Metallic Onslaught Show Archive

October 1, 2011 - Jeffie Gets Naked

2011-11-03T01:08:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show

Playlist
Dream Theater - Breaking All Illusions
Anvil - March Of The Crabs
Saxon - Back In 79

Opeth - Famine
Mastodon - Octopus Has No Friends
Jorn - Below

Alice In Chains - Check My Brain
Hull - Beyond The Lightless Sky
The Rods - Let Them Eat Metal
Bulletboys - Balls To The Wall
Sulaco - Build And Burn
Mortal Sin - Burned Into Your Soul

Wayne Static - Thunder Invader
Kyng - Porcelain
Warbringer - Demonic Ecstasy
Landmine Marathon - Morbidity
The Devil Wears Prada - Mammoth
Dead By Wednesday - God Like Feeling

Spater - Desolate Endeavor
Megadeth - Never Dead
Crowned By Fire - Sex With A Ghost
Anthrax - Judas Priest
Machine Head - Pearls Before The Swine
Lou Reed & Metallica - The View

Misfits - Ghost Of Frankenstein
Rose Funeral - Amidst Gehenna
Arch/Matheos - Neurotically Wired
Edge Of Paradise - Shredenstein
vader - The Black Eye

Fear Of God - Betrayed
Mastodon - All The Heavy Lifting
Wayne Static - Slave
Kyng - The Beauty Of The End/Shoreline Pt. 1 & 2

Anvil - 666
Dream Theater - Outcry
Thin Lizzy - Thunder And Lightning
Chrome Division - Long Distance Call Girl

Forced Entry - Bludgeon
Vio-lence - Phobophobia
Slayer - Cleanse The Soul
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Recap by The Metal Wulf;
Lots and lots of new music, as anticipated. It's a busy time o' year, that's for damned sure!
Not that I'm complaining, 'cuz some of this stuff is pretty kick-ass!
Case in point: Worship Music by Anthrax!! Such a great disc, it's a shame I've gotta settle for a burned copy for the time being. I'll have the real thing in my hands before too long. If you're a fan, you need to purchase it, NOW!!! One of the best of the year, mark my words!
We played some tracks from Wayne Static's "Pighammer" disc, really good stuff to be honest, but then I always thought Static-X were cool as hell, anyway. Some of this new stuff is almost danceable, but I'll let you be the judge of whether or not that's a good thing. Me, well, I fully admit to movin' a bit, here and there...
The new Machine Head is incredible, at least what I've heard from it so far. Another case of, if you're a fan, it's fully worty of your collection. I'm definitely looking forward to hearing more.
Folks seem a little on the fence about the new Opeth release (Heritage), both production-wise and vocally. Personally, the clean vocals don't bother me in the least, but I'm more of an old-school fan, anyway. Back when I started listening to this stuff, there was no such thing as growling in metal!
And now I'm starting to sound old...
Shit...
Anyhoo, I've no complaints about anything I've heard off of Heritage. Once again, be your own judge, don't be swayed by the rantings of others. You've got a brain, so think for yerself, dammit!
Of course, not everything that's coming is completely killer. Definitely wasn't overwhelmed by the Bulletboys cover of Accept's "Balls To The Wall". This track features a puzzling mega-phone-like effect during the main verses, completely unnecessary. Marq Torien is actually a damned good singer, and I just don't get it. He should have just gone...well...balls to the wall with it...
And then Joe subjected us to a complete travesty.

Okay, I'm no big fan of Lou Reed, right out of the starting gate. Really, I just don't care about the guy. On the other hand, I really do love Metallica, especially the older stuff. I mean, say what you will about them now, but the first three albums are bona-fide classics.
Whoever thought that combining the talents of both parties, though, should be systematically hung, drawn, quartered, and fed piece by piece to a pack of starving, rabid poodles. The track in question, called "The View", is utterly disappointing. I mean, I really wanted to give it an honest try, and I'm just not feelin' it.
But hey, once again, that's just me, and if you think it's something you'd be interested in, by all means check it out.

We'd gotten into Joe's current sinus discomfort. He's not one to suffer from seasonal allergies or anything like that, but somehow he was just really congested. I'd mentioned how this is actually a rough time of year for me, telling how the goldenrod tends to kick my ass.
That's goldenrod, the plant, NOT Golden Rod the sex toy as some would have suggested...
Ahem...

Let's see...
Jeffie received a phone call from Azkath during the show, and started to mention something about eight owls.
Now, a few months ago, that would have sent everyone into mass panic. Actually, it almost did last night, but I had a thought.
I told Jeffie to go ahead and pass the message along, which is, in case you've forgotten, is "There are eight owls in my tree".
Previously, this would have triggered full-on Viking-rage in me, and Olaf would have come out for a visit, but, strangely, that didn't happen.
Which is completely fine by me, because that guy was completely out of his mind!
Must be that the head trauma that spawned Olaf in the first place didn't apply after I'd been cloned! Fine by me!

Somewhere during this discussion, something was mentioned about "intellectual property", mostly regarding the overall quality of the intellects involved.
My answer to that?
We don't call it the Stupid Room for nothin'!

Speaking of stupid, we were trying to keep the violence level of the show to a minimum last night, as Jeffie threatened to get naked if anybody hit him.
Now, at one point EVERYBODY was getting hit for one reason or another, but once Jeffie announced that, well, things got a little more peaceful VERY quickly!
Of course, at the end of the show, it stopped mattering, and Jeffie started getting naked anyway.
Couldn't tell ya much of what happened next, because I took the smart route and just closed my eyes...

Anyhoo, I'll be hanging back next week. Rick, Bill, Erica, and myself are goin' to check out Primus next Saturday night, and in order to get out early, I had to subject myself to an early Saturday shift. (Shudder...)
But, I'll be returning on the 14th, and then on the 21st, none of us will be on, as that show will be pre-recorded as we go in separate directions for the evening. Rick will be going to Ithaca to check out Sorrow of Batavia and L.A.'s Ana Kefr, while the rest of us go to see Warbringer, along with Landmine Marathon, Lazarus A.D., and Diamond Plate!
Good times!

September 24, 2011 - Dave Returns!

2011-11-03T01:02:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show - Pictures

Playlist;

Jorn - Are You Ready
Gary Moore - Military Man
Rival Sons - Pressure And Time
Van Canto - The Higher Flight

Arch/Matheos - On The Fence
Megadeth - Never Dead
Opeth - Famine
Black Sabbath - Falling Off The Edge Of The World

Dream Theater - Bridges In The Sky
Burn Everything - Ambulance Chaser
Jonestown - Bloodless
Landmine Marathon - Liver And Lungs

Livarkahil - We Hail The Victory
Charred Walls Of the Damned - Bloodworm
Sulaco - It's Over Johnny
As You Drown - Rabid Wolves In Sheep's Clothing
Kyng - Bleed Easy

Adrenaline Mob - The Mob Rules
Of Mice And Men - Blame It
Exmortus - Destroy
Mortal Sin - Hatred
Anthrax - Crawl

Mastodon - Octopus Has No Friends
Crowned By Fire - Witch In The Window
Warbringer - Savagery
Machine Head - Witch Hunt
Edge Of Paradise - Tail Of The Gun

Dead By Wednesday - All The World Is Waiting
Brutal Truth - Killing Planet Earth
Anvil - Metal On Metal
3 - Sparrow
Pathology - Media Consumption
Borderline Suicide - Take It All Away
Rose Funeral - Beyond The Entombed

Pantera - Domination
Earthbound - I Declare War
Metallica - Seek & Destroy
Careless - Between The Mayhem
Forced Entry - Octoclops
Mahavatar - Light Comes Out Of Dark
Machine Head - The Sentinel
Sulaco - Dingy Metropolis

Renaissance Of Fools - Ordinary Mans Diary
Alice Cooper - A Runaway Train
Anubis Gate - World In A Dome
Divine Ascension - Another Battlefield
Mastodon - Creature Lives

Saxon - Back In '79
Vader - Come See My Sacrifice
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Recap by The Metal Wulf;

Well, it was pretty much back to the normal routine after skipping a show to take in a Last Exit For The Lost Presents event at The Haunt in Ithaca. That particular show featured Sanjuro Fields, Psyche Corporation, The Lobster Quadrille, and Zadoc...& The Nightmare, and kicked ass from beginning to end. Not a metal show as such, but a great evening of very different sounds and styles, and there's not a damned thing wrong with that!
And that was just five days after Rick, Bill, Erica, and myself had taken in another incredible show at The Montage in Rochester. That one featured DevilDriver with Skeletonwitch, Chthonic, and locals Othin opening the whole thing. Gotta say this: Chthonic are fucking INCREDIBLE, and if you missed their show this time, you need to make it a point to check them out if they come back through the area. You will NOT be disappointed!

Anyhoo, so much for playing catch-up...

Our most recent show could best be described as special. And if you tuned in, you know just how "special" I mean...
Dave hadn't joined us in studio in over two years. Bear in mind, that last visit was the night of the Super Dave Challenge, where Joe got screwed out of $10,000.
I think Joe might still be a little pissed about that...
Of course, pairing Dave up with Jeffie is never a good thing. I think the only thing that would have made the night lean more toward catastrophe would be if Justjoe were included in the mayhem, and I don't think any of us would survive that.
Hmmmmm, maybe I need to stop tempting fate...

I've gotta say this: I LOVE taunting Dave about the whole wolf thing. After the whole hoax thing was revealed, it was always funny seeing Dave in Ithaca and telling him, "Hey, Dave, I'm not really a wolf!"
Seriously, any other time watching a grown man/child cry would NOT be funny in the least, but with Dave, it's fucking HILARIOUS!
Well, I made Dave's night during his visit when I told him that now I really AM a werewolf, thanks to Jeffie's genetic tamperings. Yep, Dave was pretty damned chirpy after telling him that! Unfortunately, it was the wrong time of the month to make the most of the "good" news.
Good for Dave, anyway...

So, we'd asked Jeffie where he was the week before, as he had said he'd be at The Haunt. He claimed that he and Dave had gone to the wrong club. As in, the kind of club where dollars go into g-strings...
GUY'S g-strings...
Apparently Dave walked out with a lotta singles that night...
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

Didn't take long for things to degenerate into silliness, as what could only be defined as a tickly orgy ensued, getting almost everybody involved. If I had to judge, I'd almost have to say that Josh is probably the most ticklish of the Onslaught crew. I'm sure he'll appreciate my sharing that!
(C'mon Josh, you know you're fine with the ladies knowing you're ticklish!)

The evening culminated with a wrestling match between Dave and Jeffie, that further degenerated into more tickling and just general pandemonium. Jeffie even called for some play by play, so I attempted to provide my best Jim Ross (WWE announcer) impersonation. Probably failed miserably, as well, but it's all cool.

And, yeah, that's pretty much the most pertinent of the evening's events. I mean, there was mention at some point in the latter part of the evening about my "Smurf-kini", but I'm sure folks would rather just not hear the gory details regarding that...

September 17, 2011 - A Quiet Night...

2011-11-03T00:56:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show

Playlist;

Dream Theater - Outcry
Megadeth - Public Enemy No. 1
Doogie White - Time Machine

Black Sabbath - Danger Zone
Black Sabbath - Disturbing The Priest
Pain Of Salvation - Mortar Grind
Redemption - No Tickets To The Funeral
Bucket - Guitars, Beers & Tears

Alice Cooper - When Hell Comes Home
Anthrax - Earth On Hell
Forced Entry - Anaconda
Exmortus - Beyond The Nile
Crowned By Fire - Witch In The Window

Diamond Plate - Fool's Paradise
Opeth - The Lines In My Hand
Van Canto - The Seller Of Souls
Mortal Sin - Blood Of My Enemies
Vader - The Black Eye

Kyng - Bleed Easy
Haste The Day - Pressure The Hinges
Isole - Born From Shadows
Lonely Kamel - Rotten Seed

Arch/Matheos - Under Stained Glass Sky
Ed Guy - Fire On The Downline

Devastation - The Devil's Messenger
Volumes - Wormholes
Derek Sherinian - Seven Sins
Rose Funeral - Beyond The Entombed
Saviours - Fire Of Old

Morbid Angel - Rapture
Megadeth - Never Dead
Anthrax - Judas Priest
Kyng - Between The Blame
Crowned By Fire - Vulture With A Rifle
Mortal Sin - Hatred
Exmortus - Kneel Before The Steel

Pathology - Ingestion Of Creation
Kittie - I've Failed You
Borderline Suicide - Misery
Design The Skyline - Cybernetic Strawflower
Chelsea Grin - Oblivion
Chthonic - Broken Jade
Pipe - Seeds Of Hate

Anubis Gate - Golden Days
Divine Ascension - Guided By Osiris
Dr. sin - Ninja
Michael Schenker Group - Run To The Hills
Isole - Condemned

Alice Cooper - Ghouls Gone Wild
A Hill To Die Upon - Ancient Enemy Of Death
ICS vortex - Aces
Hatesphere - Smell Of Death
Mastodon - Curl Of The Burl

Anthrax - I'm Alive
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Recap by Fire Eater Wizard;

Most of the MO gang, Rick, Randy, BBBIIIIILLLLL!!!!, and, Jeffie were attending the The Last Exit For The Lost Presents Show, which left Joe and Josh holding down the fort. Lots of awesome metal was played, as always. And things were talked about, like how disgusting and just plain wrong chocolate toothpaste is, although Joe and Josh split on citrus flavored toothpaste, Joe thought that was disgusting and wrong as well, while Josh liked it... And as always, good information was given on what cool new music had been released recently, and would be released soon and where/how to look for it... As always, your great source for all things metal!

September 10, 2011 - More Bleach Drunkeness

2011-11-03T00:52:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show

Playlist;
Arch/Matheos - Stained Glass Sky
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind

Van Canto - If I Die In Battle
Jorn - The Inner Road
Dream Theater - On the Backs Of Angels

The Infrared Radiation Orchestra - 13 Tears
Thulcandra - In Blood And Fire
Opeth - Slither
Gentlemans Pistols - Heavy Petting

Infrared Radiation Orchestra - Fire In The Cockpit
MonstrO - Anchors Up!
Borderline Suicide - Walk The Plank
Rose Funeral - Beyond The Entombed
Saviours - To The Grave Possessed

Chelsea Grin - Everlasting Sleep
Kittie - I've Failed You
Kittie - We Are The Lamb
Pathology - Hostility Towards Conformity
Brutal Truth - Gut-Check
Full Blown Chaos - Gravedigger
Stemm - Salvation

Anthrax - In The End
Sinner - One Bullet Left
Glorior Belli - The Great Southern Darkness
Skeletonwitch - The Infernal Resurrection
No Redemption - Forever Dark
Dr Sin - Train Of Pain

Cycles - Kneel Before The Throne
Cornerstone - Rise And Shine
Lucky Thir13n - Rivers Run Dry
Derek Sherinian - El Camino Diablo
Satan's Host - Fallen Angel
Absu - Abraxas Connexus
Einherjer - Naglfar

Diamond Plate - Waste Of Life
Vader - Only Hell Knows
Design The Skyline - Destroyer
Chimaira - The Age Of Hell
Armed With Valor - What All The Kids Are Craving
Rose Funeral - False Divine

Chelsea Grin - Oblivion
Borderline Suicide - Gone Forever
Textures - Minor Earth Major Skies
Evile - Cult
Mastodon - Curl Of The Burl
Machine Head - Locust

A Hill To Die Upon - I Come As Black Fire
Vio-lence - Serial Killer
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Recap by Fire Eater Wizard;
Boat Sails, AKA Kim Dreyheim, formerly of the band Static Cling, and currently of the band Infrared Radiation Orchestra, was there for the first couple hours. He promoted an upcoming event that his band would be performing at. Jeffie arrived. After a while he said he was naked. He apparently believed this, even though everyone else, after daring to look, said that he had clothes on. But when Jeffie said that, if he wasn't naked, then he should take his clothes off to become that way, everyone hastened to assure him that he didn't need to do that, he was already naked. Jeffie tried to give Randy what he believed was a naked lap dance. He and Randy fought. Jeffie started drinking bleach again, and began acting high and slurring his words. He tried to get Randy to drink it again, since he now can because he is a clone, but Randy wanted no part of it this time. Randy disgusted Joe and Rick by singing cheesy songs throughout the night, but the worst was that he kept singing Olivia Newton John's "Xanadu", and that he admitted to having seen the movie. Joe told Tim that perhaps Randy was even more of a non metal wuss than he was. Because of the bleach drinking, Jeffie became The Tickle Monster again, tickling Josh. Then he tickled Randy, and then the tickling turned into something more disturbing and disgusting. Let's just say that Jeffie's hands went places where they should never go. He claimed he had found and removed something from one of Randy's folds, Randy is, well, on the heavy side. Randy said that wasn't his fold, or his divot... Joe told Jeffie he should give Tim a big hug, as this would be his last MO for a while, as he is going back home. Tim got lots of hugging from Jeffie, which he wasn't very happy with. And, Lance was there for about the last three hours to witness the silliness and disturbing goings on...

September 3, 2011 - Bleach Drinking and Sad Whales...

2011-11-03T00:31:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show

Playlist;
Jorn - Road Of The Cross
Arch/Matheos - Neurotically Wired

Uncle Knucklefunk - Little Problem
House Of Lords - Blood
Opeth - Slither
Powerman 5000 - Candy-O
George Lynch - Son Of Scary

Dream Theater - On The Backs Of Angels
Hatesphere - Smell Of Death
Blind Illusion - Gargantuan
Blood Red Throne - Trapped, Terrified, Dead
Me First And The Gimme Gimmes - I've Done Everything For You
Michael Schenker Group - Out In The Fields

Malformed - As The Churches Smolder
Anubis Gate - Facing Down
Divine Ascension - Guided By Osiris
Dr Sin - May The Force Be With you
We Came As Romans - A war Inside
Will Haven - Mida's Secret

Pagan's Mind - Power Of Mindscape
Kittie - Already Dead
Sebastian Bach - Dance On Your Grave
Powerman 5000 - Devil Inside
Textures - Black Horses Stampede
The Devil Wears Prada - Mammoth

Arkona - Odna
MonstrO - Solar
Rival Sons - Get Mine
Armed With Valor - I Killed The Peeping Tom
Diamond Plate - At The Mountains Of Madness
Chimaira - Born In Blood
Trivium - A Grey So Dark
Design The Skyline - Break Free From Your Life

Arch/Matheos - Any Given Day (Strangers Like Me)
Alice Cooper - I'll Bite Your Face Off
Thrashfire - Dead Collector

Jasta - The Fearless Must Endure
Trouble - Assassin
Icon In Me - Nuclear Drama
Eat The Gun - Not Dead Yet
ICS Vortex - The Sub Mariner

Last Red Ember - Dead Weight
Order Of The Dead - Bullets
Fleshgod Apocalypse - The Violation
Wayne Static - Assassins Of Youth
Warbringer - Living Weapon

Vio-Lence - Phobophobia
Mastodon - Curl Of The Burl
Machine Head - Locust

Thrashfire - Angels And Drunk Witches
Thrashfire - Death Is Near
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Recap by The Metal Wulf;
There was plenty of new music on hand, which is always a plus. Wouldn't be much of a hard rock/heavy metal radio show if we didn't actually play music, now would it? Especially knowing that there's a whole slew of new releases arriving in the coming weeks. Lots to look forward to, and we'll be playin' it!

Plenty of craziness to go around last night, as well. Josh actually impressed us for a bit as he stood up and tried to keep Tim in order. Well, you know, you shouldn't come on a radio show of this type and start singing Olivia Newton-John songs. I really can't blame Josh for getting "Physical"...
Tim stated that he thought he was bleeding, at which point I asked him if he was sure it wasn't menstrual. I mean, the guy DOES like "Glee", after all...
(Tim, once again, I apologize. That was a brutally low comeback, even from me! But DAMN it was funny!)

Another, brief, bit of silliness occurred when I mentioned that I'd shared a fun little Facebook link that portrayed what, to me at least, is the ultimate lawn decoration. Lawn gnomes and pink flamingo statues are boring as hell, but when you make them ZOMBIE GNOMES, and they're actually EATING the flamingos, they become awesome!
Hell, as great as that would be for Halloween, I'd keep them up year-round!
Of course, Joe had to ask what I had against flamingos...
And Josh had to mention something about the flamingos dancing flamenco-style...
Yep, downhill from there!

