourne - I Don't Know
Voodoo Highway - Till It Bleeds
The Rods - I Just Wanna Rock
Megadeth - Peace Sells
Cypherseer - Red Rain
Stone Soul Foundation - Ain't No Mystery
Deceased - Cloned (Day Of The Robot)
Thorr-Axe - Dragon King
Pestilence - Malignant
Jane Evil - March Of The Damned
Gentlemans Pistols - The Ravisher
Hands - Northern Lights
Dream Theater - On The Backs Of Angels
Steel Kingdom - Fortune Teller
Skalmold - Sorg
Hackneyed - Magic Malignancy
Earth Crisis - Total War
Svartsot - Dodedansen
Jane Evil - Not Your Saviour
Order Of The Dead - Brotherhood Of Darkness
Orodruin - Dark Rune
Cauldron - Frozen In Fire
Metallica - Whiskey In The Jar
Spater - Rat Salad
Temple Of The Dog - Hunger Strike
Stone Soul Foundation - Christian
Blizaro - City Of The Living Nightmare
A Viking Funeral - Shadows Of The Wolfpack
Exhumed - Your Funeral My Feast
Jungle Rot - Rise Up And Revolt
Death - Suicide Machine
Mastodon - Sleeping Giant
Morbid Angel - Immortal Rites
Cradle Of Filth - Her Ghost In The Fog
The Black Dahlia Murder - Great Burning Nullifier
August Burns Red - Poor Millionaire
Vanna - History On Repeat
Denial Fiend - Flesh Coffin
Trivium - In Waves
MonstrO - Anchors Up!
Icon In Me - Un-Slaved
Machine Head - Locust
The Rain I Bleed - Nightmares
________________________________________
Recap by The Metal Wulf;
So, after an absence of roughly three years, Jane Evil stopped in to hang with us. For those unfamiliar, Jane is no stranger for the local scene, having fronted Haunted By Angels and her own Jane Evil Band over the years, as well ab being involved with Zadoc And The Nightmare, as well. Most recently, she's earned the vocalist spot in Rochester's Steel Kingdom, replacing Sean Williams, who has fallen terminally ill.
For those who are interested in hearing Jane in her first appearance singing for Steel Kingdom, they'll be playing next Saturday night (July 9th) at the Women's Right To Rock Festival in Seneca Falls, which is a free event taking place the entire weekend. I can pretty well guarantee you'll see siome of the Onslaught crew out there as well, so come on down and hang out!
Jane was also kind enough to take some time for an interview, which is now up on YouTube, and can also be seen on Metallic Onslaught's Facebook page.
Oh, we also assured Jane that she's more than welcome to just come and hang with us any old time, even if it's not to promote anything musical.
So, onto other topics. Joe and I ended up sharing a story from a couple weeks back while we were riding home after the show. It was a moderately foggy evening, and somewhere between Border City and Waterloo we saw this figure lunge from the side of the road, arms waving, thumb out as if to hitch a ride. I had a very brief glimpse of what looked like a very slender woman with long, dark, lanky hair,
Naturally, this kind of freaked us out just a little bit. We have no clue as to what the situation was, or who the person was, just a gangly figure in the fog, looking like it was trying to get someplace else as soon as possible. Joking remarks were made regarding what Joe referred to as the "zombie chick", but to be honest, it was pretty damned creepy. I'd say we really don't need to encounter anything like that anytime soon...
What else...
Jeffie arrived, babbling something about balloon zippers.
Yeah, I'm not even going to speculate on what the hell that was all about. Something about putting zippers on balloons and using them for ceiling storage. One of those scenarios that's so utterly ridiculous that it makes my brain throb in agony trying to sort it all out...
Just ain't worth the effort, best not to think about it...
We also discussed an epic fail that came about as a result of my not paying proper attention to what the hell I was doing.
So, it's like this: Bill doesn't yet own his own computer, so when he records interviews for the Onslaught or gets some live clips from shows, he takes the files he's recorded on his Droid-X and imports them to my computer. He would then upload accordingly to his own YouTube account if he happened to have a night free to hang out here. He'd upload, I'd pop in a flick or two, and we'd just kinda hang out.
