Metallic Onslaught Show Archive

Listen to the Show

Last night started out pretty strong, only to spiral to levels of silliness we haven't accomplished in awhile. I LOVED IT!
Surprisingly, we had an unexpected visitor early on. Imagine our shock when my old manager and nemesis, Steve Papagiorgio, dropped in! Early questioning into his current status as a cyborg seemed to be met with some confusion. After being asked how he got in, he claimed that he was pretty sure that the door had already been ripped off the hinges. Now, I'm pretty damned sure I'd remember if I'd done that, so I'd say that should stand as a testament as to how much more of a machine Steve's become in recent months. Some experimentation later in the evening seemed to provide further evidence, but more on that in a bit...

We had Dave from local band Spater on hand to promote the upcoming Fingerlakes Metalfest, an event that features a slew of bands over the course of Memorial Day weekend. It's held at Donselaar's in Clyde, NY, runs both Saturday and Sunday (May 29 and 30), and is free to the public, all ages. Can't go wrong with that! Oh, Rick Horton from the Metallic Onslaught will also be on hand to emcee the show, and who knows, work schedule permitting, ya might even see a Wulf wandering about!

James Allan, guitarist for Rochester NY's Children Of The New Sun, had dropped in to promote one of their upcoming shows at Water Street Music Hall. He was kind enough to plug in for a bit and jam for us. Gotta tell ya, the guy's pretty damned good, so if you're into power metal, by all means check out his band! Definitely worth the attention

We took the time to pay tribute to Type O Negative's Peter Steele, who we lost far too soon just a few days ago to heart failure. This has been a hard one for some of us. Type O Negative was one of those bands that helped me keep faith in hard rock and metal during the Nineties, when grunge and alternative were the preferred flavors. But, yeah, Joe devoted a segment to not only Type O Negative, but also to Peter's previous band, Carnivore.

In all honesty, I think the only reason that I wasn't tearing the face off of Steve in the early portions of the show was due to the fact that I was still pretty saddened over the loss of Pete...
Joe noticed this little lapse of character, and after explaining that my heart just didn't seem to be into the carnage he started reminding me of the tumultuous relationship that Steve and I have had in the past.
For those unfamiliar with the story, Steve "discovered" me working as a bouncer at a Donkey Show in Tijuana, Mexico. After promising to take me back to the States to make me a star, the only gig he could get me was on the Metallic Onslaught. Hey, not that I'm complaining, but dammit, he promised me a hosting job on Headbanger's Ball! At least I'm pretty sure he said something about that...
Anyhoo, the floodgates opened soon afterward, and all the broken promises and all the beatings with garden hose came back to me, (not to mention that offer to appear in "Twilight: New Moon", uggggh...) It didn't take long for the milder, content to laugh and sing, happier Wulfie reverted back to the vicious killing machine that first showed up in November of 2008.
And ya know what?
IT FELT GREAT!!!!
In all honesty, I think that letting the beast come out a little more helped shake off that infection that Jeffie had subjected me too earlier this year. At least he claims that's why I've been a happier, friendlier, singing Wulf as of late.
Of course, that also brought me to the conclusion that Jeffie had to be punished...
Funny thing. I discovered last week that Jeffie is a little uncomfortable hearing the Hamster Dance when he actually hasn't died on the show. So, to make him squirm a little, I just had to break out that little greeting card I found at Wal-Mart a few weeks ago.
It worked at first, but a little later in the evening he didn't seem to mind it any more. Seemed he'd taken a moment to coat the card with a powdered version of the infection, thinking he'd revert me back to my less-vicious self. I spent a good portion of the later segments resisting that urge to sing...
Of course, this is also where the silliness bar got raised. I ended up dosing Josh with a little bit of that powder, and within minutes he started sprouting fur!
Oh no, Jeffie's powder had turned Josh into a...

WERE-BEAGLE!!!

Yep, next thing ya know, Josh was baying away, sniffing around the studio, licking everybody's hands, tail wagging...

In the meantime, I'd tried disassembling Steve, with no results whatsoever. Seriously, beating on him with the spiked gauntlets didn't even leave a scratch.
I did discover a few interesting little buttons here and there, some of which popped out a bar, and others that popped out less pleasant things. Like, lasers and cannons...and something else that could only be described as a power tool...
Best not to think about that!
Then there was another particularly interesting button that Steve highly recommended I avoid, warning that was the Thermonuclear Core.
Now, with No Pants Day looming upon us (it's only three weeks away, Goddess help us!), touching the Core seemed like a good way to avoid the horrors approaching us on that night. But, in the end, something stayed my hand, so it looks like humanity is going to still be around long enough to be subjected to the inevitable.

And so it was that the show ended amidst more silliness than we've had for most of the year.

Another job well done, I'd say!