There was some discussion regarding the State Fair. Seems I'm the only one who went this year, so it was my turn to face the ridicule. Not so much for seeing REO Speedwagon, who actually were quite good. I'd see them again, to be honest. However, I DID get busted on for just mentioning the possibility of going to see Starship. I understand the reasoning, believe me. Starship started to suck as soon as the stopped being Jefferson Starship, and got even worse with the departure of Grace Slick and Craig Chaquico. And really, the songs that were released after they became Starship? "We Built This City"? Bleah...
Better off passin' that one up!
I also got busted on for having my picture taken with cute sea lions. It was actually quite enjoyable. Don't know why folks don't like sea lions...
Besides, they weren't letting us get out pics taken at the bear exhibit, which would have been REEEEAAAALLLY cool!
Oh well...
So, one more thing to mention about the fair. I don't understand it, but there's been this odd trend in recent years regarding deep-fried foods at the Fair. Literally, deep fried anything. At least it seems that way. Here are some prime examples of what I saw on menus:
Deep Fried: Pickles, Oreos, Pizza, Peanut Butter And Jelly, Twix, Reese's Cups, Apple Pie, Cheese Curds, Snickers (bacon-wrapped, no less! Bleah...) among others. Seriously, I think I prefer my junk food just a little more pure than that...
Oh, let's not forget the Donut Burger, because ground beef is just so much tastier on a glazed fucking donut! Mmmmmm...
And of course, if you happen to look at the people lined up in front of these places, you'd b e amazed. Most are skinny as a rail, totally unexpected. Well, a few more years of that kind of cardiac abuse, and they'll be lookin' plenty different!
Of course, by this point Jeffie had joined us, and he'd suggested deep-fried bacon weenie.
Nobody seemed to find that appetizing for some reason...

Speaking of Jeffie, he now claims that he comes in 78 delicious flavors. Obviously, nobody was about to do a taste-test to find out...
I had a lot to share with Jeffie this week. Specificallly that my doctor would love to talk to him, as well as some of his colleagues. Quite frankly, Jeffie has successfully baffled science.
Here's the deal: Not only am I a clone (yeah, I know, I didn't believe it for the longest time, but apparently they did kill me that night, and Jeffie somehow made another "me"...), but it seems that he'd incorporated wolf DNA into the mix. And he did it in such a fashion that I won't experience any adverse effects until the full moon...
They'd love to know how Jeffie did this, and are talking about considering him for the Nobel Prize. Yeah, it makes MY brain hurt, too...
Of course, Jeffie says he has NO idea how he did it, and claims that I'm a werewolf only because he super-glued the mask to my face last week. Well, the blood work was confirmed before the gluing happened, so who can really say. Apparently I'm gonna be Wulfie for real, now. I guess we'll find out in the coming weeks...

Let's see, what else...

Jeffie was on this kick about impersonating a sad whale. Okay, I admit it was just silly enough that I had to join in. We soon had the sound of a whole pod of sad whales. Bill even gave us a dose of what a sad Wookie would sound like (he does a GREAT Chewbacca impersonation!)
As the eveing started to wind down, Jeffie decided to share some bleach with me, claiming that since we were both clones, we'd be fine. I really didn't believe it was bleach at first.
Stupid me...
Okay, so I now know what the effects of bleach drinking are on clones. You eventually become a tickle monster, and you sing bad television theme songs, and then you have Jeffie shoot little foam darts at you, from the toy machine gun he found upstairs.
Or at least that's how the show ended this week...

August 27, 2011 - Werewolf Again

2011-11-03T00:26:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show - Pictures

Playlist
Uncle Knucklefunk - Papa's Pretty Pickle
Jorn - Stormcrow
Pagan's Mind - Revelation To The End
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind

DC4 - Electric Ministry
Symphony X - Electric Messiah
Gentlemans Pistols - Heavy Petting
The Godz - Go Away
The Quill - Waiting For The Sun
George Lynch - Brand New Day
Rival Sons - Face The Light

Dramagod - Jackabite
Armed With Valor - What All The Kids Are Craving
MonstrO - Stallone
Jeff The Brotherhood - Bummer
Chimaira - Year Of The Snake

Dramagod - Road To Nowhere
Wayne Static - Assassins Of Youth
Lemmy - Enter Sandman
Opeth - The Devil's Orchard
Alice Cooper - I'll Bite Your Face Off
Diamond Plate - Pull The Trigger

Spater - Rat Salad
Warbringer - Shattered Like Glass
Faster Pussycat - Lovedrive
Mastodon - Curl Of The Burl
The Devil Wears Prada - Born To Lose
Evile - Centurion

Spater - Sucker Punch
Lowkey - Jumping On The Back Of A Shark
Black Pyramid - Warswine
Vader - Lord Of Thorns
Anterior - Blood In The Throne Room
Dirge Within - Absolution

AC/DC - Inject The Venom
Raging Slab - Anywhere But Here
Vio-lence - Bodies On Bodies
Revocation - Beloved Horrifier
Serianna - Deep Sleep
KYNG - Falling Down
Black Tide - Fight Til The Bitter End
Anthrax - Fight 'Em 'Till You Can't

Nekrogoblikon - Bears
Careless - Boundaries
Gypsy Hawk - Gypsy Hawk
Georgy - Third Degree Sodomy
ICS Vortex - Storm Seeker
Embrace The Massacre - Red Hour

Jasta - Set You Adrift
Demonical - Return In Flesh
Design The Skyline - Witch Of The Woods
Last Red Ember - Anchor Management
Testament - Into The Pit

Alice In Chains - Check My Brain
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Recap by The Metal Wulf;

Had Dramagod in the studio this evening, as well as Dave from Spater.
Dramagod were on hand to promote an upcoming benefit festival for autism awareness called Pick Up The Pieces, being held this Saturday at KEGS Canalside in Jordan Elbridge. The event begins at 1:00 p.m. and runs through 2:00 a.m., and features a number of great bands from around the Finger Lakes Region. Among the bands scheduled to play, in addition to Dramagod, are Lowkey, Amerikan Primitive, Hunter Allen Murray, When Everything Fails, Smite, Just A Memory, Avigal, Just A Peace, and more.

Dave was on hand to promote Metal Night at the Sons Of Italy in Geneva, a show that not only saw Spater play with Lowkey and Dawn Of The Apocalypse, but also saw Spater do a short tribute set of AC/DC classics. Rick, Josh, and myself were on hand to help intoduce the bands, and video footage is forthcoming. Had some crazy and unexpected moments, particularly during D.O.T.A.'s set, as they'd found themselves without a singer just hours before this event was to take place.

Dave also wanted the listening audience to know that submissions will soon be accepted for the 2012 edition of Finger Lakes Metal Fest, so if you're in a band and want to play this event, keep your eyes peeled! It's a great time, and it's looking as if The Metallic Onslaught will once again be asked to emcee.

There was some discussion of a couple shows that some of us had attended during the week, particularly Amon Amarth and Kittie. Both shows were great in their own ways.
Amon Amarth are just epicly awewome. Honestly, before this show, I liked most of what I'd heard by them anyway, but didn't own any of their albums. After seeing their performance at Water Street Music Hall, I'll be rectifying that in the coming months. Definitely a must-see if you're into their style of epic, mythoology-inspired death metal. I've honestly gotta say that it's been a long damned time since I've heard a crowd so excited for a performance, and showing that excitement in such a loud manner!
Kittie flat out slayed at The Lost Horizon. These girls are all business, do NOT underestimate their ability to bludgeon your eardrums to the point of surrender. I'm going out on a limb at the moment and saying that "We Are The Lamb" is probably one of the most crushingly heavy songs I've heard all year. Check them out if they come to your town!
I'd also like to give major shout-outs to the opening bands for this show. A very diverse line-up, featuring Dirge Within, a killer thrash outfit called Diamond Plate, along with three local bands, Capricorn Black, Armed With Valor, and Tirade. Made for a varied assortment of styles, and that's never a bad thing!
Some video clips from both shows are up on my YouTube page (metalwulff). You'll find Amon Amarth and Kittie, as well as Diamond Plate, Capricorn Black, and Armed With Valor. Feel free to check 'em out!

So, moving on to the crazier moments of the evening...

I have vague memories of Jeffie putting me out with chloroform, and when I came to I'd sprouted fur, claws, fangs, a snout, you name it, it was there.
Needless to say, I freaked. I mean, the whole Wulfie thing, to begin with, was just a fun gimmick that Jeffie ruined by revealing that I wasn't really a werewolf.
Well, evidence at the time of my awakening indicated that he'd somehow made me a werewolf for real, and I flipped out. Never really wanted that, Jeffie...
So, of course, carnage was unleashed upon Jeffie, as well as Josh, who got caught up in the mayhem along with Tim Binder, who's been visiting the show over the past couple of weeks.
But, once the show was over and I got calmed down a bit, I realized that Jeffie had just glued the old Wulfie mask to my face, along with the gloves. A painful process getting all that stuff off, to be honest. Thankfully I was able to keep the majority of my skin intact as I removed these things. Can't imagine how I would have explained it at my job...
Yep, what was thought to be the return of Wulfie seems to have just been a clever little trick orchestrated by Jeffie.
Of course, I hadn't said anything at the time about the results of some recent blood work I'd had done as part of my yearly check-up...
Jeffie, Jeffie, Jeffie, what have you done to me?

August 20, 2011 - Time Travelling Jeffie

2011-11-03T00:22:00.000-07:00

So, this show has some issues. For some reason, the last half hour of the broadcast seems to have gone dead. The internet feed continued, and thanks to a loyal fan, we were able to get a copy of the last two talk breaks. However, being recorded poorly from the internet, they sound pretty awful. You can pretty much make out what is going on, but it sounds bad. The songs are fine. We re-added those. So when you get to those breaks, now you know why they sound so poor. If anyone has a better copy, please get in touch.

Listen to the Show

Playlist;
Pagan's Mind - Walk Away In Silence
George Lynch - Rattlesnake
George Lynch - Sun
Gentlemans Pistols - Midnight Crawler

Pentagram - Everything's Turning To Night
Pentagram - Gorgon's Slave
Pentagram - Burning Saviour

Saxon - Back In 79
The Godz - Cross Country
Rival Sons - All Over The Road
Diamond Plate - Tomb With A view

Design The Skyline - Crystal Swords Kill The Hordes
Mastodon - Curl Of the Burl
Evile - Five Serpent's Teeth
Wolves Like Us - Deathless
Chimaira - Scum Of the Earth
Black Pyramid - Warswine

ICS Vortex - Odin's Tree
Jorn - We Brought The Angels Down
Nader Sadek - Sulffer
Eat The Gun - Give Sight To The Blind
Fleshgod Apocalypse - The Imposition

Bride - Evil That Men Do
Powerwolf - All We Need Is Blood
Powerwolf - Dead Boys Don't Cry
Jasta - Mourn The Illusion
Icon In Me - Aspects Of The Unknown
The Quill - More Alive

Sepultura - Embrace The Storm
Alice In Chains - A Looking In View
Trivium - Drowning In Slow Motion
Jungle Rot - Their Finest Hour
Slayer - Behind The Crooked Cross

The Browning - Bloodlust
The Devil Wears Prada - Born To Lose
Santa Hates You - Fire The Cannon
Evile - Descent Into Madness
Century - Painting Leprosy

2Cellos - Hurt
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
DC4 - People
Mercyful Fate - Desecration Of Souls
Ziltoid The Omniscient - By Your Command

Amon Amarth - For Victory Or Death
KISS - Watchin' You
Ringworm - Used Up, Spit Out
Order Of The Dead - Bullets
___________________________________________

Recap by Randy, aka Wulfie, aka The Hoax Formerly Known As MetalWulf

Well, it sure was cool as HELL to be back on the show after a brief departure. You may remember that I missed a week due to work scheduling, and then the following week when Rick, Bill, Erica, and myself went to Ithaca to catch Sorrow Of Batavia with Of Wrath And Ruin, LAW, and Neon Guillotine. Great show, by the way, had a killer time!
You may also remember that I'd departed the show rather abruptly the last time I was on, thanks to a strange concoction that Jeffie added to my gum. More on that later, though...

Speaking of killer, we played the title track to Evile's upcoming new CD, "Five Serpents Teeth", and it was AMAZING! Can't wait for that disc to make it into my player, along with some of the other new releases we'll be looking at in upcoming weeks. September and October are going to be pretty overwhelming, and I'm lookin' forward to it!

We did some heavy promotion for the slew of upcoming shows, some of which have come and gone as of this writing. Hagefest ran the entire weekend, and Rick got to host it on Saturday. I'm sure he'll have some fun stories to share on the next show. Oh, it had actually been mentioned by Jeffie that Rick should host the Hagefest naked, after taking his Viagra/Ecstacy mix. Rick declined, I'm happy to say. I'm sure Hagefest thanks him...

Let's see, some of you may have checked out the return of Hate Machine, a band that I never really got to experience, to be honest. I DID get to see a version of the band that came later, when they started calling themselves Omniblank, though. Still, I'm betting that was a pretty damned good time for those who checked it out!
Bill, Erica, Josh, and Joe made it to the Montage this past Saturday to see Pentagram, and feedback from them has been very positive, especially concerning openers Valent Thorr. Sadly, I had to miss out, due to my work schedule for Sunday.
That's cool though, because I WAS on hand for last nights' Amon Amarth show, and it was KILLER! I don't think Water Street's gonna be the same for awhile, they may want to investigate the foundations for cracking...
Got some pretty cool video from that show, which you can see on my Facebook page, as well as the Metallic Onslaught's Facebook. You can also see them on YouTube under metalwulff, which is the channel I share with Bill. Feel free to check it out!
Yep, and that was just the weekend. We've got MORE shows coming within just a few more days. Gonna be an insane week!

Anyway, moving along...

I got the guys laughing over my exploits with the cable company. Seriously, have you ever attempted to discontinue a service? Now, I understand they don't want to lose customers, but quite frankly I just didn't watch enough television to warrant paying the outrageous amount this particular company wanted. Believe me, I'm quite happy with my phone and internet, not to mention my growing library of DVD titles. Not to mention I like to read! I highly doubt I'm going to have a hard time finding entertainment.
But yeah, it was like pulling teeth convincing these people that I didn't need television. What got the guys laughing though, was my story of the package that was offered to me, which was better than the one I already had. Shouldn't be too hard to guess where certain minds went from there...
And as I said, I may have passed up a once in a lifetime chance for a permanent upgrade...damn...

So, onto this weeks' Jeffie antics. I'd been lookin' forward to seeing Jeffie. Needed to have a few words with him. Still need to reconcile a certain issue, and then some.
Before getting into that, though, I should mention that we'd had a visit from Lance. Yeah, believe it or not, Lance was on hand again! And it was his second week IN A ROW! Seems we'd missed out on hanging with him and Tim Binder on the previous week while we were in Ithaca.
Anyhoo, Jeffie didn't seem to know who Lance was. Kinda strange, because most Jeffie's retain their memories from clone to clone, or at least I always got the impression that they did. But, this one seemed to think Lance's name was actually Prance. And when Lance left, Jeffie escorted him out, and returned with a strange tale of a Puddle Monster that came up and dragged Prance...er, Lance...away.
We, of course, had to assure Jeffie that there were no Puddle Monsters and that Pra-..., um, Lance...was fine. Of course, you really can't convince Jeffie of anything, so what are ya gonna do?

Oh, and believe it or not, we at one point actually had TWO Jeffie's in the room. Yeah, go figure, it seems that Josh was right and that there really was a time-travelling Jeffie, who just happened to take a moment to come and meet with the Jeffie that's been hanging out with us recently.
Sorry, I'm getting a brain cramp...
Anyway, one Jeffie left, the other stayed, I'm not really sure which was which, so enough of that. It's all just really confusing...

So, I eventually told the tale of my experiences after being dosed with Jeffie's Viagra/Ecstacy mix. Which, by the way, had more than just Viagra and Ecstacy in it. Honestly, he mentioned some hallucinogens I had never even HEARD of...
Damn him...
So, here's the deal: Poor Bill had to follow me around Geneva as I suffered the effects of this hellish concoction. I don't think I've ever been that...uuuuummmmmmmmm...
oboy...
...AROUSED! Alright, what did you expect this stuff to do? Bad enough to be suffering the effects of Ecstacy, which I'd NEVER DONE BEFORE, but then he'd mixed it with Viagra!
VIAGRA!!!
Remember when I'd joked around the "package upgrade"? Well, guess what? THAT SHIT DID IT! It was freakish!
And of course, thanks to the hallucinogens, I apparently couldn't tell human from plant.
Dammit, that tree looked like it had a nice little ass, too...I mean, it was SHAPED kinda like a woman...
In the end I'm kind of grateful that the squirrel saw me coming. Boy, was he PISSED! But, it's all well and good. Nothing like an angry squirrel gnawing on your nuts to bring you back to reality, and QUICK!
Of course, that was about the time the police arrived. I've now been labeled a dendrophiliac, not to mention a threat to the natural order...

So, that was the story that was shared regarding THAT night...

Before the show finished, however, Jeffie poured a different concoction down my throat. Honestly, I did my best to convince him that there wasn't a drink in front of me, he couldn't possibly have tampered with it.
Like I said, you can't convince Jeffie of anything, and it was my undoing. Down the hatch it went, with Jeffie telling me I was gonna feel like a super-hero...
Riiiiiiight...
So, I'm taking a moment right now to apologize for the "birth" of Divot Man. Especially to the other guys on the show, who were subjected to the attempted investigations of their "divots" by me...trust me, it wasn't pleasant on either end. One of the last things I heard before departing as Divot Man was Joe saying something about getting a Deep Divot Pizza...

More on the repercussions of THAT on the next show...

August 13, 2011 - Tim and Lance Return...

2011-11-03T00:17:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show

Playlist;
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
Saxon - Afterburner
2Cellos - Welcome To The Jungle
DC4 - Sociopath

Trivium - Slave New World
Pagan's Mind - Into The Aftermath
George Lynch - Flys On The Wall
Black Country Communion - The Outsider
Twisted Sister - Day Of The Rocker

Rival Sons - Pressure And Time
Megadeth - Wake Up Dead
Thin Lizzy - Bad Reputation
Eternity - Sleepwalk

White Wizzard - Blood On The Pyramids
Vader - Don't Rip The Beast's Heart Out
Stormwarrior - Fyre & Ice
Revocation - Beloved Horrifier
Swedish Hitz Goes Metal - All That She Wants

Deep Purple - Stormbringer
Powerwolf - Phantom Of The Funeral
Sepultura - Mask
Nader Sadek - Soulless
Jungle Rot - No Mercy (From The Merciless)

Dir En Grey - Amon
Skalmold - Valholl
Fates Warning - Prelude To Ruin
Icon In Me - Nuclear Drama
Eat The Gun - Give Sight To The Blind

Warrant - Uncle Tom's Cabin
Chimaira - Born In Blood
Guillotine - Death Penalty
Jorn - Spirit Black
KYNG - Trail In Veins

Warbringer - Living Weapon
Jasta - Enslaved, Dead Or Depraved
Psychostick - Numbers (I Can Only Count To Four)
The Quill - Waiting For The Sun
I.N.C. - God Loves Violence
Demonical - March For Victory
Gentlemans Pistols - Midnight Crawler

No Redemption - No Return
Anthrax - The Devil You Know
Swedish Hitz Goes Metal - The Sign
Slot - Kill Me Baby One More Time
Fair To Midland - Rikki Tikki Tavi
Fleshgod Apocalypse - The Egoism
Burn Everything - Directed By David Lynch

Altars - Advocate
Ringworm - Hellbound
Bury Your Dead - Bluebeard
White Arms Of Athena - Recreationed
Weedeater - Jason...The Dragon
Hands - Here I Am

Affiance - Call To The Warrior
____________________________________________

Recap by Fire Eater Wizard; Most of the MO gang, Jeffie, Rick, Randy, were off attending the The Last Exit For The Lost Presents Show, so only Joe and Josh were present. As was Stacy, Tim, and Lance. Jani Lane, the lead singer of the band Warrant, had just passed away. Lance and Tim wanted a whole set of Warrant music, being the glam loving posers that they are, as am I, so I too would have been very for that, but Joe played "Uncle Tom's Cabin", saying that that was the only Warrant song that Rick would have allowed, had he been there. But Lance and Tim started working Warrant song titles into everything that they said, like "That's Heaven", or "You can't buy that with 32 scents", and "I just saw red", and "I love cherry pie", and so on, to Joe's and Josh's great annoyance. I think they worked their way through most of Warrant's catalog. Then, because a metal band has done an entire CD of metal covers of Swedish pop band's songs, from bands like Abba, Ace Of Bass, and Roxette, Lance and Tim started saying lyrics to Ace Of Bass and Roxette songs, and comparing the two bands, again, to Joe's and Josh's great disgust. How very un metal! Tim admitted to owning some Roxette. And Tim's manhood was already in great dispute that night, as he had said that he loves the show "Glee", even Lance, his best friend, deserted him on that one, threatening to make him walk, or hitch a ride (which, as Joe pointed out, is illegal, and we would certainly never encourage anyone to do anything illegal!) home, as Lance had driven them there. Yes, Tim's manhood was called into serious question...