Well, in the interest of getting an abundance of clips uploaded in a timely manner, Bill entrusted me with his log-in info so I could do the job for him while he was at work. This has worked out well in the past, but on Wednesday night, something went terribly, terribly wrong...
Okay, so it was initially just ONE LITTLE FAILED UPLOAD! I went to deletei it, thought I'd checked the box for JUST THAT VIDEO, and found out later that I'd deleted EVERYTHING on Bill's YouTube...
Over 80 videos...
Gone...
Now, in retrospect folks have said that Bill should have contacted YouTube and they probably could have restored everything after explaining the situation. But, the thought of re-uploading everything was a bit too intimidating, and Bill deleted his account entirely.
Now, obviously I've felt like an utter dick about the whole thing, and despte assurances that I shouldn't kick myself in the ass over it, I have been. However, I've also taken the time to begin re-uploading his material to my account, which I fully intend on sharing with him as needed. I fucked up big time, and it's the least I could do. So, from now on, my YouTube page is also Bill's. I may even change the user name to reflect that, if possible.
Let's see, we could try Wulfliam...Metalliam...MetalBILL!!!...or maybe BILLwulf...
Hmmmmm...
Maybe not...
June 25, 2011 - Fixing Randy...
Listen to the Show - Pictures
Playlist
Gentlemans Pistols - Midnight Crawler
Megadeth - The Conjuring
Pyramaze - Bring Back Life
Symphony X - Bastards Of The Machine
Death - Lack Of Comprehension
Whitesnake - Crying In The Rain
Twisted Sister - One Man Woman
Pagan's Mind - Eyes Of Fire
Morbid Angel - Blades For Baal
Headcat - American Beat
The Black Dahlia Murder - The Grave Robbers Work
August Burns Red - Cutting The Ties
Cypherseer - Dying Force
Fleshburn - Live Thru Pain
Jungle Rot - Kill On Command
Clutch - Soapmakers
Deceased - In The Laboratory Of Joyous Gloom
Gentlemans Pistols - Into The Haze
U.D.O. - Motor-Borg
Hope For The Dying - Imminent War
Ark Of The Covenant - Locusts Look Like Horses
Dynasty - Wisdom & Truth
Nightshade - Lose Your Friends
Affiance - Call To The Warrior
Burn Everything - Ambulance Chaser
Polkadot Cadaver - Bloodsucker
TYR - Fields Of The Fallen
Autopsy - Bridge Of Bones
Anorexia Nervosa - Sister September
Book Of Black Earth - Research And Destroy
Black Sabbath - The Fallen
Black Sabbath - Trashed
A Pale Horse Named Death - To Die In your Arms
Black Tide - walking Dead Man
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
Sourvein - Holy Transfusion
Order Of Nine - Gods At War
Vanna - Breathing At the Bottom
Draconian - Elysian Night
Devin Townsend Project - Deconstruction
The Clandestined - Swinging Like Judas
Chained And Desperate - Rely On Fears
Acid Drinkers - Seasons In The Abyss
James Byrd's Atlantis Rising - Fallen Warrior
Ozzy Osbourne - Steal Away (The Night)
The Rods - The Code
_______________________________________________
Recap by The Metal Wulf;
So, the latest edition of the Onslaught capped off a very cool week, I must say. As of last Sunday (June 19), we hit a big mark on our Facebook page as we finally achieved 666 "Likes", and we're now pushing for the 700 mark, which we really aren't so very far from at the moment. And while this may seem like we're pushing it, we'd love to hit 1,000 Likes by the end of the 4th of July weekend. Still, we're just gonna think realistically and continue to just be grateful for the continued support of the local and regional music scene (fans or bands or both), as we continue to support them! Really, it's pretty damned cool how things just come together sometimes!