August 6, 2011 - Lowkey and the ROC City Roller Girls

2011-11-03T00:13:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show

Playlist
Dir En Grey - The Blossoming Beelzebub
Symphony X - Prometheus (I Am Alive)
Max Webster - Battle Scar
Twisted Sister - The Fire Still Burns

Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
2Cellos - Smooth Criminal
George Lynch - Man On Fire
Pentagram - Call The Man

Death - Suicide Machine
Nader Sadek - Mechanic Idolatry
Demonical - Through Hellfire
Eat The Gun - The Evil In You And Me
Powerwolf - Sanctified With Dynamite

Savatage - Doesn't Matter Anyway
Jorn - Shadow People
Anthrax - The Devil You Know
Vader - Come And See My Sacrifice
Guillotine - Total Mayhem

Morbid Angel - Where The Slime Live
Svartsot - Farsoten Kom
Skalmold - Valholl
Icon In Me - Wasted Ways
Bury Your Dead - Slaughterhouse-Five
Trivium - Slave New World

Cianide - Terrorstrikes
Blood Stain Child - Stargazer
Tyrant Of Death - The Heir Of Fate
KYNG - Falling Down
Dying Fetus - Born In A Casket

Of Wrath And Ruin - Waters Of The Corrupt
Nader Sadek - Petrophilia
Fleshgod Apocalypse - The Imposition
Jungle Rot - Kill On Command

Lowkey - Backstabber
Burn Everything - Ambulance Chaser
Battlecross - Push Pull Destroy
Cannabis Corpse - Dead By Bong
Chthonic - Oceanquake

Pestilence - Dissolve
Acid Drinkers - Bad Reputation
Serianna - Redeemer
World Under Blood - I Can't Stand His Name
Fair To Midland - Rikki Tikki Tavi
Sepultura - No One Will Stand

August Burns Red - Salt & Light
Ringworm - To The Grave
Altars - Severance
___________________________________________________

Recap by The Metal Wulf;
So, here I sit, contemplating the daunting task of writing a recap for an edition of The Metallic Onslaught that I wasn't even present for. An earlier than normal work shift made me think that it may have been a good idea to hang back for a night.
Still, I tuned in to listen, at the same time leaving my own two cents here and there on the Onslaught Facebook page, which I've been known to do on nights like that.
I'd honestly had visions of going to bed at around midnight or so, thinking I'd get plenty of sleep, but the truth is, I just didn't feel tired. So I listened some more.
12:30: Not tired
1:00 Not tired
1:30 Not tired
Sincerely, I ended up listening right up until the last talk break, not beginning to feel even remotely sleepy until roughly 1:50.
Oh well...

So, having listened throughout the evening, I was able to garner enough info to do my usual recap.

Ahem...

Roc City Roller Derby members Izzy Normous and Cuss Muffin were on hand to promote this Saturday's bout at the Dome Arena, this one entitled Babes Of The Brawl. Rick, Josh, and myself will actually be in attendance for this one. I'm releived, too, because I was starting to think I'd never make it to a derby bout this year, and that would be a damned shame!
I guess Josh will be wearing a bunny outfit to this bout. I can't honestly remember the specifics of WHY he'll be in a bunny outfit, but hey, who am I to judge? In fact, this will work out just great, because I'll be breaking out the ol' WarWulf persona. That's right, don't panic, there are going to be both a wolf AND a bunny in the suicide seats this time!
I'm thinking this is going to be insanely fun, and then some. Oh, for the record, Josh will be referred to as Floppy.
Yes, that's right, Floppy Nolin. Personally, I think Floppy O'Nolin would sound a little better, but that is entirely up to his discretion.
Seriously, though, just imagine WarWulf chasin' Floppy around the ol' Dome Arena...

There was some mention of Cuss Muffin having monkeys on her head in some of her photos. Hey, Cuss gets around, and if she's in parts of the world where monkeys can climb on you, well, hey, there's WORSE things!
Like, how about parts of the world where tarantulas eat cockroaches while perched on top of your toothbrush?
Cuss has had that happen as well...
Ick...
So, something was mentioned about somehow having monkeys brought onto the Metallic Onslaught. Personally, I think this could be fun, as long as there's no flinging of gross bodily excretions involved. Of course, it would just complement the usual assortment of poo-related humor, so...

Lowkey were also on hand, to promote the upcoming 2011 edition of Hagefest, a three-day event that takes place in Sodus, NY the weekend of August 19-21. Thirty bands in three bands, representing some of the best bands our area has to offer. I'd highly recommend going if you've nothing better to do that weekend. Always good to get out and promote the local scene. Rick will actually be there on that Saturday, and Lowkey have personally invited him to announce the bands for that day.

A disturbing topic was brought up, as something was mentioned about Jackie Stallone doing psychic readings. Based on photos of people's buttocks...
Yeah, I was pretty perplexed about this, but apparently if you send Jackie a photo of your ass, she can tell you things about yourself as related to your past and future and stuff like that.
I think she's just a strange old lady with some really twisted tastes, but that's just me...

Jeffie arrived eventually, of course, and it's probably just as well for him that I wasn't on hand this week. I've gotta have a word or two with that guy regarding some things he did to my chewing gum last week.
Seriously, this Jeffie could quite possibly lead me back to cigarette smoking. Of course, he'd probably just find a way to dose my smokes, and some of his concoctions are less than pleasant.
So, he was mentioning some things about my adventures after his Viagra/Ecstacy combination had its' way with me. Police were involved...
Squirrels were involved...
Trees...
Scratches and bite marks...
The story is still gonna have to wait a bit, though. Bill, Erica, Rick and myself will all be going to The Haunt in Ithaca to see Sorrow Of Batavia, along with Of Wrath And Ruin, LAW (Lucifer At Work), and Neon Guillotine. Been waiting a long time to see Sorrow Of Batavia perform, and this is looking to be a kick-ass show from start to finish!
I'll be back for the show on the following week, though, and rest assured, the story will be told.

And afterward, the Malachi Crunch is going to be among the least of Jeffie's worries...

July 30, 2011 - Experimenting on Randy

2011-11-02T23:24:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show

Playlist;
Cypherseer - From The Womb
Symphony X - Dehumanized
Gentlemans Pistols - Midnight Crawler
George Lynch - Brand New Day

Trivium - Watch The World Burn
Megadeth - Killing Is My Business...And Business Is Good (live)
Psychostick - Numbers (I Can Only Count To Four)
Pagan's Mind - The Master's Voice

Arch/Matheos - Stain Glass Sky
Dream Theater - On The Backs Of Angels

Uncle Knucklefunk - Acoustic Man
Scorcher - Don't Hold Back
Jasta - The Fearless Must Endure
Order Of The Dead - Brotherhood Of Darkness
Absolution Project - Delusional

Serianna - Inheritors
Bury Your Dead - Mosh N' Roll
Dir En Grey - Decayed Crow
Mastodon - Black Tongue
Fair To Midland - Rikki Tikki Tavi
August Burns Red - Internal Cannon
Sulaco - Summon The Hammer

Tyrant Of Death - Necronomicon
Communic - In Union We Stand
Doom Unit - Dead Pilot
Dark Castle - To Hide Is To Die
No Redemption - No Return

Sepultura - Relentless
Ringworm - Cleansing Of The Fall
Altars - Advocate
Exhumed - As Hammer To Anvil
Jungle Rot - Kill On Command
vanna - Passages

KYNG - Falling Down
Burn Everything - They Don't Advertise Killers
Hail!Hornet - Unholy Foe
Iwrestledabearonce - Deodorant Can't Fix Ugly
Warbringer - Living Weapon

Armored Saint - stricken By Fate
Overkill - Wrecking Crew
Candlemass - Under The Oak
Malevolence - Face The Death
The Quill - Running

I.N.C. - The Good Bones Stay Down
Affiance - Call To The Warrior
Zombie Shaker Box - Hideaway
Hands - Water
Zeroking - Black Friday
Armed With Valor - I Killed The Peeping Tom

Law - Bees
Unkind - Kaivannot
Eternity - Sleepwalk
A Hill To Die Upon - The Perfection Of Evil
_____________________________________________

Recap by The Metal Wulf;
Big focus on new music lately, and last night was no exception. Truth is, things are going to get a little crazy very soon, as we'll be seeing new releases from Trivium, Kittie, Warbringer, Anthrax, Dream Theater, Opeth, Evile, Machine Head, Mastodon, Skeletonwitch, and a crap load of others.
Gonna be a little tough prioritizing, but for my part I can't wait to get my hands on the Anthrax, Evile, Opeth, and Mastodon discs!

Got on some bizarre subjects last night, which is really nothing new when it all boils down, but still, there are nights where I honestly end up wondering "How in the HELL did we get on that?"
For one thing, we seemed to be in a severe non-metal slump as far as topics went. I mean, seriously, you know there's something very wrong when you end up discussing Huey Lewis and John Denver during the course of a metal radio show. I'm wondering if there was a strange astrtological convergence going on or something, the subject matter just got so weird.
Then somebody commented that someone sounded like Julia Child, so of course that just sparked shit in my brain, and next thing you know I'm imitating her, talking about braising pork chops.
Really, don't ask, I don't know why my brain makes these connections, it just does...
Of course, it just got sillier when we took the discussion even further. Somehow Bob Ross got mentioned. Remember him? The guy who painted all those "happy little trees"?
Yeah...
So, somehow saw Bob and Julia Child making a really good couple. Assuming, of course, that they were still alive, which they're not. But, really, it seemed like it could have been a match made in heaven. Bob kind of struck all of us as the type who occasionally liked to smoke some happy little trees, as well as painting them. So, occasionally he'd perhaps have the munchies.
This is where Julia Child would be his dream woman, because she'd always have something yummy on hand just for those moments!
And Bob would be able to paint all kinds of nice pictures for Julia's kitchen...
Hell, maybe, just MAVBE, in some weird alternate reality, that's EXACTLY what happened!
Better abandon this train of thought before folks think I'VE been smoking them happy little trees...

Anyhoo...

So, the clone b.s. is continuing, and in the interest of proving me wrong, Jeffie mentioned a theory he had involving my...
Sigh...
...anal divot...
Yeah, back to that again, something about if I were a clone, my divot would be deeper than a regular person. Wasn't about to let him anywhere near my divot, by the way. Especially when he mentioned the divot in conjunction with his hands and other parts of my anatomy.
There was omething mentioned about it being like a finger puppet...
Yeah, that definitely wasn't happening! And to make it worse, Jeffie felt that I might enjoy a screwdriver to the divot.

Have I mentioned that this Jeffie is among the worse we've encountered?
Funny side note: Josh is still spouting theories about this Jeffie and another one that is possibly time travelling, in the tradition of Dr. Who. Only, in this case, instead of a Tardis, Jeffie is piloting a Re-Tardis...
When he puts it that way, it's a little hard to argue...

Anyhoo, my evening on the show last night ended rather abruptly, after Jeffie slipped a little something into my chewing gum. Honestly, at first I thought he was going to stick the pack into his pants, because we all know how much Jeffie LOVES to stick things in his pants...
Ick...
But, no, oddly enough that wasn't the case this time. I was still hestiant about chewing a piece after he'd handled it, of course, but then he forced a piece into my mouth, and from there it was all over. Seemed he'd been experimenting with something that duplicated the effects of both Ecstacy AND Viagra...
So, yeah, my night ended by stroking all kinds of interesting surfaces, and being unable to stand up without embarrasment. I eventually wandered off into the night, looking for, ummmmm...something to....
Yeah...
More on that later...MUCH later, as I'll be missing the next couple of shows. Next week because of my day job, the following week because a few of us are going to be in Ithaca to see Sorrow Of Batavia and some other great bands at The Haunt.
So, yeah, a little patience is in order. I'll just say this much...squirrels are REALLY bad-tempered when you wake them up at night...and splinters really, REEEEAAAALLLY suck...
...especially THERE...

July 23, 2011 - Burn Everything

2011-11-02T23:20:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show

Playlist
Trivium - Dusk Dismantled
George Lynch - Son Of Scary
Eternity - Dead & Cold
Symphony X - Dehumanized

Burn Everything - Directed By David Lynch
Seven Witches - Eyes Of Flame
Megadeth - Bad Omen (Randy Burns Mix)
Gentlemans Pistols - Sherman Tank

Burn Everything - They Don't Advertise Killers
The Quill - Pace That Kills
Hands - Restart
Altars - Volition

Burn Everything - Ambulance Chaser
Morbid Angel - Where The Slime Live
Morbid Angel - He Who Sleeps
Morbid Angel - Rapture

Burn Everything - Crumbling Monolith
Slayer - South Of Heaven
I.N.C. - Swallowed
Cannabis Corpse - Immortal Pipes

Burn Everything - Kenny Jihad
Exhumed - I Rot Within
Fair To Midland - Rikki Tikki Tavi
Ringworm - To The Grave
Jungle Rot - Bloodties
Zombie Shaker Box - Gates Of Hell

Clinging To The Trees Of A Forest Fire - Garbage
Annotations Of An Autopsy - Stage Breaker
Iwrestedabearonce - Karate Nipples
Warbringer - Livng Weapons
KYNG - Trail In Veins

Lamb Of God - 11th Hour
All Shall Perish - The Death Plague
Gigan - Mountains Perched Like Beasts Awaiting The Attack
Ana Kefr - Bathos And The Iconoclast
Unexpect - Mechanical Phoenix

World Under Blood - Dead And Still In Pain
Exit Existence - Wreckage Of The Damned
Shadowside - Inner Monster Out
Mescaleros - Don't Give A Damn
I Am Abomination - Abduction

Overkill - Thanx For Nothin'
Hail!Hornet - Beast Of Bourbon
Dying Fetus - Born In A Casket
Cenotaph - Sacrificial Suicide
Chelsea Grin - All Hail The Fallen King
August Burns Red - Poor Millionaire
Vanna - I, The Remover
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind

Sepultura - Embrace The Storm
___________________________________________

Recap by Randy, aka The Hoax Formerly Known As MetalWulf

So, with the past couple of recaps I've been trying to kick things off with the sane topics. Pretty good system, to be honest, so let's stick to that!

Matt Dalberth, a staple among the local scene for quite awhile, was in the studio last night to promote his newest band, Burn Everything. Far cry from his days with Forty Oz. Failure, but times and circumstances change, and to be honest, it sounds like he's got a good thing going on here.
So, if your're interested in hearing what they're like, it just so happens that if you go to Burn Everything on Facebook, you can actually download tracks for free, and I know that's gotta sound good to somebody! Personally, I'd say it's too good to pass up!
You can also catch them live at the upcoming Hage Fest, a yearly 3-day event in the Sodus area that features a whole slew of local and regional bands. It takes place the weekend of August 19-21 this year, and I'm betting we'll be getting some visits in the coming weeks from some of the bands that are to be featured.
Oh, I think it's worthwhile to mention that there were some guilty confessions on the show during Matt's visit. Matt confessed that he'd actually purchased Bon Jovi's "Slippery When Wet" when he was younger, and was set straight by a cousin who exposed him to Slayer's "South Of Heaven". Joe and I confessed to actually seeing them live. In my case, it was just once, with them opening for .38 Special just after "Slippery When Wet" was released, and in Joe's case it was actually twice!
Oh, c'mon, like YOU'VE never seen or supported a band and later realized that you're not necessarily very proud to admit it...

So, there was some discussion about Monday night's show at the Montage Music Hall in Rochester. Great show, featuring headliner Devin Townsend with Obscura, and some very cool local openers, Psychopath, Malformed, and Exit Eistence. I highly recommend checking them all out!
Rick and I were able to get a brief interview with Devin, and once it's gone through a ltitle bit of an audio clean-up, we'll be posting it on YouTube and sharing with everybody! Gotta say, we were lucky to get this opportunity, because things had kinda gone south during the course of the day. Devin's bus had broken down, delaying the band's arrival by a couple of hours, so it was just after 9:30 when we got to do the interview. Still, Devin was very cool, and we just appreciate the fact that he was willing to take the time with us!

So, more on this cloning nonsense. Seems like my own brother is getting in on the joke. (C'mon, what else could this really be?)
So, Bill says that parts of my "corpse" had been ground up, and he suggested that his cats really enjoyed eating...me...
-.-
On top of that, he even suggested that his girlfriend, Erica, had eaten "Randy Burgers".
Okay, c'mon, the silliness has to stop somewhere. I mean, cannibalism? Really?
REALLY?
Sorry, still not buyin' it, but if they really want to pursue this madness, I'm sure it's making for some humorous Onslaught moments!
If it benefits the show, so much the better!

Let's see, got to discussing a five-minute trailer promoting the return of Beavis And Butthead. Hey, personally, I freakin' LOVED that show! Of course it was crass, immature, occasionally vulgar, but it was also funny as HELL! Personally, I think it's the smartest move MTV has made since...well..since the FIRST time Beavis And Butthead originally aired!
Really, life is just better with those two idiots on the television screen.

Let's see, what else...

Ah yes, had a surprise visit from Lance! Yes indeed, for the first time in EIGHT MONTHS, Lance paid us a visit! All the more surprising, because I thought he'd gone to see Motley Crue and Poison at Darien Lake. But, it seems he'd sold his tickets and decided to drop in to say "Hi" to us!
Had a discussion about current wrestling topics. Seriously, overall, whether you watch WWE or TNA, things have kinda sucked as far as story lines go. I mean, TNA seems to have better action lately, and WWE lately has insisted that they aren't a wrestling company.
Really, what does that tell you...
Still, we discussed some potentially interesting goings-on, and mentioned that there was actually a lot of genuine wrestling action on the most recent addition of Raw. Joe, of course, felt the need to remind us that wrestling, at the end of the day, is still fake.
We know, Joe, but we still enjoy it.
It's still real to us, dammit!

July 16, 2011 - Armed with Valor and The Death of Randy...

2011-11-02T23:16:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show

Playlist;

Pagan's Mind - The Master's Voice
George Lynch - Wicked Witch
Daedalus - Perspective Of The Moon
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind

Motorhead - Burner
Motorhead - Nightmare/The Dreamtime
Motorhead - Orgasmatron
Motorhead - Killed By Death

Arch/Matheos - Stained Glass Sky
Symphony x - The End Of Innocence
Devin Townsend Project - Sumeria

Armed With Valor - I Killed The Peeping Tom
Cannabis Corpse - Gateways To Inhalation
Injury - Violence Unleashed
Battlecross - Man Of Stone
Powerwolf - Night Of the Werewolves

Armed With Valor - We Used A Bandaid
Affiance - Call To The Warrior
Altars - Advocate
August Burns Red - Internal Cannon
Hands - Jovian

Kaapora - The Day I Left The Dust
Excruciator - Metal Forces
Malefice - Baying For Blood
All Shall Perish - The Death Plague
Jungle Rot - Push Comes To Shove
Lowkey - Porcupine Cannonball

The Quill - River Of A Moonchild
Megadeth - Devil's Island (Randy Burns Mix)
40 Watt Sun - Between Times
Dream Theater - On The Backs Of Angels
Trivium - In Waves

Gentlemans Pistols - Comfortably Crazy
Zeroking - Kings Of Self-Destruction
Eternity - Sleepwalk
Sepultura - Kairos
Exhumed - As Hammer To Anvil
Morbid Angel - 10 More Dead

Seven Witches - Eyes Of Flame
Voodoo Highway - The Fire Will Burn
Anthrax - Fight 'Em 'Till You Can't
Othin - When The Ash Desolves
Toxic Holocaust - Red Winter

Misfits - Helena
Ninth Moon Black - Kalyug
Ted Nugent - Dog Eat Dog
Attack Attack! - Turbo Swag
Suicide Silence - Smashed

Uriah Heep - Trail Of Diamonds
George Lynch - Rattleshake
______________________________________________

Recap by The Metal Wulf;

Members of Armed With Valor joined us in the studio this week. For those unfamiliar, this is a band that has formed from the ashes of Amelia Is Dead and Torment The Vein. They were kind enough to provide a couple of demo tracks for us to feature, overall not sounding bad at all. A little more melodic than fans of Amelia Is Dead might be expecting, but that's really not a bad thing in my book. Keep an eye out for them soon, as they'll be performing their debut show very soon, and they also have an opening slot for Kittie coming up next month (August 25) at The Lost Horizon in Syracuse.
They were also kind enough to take some time for an interview for YouTube and our main website. You can find that interview on YouTube as well as Metallic Onslaught Facebook page as of right now!