So, we had a big focus on new music last night, and there were definitely a few things that stood out strongly to me. Pagan's Mind (from Norway) seems to be an extremely tight power metal combo, and I was greatly impressed with the track we played from them. Must hear more! Headcat is a rockabilly combo (yeah, I said ROCKABILLY!!! Just deal with it...) that features Motorhead's Lemmy Kilmister, The Stray Cat's Slim Jim Phantom and The Lonesome Spur's Danny B. Harvey. Not even remotely metal, but cool as hell nonetheless. Take my word for it, they're well worth a listen or two! Gentleman's Pistols (from Great Britain) impressed me as well, a nice throwback to a sound similar to what was popular around the late 70's and early 80's. Just good, hard rocking music. I have a suspicion that these guys could actually be a big deal in the future. Check 'em out!
Played a new Anthrax track ("Fight 'Em "til You Can't", which was AMAZING! Can't wait to hear the full disc when it comes out, which I believe should be out sometime in September. If the rest of that disc are as good as "Fight 'em...", then it should be more than worth the wait!
Joe assigned me a bit of homework regarding another new release, this one being Rev Raptor by U.D.O. Joe wants to know if there's any significance to the U.D.O. logo looking like an acronym. Personally, I think the little guy has just been toying with our heads for the past 22-23 years... Still, I promised to look into it, and I fully plan on doing just that! Stay posted!
So, after all that great music, what was left? The usual assortment of goofy wrongness that everybody has come to expect from us, of course!
An early discussion centered around the selling of my man-kini after No Pants Day 2012. Now, I was willing to entertain the thought of putting it up on E-Bay fresh out of the wash, but...
Okay, for some reason somebody (Will) thought it would be more entertaining to sell the man-kini after it's been worn every day for the next ten-and-a-half months, and to me, that's just pushing the wrongness scale a little too much. I assure you that there is no way that I'm wearing that thing every day until next May, through the steamiest, hottest, most ball-drippingly gross days of summer and beyond, only to put that sweaty, unwashed thing up for bids without being run through at least ONE rinse cycle!
I mean, anything less would just be disgusting, ya know?
Let's see, a discussion regarding Bill wanting to get cheap palm trees at BJ's led to something being said about Bill getting cheap BJ's...from cheap hookers...at BJ's...
Yeah, probably shouldn't pursue that one too far...
Moving right along!
Jeffie was on hand once again. Yeah, it's a little weird getting back into that kind of vibe. It's been so long since we've had a Jeffie showing up regularly that it's been a little stressful trying to adapt once again. I mean, really, we've all gotten so used to NOT having our personal belongings shoved down Jeffie's pants that it almost came as a complete gross-out shock when the ear buds to Josh's MP3 player went right...into...Jeffie's boxers...
How 'bout a little ball cheese to go with that ear wax, Josh?
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
Had another Olaf moment, which is still really awkward. I mean, it's just weird not being myself for these unknown stretches of time, only to come back to find myself holding a large hammer, or wearing a silly cloth helmet...
Anyhoo, after a couple of Olaf moments, Jeffie decided to take some action. Apparently he thought he could cure me of Olaf by throwing a chair at my head.
In the end, the only thing he really succeeded at was hitting me, HARD, and making me bleed.
A LOT...
I mean, even after another set of music, I was still bleeding. I was actually getting a little delirious as well. Brain damage? Loss of blood? You're guess is as good as mine. All I know is that at one point I was singing A-Ha's "Take On Me"...badly!
Of course, it probalbly wasn't too good that we discovered that part of my scalp was hanging off, and when the issue was addressed Joe just called me a wuss...
In the end, things just got worse, as my whining and bad singing prompted the suggestion that my mouth be glued shut. And let's not forget the idea of stuffing a full bag of Skittles up my nostrils! Yep, grand plan, guys, thanks a bunch!
So, the last thing folks heard on this week's show was the sound of me trying to scream and curse through a pair of glued lips, at the same time trying to expel a full bag of Skittles through my nose.
Yeah, it was EVERY BIT as unpleasant as it sounds, thank you very little!