Now, on to the goofiness...

And when I say goofiness, I mean these guys are losin' their minds. I mean, literally bonkers, outta their minds.
Why do I say this?
Well, they seem to think that I died on the show last week. Now, I remember having a really weird dream where Bill and Jeffie slammed me through the floor, and Jeffie body splashed me from the upper floor as I was lying in the basement (covered in spiders...), and I also dreamed that Josh slipped on my blood and fell on top of me.
But it was a dream, it had to be! I mean, here I am, HELLO!!!!
I'm alive and well, and feelin' great!
Yet, they seem to think that I was cloned in the meantime, and that I'm another version of Randy. They kept referring to me as Randy 2, which is just plain ridiculous.
Honestly, at one point I suggested that, since summer is in full swing, maybe they'd been visiting the cow pastures looking for some special mushrooms. I mean, come on, that's probably the most practical explanation, not that I see any of these guys honestly partaking of hallucinogens...
Maybe they're just crazy...

Speaking of crazy, Jeffie joined us once again. He was also suggesting I was a clone, and even went so far as to mention that he'd combined his DNA with mine.
Sigh...
Truly disturbing, Jeffie kept referring to "anal divots" throughout the evening. I'm not too specifically sure what an anal divot is, but I've got a pretty good idea.
It got worse, as Jeffie suggested measuring each of our divots, and doing measurements of weenies as compared to the depths of our divots.
Do I really need to say that there were NO takers for that?
Of course, then there was mention of anal lint, or "Shlint" as I've come to hear it referred to over the years.
All I can say to that is...EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

Let's see, we'd also got on the subject of some photos I'd taken while enjoying a relaxing day in Auburn with my girlfriend, Deb. I'd mentioned that I'd gotten some pics of squirrels, as well as a mama duck with her hatchlings. Hey, is it really so terrible to have an appreciation for the outdoors, and to take advantage of having a good camera for wildlife moments? Joe seemed to think it was kinda gay, to be honest...
Seriously, what do they want? It's not like I can jump into wildlife photography with gigantic predators. Not around here, anyway, and I really would rather not encounter any bears. Been there, done that, it was a little on the scary side.
With that being said, I think the birds and herbivores should be just fine for now!

Anyhoo, before closing this for another week, just wanted to say that Rick and I are EXTREMELY stoked at our opportunity to interview Devin Townsend this Monday in Rochester. His band, The Devin Townsend Project, will be performing at the Montage Music Hall with Obscura and a few locals (including Malformed and Order Of The Dead), and it should be a damned good time. Look for the interview on our Facebook page, as well as YouTube and our main website, very likely by Tuesday evening!

July 9, 2011 - Joe Marro

2011-11-02T23:12:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show - Pictures

Playlist;
Megadeth - The Conjuring
Metallica - Mercyful Fate

Black Country Communion - Crossfire
George Lynch - Brand New Day
Twisted Sister - Come Out And Play
Gentlemans Pistols - Into The Haze

Headcat - The Eagle Flies On Friday
Seven Witches - Harlot Of Troy
Symphony X - Heretic
Ozzy Osbourne - Crazy Train

Jungle Rot - Bloodties
Sepultura - Embrace The Storm
Hands - The Helix
Absolution Project - Playing God
August Burns Red - 40 Nights
Fugazi - Repeater

Morbid Angel - 10 More Dead
Chthonic - Southern Cross
Lock Up - Anvil Of Flesh
Decapitated - United
Demonical - Ravenous
Illnath - Scarecrow

The Greenery - Drag Beneath
Skalmold - Hefnd
Svartsot - Kunsten At Do
Anthrax - Fight 'Em 'Till You Can't
Channel Zero - Guns Of Navarone
Spellcaster - Power Rising

Jeff The Brotherhood - Ripper
Zeroking - Black Friday
Zombie Shaker Box - Industry Witch
George Lynch - Man On Fire
Gentlemans Pistols - Your Majesty

Fleshburn - Victims
Thorr-Axe - Hall Under The Mountain
Draconian - Dead World Assembly
Warlock - I Rule The Ruins
Pestilence - Doctrine
Exhumed - I Rot Within

Icon In Me - Un-Slaved
Denial Fiend - Horror Holocaust
Dream Theater - On The Backs Of Angels
Voodoo Highway - Gasoline Woman
Othin - False Revelations

Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
Orodruin - Letter Of Life's Regret

Amplifier - Fractal
_____________________________________

Recap by The Metal Wulf;
Since we pretty much parted ways with almost anything remotely serious this week, I'll start the recap off with the lone moment of sanity from the evening:
So, Will Polson (who is a friend of Rick) and Lindsey Boykin (a friend of mine and Bill's) met on the show on the 29th of October, last year. They started dating shortly thereafter, and last night they had a little announcement to make. They are officially expecting a child, so I'm proud to announce that the Metallic Onslaught is looking forward to it's first offspring, as such...
Okay, so it's not actually the SHOW'S offspring, but...
Oh, never mind...
Congrats, Will and Lindsey!

This is where the Serious Boat drifts off and never comes back to shore...

Joe Marro returned for a couple of hours last night, and he brought his guitar! Which was awesome, outside of some interference problems, which we attributed to cell phone usage. May have to tone that down in the future, hmmmmm...
Of course, it didn't exactly help that Jeffie wanted to contribute to the music that Joe was playing. I mean, we were actually having fun as Joe just let his guitar do the talking for him.
To be honest, I'd have to say it was at least moderately entertaining as Jeffie exchanged banter with Joe's guitar. Made me tjhink of Steve Vai for some reason...
But, then Jeffie had to ruin something that was actually humorous by wanting to sing a song while Joe played, and it turned into this goofy, surreal mess...
Speaking of surreal, Jeffie got on the subject of Joe Marro being made of Smarties.
Or was it Skittles? Damn...
Thankfully this was after Joe had departed for the evening, so there was no way for him to fully suibstantiate that claim. Although I do believe he mentioned pieces of Joe being left behind, and suggesting that they tasted like Skittles...or Smarties...
SweetTarts, maybe?
Shit...

Have I mentioned yet that this Jeffie seems to be among the stupidest yet? Unfortunately, I've only known one other Jeffie in my two years on the show, so I've really got no basis for comparison. I mean, I've seen a lot of the older videos, and each Jeffie pretty much seems to be damned stupid. Still, I guess Joe and Rick would be able to tell when one seems to be surpassing the others. Looks like we've got a doozie this time!
So, let's look at a few moments from last night to show just how pathetic this one is...
Still going on about balloon-zippers for storage. Keeps goin' on and on about it, I swear it's the most ridiculous thing ever. Then somehow whales got brought into the equation (as in Beluga-zippers...), with the suggestion being made that whales are bigger and can hold more.
Personally, I just don't want to see Jeffie trying to inflate a whale...
Then there are things he mentioned throughout the evening that really didn't need to be shared with us, such as:
-His love of Suzi Q's and the white cream inside them...
-Passing a message to me from Azkath. Something about eight owls, which triggered an Olaf appearance. Apparently Olaf ranted and raved about seeing eight olws in his tree, and that it was an omen, a sign from Odin that me must go and hunt a vicious wolf. You realize that this will probably end badly...
-Rockin' Josh's bottom. Didn't need that image in my head, thank you...
-His hot, salted pre-buttered corn...
-Defintiely could have done without the exposure of his penii, as he put it. Penii, of course, suggesting he has more than one. I wouldn't know. As hard as he tried to make me look, I kept my eyes closed. Of course, that didn't stop him from sticking it into my belly button...ewwwwwww...
-Then there was something about Jeffie's belly button lint, which Josh seemed to think was somehow connected to a Jeffie virus? Not sure where that line of thought came from, but consider the source. I mean, Josh still thinks that there's another Jeffie out there somewhere, and that he's traveling through time! Josh, Josh, Josh...
You see, of course, what we're currently dealing with here. Not only is this Jeffie exceptionally stupid, but he could potentially be spreading it all throughout the show. Might be a dangerous combination...

Speaking of danger, there was a bit of a menacing air throughout the evening. A little edge of hostility that seemed to be aimed at yours truly. I could have sworn that at one point I heard Joe saying something like, "Kill, kill, kill...Randy, Randy, Randy...Kill, kill, kill...Randy, Randy, Randy...', over and over, in a low voice. And Bill didn't look very happy with me, but that probably had to do with my deleiting his YouTube videos. Still, I'm bringing them all back, bit by bit, so he shouldn't be TOO angry...
Of course, there was that, and also the fact that I'd had a cigarette. I mean, it was just ONE. In two weeks! No reason to want to do me bodily harm, really?
Tell that to Azkath, who called Jeffie and said I should be punished not only for smoking, but also for the YouTube debacle.
The plan was for Jeffie and Bill to pick me up and bodyslam me through the floor, which they did!
Y'know, I didn't think they could do it, but I'll give 'em credit. I went right through, among a clatter of pipes and insulation, and wood splinters...and an abrupt stop in the basement, on a concrete floor, with spiders...crawling all over me...as I spit up a great deal of blood...and...Jeffie adding insult to injury as he body splashed me from the upper floor...I think Josh may have slipped on blood and fallen on top of me...
Strange. I must have dreamed all of that, because if it had really happened, well, Hell, I'd be lucky to be alive! I mean, I'm in one piece, typing the recap, feeling pretty damned good to be honest.
In fact, I almost feel like I've been reborn, and can take on the whole world!
Yup, must've been a dream!

July 2, 2011 - Jane Evil

2011-11-02T23:07:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show

Playlist

Black Country Communion - The Battle For Hadrian's Wall
Twisted Sister - Be Chrool To Your Scuel
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
Headcat - The Eagle Flies On Friday

Ozzy Osbourne - I Don't Know
Voodoo Highway - Till It Bleeds
The Rods - I Just Wanna Rock
Megadeth - Peace Sells

Cypherseer - Red Rain
Stone Soul Foundation - Ain't No Mystery
Deceased - Cloned (Day Of The Robot)
Thorr-Axe - Dragon King
Pestilence - Malignant

Jane Evil - March Of The Damned
Gentlemans Pistols - The Ravisher
Hands - Northern Lights
Dream Theater - On The Backs Of Angels

Steel Kingdom - Fortune Teller
Skalmold - Sorg
Hackneyed - Magic Malignancy
Earth Crisis - Total War
Svartsot - Dodedansen

Jane Evil - Not Your Saviour
Order Of The Dead - Brotherhood Of Darkness
Orodruin - Dark Rune

Cauldron - Frozen In Fire
Metallica - Whiskey In The Jar
Spater - Rat Salad
Temple Of The Dog - Hunger Strike
Stone Soul Foundation - Christian

Blizaro - City Of The Living Nightmare
A Viking Funeral - Shadows Of The Wolfpack
Exhumed - Your Funeral My Feast
Jungle Rot - Rise Up And Revolt
Death - Suicide Machine

Mastodon - Sleeping Giant
Morbid Angel - Immortal Rites
Cradle Of Filth - Her Ghost In The Fog
The Black Dahlia Murder - Great Burning Nullifier
August Burns Red - Poor Millionaire
Vanna - History On Repeat

Denial Fiend - Flesh Coffin
Trivium - In Waves
MonstrO - Anchors Up!
Icon In Me - Un-Slaved
Machine Head - Locust
The Rain I Bleed - Nightmares
________________________________________

Recap by The Metal Wulf;
So, after an absence of roughly three years, Jane Evil stopped in to hang with us. For those unfamiliar, Jane is no stranger for the local scene, having fronted Haunted By Angels and her own Jane Evil Band over the years, as well ab being involved with Zadoc And The Nightmare, as well. Most recently, she's earned the vocalist spot in Rochester's Steel Kingdom, replacing Sean Williams, who has fallen terminally ill.
For those who are interested in hearing Jane in her first appearance singing for Steel Kingdom, they'll be playing next Saturday night (July 9th) at the Women's Right To Rock Festival in Seneca Falls, which is a free event taking place the entire weekend. I can pretty well guarantee you'll see siome of the Onslaught crew out there as well, so come on down and hang out!
Jane was also kind enough to take some time for an interview, which is now up on YouTube, and can also be seen on Metallic Onslaught's Facebook page.
Oh, we also assured Jane that she's more than welcome to just come and hang with us any old time, even if it's not to promote anything musical.

So, onto other topics. Joe and I ended up sharing a story from a couple weeks back while we were riding home after the show. It was a moderately foggy evening, and somewhere between Border City and Waterloo we saw this figure lunge from the side of the road, arms waving, thumb out as if to hitch a ride. I had a very brief glimpse of what looked like a very slender woman with long, dark, lanky hair,
Naturally, this kind of freaked us out just a little bit. We have no clue as to what the situation was, or who the person was, just a gangly figure in the fog, looking like it was trying to get someplace else as soon as possible. Joking remarks were made regarding what Joe referred to as the "zombie chick", but to be honest, it was pretty damned creepy. I'd say we really don't need to encounter anything like that anytime soon...

What else...

Jeffie arrived, babbling something about balloon zippers.
Yeah, I'm not even going to speculate on what the hell that was all about. Something about putting zippers on balloons and using them for ceiling storage. One of those scenarios that's so utterly ridiculous that it makes my brain throb in agony trying to sort it all out...
Just ain't worth the effort, best not to think about it...

We also discussed an epic fail that came about as a result of my not paying proper attention to what the hell I was doing.
So, it's like this: Bill doesn't yet own his own computer, so when he records interviews for the Onslaught or gets some live clips from shows, he takes the files he's recorded on his Droid-X and imports them to my computer. He would then upload accordingly to his own YouTube account if he happened to have a night free to hang out here. He'd upload, I'd pop in a flick or two, and we'd just kinda hang out.
Well, in the interest of getting an abundance of clips uploaded in a timely manner, Bill entrusted me with his log-in info so I could do the job for him while he was at work. This has worked out well in the past, but on Wednesday night, something went terribly, terribly wrong...
Okay, so it was initially just ONE LITTLE FAILED UPLOAD! I went to deletei it, thought I'd checked the box for JUST THAT VIDEO, and found out later that I'd deleted EVERYTHING on Bill's YouTube...
Over 80 videos...
Gone...
Now, in retrospect folks have said that Bill should have contacted YouTube and they probably could have restored everything after explaining the situation. But, the thought of re-uploading everything was a bit too intimidating, and Bill deleted his account entirely.
Now, obviously I've felt like an utter dick about the whole thing, and despte assurances that I shouldn't kick myself in the ass over it, I have been. However, I've also taken the time to begin re-uploading his material to my account, which I fully intend on sharing with him as needed. I fucked up big time, and it's the least I could do. So, from now on, my YouTube page is also Bill's. I may even change the user name to reflect that, if possible.
Let's see, we could try Wulfliam...Metalliam...MetalBILL!!!...or maybe BILLwulf...
Hmmmmm...
Maybe not...

June 25, 2011 - Fixing Randy...

2011-11-02T23:04:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show - Pictures

Playlist
Gentlemans Pistols - Midnight Crawler
Megadeth - The Conjuring
Pyramaze - Bring Back Life
Symphony X - Bastards Of The Machine

Death - Lack Of Comprehension
Whitesnake - Crying In The Rain
Twisted Sister - One Man Woman
Pagan's Mind - Eyes Of Fire
Morbid Angel - Blades For Baal

Headcat - American Beat
The Black Dahlia Murder - The Grave Robbers Work
August Burns Red - Cutting The Ties
Cypherseer - Dying Force
Fleshburn - Live Thru Pain
Jungle Rot - Kill On Command

Clutch - Soapmakers
Deceased - In The Laboratory Of Joyous Gloom
Gentlemans Pistols - Into The Haze
U.D.O. - Motor-Borg

Hope For The Dying - Imminent War
Ark Of The Covenant - Locusts Look Like Horses
Dynasty - Wisdom & Truth
Nightshade - Lose Your Friends
Affiance - Call To The Warrior

Burn Everything - Ambulance Chaser
Polkadot Cadaver - Bloodsucker
TYR - Fields Of The Fallen
Autopsy - Bridge Of Bones
Anorexia Nervosa - Sister September

Book Of Black Earth - Research And Destroy
Black Sabbath - The Fallen
Black Sabbath - Trashed
A Pale Horse Named Death - To Die In your Arms
Black Tide - walking Dead Man
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind

Sourvein - Holy Transfusion
Order Of Nine - Gods At War
Vanna - Breathing At the Bottom
Draconian - Elysian Night
Devin Townsend Project - Deconstruction

The Clandestined - Swinging Like Judas
Chained And Desperate - Rely On Fears
Acid Drinkers - Seasons In The Abyss
James Byrd's Atlantis Rising - Fallen Warrior

Ozzy Osbourne - Steal Away (The Night)
The Rods - The Code
_______________________________________________

Recap by The Metal Wulf;
So, the latest edition of the Onslaught capped off a very cool week, I must say. As of last Sunday (June 19), we hit a big mark on our Facebook page as we finally achieved 666 "Likes", and we're now pushing for the 700 mark, which we really aren't so very far from at the moment. And while this may seem like we're pushing it, we'd love to hit 1,000 Likes by the end of the 4th of July weekend. Still, we're just gonna think realistically and continue to just be grateful for the continued support of the local and regional music scene (fans or bands or both), as we continue to support them! Really, it's pretty damned cool how things just come together sometimes!

So, we had a big focus on new music last night, and there were definitely a few things that stood out strongly to me. Pagan's Mind (from Norway) seems to be an extremely tight power metal combo, and I was greatly impressed with the track we played from them. Must hear more! Headcat is a rockabilly combo (yeah, I said ROCKABILLY!!! Just deal with it...) that features Motorhead's Lemmy Kilmister, The Stray Cat's Slim Jim Phantom and The Lonesome Spur's Danny B. Harvey. Not even remotely metal, but cool as hell nonetheless. Take my word for it, they're well worth a listen or two! Gentleman's Pistols (from Great Britain) impressed me as well, a nice throwback to a sound similar to what was popular around the late 70's and early 80's. Just good, hard rocking music. I have a suspicion that these guys could actually be a big deal in the future. Check 'em out!
Played a new Anthrax track ("Fight 'Em "til You Can't", which was AMAZING! Can't wait to hear the full disc when it comes out, which I believe should be out sometime in September. If the rest of that disc are as good as "Fight 'em...", then it should be more than worth the wait!
Joe assigned me a bit of homework regarding another new release, this one being Rev Raptor by U.D.O. Joe wants to know if there's any significance to the U.D.O. logo looking like an acronym. Personally, I think the little guy has just been toying with our heads for the past 22-23 years... Still, I promised to look into it, and I fully plan on doing just that! Stay posted!

So, after all that great music, what was left? The usual assortment of goofy wrongness that everybody has come to expect from us, of course!
An early discussion centered around the selling of my man-kini after No Pants Day 2012. Now, I was willing to entertain the thought of putting it up on E-Bay fresh out of the wash, but...
Okay, for some reason somebody (Will) thought it would be more entertaining to sell the man-kini after it's been worn every day for the next ten-and-a-half months, and to me, that's just pushing the wrongness scale a little too much. I assure you that there is no way that I'm wearing that thing every day until next May, through the steamiest, hottest, most ball-drippingly gross days of summer and beyond, only to put that sweaty, unwashed thing up for bids without being run through at least ONE rinse cycle!
I mean, anything less would just be disgusting, ya know?