Playlist
Gentlemans Pistols - Midnight Crawler
Megadeth - The Conjuring
Pyramaze - Bring Back Life
Symphony X - Bastards Of The Machine
Death - Lack Of Comprehension
Whitesnake - Crying In The Rain
Twisted Sister - One Man Woman
Pagan's Mind - Eyes Of Fire
Morbid Angel - Blades For Baal
Headcat - American Beat
The Black Dahlia Murder - The Grave Robbers Work
August Burns Red - Cutting The Ties
Cypherseer - Dying Force
Fleshburn - Live Thru Pain
Jungle Rot - Kill On Command
Clutch - Soapmakers
Deceased - In The Laboratory Of Joyous Gloom
Gentlemans Pistols - Into The Haze
U.D.O. - Motor-Borg
Hope For The Dying - Imminent War
Ark Of The Covenant - Locusts Look Like Horses
Dynasty - Wisdom & Truth
Nightshade - Lose Your Friends
Affiance - Call To The Warrior
Burn Everything - Ambulance Chaser
Polkadot Cadaver - Bloodsucker
TYR - Fields Of The Fallen
Autopsy - Bridge Of Bones
Anorexia Nervosa - Sister September
Book Of Black Earth - Research And Destroy
Black Sabbath - The Fallen
Black Sabbath - Trashed
A Pale Horse Named Death - To Die In your Arms
Black Tide - walking Dead Man
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
Sourvein - Holy Transfusion
Order Of Nine - Gods At War
Vanna - Breathing At the Bottom
Draconian - Elysian Night
Devin Townsend Project - Deconstruction
The Clandestined - Swinging Like Judas
Chained And Desperate - Rely On Fears
Acid Drinkers - Seasons In The Abyss
James Byrd's Atlantis Rising - Fallen Warrior
Ozzy Osbourne - Steal Away (The Night)
The Rods - The Code
_______________________________________________
Recap by The Metal Wulf;
So, the latest edition of the Onslaught capped off a very cool week, I must say. As of last Sunday (June 19), we hit a big mark on our Facebook page as we finally achieved 666 "Likes", and we're now pushing for the 700 mark, which we really aren't so very far from at the moment. And while this may seem like we're pushing it, we'd love to hit 1,000 Likes by the end of the 4th of July weekend. Still, we're just gonna think realistically and continue to just be grateful for the continued support of the local and regional music scene (fans or bands or both), as we continue to support them! Really, it's pretty damned cool how things just come together sometimes!
So, we had a big focus on new music last night, and there were definitely a few things that stood out strongly to me. Pagan's Mind (from Norway) seems to be an extremely tight power metal combo, and I was greatly impressed with the track we played from them. Must hear more! Headcat is a rockabilly combo (yeah, I said ROCKABILLY!!! Just deal with it...) that features Motorhead's Lemmy Kilmister, The Stray Cat's Slim Jim Phantom and The Lonesome Spur's Danny B. Harvey. Not even remotely metal, but cool as hell nonetheless. Take my word for it, they're well worth a listen or two! Gentleman's Pistols (from Great Britain) impressed me as well, a nice throwback to a sound similar to what was popular around the late 70's and early 80's. Just good, hard rocking music. I have a suspicion that these guys could actually be a big deal in the future. Check 'em out!
Played a new Anthrax track ("Fight 'Em "til You Can't", which was AMAZING! Can't wait to hear the full disc when it comes out, which I believe should be out sometime in September. If the rest of that disc are as good as "Fight 'em...", then it should be more than worth the wait!
Joe assigned me a bit of homework regarding another new release, this one being Rev Raptor by U.D.O. Joe wants to know if there's any significance to the U.D.O. logo looking like an acronym. Personally, I think the little guy has just been toying with our heads for the past 22-23 years... Still, I promised to look into it, and I fully plan on doing just that! Stay posted!
So, after all that great music, what was left? The usual assortment of goofy wrongness that everybody has come to expect from us, of course!
An early discussion centered around the selling of my man-kini after No Pants Day 2012. Now, I was willing to entertain the thought of putting it up on E-Bay fresh out of the wash, but...
Okay, for some reason somebody (Will) thought it would be more entertaining to sell the man-kini after it's been worn every day for the next ten-and-a-half months, and to me, that's just pushing the wrongness scale a little too much. I assure you that there is no way that I'm wearing that thing every day until next May, through the steamiest, hottest, most ball-drippingly gross days of summer and beyond, only to put that sweaty, unwashed thing up for bids without being run through at least ONE rinse cycle!
I mean, anything less would just be disgusting, ya know?
Let's see, a discussion regarding Bill wanting to get cheap palm trees at BJ's led to something being said about Bill getting cheap BJ's...from cheap hookers...at BJ's...
Yeah, probably shouldn't pursue that one too far...
Moving right along!
Jeffie was on hand once again. Yeah, it's a little weird getting back into that kind of vibe. It's been so long since we've had a Jeffie showing up regularly that it's been a little stressful trying to adapt once again. I mean, really, we've all gotten so used to NOT having our personal belongings shoved down Jeffie's pants that it almost came as a complete gross-out shock when the ear buds to Josh's MP3 player went right...into...Jeffie's boxers...
How 'bout a little ball cheese to go with that ear wax, Josh?
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
Had another Olaf moment, which is still really awkward. I mean, it's just weird not being myself for these unknown stretches of time, only to come back to find myself holding a large hammer, or wearing a silly cloth helmet...
Anyhoo, after a couple of Olaf moments, Jeffie decided to take some action. Apparently he thought he could cure me of Olaf by throwing a chair at my head.
In the end, the only thing he really succeeded at was hitting me, HARD, and making me bleed.
A LOT...
I mean, even after another set of music, I was still bleeding. I was actually getting a little delirious as well. Brain damage? Loss of blood? You're guess is as good as mine. All I know is that at one point I was singing A-Ha's "Take On Me"...badly!
Of course, it probalbly wasn't too good that we discovered that part of my scalp was hanging off, and when the issue was addressed Joe just called me a wuss...
In the end, things just got worse, as my whining and bad singing prompted the suggestion that my mouth be glued shut. And let's not forget the idea of stuffing a full bag of Skittles up my nostrils! Yep, grand plan, guys, thanks a bunch!
So, the last thing folks heard on this week's show was the sound of me trying to scream and curse through a pair of glued lips, at the same time trying to expel a full bag of Skittles through my nose.
Yeah, it was EVERY BIT as unpleasant as it sounds, thank you very little!
June 18, 2011 - Joe's Birthday
Listen to the Show - Pictures
Playlist
Apostle Of Solitude - Coldest Love
Death - God Of Thunder
Twisted Sister - The Fire Still Burns
Stream Of Passion - Broken
Draconian - Elysian Night
A Storm Of Light - Wasteland
Cypherseer - Lost, Plagued And Redefined
In Solitude - Demons
Metal Church - Watch The Children Pray
Alice Cooper - He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask)
Metallica - ...And Justice For All
The Rods - I Just Wanna Rock
Ozzy Osbourne - Believer
Morbid Angel - Nevermore
The Black Dahlia Murder - The Raven
Polkadot Cadaver - Slaughterhouse Striptease
Deceased - Skin Crawling Process
The Untold Lies - Enemy
Novembers Doom - Buried
A Pale Horse Named Death - Devil In The Closet
Burn Everything - Ghost Of The Waves
Vanna - History On Repeat
Devin Townsend Project - Stand
Unexpect - Mechanical Phoenix
IKILLYA - Bombs Away
Anorexia Nervosa - I'll Kill You
Black Country Communion - Save Me
Rival Sons - White Noise
Seven Witches - Ragnarock
Unearth - Watch It Burn
Spater - Rat Salad
Cry To The Blind - Better Than Me
Black Stone Cherry - Let Me See You Shake
Black Tide - Walking Dead Man
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
Slayer - South Of Heaven
Alestorm - Midget Saw
Tyr - Take Your Tyrant
Anthrax - Aftershock
Chrome Division - Zombies And Monsters
_____________________________________________
Recap by The Metal Wulf;
So, after the out of control insanity of last week, I figured we'd be hard pressed to follow that goofiness up for a second straight week.