Let's see, a discussion regarding Bill wanting to get cheap palm trees at BJ's led to something being said about Bill getting cheap BJ's...from cheap hookers...at BJ's...
Yeah, probably shouldn't pursue that one too far...

Moving right along!

Jeffie was on hand once again. Yeah, it's a little weird getting back into that kind of vibe. It's been so long since we've had a Jeffie showing up regularly that it's been a little stressful trying to adapt once again. I mean, really, we've all gotten so used to NOT having our personal belongings shoved down Jeffie's pants that it almost came as a complete gross-out shock when the ear buds to Josh's MP3 player went right...into...Jeffie's boxers...
How 'bout a little ball cheese to go with that ear wax, Josh?
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

Had another Olaf moment, which is still really awkward. I mean, it's just weird not being myself for these unknown stretches of time, only to come back to find myself holding a large hammer, or wearing a silly cloth helmet...
Anyhoo, after a couple of Olaf moments, Jeffie decided to take some action. Apparently he thought he could cure me of Olaf by throwing a chair at my head.
In the end, the only thing he really succeeded at was hitting me, HARD, and making me bleed.
A LOT...
I mean, even after another set of music, I was still bleeding. I was actually getting a little delirious as well. Brain damage? Loss of blood? You're guess is as good as mine. All I know is that at one point I was singing A-Ha's "Take On Me"...badly!
Of course, it probalbly wasn't too good that we discovered that part of my scalp was hanging off, and when the issue was addressed Joe just called me a wuss...
In the end, things just got worse, as my whining and bad singing prompted the suggestion that my mouth be glued shut. And let's not forget the idea of stuffing a full bag of Skittles up my nostrils! Yep, grand plan, guys, thanks a bunch!
So, the last thing folks heard on this week's show was the sound of me trying to scream and curse through a pair of glued lips, at the same time trying to expel a full bag of Skittles through my nose.
Yeah, it was EVERY BIT as unpleasant as it sounds, thank you very little!

June 18, 2011 - Joe's Birthday

2011-11-02T22:53:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show - Pictures

Playlist
Apostle Of Solitude - Coldest Love
Death - God Of Thunder
Twisted Sister - The Fire Still Burns
Stream Of Passion - Broken

Draconian - Elysian Night
A Storm Of Light - Wasteland
Cypherseer - Lost, Plagued And Redefined

In Solitude - Demons
Metal Church - Watch The Children Pray
Alice Cooper - He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask)

Metallica - ...And Justice For All
The Rods - I Just Wanna Rock
Ozzy Osbourne - Believer
Morbid Angel - Nevermore
The Black Dahlia Murder - The Raven

Polkadot Cadaver - Slaughterhouse Striptease
Deceased - Skin Crawling Process

The Untold Lies - Enemy
Novembers Doom - Buried
A Pale Horse Named Death - Devil In The Closet
Burn Everything - Ghost Of The Waves

Vanna - History On Repeat
Devin Townsend Project - Stand
Unexpect - Mechanical Phoenix
IKILLYA - Bombs Away
Anorexia Nervosa - I'll Kill You

Black Country Communion - Save Me
Rival Sons - White Noise
Seven Witches - Ragnarock
Unearth - Watch It Burn

Spater - Rat Salad
Cry To The Blind - Better Than Me
Black Stone Cherry - Let Me See You Shake
Black Tide - Walking Dead Man
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
Slayer - South Of Heaven

Alestorm - Midget Saw
Tyr - Take Your Tyrant
Anthrax - Aftershock

Chrome Division - Zombies And Monsters
_____________________________________________

Recap by The Metal Wulf;
So, after the out of control insanity of last week, I figured we'd be hard pressed to follow that goofiness up for a second straight week.
I was wrong, so terribly, terribly wrong...

The Demon Azkath, Just Joe, and Foul Mouth Girl from The Last Exit For The Lost showed up to honor the birthday of our long-suffering host, Joe Wyatt. We celebrated by doing a variation of a Russian Roulette show. If you're familiar with The Last Exit, you know what I'm talking about. For those new to this concept, allow me to explain:

In a traditional Russian Roulette show, "bullets" are chosen at random from a bag, but only when certain songs are played. These songs usually fall into the category of cheesy, overplayed stuff. Each "bullet" is actually a small slip of paper with a special action or activity printed on it. For example, if Joe had chosen the slip that said Just Joe Hugs Everybody, that's what would happen. And, as I recall, that did transpire. One of the more tolerable bullets, to be honest. Believe me, they can get pretty brutal...
So, in this variation, Joe the birthday boy got to pick a random bullet during each talk break, and got to choose who got to perform the action written on that particular bullet.
Much to Joe's dismay, one of the first bullets to be pulled said that Joe had to play Alice Cooper's "He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask)". Not one of Alice's most popular tracks on our show. Personally, I really don't mind it so much, but Joe can't stand it, so you can only imagine how that went over...
But, in the end, the song was played, and Joe complained that his birthday was starting to suck. And things weren't about to get any better...

The next bullet said "Randy Dances". Now, this was kind of tough, because anything with a danceable rhythm is kind of scarce on our show. However, I had a little brainstorm. There's an old classic rock song called "Black Betty" that never fails to get me moving, and thankfully Azkath had a version of it handy. Yes, that is what I danced to, and I'm thinking from here on in, that song's got to be my official dancing music.
During my performance, it was suggested that I give out lap dances. Joe didn't seem very receptive, though, so I moved on to Will, Lindsey, Kasey, and Josh. Can't really say that what I was doing could best be described as a lap dance, though. More like random humping motions, in rhythm, of course.
Overall, my efforts really weren't appreciated that much.
Amd Joe's compaints continued...

Things picked up on the next bullet. Funny thing is, Josh jumped at the chance to take one more the team when this bullet, which was called "Through The Board", was drawn.
A large, and moderately thin, board was placed on the floor, held up by two cinder blocks. It was then debated as to who was going to go through the board, and how they were going to go through. After much deliberation it was decided that Azkath would actually be the one to go through.
Further deliberation ensued as to HOW he would go through...
Approximately five minutes later, it was finally decided that Rick and I would do a double chokeslam on Azkath. It went pretty well, all told. I mean, Azkath was able to still talk and walk about afterward, so I guess he must have been okay.

Will was the subject of the next bullet, entitled "Hammer Smashed Face". Will had to lie on the floor, holding a Mac Book in front of his face. Azkath then took a VERY large hammer (and when I say large, imagine Viking weaponry...), and proceeded to smash the Mac Book over Will's face. Eventually the book was just left on the floor to be abused as we passed the hammer from person to person. I honestly thought we were going to lose Josh to a full-blown Viking Berserker Rage, and even I started to enjoy swinging that thing just a little too much.
Let's face it, Azkath's got some REEEEAAAALLLLY cool toys at his disposal!

Joe's birthday present from Azkath was finally revealed, much to the dismay of all. Yes, I regret to inform the Metallic Onslaught listening community that a brand new Jeffie has been created and unleashed on our show.
It was all good though, because the newest Jeffie made the perfect subject for the next bullet, which was entitled "DVD Player To The Head". Now, it was around this time that an old guest of ours decided to pop in unexpectedly. UWF wrestler, Jay Flyer, showed up with his security staff, and it was actually Jay's head of security who got to swing the DVD player at Jeffie's skull.
It didn't take long for the real carnage to happen. We ended up with a full-on Onslaught/Security staff brawl, and once the smoke cleared, I found myself holding that monstrous hammer, and wearing that goofy viking helmet that keeps popping up in my vicinity. Oh, have I mentioned that it seems this new "personality" is called Olaf?
Go figure...

Next bullet: Hugs! Yes, Just Joe made his rounds, accompanied by Jeffie, hugging everybody in their paths. To be honest, this was kind of a breath of fresh air, following everything else.

Speaking of fresh, Josh got the opportunity to freshen up Just Joe, because the next bullet requred that Just Joe be bathed. Not sure how that went for Josh. I mean, there IS a shower upstairs, and the two of them went up together, and Just Joe DID come back in his boxers, and with wet hair, so....
I'm guessing it was a success?

Time flies when your having fun, as the saying goes, and the final bullet of the evening once again fell on Just Joe. This one was called "Basement Time", and it was with the promise of cake that Just Joe was lured inside the door behind the basement. He was promptly shut in and told to be careful of the spiders...
I really can't blame Just Joe for screaming like a little red-haired girl with skinned knees. I don't particlularly care for spiders eithes, which probably explains my own screams when he came out of the basement and started hugging me, allowing the spiders to leave his body and crawl all over mine...
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

And so, it was on that note that Joe's birthday celebration for this year came to a close, meaning this will probably be the last time we experience the Russian Roulette fun for at least another, oh, seven weeks or so, when Bill's birthday rolls around!

June 11, 2011 - Joe Marro

2011-06-16T22:47:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show;
http://www.metalliconslaught.com/11/06-11.m3u
Playlist Below...

Recap by Randy aka MetalWulf aka Wulfie aka MetalHoax aka Hoaxie...phew...

This was one of those nights where the stupidity level went completely off the charts. I honestly don't know where to begin with this...

Let's see...Joe Marro joined us in the studio for his first visit in just a hair over a year. Our young guitar virtuoso seems to be doing well, although things with his previous band, Paradyme, kinda fell through. Luckily we've got some recordings that came from that particular meeting of the musical minds, and we've been playing some of them over the past couple of weeks. Joe's got other things goin' on, though, so there's no worry of him falling off the face of the planet, musically speaking. He'll be performing with In The Presence Of Enemies, part of a show that is headlined by Animals As Leaders, and takes place at Mohawk Palace in Buffalo, NY on July 18. He's also still contributing to Marrotech, which you can find right here on good ol' Facebook as well as MySpace. Good places to take a listen to Joe's work, to be honest. The kid is pretty damned phenomenal.

So much for the serious portion of the show!

Seriously, things deteriorated very quickly on this particular evening. I mean, there's a perfectly good reason why we call our little section of the studio "The Stupid Room". It has more than earned that name, and probably long before it was ever dubbed as such. But there's stupid, and then there's STOOOOOOPIIIIID....

Bill's roommate Greg was briefly mentioned. Now, Greg was known as Dude On Couch (D.O.C. for short...) until Bill's previous roommate got the boot. Now Dude On Couch has his own room, so he's now known as Dude OFF Couch (so as to still keep the D.O.C. nickname...) Somehow this not only led to the mentioning of how I have a Moose On Couch (literally, a stuffed moose that was a door prize at a Christmas party many years ago...). A photo of that moose can now be seen on the Metallic Onslaught's Facebook page...
Now, that, on it's own, wasn't so terrible. It wasn't until Josh said something about DudeOnCouch.com that it got inappropriate. Yeah, we've got our minds firmly entrenched in the gutter, so of course we all envisioned dudes on their couches, in front of webcams...
Bleah...
That officially falls under the category of things that we should never mention on the show, ever again...

So, it was established that it was Will Polson's (aka Shades) birthday, and somewhere along the line I got nominated to be the one to administer the required number of birthday spankings. A mentally scarring process, I would much rather have left it all to Lindsey, who is dating Will. Problem is, they both would have enjoyed it too much, so it fell on me to the the deed...
Something about using Astro-Glide had been mentioned, which prompted me to state that were I to use that while spanking Will, I would likely end up with my arm up his ass to my elbow, and then we could have a puppet show on the Onslaught...
Totally, TOTALLY, unnecessary...
Anyhoo, Will got the required number of spankings, and then some. I don't know who was more damaged in the end, to be perfectly honest.

So, throughout the evening we'd been prompting listeners to "Like" our Facebook page. In recent weeks we've had a major increase in our numbers, and we had just cracked the 600 mark.
Now, understand that just three weeks prior, just before Finger Lakes Metal Fest, we were at 485. By the time we went off the air on the most recent edition of the show, we had hit 612. We were aiming for 666 by the end of the night, but that's still almost 130 new fans in three weeks time!
I'd also like to mention that Joe Marro offered to shave all the hair from his body if we reached our goal of 666. I'd almost have to say that we're probably just as glad that we didnt' have to endure that...

A number of us, particularly Rick, Joe Marro, and myself, were experiencing some gassiness. Now, if you're a regular listener, this should really not come as anything remotely close to a surprise, but thigs went way off kilter in that regard this week. Seriously, the smell was almost beyond unbearable at times. It was frequently mentioned that underwear should probably be inspected for poo fragments.
Now, I don't know why this popped in my head, but the subject of poo got me thinking of something I'd pondered while watching "America's Got Talent". I even mentioned this on the show.
For those unfamiliar with G.G. Allin, here's a little summary: Part punk performer, part performance artist, all disgusting. The guy was infamous for crapping on stage, rolling in it, and throwing it into the crowd. I'm pretty sure he may have even tasted and spit poo at certain junctures... Anyhoo, G.G. was also famous for promising to kill himself onstage someday, and suggesting he may take a "lucky" fan or two with him. Mr. Allin died of a heroin overdose before anything like that could happen. He may or may not have been covered in his own feces at the time...

Anyway, while watching America's Got Talent this week, I'd gotten to wondering how the judges would have reacted to G.G. Allin if he'd lived long enough to audition for such a show. Really, just picture the reactions of Piers Morgan, Sharon Osbourne, and Howie Mandell. ESPECIALLY Howie Mandel, who is a notorious germophobe.

C'mon, tell me that doesn't just tickle your funny bone...

In the end, one of those nights where we laughed long, loud, and frequently.
And to be completely honest, those really are the BEST nights!

Playlist;
Rhapsody Of Fire - Ghosts Of Forgotten Worlds
Me First And The Gimme Gimmes - I've Done Everything For You
Trivium - In Waves
Within The Ruins - Carry On Wayward Son

Twisted Sister - You Can't Stop Rock 'N' Roll
Twisted Sister - Under The Blade
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
Karma To Burn - The Cynics
Pyramaze - The Bone Carver
Cypherseer - Aftermass

Saxon - Hammer Of The Gods
The Muggs - Blood Meridian
Warrant - Cocaine Freight Train
TYR - I
Black Stone Cherry - Change
Alestorm - Death Throes Of the Terrorsquid

Morbid Angel - Beauty Meets Beast
Sepulura - Relentless
Herder - Heading South
Othin - Approaching Darkness
Spellcaster - Spellcaster

Paradyme - Distorted Reality
Job For A Cowboy - Execution Parade
Devin Townsend Project - Planet Of The Apes

Arch Enemy - The Book Of Heavy Metal
Order Of The Dead - Stab
Slayer - Behind The Crooked Cross

Cry To The Blind - Better Than Me
Nine Round - Soldier
Fleshburn - Amongst The Dead
Prong - Beg To Differ
Deceased - The Traumatic
In Solitude - Demons

Tombs - Bloodletters
INC - If I Were President
Black Sabbath - Digital Bitch
Thorr-Axe - Dragon King
The Black Dahlia Murder - On Stirring Seas Of Salted Blood

Ozzy Osbourne - No Bone Movies
Ozzy Osbourne - Steal Away (The Night)
The Rods - Fight Fire With Fire
Black'N Blue - Candy
Black Tide - Walking Dead Man
Black Country Communion - Man In The Middle

Unexpect - Silence This Parasite
IKILLYA - Razorblades
Vanna - I, The Remover

A Pale Horse Named Death - When Crows Decend Upon You

June 4, 2011 - Scholar Perform

2011-06-16T22:41:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show;
http://metalliconslaught.com/11/06-04.m3u

Pictures

Recap by The Metal Wulf;
Another quiet night, not even a beating to speak of, which is probably all for the better anyway. There's only so much of that kind of thing one person can take, let's face it...

Anyway, a good portion of the show was spent featuring members of Rochester, NY's Scholar. Sound-wise they fall into a bit of the punk and pop category, maybe a little happier than what most Onslaught listeners are accustomed to, but hey, they're a part of a diverse local family, and we were happy to have them hang with us for a bit! They were even cool enough to play a couple of acoustic numbers for us ("All The Way To The Sun" and "The Rift"), followed up by guitarist / lead vocalist Steven Blaqart doing a handful of cover tunes for us.
So, most listeners are probably aware that Joe and I are both HUGE fans of KISS, so we were pretty excited to hear that one of those cover songs was going to be "Goin' Blind", and you can actually see a clip of that performance on our Facebook page, as well as YouTube! Azkath was recording as well, so there will be more forthcoming. Steven also threw in a Danzig song, as well as an old Misfits number, very cool to hear, I must say!

Not much else to tell, to be honest. Outside of our discussion of "Goin' Blind" and just how big of a perv Gene Simmons must be for having written it, I think the funniest moment of the night came when Azkath wanted to play a song for Joe by a band called Mutant Supremacy. Joe was informed that he may have to replace his face after hearing it, and something about that idea didn't sit well with him. As a matter of fact, he got downright petulant about it, displaying all the charm of a child forced to finish his plate, when all that's left is broccoli...
I mean, we even told him we'd staple his face back on and everything. He would have been fine! But all we heard was, "No! I don't wanna lose my face! Uh-uh! Not doin' it" and so on and so forth...
Eventually of course, we played the song and Joe came out of the experience just FINE! All that moping and whininess was for nothin'. Geeeeez...

Playlist

Saxon - Back In '79
Karma To Burn - Never Say Die
Tyr - Stargazer
Ozzy Osbourne - Diary Of A Madman

The Rods - Raise Some Hell
Thorr-Axe - Sundering Of the Frost Giant
Pagan's Mind - Eyes Of Fire
The Muggs - Sturm Und Drang

Deceased - Off Kilter
Draconian - Wall Of Sighs
Autopsy - Always About To Die
Black Sabbath - The Fallen
A Pale Horse Named Death - Cracks In The Walls
3 Inches Of Blood - Strength Of The Grave

Slayer - Atrocity Vendor
Funeral - How Death May Linger
IKILLYA - Jet Fuel Genetic
Morbid Angel - 10 More Dead

Scholar - All The WaY To The Sun
Scholar - Rift

Haemorrhage - Tumour Donor
In Solitude - We Were Never Here
I.N.C. - It's Coming
Vanna - I, The Collector
Black Tusk - Fixed In The Ice

Scholar - Goin' Blind
Scholar - Long Way Back From Hell
Scholar - Ghoul's Night Out

Scholar - Locke Syndrome
Sanjuro Fields - The River's Edge
Stone Soul Foundation - Sidewalker
Hangman's Heart - Mary Elizabeth
Novembers Doom - Buried
Thorr-Axe - Hung For Nine Days

Order Of The Dead - Bullet
Cosmic Sea - March For Flames
Mutant Supremacy - Soaked In Hell
Unexpect - Mechanical Phoenix
Choose - 33
Hammerfall - The Outlaw

Queensryche - The Lie
Black 'N Blue - Candy
Ace Frehley - Wiped-Out
Paul Stanley - Tonight You Belong To Me
Black Stone Cherry - Killing Floor
Cyper Seer - Aftermass
Paradyme - Sravanthi
Tombs - Passage Ways
Behemoth - Wish

Paper Thin Disaster - It Takes A Big Dog To Weigh A Ton

May 28, 2011 - Order of the Dead

2011-06-16T21:07:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show;
http://metalliconslaught.com/11/05-28.m3u
Playlist Below...

Recap by Randy, aka Wulfie (Scatterbrain Rules!!!)

All told, it was a pretty laid-back evening with a focus on some new music, which is never a bad thing. Let's face it, that's one of the things that keeps us goin'!
Also had members of Rochester's Order Of The Dead on hand, specifically Bill Lander (vocals), Jody Roberts (guitar), and Matt Zaso (guitar). Very cool guys, I must say, and it really helped that most of us pretty much fall into the same age group, so in between talk segments there was much reminiscing of rockin' times gone by, back when the big acts actually used to play in this area!
Nah, I'm not holding a grudge, not at all...
Oh well, at least the club shows are still kicking ass!
Seriously, though, Order Of The Dead are pretty damned killer and I highly recommend checking them out, preferably on their MySpace page, where a lot of their songs can be heard. And really, how many reasons are left to visit MySpace? Savor it while ya can!

Let's see...
Took some time to mention some memorable moments from Finger Lakes Metal Fest. We all had a great time, and we're all looking forward to doing it all again next year! Seriously, it would be extremely difficult to pick a favorite band or moment. Although, I will say that it was really awesome of Croctosquatch to come out and pay a visit...
That WAS a Croctosquatch, wasn't it? Hmmmmmm...

Couldn't possibly have a night on the show without a bit of insanity, of course, and this week it all came about because I wanted to hear "Don't Call Me Dude" by Scatterbrain.
Now, let's go back to the mid-to-latter portion of the 80's, when there was once a band called Ludichrist. Kind of a quirky, goofy punk/hardcore act. To this day, I've never heard a note played by this band, but I've always heard high praise for them.
Now, after disbanding, vocalist Tommy Christ formed Scatterbrain, a quirky, goofy act with elements of punk, metal, hardcore, this and that. One of those hard to define acts. Bob Appel, now-departed host of Saturday Night At The Rock Shop, used to play Scatterbrain's "Don't Call Me Dude" (from the album Here Comes Trouble) pretty frequently, and it wasn't long before I had my copy on cassette. LOVED that album!
Of course, things happen. Case in point: Cassettes occasionally fell victim to cassette players, and there was no saving them in extreme situations.
Never did replace that damned tape...
So, fast-forward to last night, as Josh and I searched the Onslaught cabinet for some requested music. I came across a copy of Here Comes Trouble, and immediately thought "Damn, I haven't heard this stuff in AGES!!!"
Joe wasn't overly receptive to playing "Don't Call Me Dude", though. Seems that Scatterbrain really weren't as well-liked as Ludichrist. I mean, even Azkath wasn't wild about the idea of playing it.
So, here's the deal: I wanted to hear that song so badly that I offered myself up for an on-air beating. And they went for it!
So, ultimately, I got to hear "Don't Call Me Dude". And then I got my ass kicked by both Joe and Azkath. Punches, kicks, clothelines, topped off with some shots from a hard-plastic storage case. All of which has been recorded for posterity, of course.
Ultimately, the big question amounted to "Was it worth it?" In the interest of having the beating come to a conclusion, I said "No"...
But really, taking a few shots to hear a well-loved song? C'mon, what do you think?

Playlist;
Ozzy Osbourne - You Looking At Me Looking At You
CypherSeer - Soul Sacrifice
Night Ranger - Lay It On Me
The Rods - I Just Wanna Rock

King Kobra - Rock This House
Anvil - Turn It Up
Metallica - No Remorse
Cry To The Blind - Tear Us Apart
Masterplan - Black Dog
Black 'N Blue - Candy

Haemorrahage - Traumaggedon
Pagan's Mind - The Master's Voice
Mayan - Drown The Demon
Autopsy - Born Undead
In Solitude - We Were Never Here
U.D.O. - Rev-Raptor

Order Of The Dead - What Humans Remain
Deceased - Dying In Analog

Order Of The Dead - Subversion
Death Of A Dictator - Beaten And Broken
Doro - I Rule The Ruins
Type O Negative - Christian Woman
A Pale Horse Named Death - As Black As My Heart

Order Of The Dead - Bullets
I.N.c. - Full Metal Jacket
Novembers Doom - Harvest Scythe
Inevitable End - Chamber Of Apathy
Paper Thin Disaster - Early Grave
Enslaved - The Sleeping Gods
Here Comes The Kraken - Stoner Sundays

Order Of The Dead - Brotherhood Of Darkness
Morbid Angel - Nothing Is Not
Job For A Cowboy - Plastic Idols
Red Fang - Hank Is Dead
The Book Of Black Earth - Antarctica
Hell - Let Battle Commence

Of Wrath And Ruin - Forever Unseen
Cosmic Sea - March Through Flames
Psychopath - OMFG
Chamber Law - Get Up And Die
Sorrow Of Batavia - A Hollow So Vapid
Angels Beneath Me - This Art Is Suicide

Spater - Rat Salad
Siegewyrm - Unnatural Condition
The Long Cold Dark - Atlas
Ana Kefr - In The House Of Distorted Mirrors

Scatterbrain - Don't Call Me Dude
Venom - Warhead
Cry To The Blind - Better Than Me
Ace Frehley - Snow Blind

KMFDM - Lynchmob

May 21, 2011 - David 'Rock' Fienstein

2011-06-16T20:58:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show;
http://www.metalliconslaught.com/11/05-21.m3u
Playlist Below...

Recap by Randy, aka Wulfie, who is looking forward to future editions of Finger Lakes Metal Fest!

There was a lot to be excited about, as far as this night was concerned. There WAS one problem, however, and I'd like to take a moment to apologize to God Size Hate on behalf of the show for what really amounted to some communication issues and a misunderstanding. Hopefully we can rectify that in the future and have the guys return some night.

Anyhoo, with that being said, we had the honor of having David "Rock" Feinstein of The Rods in the studio. For those who may not be familiar, The Rods formed in the early 80's, and built themselves a healthy reputation as a band to be reckoned with. They toured with some of the biggest names of that time, most notably Judas Priest and Iron Maiden. They also had a fledgeling band called Metallica open for them on more than one occasion.
The band split, amicably, in the latter portion of the 80's, and within the past few years have reunited. Things have gone so well, in fact, that they're recorded a new album, entitled Vengeance, that is being released this week, and I highly recommend it.
All in all the interview went exceedingly well, with Dave discussing the circumstances that brought the band back together, the new album, some thoughts on their more popular songs, and some upcoming appearances. One show in particular stands out, and it's going to take place on July 10, in Cortland. It falls on the birthday of Ronnie James Dio (David's cousin, and also former bandmate in Elf), and is a benefit show with proceeds going to the Stand Up And Shout Cancer Fund.
Speaking of Ronnie James Dio, David also discussed the circumstance that brought Ronnie to lend his vocal talents to not only one song on Vengeance (entitled "The Code", and it's phenomenal!), but also to a song on David's 2010 solo album, Bitten By The Beast (on the track "Metal Will Never Die"). These songs are quite possibly among Ronnie's final recordings, and well worth a listen.
I've gotta say, this was quite likely my favorite among serious segments on the show. It was an honor and priveledge to have David on the show, and he has our gratitude for sharing his time with us!

Of course, having David on was just part of the excitement we were feeling. This show was on the eve of Finger Lakes Metal Fest, and we were all pumped! Wtih the event coinciding with the supposed "End Of The World" and "The Rapture", there was rampant speculation as to whether we should be prepared for an upcoming Zombie Apocalypse, which probably would have put something of a damper on the day.
Or maybe Zombie Slaying would have made it more fun, who can say?
NOBODY! 'Cuz it didn't fucking happen!!!
There WAS, however, what we figured to be a Croctosquatch lurking about...
Still, Metal Fest was a blast, and we'd all like to take a moment to thank Dave Henninger and the boys from Spater for allowing us to emcee the event, not to mention thanks to the bands that came out to perform, and the fans who came out to support the whole thing! It was well and truly a great time, with a lot of memorable performances, and it allowed us to meet a lot of very cool people. Can't wait to do it again next year!

Okay, on to less exciting stuff. Other discussions of the evening fell on Black Label Society's show in Buffalo last week, where a few of us got caught in what was NOT an indoor shower of rain...
Gotta love those beer-guzzlin' Black Label fans!
Still, the show was awesome, I had a great time, and I want to go on the record here as saying that a Zakk Wylde guitar solo sounds like somebody strangling a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Which, in my book, is COOL AS HELL!!!
Let's see...
We discussed the passing of WWE legend, the "Macho Man" Randy Savage. Yeah, pretty depressing, especially when you think of how much better wrestling was back in his time. Seriously, it's gone to hell since the 80's and early 90's. Shit, I'd be happy for a return to a style reminiscent of the Attitude Era.
Awww, who am I kidding, we're stuck with John Cena, probably forever...

There is something else of note I should mention. It's not like he's really becoming a nuisance or anything, but that Viking personality that came to the forefront on No Pants Day keeps popping in and out, usually whenever I get knocked on the head...
Great, now I'm a bad rip-off of Super Dave as well as being The New Jeffie! Somebody just put me outta my misery now, dammit!!!!!
Oh well, when all else fails, I guess I just fall back on blaming Jeffie...

Playlist

The Rods - Violation
The Rods - Power Lover

The Rods - The Code
The Rods - Wild Dogs

The Rods - Livin' Outside The Law
The Rods - Nothing Going On In The City

The Rods - Let It Ripp
The Rods - Crank It up

The Rods - Vengeance
Anvil - When Hell Breaks Loose
Deceased - The Traumatic
Sacred Dawn - Demonlover
Orange Goblin - Black Shapes Of Doom
Hell - Macbeth

Masterplan - Killing In Time
Red Fang - Number Thirteen
Haemorrhage - 911 (Emergency Slaughter)
Autopsy - Sewn Into One
INC - Bleed The Line

King Kobra - Turn Up The Good Times
Here Comes The Kraken - Nu Beginning
A Plane To The Void - Omote And Ura
The May 4th Massacre - Slayerfest 2012
Book Of Black Earth - Road Dogs From Hell

Dynasty - Voice Of Truth
Black Country Communion - Smokestack Woman
Assassin - Strike Back
In Solitude - To Her Darkness
In Solitude - Dance Of The The Adversary

Novembers Doom - Six Sides
Pestilence - Dissolve
Ark Of The Covenant - The Book Of Life
Nightshade - Final Crop
Septic Flesh - A Great Mass Of Death
OTEP - Bible Belt
Deceased - Cloned (Day Of the Robot)

Most Precious Blood - Upstate Ghost
Affiance - A Monster Fed
Gamma Ray - Wannabees
Caroline Blue - Our Love Is Wasted
God Size Hate - Red Rabbit
Horse Face - Muddy Boots
Lowkey - Porcupine Cannonball

Compressed - Death Of The Flesh
Spater - Suckerpunch
Punchdrunk Monkeys - Doughnuts

May 14, 2011 - Friday the 13th...

2011-06-16T20:50:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show
http://www.metalliconslaught.com/11/05-14.m3u
Playlist Below...

Recap by Randy, aka Wulfie, who is thinking the man-kini should probably just be burned...

This edition of The Metallic Onslaught fell on Friday the 13th, so of course it was fitting that Alice Cooper's "He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask)" was played. I actually believe it's become an Onslaught tradition over the years. Fact is, most of us honestly hate that song. Don't get me wrong, we LOVE Alice, just not crazy 'bout that particular tune...

So, ironically enough, the big topic for the evening seemed to revolve around No Pants Day and my...ummmm...man-kini episode...
Honestly, it was like everybody had Man-kini Madness, and people wouldn't shut up about it all night! I mean, here we are in conjunction with a telethon to help raise money for our parent station, WEOS, and they're talking about me removing a piece of clothing for each $5.00 donation! Ummmm, the idea here is to GAIN money in donations, not lose it! And for the record, if you wanted to be kind enough to make your own donation, just go on to weos.org for all the details!
And then, while trying to promote next weeks' Finger Lakes Metal Fest, somebody had the bright idea that I should jump into one of the cages , in my man-kini, during Caged's set! You know, I have a feeling if they really wanted to do one for the ladies, they could find someone who wouldn't make them run screaming OUT of the building!
So, for the record, I am stating, right now, that there are no immediate plans of me squeezing my butt into that thing again. That means no pimping myself out in the man-kini for cash donations, and definitely no man-kini moshing at Metal Fest. And DEFINITELY no Mosh n' Bowl in the man-kini! Not happening any time soon, sorry folks...
Really, you'll be thanking me in the long run!

Enough about the man-kini, let's move right along, shall we?

Further promoting Finger Lakes Metal Fest, we once again had Dave from Spater in the studio with us, along with Wayne Johnson, guitarist and vocalist for Caroline Blue, a solid Syracuse band with a good, old-school style. You can check them out right here on Facebook!
Seriously, the closer this gets, the more excited we are to be emceeing it. Your going to be hard pressed to find a better way to kick off the summer concert season, especially around here, where we just don't get metal like we used to...

Let's see, what else was there of note...

We played some new music from King Kobra and Warrant, and I've gotta say that between the two, I'm definitely more impressed with the King Kobra material. Of course, I knew that adding Paul Shortino to the line-up was only going to up their game in the long run. The guy sounds just as amazing now as he did in the 80's, while fronting Rough Cutt, and for a brief period, Quiet Riot.
Not to say that the Warrant track was terrible. The new vocalist, Robert Mason, is damned good, I'd even go so far to say that I prefer him to Jani Lane, who isn't exactly a slouch.
Of course, if you're a fan of the old-school 80's hair metal, you'll probably love both discs. For my part, I can't wait to get my hands on that King Kobra disc!

Gotta bring this up, because it's actually not a terrible idea, when it all boils down. Somewhere along the line I brought up a conversation that Josh and I had been having during our weekly pilgrimage to Cold Stone Creamery. Josh and I have tossed around a few interesting ideas during my time on the show, among them bobble-heads and posable action figures. (Hey, who wouldn't want a Wulfie figure? It could happen!)
Anyhoo, the idea of doing an Onslaught calendar came up, and the more I thought about it, the more that it sounded like a fun concept. It's not like we don't have a ton of photos in the archives that would be usable. I mean, obviously we don't want any man-kini (Shit, there it is again!) photos, but there are definitely some fun pics that could fit the bill.
Hmmmmm...any takers?

Before I wrap this up for this week, I've gotta express a little concern for Joe's sanity. I think our long-suffering host may have finally been pushed over the edge, because toward the end of the night he was acting a little strange. I'm pretty sure I heard him mention something about genital pizza and pepperoni nipples. This could bear some watching in the coming weeks...

And, speaking of coming weeks, our next show is not only going to feature Dave from Spater once again, but also God Size Hate, as we do some last minute promotion for Finger Lakes Metal Fest. And on top of that, we're also getting a visit from New York State legends, THe Rods! Yeah, you read that right! Dave Feinstein, Carl Canedy, and Garry Bordonarro are going to be joining us NEXT WEEK!
Really, if I were any more pumped for next weekend, I'd be exploding right now! Can't get here soon enough.

Playlist

Leaves' Eyes - Spirit's Masquerade
King Kobra - Midnight Woman
Pentagram - Call The Man

The Rods - I Just Wanna Rock
Warrant - Sex Ain't Love
Anvil - When Hell Breaks Loose
Anvil - New Orleans Voo Doo

Caroline Blue - Our Love is Wasted
CyperSeer - Soul Sacrifice
Hell - On Earth As It Is in Hell
Novembers Doom - Harvest Scythe

Caroline Blue - Nothing Will Satisfy You
Deceased - Cloned
Nightshade - Final Crop
Black Sabbath - The Sign Of The Southern Cross

Caroline Blue - Pain
Morbid Angel - Rapture
In Solitude - Serpents Are Rising
Most Precious Blood - Stuart Is A Dead Man
INC - Fist Of Fascista
Dynasty - Demolish Strongholds
The Gates Of Slumber - To The Rack With Them

Caroline Blue - Out Of My Life (I Want You)
A Plane To The Void - The Obstacle's Passion
Here Comes The Kraken - A New Leader
Kaapora - The Second Wave Of Sorrow
Gallhammer - Sober
Tokyo Blade - Killing Rays
Ark Of the Covenant - Locusts Look Like Horses

Autopsy - Bridge Of Bones
The Devin Townsend Project - Planet Of The Apes
Assassin - Judas
Hope For The Dying - Perpetual Ruin
Red Fang - Dirt Wizard
Lowkey - Backstabber
OTEP - Drunk On The Blood Of Saints
Septicflesh - Apocalypse

Infant Sorrow - The Clap
The Rods - Power Lover
The Rods - The Code
The May 4th Massacre - Godfather X
KMFDM - Lynchmob
Affiance - Call To The Warrior
GammaRay - Hold Your Ground
Hate Eternal - Deathveil

Pallas - Sacrifice

May 7, 2011 - No Pants Day!!!

2011-06-16T20:26:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show;
http://www.metalliconslaught.com/11/05-07.m3u
Playlist Below...

Pictures

Recap by Randy, aka Wulfie, who is really, REEEEAAAALLLLLY sorry...
(Truly, you have no idea...)

Seeing as how this edition was our annual celebration of No Pants Day, I'm going to break this recap into two parts. Serious (yeah, believe it or not, amidst the chaos there was time for such a thing!) and Seriously Fucked Up...

Part 1. Serious

So, an early discussion centered around an upcoming release from King Kobra, their first new music in many years. This next disc is going to feature Paul Shortino (formerly of Rough Cutt) on vocals, replacing Mark Free, known these days as Marcie Free, after undergoing a sex change. (No disrespect meant, just statin' the facts.)
Actually, there's an amusing parallel between both bands. Both had very strong releases for their debut albums (King Kobra had "Ready To Strike" while Rough Cutt's was self-titled), and both had really, REEEEAAAALLLY disappointing follow-up albums ("Rough Cutt Wants You" and King Kobra's "Thrill Of A Lifetime").
Now, Mark Free sounded damned good on "Ready To Strike", and their single, "Hunger", has been a personal favorite of mine for many years, but I got to see Rough Cutt when they opened for Dio back in 1985, and I can personally assure you that Paul Shortino has got some of the best pipes in the business, live or otherwise.
Yet Joe seemed to be implying that he preferred Mark Free, and that's quite alright. I quite enjoyed that little bit of banter, and wish we had time for more discussions along those lines.

So, later on, somewhere in the random chaos that is No Pants Day, we had time to have a few words with Joe Lupia, who had last joined us in the studio while he was a member of Amelia Is Dead, sadly a now-defunct outfit.
Still, Joe remains busy and was more than happy to share some news about his current project, God Astray, and we were more than happy to play some tracks!

Of course, there was also the discussion of whether or not Jeffie would show. Azkath had flatly refused to show up on No Pants Day, and really, who can blame the guy? So, yeah, the debate was on, and sure enough, Jeffie showed up, bringing us to...

Part 2: Seriously Fucked Up

Yes, believe it or not, Jeffie had arrived, defying all logic. I mean, the guy is supposed to be dead as a doornail, after all, killed by my hand, torn asunder, shredded into bloody chunks of flesh and grosser things...
But, it seems this is a DIFFERENT Jeffie...
Okay, since when is there more than one Jeffie active at a given time? After I killed what I thought was the last Jeffie, Azkath INSISTED that he wouldn't make any more, so where in the Nine Frickin' Hells did this one come from? I mean, apparently it's been traveling through time, but did it exist before or after I killed what I thought was the final Jeffie? So many questions, and no real answers forthcoming. And of course, he'll be back...
Dammit...
Just Joe and Foul Mouth Girl were both on hand. Wouldn't be No Pants Day without either of them, and we hadn't had FMG in studio in a few weeks. We miss her when she's not there.
Just Joe was sporting layers of underwear, sort of a throwback to FMG last year, and far less alluring, I must say. Hey, for my part I was sporting a pair of black cut-offs, perfectly within the domain of No Pants Day reason. Bill was in his boxers AND a bath robe, Will (Shades) was in a pair of tuxedo boxers, and Lindsey was in a little black nightie, very cute, and perfectly acceptable.
Of course, carnage ensued very quickly. Befiore I knew it, and at Joe's suggestion, I was subjected to the indignity of a Bronco Buster from Just Joe, with a little help from Jeffie. I wasn't overly thrilled by the prospect of having somebody's (ANYBODY'S...) package that close to my face, so it was a mentally painful moment.
At some point, Jeffie and Just Joe thought I should give our long-suffering host, Joe Wyatt, a Rikishi-style Stink Face to make up for him suggesting the Bronco Buster. So, I stripped down to my my AC/DC boxers. As it turned out, it was Jeffie and Just Joe on the receiving end of their own respective Stink Faces, and I've gotta tell ya, THAT WAS FUN!!! I made sure they got a good idea of what I'd had for dinner the night before, you'd best believe it! I'll bet their still gargling!
So, from there, Jeffie carried out this big suitcase that was full of women's underwear. FMG seemed to think some of it looked pretty familiar, and one pair in particular I recognized from last year. These were all going on Jeffie's head, much to FMG's dismay. As a matter of fact, she showed Jeffie just how dismayed she was when she proceeded to beat the piss out of him. We, of course, cheered her on.

Things got a little hazy for me following this. I remember Jeffie attacking me with wooden boards, resulting in more head trauma. Next thing I knew, I was wearing a viking helmet, as well as carrying a plastic sword and shield. Apparently some very bad things had happened up until that point, but I couldn't remember a damned thing. There was a lot of in and out of coherence from there, and each time I came back to myself, I either had the helmet on, or the sword and shieid, or some combination thereof. Chaos doesn't even describe it, to be honest...