I was wrong, so terribly, terribly wrong...
The Demon Azkath, Just Joe, and Foul Mouth Girl from The Last Exit For The Lost showed up to honor the birthday of our long-suffering host, Joe Wyatt. We celebrated by doing a variation of a Russian Roulette show. If you're familiar with The Last Exit, you know what I'm talking about. For those new to this concept, allow me to explain:
In a traditional Russian Roulette show, "bullets" are chosen at random from a bag, but only when certain songs are played. These songs usually fall into the category of cheesy, overplayed stuff. Each "bullet" is actually a small slip of paper with a special action or activity printed on it. For example, if Joe had chosen the slip that said Just Joe Hugs Everybody, that's what would happen. And, as I recall, that did transpire. One of the more tolerable bullets, to be honest. Believe me, they can get pretty brutal...
So, in this variation, Joe the birthday boy got to pick a random bullet during each talk break, and got to choose who got to perform the action written on that particular bullet.
Much to Joe's dismay, one of the first bullets to be pulled said that Joe had to play Alice Cooper's "He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask)". Not one of Alice's most popular tracks on our show. Personally, I really don't mind it so much, but Joe can't stand it, so you can only imagine how that went over...
But, in the end, the song was played, and Joe complained that his birthday was starting to suck. And things weren't about to get any better...
The next bullet said "Randy Dances". Now, this was kind of tough, because anything with a danceable rhythm is kind of scarce on our show. However, I had a little brainstorm. There's an old classic rock song called "Black Betty" that never fails to get me moving, and thankfully Azkath had a version of it handy. Yes, that is what I danced to, and I'm thinking from here on in, that song's got to be my official dancing music.
During my performance, it was suggested that I give out lap dances. Joe didn't seem very receptive, though, so I moved on to Will, Lindsey, Kasey, and Josh. Can't really say that what I was doing could best be described as a lap dance, though. More like random humping motions, in rhythm, of course.
Overall, my efforts really weren't appreciated that much.
Amd Joe's compaints continued...
Things picked up on the next bullet. Funny thing is, Josh jumped at the chance to take one more the team when this bullet, which was called "Through The Board", was drawn.
A large, and moderately thin, board was placed on the floor, held up by two cinder blocks. It was then debated as to who was going to go through the board, and how they were going to go through. After much deliberation it was decided that Azkath would actually be the one to go through.
Further deliberation ensued as to HOW he would go through...
Approximately five minutes later, it was finally decided that Rick and I would do a double chokeslam on Azkath. It went pretty well, all told. I mean, Azkath was able to still talk and walk about afterward, so I guess he must have been okay.
Will was the subject of the next bullet, entitled "Hammer Smashed Face". Will had to lie on the floor, holding a Mac Book in front of his face. Azkath then took a VERY large hammer (and when I say large, imagine Viking weaponry...), and proceeded to smash the Mac Book over Will's face. Eventually the book was just left on the floor to be abused as we passed the hammer from person to person. I honestly thought we were going to lose Josh to a full-blown Viking Berserker Rage, and even I started to enjoy swinging that thing just a little too much.
Let's face it, Azkath's got some REEEEAAAALLLLY cool toys at his disposal!
Joe's birthday present from Azkath was finally revealed, much to the dismay of all. Yes, I regret to inform the Metallic Onslaught listening community that a brand new Jeffie has been created and unleashed on our show.
It was all good though, because the newest Jeffie made the perfect subject for the next bullet, which was entitled "DVD Player To The Head". Now, it was around this time that an old guest of ours decided to pop in unexpectedly. UWF wrestler, Jay Flyer, showed up with his security staff, and it was actually Jay's head of security who got to swing the DVD player at Jeffie's skull.
It didn't take long for the real carnage to happen. We ended up with a full-on Onslaught/Security staff brawl, and once the smoke cleared, I found myself holding that monstrous hammer, and wearing that goofy viking helmet that keeps popping up in my vicinity. Oh, have I mentioned that it seems this new "personality" is called Olaf?