It wasn't until the evening was over and I'd gotten home that I discovered the truly nasty nature of the evenings most disturbing event. Upon watching what was saved to YouTube via the web cam, I saw myself run around in nothing but a pair of bikini briefs, wearing the helmet, carrying the sword and shiield, and attacking both Jeffie and Just Joe as I screamed like a maniac...

Sincerely, my apologies to all who may have (let's face it, PROBABLY) suffered any undue mental distress as a result of viewing any of that. Look on the bright side, I really don't see how next year's No Pants Day celebration could be worse...

Playlist;
Pentagram - 8
Midnattsol - Spellbound
CypherSeer - From The Womb

Anvil - New Orleans Voo Doo
Cavalera Conspiracy - Blunt Force Trauma
Black 'N Blue - Candy
The Rods - Rebels Highway
Saviour - Killing Fields

Within Temptation - In The Middle Of The Night
Leaves' Eyes - Spirit's Masquerade
The Gates Of Slumber - Wretch
Here Comes The Kraken - Beverly Hell
Motherboar - Croctosquatch

Septic Flesh - Five-Pointed Star
Gates Of Slumber - Bastards Born
Red Fang - The Undertow
Kaapora - Existence And Sickness
Hope For The Dying - Perpetual Ruin

God Astray - Dark Grey
Tyr - Take Your Tyrant
Infant Sorrow - Furry Walls
Alestorm - Miget Saw
Nine Round - Lost In The Fold

The May 4th Massacre - Flag Of Separation
I.N.C. - Swallowed
Before The Dawn - Winter Within
While Heaven Wept - Saturn And Sacrifice
Deceased - Kindred Assembly
Combat - The Mutant Inside

Orange Barrel Acid - Useless
Arkona - Skal
Villian - Kamikaze
Pestilence - Malignant
Ana Kefr - Parasites
Tokyo Blade - Night Of The Blade
Diamond Head - Helpless

God Astray - Sex Poison
Hate Eternal - Hatesworn
Lowkey - Passion
Venom - Black Metal
Grave Decent - Morbid Extraction
OTEP - Fists Fall

Genitortures - Sin City
New Lows - Last Of The Rats
The Exalted PileDriver - Witch Hunt
Here Comes The Kraken - Nu Beginning
Cause For Revelation - Another Failure
Becoming The Archetype - The Magnetic Sky

The Rods - The Code
Thinning The Herd - Chill In The Air
Septic Flesh - The Undead Keep Dreaming

April 30 2011 -

2011-06-16T19:49:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show;
http://www.metalliconslaught.com/11/04-30.m3u
Playlist Below...

Recap by Randy, aka Wulfie, who isn't ashamed to occasionally dance with his cats...

So, as of this writing we are officially just 3 weeks away from Finger Lakes Metal Fest, and in the interest of further promotion we had both Compressed and Lowkey in the studio, as well as Dave and Terry from Spater. We'll be having more bands from the event on the show in a couple of weeks, with Caroline Blue scheduled join us next. No denying it, we're all pretty damned pumped about this show!

Speaking of being pumped for shows, a few of us were excited for a grand total of about 24 hours when we heard that KISS was coming to the Event Center at Turning Stone Casino at the end of July. Of course, the excitement was short-lived when we heard the tickets STARTED at $95 and went upward, to $1150. Sorry, guys, no dice, not everybody has that kind of scratch, not even for the nose-bleed seats, I don't care how great of a show you put on.
I mean, really, Ozzy was able to do a full round of Ozzfest shows for free, maybe KISS could take a lttle cue from him and REALLY give something back to their fans...
Oddly enough, Joe seems to think that I'm somehow made of money, and will be purchasing KISS VIP packages for everybody on the Onslaught.
You know, I've discovered that it's really not a good idea to upset delusional people. I figure I'm just gonna let this one slide, and maybe he'll forget all about it!

Speaking of delusional, Joe still seems to think that it was Loverboy I went to see a couple weeks back, when it was Tesla. Can't seem to convince him otherwise. He also seems to think that I dance with my cats while listening to Loverboy, and I made sure that everybody was aware that it's not Loverboy that's playing when I dance with my cats.
Oh, come on, don't tell me you're never held onto your pets' front paws and danced with them...

I think that covers the important points. Like I said, look for more promotion of Finger Lakes Metal Fest, and more bands featured on that show. Won't be next week, though, because the time is almost here. Yep, that one day of the year that, for obvious reasons, we all dread. Next week is our annual celebration of No Pants Day. For those of you who've followed the show, you have at least a vague idea of what to expect.
For those new to the show, however...well, just consider yourself warned...

Playlist;

The Rods - I Just Wanna Rock
Anvil - Juggernaut Of Justice
Brian Robertson - Blues Boy
Leaves' Eyes - Spirit's Masquerade

Scheepers - Saints Of The Rock
CypherSeer - Red Rain
Saviour - Open The Night
Conflicted - Torment

Pentagram - Death In 1st Person
While Heaven Wept - Obsessions Now Effigies
Before The Dawn - Deathstar
Becoming The Archetype - Internal Illumination
Speed\Kill/Hate - Behind The Mask
Otep - Remember To Forget
Benedictum - Overture/Temple Of Syrinx

Compressed - Busted Teeth
Grave Descent - Feast Of The Damned
The May 4th Massacre - Slayerfest 2012
Onward To Olympas - Seeker
Amon Amarth - Doom Over Dead Man
Overcome - Body Of Death
Midnattsol - Spellbound

Compressed - Death Of The Flesh
Spater - Stronger Than You
Horseface - The Bloated One
Lowkey - Porcupine Cannonball

Lowkey - Lay Down Your Guns
Pestilence - Salvation
Hope For The Dying - Perpetual Ruin
The Gates Of Slumber - Castle Of The Devil

Lowkey - Backstabber
INC - The Good Bones Stay Down
Bane - The True Insomnia
Hate Eternal - Haunting Abound
Taletellers - The Keepers Of Doom
Deceased - Kindred Assembly
Graveyard - No Good, Mr Holden

Nazareth - Watch Your Back
Motherboar - Zombie Vomit
Red Fang - Into The Eye
New Lows - Plaguegrounds
Thinning The Herd - Oceans Rise
The Exalted PileDriver - Witch Hunt
Hank III - Pistol Packin

Anvil - This Ride
The Rods - The Code
Death Valley High - She Wants To Kill
Machine Head - Bite The Bullet
Testament - Disciples Of The Watch
Tokyo Blade - Forged In Hell's Fire
Sorrowseed - Eldritch Hunter

Foo Fighters - Bad Reputation

April 23, 2011 - Horseface and Spiders...

2011-06-16T19:41:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show;
http://www.metalliconslaught.com/11/04-23.m3u
Playlist Below...

Recap by The Metal Wulf; Another relatively calm night on the show. We had HorseFace in the studio, one of the twenty bands scheduled to appear at the 2011 edition of the Finger Lakes Metal Fest. Let me tell ya something, here, their name might be worth of a chuckle, but these guys are all business. Good, solid heavy metal, and I'm very much looking forward to hearing them live on May 21st out on Donselaar's!
Speaking of Metal Fest, Caged is scheduled to close the night out, and there was some speculation as to who might make guest appearances in the cages with the regular girls, and I believe it boiled down to either Dave from Spater or Rose from Demoness.
I think I'd put my money on Rose...

Speaking of guest appearances, we had George in the studio for the first time in...
Y'know, I can't even remember the last time he stopped in. I'm almost willing to lay money on No Pants Day 2009. Yep, almost two years ago...
Stop bein' a stranger, George!!!

An early discussion focused on something that happened on a number of our Facebook pages last Sunday night. I swear, it was just minutes after I posted last weeks' recap. Just MINUTES, and chaos ensued, covering not only my page, but moving onto Bill, Will, Lindsey, Rick, Azkath, and even the Metallic Onslaught Facebook page!
The craziness in question, of course, centered around Croctosquatch. Yes, we've become very fond of this song by Motherboar. Hell, we've actually become rather fond of Motherboar, even going so far as to play some more of their music, this time featuring "Camel Puncher".
Honestly, how can you not love a band with song titles like that? "Croctosquatch"..."Camel Puncher"..."Zombie Vomit"...they just kinda roll off the tongue!
Ummmm...wait...ewwwwwww...

Let's see...

Our return from our weekly visit to Tim Horton's/ Cold Stone Creamery found us hearing part of a talk break (yes, we stay tuned in when we're not there) that mentioned a spider in the studio.
Guess who doesn't particularly care for spiders?
So, of course, after returning to the studio, I was very leary about any presence of arachnid activity. Truth is, Bill's not wild about them, either, so as long as they weren't in the Stupid Room, we were fine.
Something really strange has occurred in the meantime, though. Something to do with my former smoking habit, which I'm happy to report is STILL a former habit, outside of a couple of minor slips.
Anyhoo, the strange part is that cigarettes suddenly look like spiders to me. Big, black, hairy, bloated, eight-legged aberrations of nature. Now, can you imagine how that looks when you see someone actually smoking? I mean, it's WEIRD!!!! People open a pack, pop a smoke in their mouths, light it, and all I see is a burning spider in their mouths!
Honestly, what in the HELL is goin' on here?
Apparently Azkath's "negative reinforcement" techniques have moved onto some bizarre form of aversion therapy.
And, even crazier, IT'S WORKING!!!

Playlist;

Brian Robertson - Texas Wind
Leaves' Eyes - Empty Horizon
Pentagram - Horseman
CypherSeer - Aftermass

Mama's Boys - Lettin' Go
Mama's Boys - Needle In The Groove
Jag Panzer - Burn
Scheepers - Cyberfreak
Vicious Rumors - Razorback Blade

Horseface - F.E.A.R.
Midnattsol - The Metamorphosis Melody
Nightshade - You Can't See Through My Eyes
The Rods - Let It Ripp

Horseface - Crazy
Lowkey - Backstabber
Spater - Stronger Than You
Hope For The Dying - Imminent War
I.N.C. - Full Metal Jacket
Motherboar - Camel Puncher

Horseface - Muddy Boots
Deceased - Kindred Assembly
Graveyard - Ungrateful Are The Dead
Red Fang - Throw Up
Foo Fighters - Darling Nikki
Behold The Arctopus - Canada

The Rods - The Code
Anvil - The Ride
Conflicted - Alive
KMFDM - Panzerfaust
Goes Cube - Thunderheads
Victims - Bringing Me Down
Havok - D.O.A.

Deafheaven - Language Games
Hyperborean - Killing Grounds
Tormenta - Tormented Souls
Cause For Revelation - Resurrecting The Hostility
Bane - Inherited Infection
Kampfar - Blitzwitch
Taletellers - Nail It Down

Xerath - Sworn To Sacrifice
Amon Amarth - For Victory Or Death
Thinning The Herd - My Wake
Free Reign - Ruins
Halestorm - Hunger Strike
Becoming The Archetype - The Magnetic Sky
Hank III - Hillbilly Joker
Evil Madness - Mad Attack
Gigan - Suspended In Cubes Of Torment

Anvil - New Orleans Voodoo
Psychopath - Illusive Deceptions
Order Of The Dead - Neurot Despot
Lowkey - Red Moon
Winterus - Moonlust

Motherboar - Croctosquatch
Combat - The Mutant Inside

April 16, 2011 - Barbed Wire Therapy...

2011-06-16T19:35:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show;
http://www.metalliconslaught.com/11/04-16.m3u
Playlist Below...

Recap by Randy aka Wulfie, who is dreadfully afraid that the Croctosquatch may be real...

Before delving into the meat and potatoes of this weeks' recap, I'd like to point out that I have NEVER owned or worn a Tuggie...

We had members of Spater on hand, as we begin some serious promotion for the upcoming 2011 edition of the Finger Lakes Metal Fest.

Another upcoming event, one that we're really not as excited about, is No Pants Day, which is really beginning to creep up again. Hard to believe that it's just under three weeks away. I mean, just tossing around suggestions for this years' celebration was disturbing in and of itself. I mean, somebody actually recommended I wear a Tuggie!

(For those who have no clue as to what a Tuggie is, just think of a Snuggie for the male parts...)

Okay, granted the Tuggie suggestion came after I jokingly mentioned wearing a banana hammock for that show,but I can personally guarantee that the last thing I'm going to do on No Pants Day is subject folks to that sight. I mean, it may be all well and good for Dave and Just Joe to waltz around in their boxers, but I'll probably just make due with a good ol' comfortable pair of shorts. Leave that other crazy shit for someone else!

(For those who have no clue as to what the big deal about No Pants Day is, feel free to check out the trailer on our Facebook page, or on the main web page. If you really feel the need to see more after that, check out videos from the past two celebrations, also on the main web page AND on YouTube! Consider yourself warned...)

Sometime after the arrival of Azkath it was mentioned that perhaps we should do a No Pants Day invasion of The Last Exit For The Lost. Personally, I'm pretty sure that one night is going to be more than enough. Actually, I honest think No Pants Day has had more than enough mention for this recap. It'll be here soon enough, unfortunately.

Movin' right along...

So, one of the more humorous moments of the evening centered around the title of a song by a band I believe to be called Motherboar. The song title being (and I hope I've got the spelling right...) "Croctosquatch".
You can imagine the hilarity that ensued, seriously...
I mean, what the fuck is a Croctosquatch? The Satanic offspring of Wally Gator and Bigfoot? (As in, "Run for your life, it's the Croctosquatch"!
Or maybe some kind of diabolical form of STD? (As in, "I've got a really, REAAAALLLY itchy case of the Croctosquatch!")
The name just SOUNDS creepy! EWWWW!
Something tells me we'll be playing that one again. Probably frequently...

Moving along to the subject of my smoking!
I'm actually happy to announce that as of this writing I have not had a cigarette in two days. I'm betting Joe is pretty relieved, too, since things were starting to get a little out of hand during the week. I mean, for some bizarre reason every time I wanted a cigarette, I felt the urge to go to Joe's house and give him a hug. This resulted in an assortment of artillery being used. Rifles, shotguns, grenades...and a taser to the balls, which I'm still not exactly recovered from. Honestly, every time I get aroused, my hair starts to stand on end, and...well...
Just think of what happens when you touch something made of metal and that little jolt of static electricity jumps from your finger. Only it's not my finger that's involved...
Of course, as added incentive, I had some more tough love from Azkath, this time in the form of a barbed-wire wrapped baseball bat.
You may think I'm jesting, but the video will be forthcoming. I don't recommend being on the receiving end of such a device to be honest. Although, Will (aka Shades) was getting a good dose of the bat as well, and I got to be on the delivery end for a couple of shots.
Now THAT was fun!

Playlist;

Midnattsol - Kong Valemons Kamp
Pentagram - Call The Man
Scheepers - Locked In The Dungeon
Within Temptation - Iron

Saraya - Love Has Taken It's Toll
Saraya - Queen Of Sheeba
Conflicted - Victor(ia)
Cypherseer - The Curse
Jag Panzer - Overlord

Spater - Stronger Than You
Lowkey - Chosen
Foo Fighters - White Limo
Morbid Angel - Rapture
Tormenta - Hours Of Darkness

Spater - Rat Salad
Violent Eve - Priest Of Corruption
Gigan - Vespelmadeen Terror
Anvil - When All Hell Breaks Loose
Of Legends - Cannibal King
Asking Alexandria - Morte et Dabo

Motherboar - Croctosquatch
Evil Madness - Chains Of Mayhem
Evil Survives - JPL
Amon Amarth - Aerials
Combat - The Mutant Inside
Havok - No Amnesty
Red Fang - Dirt Wizard

Halestorm - Slave To The Grind
Lowkey - Jumping On The Back Of A Shark
Vicious Rumors - Let The Garden Burn
Becoming The Archetype - Path Of The Beam

Bodyfarm - Slaves Of War
Dethklok - Birthday Dethday
Anvil - On Fire
Diabolical - Eye
Holocaustum - Prepare For Butchery
Bane - Inherited Infection

Winterus - Reborn
IKILLYA - Razorblades
Vomitory - They Will Burn
Corrosive Carcass - Collector
Hyperborean - A New Sun Rises
Between The Buried And Me - Lunar Wilderness

Black Sabbath - Master Of Insanity
Primal Fear - Angel In Black
Leaves' Eyes - Velvet Heart
Sabretung - Barbarian

Celtachor - In The Halls Of Nuada

April 9, 2011 - Scott Columbus Tribute

2011-04-26T02:31:00.000-07:00

Recap by Randy, aka The Hoax Formerly Known As MetalWulf

This edition of the Onslaught saw us paying our respects to yet another too-soon-departed Brother Of Metal, this time Scott Columbus.
Scott was the drummer for Manowar for many, many years, playing on all but two of their studio albums. This guy was a heavy hitter if there ever was one, and he complemented Manowar's musical style better than anybody else that sat behind the kit for them. To describe his sound as "thunderous" would be an understatement.
In tribute, we dedicated a full hour of time to some of his finest work with Manowar, and you'll be able to see our selections once the playlist for this week is posted. I'd say we did Scott justice, all in all. He's gonna be sorely missed...

Really not a whole lot left to mention. Outside of our tribute to Scott, it was a relatively uneventful evening. There was some awkwardness in the early going, as Rick took over the board in Joe's absence. Seems our long-suffering host had gotten himself a dose of the 24-Hour Plague. All told, though, Rick came through with a minimum of difficulty. Wasn't his first time behind the wheel, and probably won't be the last!

Josh was in the control room, sitting in Rick's usual spot, which became referred to as the "Rick-hole". You don't really need an overly dirty mind to guess where that line of thought went...

Azkath arrived, and surprisingly didn't beat the snot out of me for my continued smoking habit. Although, there was the confession that I'd spent a lot of time during the week calling Joe and trying to sing Bon Jovi songs for him. I say "trying" because eventually Joe just stopped answering his phone. Wouldn't even go to his answering system after the first couple of days...
Oddly enough, the whole urge to sing Bon Jovi when I smoked went away after the Demon arrived. Instead, I felt this uncontrollable need to hug somebody every time I wanted a cigarette. Strange...
Even weirder is the urge I now have to go to Joe's and give him a hug whenever I have a craving for tobacco. Unfortunately, I now have no idea of how to find Joe. He's been in hiding since the first couple attempts at hugging him at home.
Oh well, I've still got a few days before the next Onslaught, and if he's feeling better, he'll probably be there to receive a WHOLE WEEK'S worth of hugs!
_______________________________________

Listen to the Show

Playlist:
Black Sabbath "After All (The Dead)"
Jag Panzer "Overlord"
David 'Roch' Fienstein "Kill the Demon"

Whitesnake "Whipping Boy Blues"
Them Crooked Vultures "New Fang"
Becoming the Archetype "Reflect / Retract"
Solace "King Alchohol"
Amon Amarth "Wrath of Norsemen"
Stone Soul Foundation "Electric Valley / Ain't No Mystery"

Manowar Tribute
- Outlaw
- All Men Play on 10
- Kill with Power
- Revelation (Death Angel)
- Defender
- Return of the Warlord
- Black Wind, Fire, and Steel
- Hail and Kill
- Blow Your Speakers
- Heart of Steel
- Gates of Valhalla

Moonsorrow "Huuto"
Spater "Agony"

Bane "Plague Upon Yourself"
Cavalera Conspiracy "Torture"
Kveltertak "Sultans of Satan"
Obscura "Celestial Spheres"
Amon Amarth "Balls to the Wall"
Crowbar "Liquid Sky & Cold Black Earth"

Between the Buried and Me "Augment of Rebirth"
Satan's Host "Fallen Angel"
Circus Grenade "Lost Ostrich Tragedy"
Suidakra "The Dark Mound"
Liquid Me "She Said"
Red Fang "Hank is Dead"

Manowar "Fighting the World - Live"
Of Wrath and Ruin "Lust and Love"
Sorrowseed "Golden Plague"
Evil Survives "Lords of Harmony"
Ana Kefr "Paedophilanthrope"
One-Eyed Doll "Battle On"
Wolf "Skull Crusher"
Crimfall "Storm Before the Calm"

The One Through Tens "Dying Blues"
Scorpions "Speedy's Coming - Live"
Armored Saint "Glory Hunter - Live"
B.R.A.S.H. "Man of Stone"
Amon Amarth "Aeriels"

April 2, 2011 - Randy is Still Smoking...