Go figure...
Next bullet: Hugs! Yes, Just Joe made his rounds, accompanied by Jeffie, hugging everybody in their paths. To be honest, this was kind of a breath of fresh air, following everything else.
Speaking of fresh, Josh got the opportunity to freshen up Just Joe, because the next bullet requred that Just Joe be bathed. Not sure how that went for Josh. I mean, there IS a shower upstairs, and the two of them went up together, and Just Joe DID come back in his boxers, and with wet hair, so....
I'm guessing it was a success?
Time flies when your having fun, as the saying goes, and the final bullet of the evening once again fell on Just Joe. This one was called "Basement Time", and it was with the promise of cake that Just Joe was lured inside the door behind the basement. He was promptly shut in and told to be careful of the spiders...
I really can't blame Just Joe for screaming like a little red-haired girl with skinned knees. I don't particlularly care for spiders eithes, which probably explains my own screams when he came out of the basement and started hugging me, allowing the spiders to leave his body and crawl all over mine...
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!
And so, it was on that note that Joe's birthday celebration for this year came to a close, meaning this will probably be the last time we experience the Russian Roulette fun for at least another, oh, seven weeks or so, when Bill's birthday rolls around!
Playlist
Apostle Of Solitude - Coldest Love
Death - God Of Thunder
Twisted Sister - The Fire Still Burns
Stream Of Passion - Broken
Draconian - Elysian Night
A Storm Of Light - Wasteland
Cypherseer - Lost, Plagued And Redefined
In Solitude - Demons
Metal Church - Watch The Children Pray
Alice Cooper - He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask)
Metallica - ...And Justice For All
The Rods - I Just Wanna Rock
Ozzy Osbourne - Believer
Morbid Angel - Nevermore
The Black Dahlia Murder - The Raven
Polkadot Cadaver - Slaughterhouse Striptease
Deceased - Skin Crawling Process
The Untold Lies - Enemy
Novembers Doom - Buried
A Pale Horse Named Death - Devil In The Closet
Burn Everything - Ghost Of The Waves
Vanna - History On Repeat
Devin Townsend Project - Stand
Unexpect - Mechanical Phoenix
IKILLYA - Bombs Away
Anorexia Nervosa - I'll Kill You
Black Country Communion - Save Me
Rival Sons - White Noise
Seven Witches - Ragnarock
Unearth - Watch It Burn
Spater - Rat Salad
Cry To The Blind - Better Than Me
Black Stone Cherry - Let Me See You Shake
Black Tide - Walking Dead Man
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
Slayer - South Of Heaven
Alestorm - Midget Saw
Tyr - Take Your Tyrant
Anthrax - Aftershock
Chrome Division - Zombies And Monsters
_____________________________________________
Recap by The Metal Wulf;
So, after the out of control insanity of last week, I figured we'd be hard pressed to follow that goofiness up for a second straight week.
I was wrong, so terribly, terribly wrong...
The Demon Azkath, Just Joe, and Foul Mouth Girl from The Last Exit For The Lost showed up to honor the birthday of our long-suffering host, Joe Wyatt. We celebrated by doing a variation of a Russian Roulette show. If you're familiar with The Last Exit, you know what I'm talking about. For those new to this concept, allow me to explain:
In a traditional Russian Roulette show, "bullets" are chosen at random from a bag, but only when certain songs are played. These songs usually fall into the category of cheesy, overplayed stuff. Each "bullet" is actually a small slip of paper with a special action or activity printed on it. For example, if Joe had chosen the slip that said Just Joe Hugs Everybody, that's what would happen. And, as I recall, that did transpire. One of the more tolerable bullets, to be honest. Believe me, they can get pretty brutal...
So, in this variation, Joe the birthday boy got to pick a random bullet during each talk break, and got to choose who got to perform the action written on that particular bullet.
Much to Joe's dismay, one of the first bullets to be pulled said that Joe had to play Alice Cooper's "He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask)". Not one of Alice's most popular tracks on our show. Personally, I really don't mind it so much, but Joe can't stand it, so you can only imagine how that went over...
But, in the end, the song was played, and Joe complained that his birthday was starting to suck. And things weren't about to get any better...
The next bullet said "Randy Dances". Now, this was kind of tough, because anything with a danceable rhythm is kind of scarce on our show. However, I had a little brainstorm. There's an old classic rock song called "Black Betty" that never fails to get me moving, and thankfully Azkath had a version of it handy. Yes, that is what I danced to, and I'm thinking from here on in, that song's got to be my official dancing music.
During my performance, it was suggested that I give out lap dances. Joe didn't seem very receptive, though, so I moved on to Will, Lindsey, Kasey, and Josh. Can't really say that what I was doing could best be described as a lap dance, though. More like random humping motions, in rhythm, of course.
Overall, my efforts really weren't appreciated that much.
Amd Joe's compaints continued...
Things picked up on the next bullet. Funny thing is, Josh jumped at the chance to take one more the team when this bullet, which was called "Through The Board", was drawn.
A large, and moderately thin, board was placed on the floor, held up by two cinder blocks. It was then debated as to who was going to go through the board, and how they were going to go through. After much deliberation it was decided that Azkath would actually be the one to go through.
Further deliberation ensued as to HOW he would go through...
Approximately five minutes later, it was finally decided that Rick and I would do a double chokeslam on Azkath. It went pretty well, all told. I mean, Azkath was able to still talk and walk about afterward, so I guess he must have been okay.
Will was the subject of the next bullet, entitled "Hammer Smashed Face". Will had to lie on the floor, holding a Mac Book in front of his face. Azkath then took a VERY large hammer (and when I say large, imagine Viking weaponry...), and proceeded to smash the Mac Book over Will's face. Eventually the book was just left on the floor to be abused as we passed the hammer from person to person. I honestly thought we were going to lose Josh to a full-blown Viking Berserker Rage, and even I started to enjoy swinging that thing just a little too much.
Let's face it, Azkath's got some REEEEAAAALLLLY cool toys at his disposal!
Joe's birthday present from Azkath was finally revealed, much to the dismay of all. Yes, I regret to inform the Metallic Onslaught listening community that a brand new Jeffie has been created and unleashed on our show.
It was all good though, because the newest Jeffie made the perfect subject for the next bullet, which was entitled "DVD Player To The Head". Now, it was around this time that an old guest of ours decided to pop in unexpectedly. UWF wrestler, Jay Flyer, showed up with his security staff, and it was actually Jay's head of security who got to swing the DVD player at Jeffie's skull.
It didn't take long for the real carnage to happen. We ended up with a full-on Onslaught/Security staff brawl, and once the smoke cleared, I found myself holding that monstrous hammer, and wearing that goofy viking helmet that keeps popping up in my vicinity. Oh, have I mentioned that it seems this new "personality" is called Olaf?
Go figure...
Next bullet: Hugs! Yes, Just Joe made his rounds, accompanied by Jeffie, hugging everybody in their paths. To be honest, this was kind of a breath of fresh air, following everything else.
Speaking of fresh, Josh got the opportunity to freshen up Just Joe, because the next bullet requred that Just Joe be bathed. Not sure how that went for Josh. I mean, there IS a shower upstairs, and the two of them went up together, and Just Joe DID come back in his boxers, and with wet hair, so....
I'm guessing it was a success?
Time flies when your having fun, as the saying goes, and the final bullet of the evening once again fell on Just Joe. This one was called "Basement Time", and it was with the promise of cake that Just Joe was lured inside the door behind the basement. He was promptly shut in and told to be careful of the spiders...
I really can't blame Just Joe for screaming like a little red-haired girl with skinned knees. I don't particlularly care for spiders eithes, which probably explains my own screams when he came out of the basement and started hugging me, allowing the spiders to leave his body and crawl all over mine...
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!
And so, it was on that note that Joe's birthday celebration for this year came to a close, meaning this will probably be the last time we experience the Russian Roulette fun for at least another, oh, seven weeks or so, when Bill's birthday rolls around!
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