2011-04-26T02:16:00.000-07:00

Recap by Randy, aka Wulfie

My apologies to those who may have hoped to hear Lady GaGa or Justin Bieber on this edition of the show, as we advertised.
Actually, if you honestly hoped to hear any of that crap, you probably shouldn't be listening to the Onslaught, anyway...

We'd thrown in some fun novelty tracks during the early portion of the show, in the interest of celebrating April Fool's Day, so if you were wondering where "Star Trekkin'" or "Earache My Eye" fit into the scheme, well, now ya know!

Let's see, a couple of early discussions stood out. Somehow we got on the subject of video gaming, and Bill and I mentioned how we'd both been having marathon sessions with some recent favorites. For me, it's been Dragon Age II, an amazing sequel to Dragon Age Origins. I mentioned how I'd devoted a straight seven hours in one particular session.
Bill, on the other hand, has been mixing it up between Darksiders, Castlevania: Lords Of Shadow, and Dead Space 2.
Joe had asked how we handled bathroom breaks for those kind of sessions, to which I replied, "Well, that's what the pause button is for..."
Bill, on the other hand, suggested something a little more hardcore, involving duct tape and a hose. Dwelling on that thought kinda makes me cringe, so we'll just move right on from there...
Actually, Joe had suggested Depends, an idea that quite frankly never crossed my mind. And probably shouldn't cross my mind for at least another thirty years or so...

A discussion about Primus resulted in further head trauma to myself. In a nutshell, Joe was doing a passable imitation of what most Primus songs sound like, leading Bill to mention that it made him feel like whamming his head into the wall. Well, next thing ya know...
Wham, wham, wham...
Of course, that wasn't the end of the head trauma, Goddess forbid I should catch a break for more than a week at a time.
It's like this: Azkath seems to be on a mission to get me to quit smoking. Tough love seems to be be playing a large part in this process, so the blows to the head continued. Among Azkath's implements of "motivation" was a heavy plastic snow shovel. Not as bad as the drill, but damn, still pretty friggin' unpleasant...

Then, to add to the strangeness, at certain points of the show I was singing Bon Jovi songs. For some reason this seemed to happen whenever I craved a cigarette. I'd get the urge to walk into the control room with Joe and Rick, and I'd just break into song, and then go out for a smoke...

Then, there were moments when I'd break out into song when I didn't particularly feel like smoking.
Puzzling, really, I just don't understand it...
Of course, now this talk of smoking makes me want to light up,
And, strangely enough, after lighting up I suddenly want to call Joe and sing Bon Jovi songs to him.
Awww, hell, it's only 11:55, he shouldn't mind...
_______________________________________

Listen to the Show

Playlist:
Symfonia - Forevermore
Jag Panzer - Bringing The End
Evergrey - The Phantom Letters
Clandestine - Phantom Pain
Within Temptation - Faster

Pearl Jam - Spin The Black Circle
Pearl Jam - Animal
Stryper - On Fire
Power Quest - Rising Anew
The Firm - Star Trekkin'

Grave Robber - Lion Of Judah
Solace - Sled Heavy
Vicious Rumors - Right Of Devastation
Thinning The Herd - Defiler
Taletellers - The Keepers Of Doom
Zuul - Warhammer

Royal Dano - Death Threat
Sanjuro Fields - The Dude
Obscura - Ocean Gateways
Becoming The Archetype - Path Of The Beam
Testament - The Preacher
Duff McKagan's Loaded - Executioner's Song

Cheech & Chong - Earache My Eye
Cavalera Conspiracy - Target
Feral - Graverobber
Amon Amarth - Destroyer Of The Universe
Bodyfarm - Final Redemption
Bane - The Dawn No More Rises

Blackguard - Firefight
Corrosive Carcass - Awesome Nuclear Power
Sabretung - Barbarian
Dark Mass - Neon Revelations
Artillery - Show Your Hate 2011
Salt The Wound - To The Top

Across The Sun - Tipping The Scales
Blood Ceremony - Coven Tree
Between The Buried And Me - Lunar Wilderness
Firebird - A Wing And A prayer

Pictures Of Pain - Betrayal
Sons Of Seasons - Sanctuary
Kampfar - Blitzwitch
Of Wrath And Ruin - Sapphire Sea
Celtachor - A Warning To Balor

Pentagram - Call The Man
Leaves Eyes - Etain
Violent Eve - Priest Of Corruption
Signs Of Betrayal - Hours
Believer - End Of Infinity

Hyperborean - Killing Grounds
Holocaustum - Prepare For Butchery
Diabolical - Sightless 6

Whitesnake - All Out Of Love

March 26, 2011 - A Quiet Evening

2011-04-26T02:03:00.000-07:00

Recap by Randy, aka Wulfie

Let me stress right up front: I will NOT be getting a portrait tattoo of Rodney Dangerfileld on my butt, or anywhere else, thank you very much.
Ah, Rodney, not even in death, my good man, not even in death...

We featured some tracks from new releases from Amon Amarth and Winds Of Plague this week, and I've gotta say Rick was pretty damned pumped to have his copy of the Amon Amarth special edition box, featuring a very cool little collectible figure!
One Winds Of Plague song bears mention. "The Warrior Code" features an intro from none other than WWE Legend, the man formerly known as The Ultimate Warrior, and now just known simply as Warrior. Pretty surreal, but if you're familiar with the Warrior's old promotional rants, you pretty much know what to expect.

All in all, it was a very quiet evening, pretty uneventful overall. For the first time in quite awhile, it was only Joe, Rick, Josh, and myself for the majority of the show. Azkath and Foul Mouth Girl were both at The Haunt in Ithaca, as they were putting on a Last Exit For The Lost Presents show, featuring the last performance by New Animal.
Bill had a date, and we suggested early on that maybe if he popped in afterward, we could grill him on how the evening went.

Funny how, even though the character of Wulfie has been pretty much abandoned (thanks to Jeffie...), we still find fun ideas to incorporate him.
The first idea was in response to a recent video I'd posted of a Bigfoot sighting, a five second clip that someone from North Carolina had filmed just last week. If you've seen the clip, it's pretty much what you'd expect. What I didn't expect, however, was to see "Bigfoot" actually waving at the camera as he crossed the road...
Anyhoo, it was discussed that perhaps we should film a tribute clip in honor of Bigfoot sightings, with me in the Wulfie get-up. I'm happy to tell you that we successfully pulled off that clip while visiting The Last Exit For The Lost last night, and you can see all forty seconds of it on the Metallic Onslaught Facebook page, right now!
The other idea is going to be a little difficult to pull off. Josh had mentioned having me go to Holland to get the new Pestilence CD, and when I explained that it may be a bit difficult, as I have neither the cash for airfare, nor the necessary passport, it was suggested that maybe I could throw on the Wulfie gear and fly in the cargo hold, in a pet carrier.
Yeah, don't see that happening right away. Sorry, Josh...

It was also suggested that I'd probably find far too much to entertain me in Amsterdam. Probably best that I just state state-side...

Rick spent a portion of the evening coughing, so of course mention of the plague was brought up. I'd actually said I hoped it wasn't the T-Virus, and Rick had no idea of what the hell I was talkin' about, so Josh and I had to explain the Resident Evil reference. For all practical purposes, Rick wasn't chanting "Itchy, Tasty..." by the end of the night, so I suppose it's just a nasty cold.
And we'll all probably catch it. Oh well...

Josh, toward the final hour of the show, was having some difficulty staying awake. It happens, I think we've all had those moments where we start to nod off a bit between 12:30 and 2:00, no harm in it. But, Joe seemed to think it would be hilarious to have me pose in an inappropriate manner while Josh was sleeping, so we could post photos of it all over the net.
Probably best not to elaborate on that...

Bill did eventually arrive, and explained that it had been a quiet sort of date, with movie watching and talking. Actually, I'd say it probably went the way most first dates SHOULD go. I mean, where's the fun in just jumping right into other things. Get to know each other a little at first!
Or, Hell, maybe I'm just old-fashioned like that.
Hell, maybe I'm just getting old, period...

Anyhoo, Joe felt the need to bust on Bill a little bit. Seems that just a couple of days prior, Bill was saying that maybe he'd take a break from dating for awhile, taking a "Bro's before Ho's" stance.
And then, just a day later, announced that he had this date...
Actually, Joe seemed more than just a little miffed about the whole thing, threatening to have Bill's Metal Card revoked. Of course, I've been threatened with that as well, thanks to going to see Jackyl and actually playing Jackyl in Joe's absence. Seems my bro and I are both on thin ice, but I mentioned that if anyone's gonna get their card revoked first, it's likely to be me.
When asked why that would be, I'd mentioned how I may possibly be attending a concert with my girlfriend, Deb. You see, Deb's a BIG Rick Springfield fan, and he just so happens to be coming to Turning Stone Casino in a few months.And, of course, I admitted that I had agreed to go to this show with her...
You can, of course, imagine how that went over. Kinda like a fart in church, in all honesty...
By way of explanation, I told the guys how Deb had come with me and a previous girlfriend many years ago to see Metallica in Weedsport. Now, at the time, Deb had NO CLUE as to who Metallica were, and wasn't altogether sure of what to make of them.
Of course, since then she's become a fan, and can't wait to see them again sometime!
Anyhow, it seems that the only way I'm gonna be able to go to this particular show and redeem myself is to wear the Wulfie gear, along with a white button-down shirt and a black tie, so I resemble the cover of Springfield's "Working Class Dog" album.
An idea I actually agreed to try, although I have no clue as to what folks are going to make of me as I carry a werewolf mask through Turning Stone Casino...

Listen to the Show

Playlist:
Evergrey - To Fit The Mold
Jag Panzer - The Book Of Kells
Clandestine - Silent Sin
Within Temptation - Iron

Stryper - Heaven And Hell
Tetrafusion - Shadows
Warlord - Penny For A Poor man
Devil Driver - Dead To Rights
Rainbow - Starstruck

Amon Amarth - Doom Over Dead Man
Amon Amarth - War Machine
Hyperborean - Viper
Holocaustum - Buried Alive
Diabolical - Eye

Winds Of Plague - The Warrior Code
Blackguard - Wastelands
Born Of Osirius - Devastate
Cavalera Conspiracy - Jihad Joe
Agnostic Front - Self Pride
Aiden - Walk Among The Dead

Artillery - Mi Sangre (The Blood Song)
Children Of Bodom - Party All The Time
Death - Scavengers Of Human Sorrow
Pestilence - Sinister
Goes Cube - Year Of The Human
Corrosive Carcass - Born In A Casket

Woods Of Ypres - Wet Leather
Salt The Wound - Why Don't You Have A Seat
Destruction - Misfit
Kvelertak - Fossegrim
Straight Line Stitch - Living Dead

Whitesnake - All Out Of Luck
Protest The Hero - Hair - Trigger
Speed\Kill/Hate - Slain
Onslaught - Rest In Pieces
Soundgarden - Outshined
Ken Mode - Never Was

Benedictum - The Shadowlands
Winds Of Plague - One For The Butcher
Onward To Olympas - Rebuilt
Rotten Sound - Declare
The Bronx Casket Co. - Antihero

Foo Fighters - White Limo
Trap Them - All By The Constant Vulse
Grave Robber - Army Of The Dead
Sin-Atra (Feat. Tim "Ripper"Owens - Witchcraft
Enrage - Burn The Bastards

The Human Abstract - Holographic Sight
Cauldron - Breaking Through
Overcome - Body Of Death

March 19, 2011 - Azkath Brutalizes Randy...

2011-04-26T01:56:00.000-07:00

Pictures

Recap by Randy, aka Wulfie

Okay, still a little fuzzy-headed after the most recent installment, so bear with me.

Roc City Roller Derby's Karma-Lized, Lethal Lorelei, Gwar, Resident Eva, and Coach Awesome were on hand, promoting their upcoming bout this Saturday night at RIT's Gordon Field House.
It's never a dull moment when these ladies join us, and it was especially cool having Resident Eva in the studio, as she's the one who got the ball (or should I say skates?) rolling for this derby league.
This new season should be more entertaining than usual,, with a new team (the Mid-Town Maulers) added to the roster alongside the Rottenchesters, the 5Hate5's, and the Roc Stars. More reason to get out and enjoy some derby action!

I want to give a nod to some music we've been playing recently. Within Temptation's newest offering, "The Unforgiving" will be hitting stores next week, and so far everything I've heard off of this is flat-out amazing! Maybe a little too commercial sounding and a little too slickly produced for some, but these songs are fantastic. I have a feeling it's gonna be a great year for this band!
Also gotta mention this little collection called "Sin-Atra", a disc that features hard rock and metal notables like Joey Belladonna, Glenn Hughes, and Devin Townsend covering songs from,well...Frank Sinatra!
Yeah, sounds kind of insane, I know, but believe it or not, there are actually some very cool takes on Frankie's classics here. Prime examples, Queensryche's Geoff Tate on "Summer Wind" , Twisted Sister's Dee Snider on "It Was A Very Good Year", and, my personal favorite, Mr. Big's Eric Martin on "The Lady Is A Tramp".
Worth a listen, and occasionally a chuckle (Devin Townsend's take on "New York, New York" is pretty damned surreal), trust me!

So, the head trauma continued this week. My head has become a favorite target of Bill's Droid case, but that's just slightly annoying.
Nope, the real pain came from Azkath, who once again delivered a beating to me during the last hour or so of the show. Seems these recent attacks are due to my continued smoking habit. Not sure how this is supposed to motivate me to quit, unless he's thinking I can't light up if I'm dead...
Or, on the other hand, maybe he thinks I'll forget what cigarettes are if he inflicts enough brain damage!
Whatever the reasoning, the attacks were a little more brutal than normal. Azkath dropped leg drops on me, flying elbows, body slammed Bill on top of me, not to mention numerous kicks and fore-arms blows to the dome.
And for some reason, Joe kept egging him on, going so far as telling Azkath that I'd called him a puss! I NEVER said that, at all!! I don't get that, to be honest. Not sure what's eating that dude, recently. I think he's still miffed that I'm not really a werewolf, but he should be taking that out on Jeffie! Oh well...

At some point, I must have zoned out pretty badly, as I found myself standing in one of the other rooms, in the dark, not remembering how in the hell I got there...
The violence eventually recommenced, but I was able to inadvertently drive Azkath off. As I struggled to get into a sitting position, a completely unexpected (and indescribably FOUL) fart squeaked out, clearing out the Stupid Room in just a matter of seconds. It truly was vile, but it bought me a little time, at least!
Of course, things just got worse, as Azkath eventually broke out a couple of special "presents" that had been picked out by Bill. Normally, I'd be cool with gifts, but not so much this time, as Azkath and Rick proceeded to break the records, provided by Bill, over my head.
For too dazed to defend myself, I just kept taking shot after shot with those slabs of vinyl, until finally they broke. From there, there was an attempt at blood by using the shards of broken record on my forehead...
And that still wasn't the worst of it! Next thing I know, Azkath is dragging a big plastic table in, and KA-POW!!! Not sure how many times he hit me, with that, to be honest. I may have blacked out, not sure...

I wasn't out long, though, 'cuz NOTHING will wake you up like the sound of a drill approaching your head!
My poor, aching, throbbing head...
________________________________________________

Listen to the Show

Playlist:
Opeth - The Grand Conjuration
Warlord - Deliver Us From Evil
Tetrafusion - Collage Of The Present

Rainbow - Stargazer
Manowar - Battle Hymn
Highway Chile - Headbangers

Woods Of Ypres - I Was Buried In Mount Pleasant Cemetery
Destruction - Stand Up And Shout
Enrage - Hungary Like The Wolf
Power Quest - Sacrifice
Goes Cube - Thunderheads

Straight Line Stitch - Bar Room Brawl
Salt The Wound - Why Don't You Have A Seat
Vintersorg - Jordpuls
Darkest Hour - Purgatory
Sin-atra (feat. Dee Snider) - It Was A Very Good Year

Kvelertak - Blodtorst
Of Wrath And Ruin - Eyes Of Fire
Protest The Hero - Tandem
Jag Panzer - Overlord
Within Temptation - A Demon's Fate

Ken Mode - Obeying The Iron Will
Cavalera Conspiracy - Warlord
Stryper - God
Onslaught - Godhead
Speed\Kill/Hate - Deciever

Widow Sunday - Forever Sleep
Onward To Olympas - Unsuitable Patterns
Devil Driver - Lend Myself To the Night

Sign Of The Jackal - Night Of The Dead
Cauldron - Miss You To Death
Trap Them - Scars Align
Grave Robber - Army Of The Dead
Trouble - Memory's Garden

Acid Reign - Suspended Sentence
The Bronx Casket Co. - Antihero
Crowbar - The Cemetery Angels
Clandestine - Phantom Pain

Times Of Grace - Strength In Numbers
Queensryche - Take Hold Of The Flame
Evergrey - You
Volture - Heathens Revenge
Motorhead - Waiting For The Snake

March 12, 2011 - Azkath Abuses Randy

2011-03-24T04:10:00.000-07:00

Recap by Randy aka Wulfie

After losing original Alice In Chains bass player, Mike Starr, last week, we played some old AIC in tribute. As far as news goes, that was moderately rough, yet maybe not so surprising to some, thanks to Starr's well-publicized substance abuse problems. Best not to speculate too much on that, as nobody will know what the official cause of death was for awhile. Just saddens me to think that after already losing original vocalist, Layne Staley, and now Starr, this can't be easy on the two reamianing original members, Sean Kinney and Jerry Cantrell...
Well, once again, another case of you can't do anything to change it, no matter how hard it is to have sink in. Just be grateful for the good music that they made in the beginning, and be thankful that the remaining two are fully capable of producing more in the future!

Kind of a rough night on Josh, poor guy. Can't remember what brought this topic up, but Joe had shared a funny story having to do with a UFC pay-per-view. Seems this was the first time that Josh had come out for this kind of thing, and being the relatively innocent guy that he is, he wasn't prepared to arrive to find everybody else watching porn.
In all honesty, this may have been Josh's first exposure to porn, but I won't swear to that.
Anyhoo, have I mentioned that Josh isn't a drinker, either?
So, that being the case, he got hammered on some whiskey candy.
Josh, there aren't many men out there who can claim to have been drunk, but never taken a drink in their life! Savor the irony, bro!
And then there was the Lemmy conversation...
Josh had gone to see Motorhead in NYC almost two weeks prior, but hadn't gotten a chance to share his stories from that night. Seems our Josh isn't always as innocent as he comes across, as he told us of getting to make out with three separate ladies on that trip.
Hey, some of us never get to make out with even two at a time, so I'd say it was a damned good trip!
Being a hardcore Motorhead fan, Josh couldn't say enough about that show, leading us to tease him a bit , suggesting that maybe he has a little man-crush on Lemmy...
From there, we put Josh into hysterics as we described him wanting to do indescribable things to Lemmy.
Like, licking his warts...

By this time, Azkath had arrived, and was pretty peeved that Shades wasn't there. Seems that Shades had slashed Azkath's tires the previous week, which, while not great for the Demon, is just fine by me.

Anyhoo, Azkath was telling us how he'd gotten some payback on Shades already. Seems somebody's windows and doors got super-glued, most likely shutting Shades in and incapable of joining the show that night. Azkath also mentioned something about doing something to Shades's phone as well, but it's probably better that I don't remember what happened...
And thanks to Azkath, I once again left the show with bleeding scratches. Seems I'd been a little more annoying than usual with my usual random singing and humming. In the early portion of the eveing, this caused Bill to bombard me with his cell-phone case numerous times, with a couple shots bouncing off of my dome.
Hey, can I suggest something? Let's go easy on the head traumua, mmmkay? Not only is it having a negative impact on my brain function, it's also messing up my hair, now that it's growin' back!
Hey, I'm allowed a smidgen of vanity, aren't I?
Anyhoo, my behavior led to Azkath using plastic cutlery on my noggin, and there is still a scratch on my forehead, just below the hairline. Oddly enough, that wasn't where the blood came in...
No, that came later when the Demon wrestled me out of my chair, causning me to fall, once again, into that damned spiky tropical plant that sits in the corner of the Stupid Room. Of course, I put my hand out to break the fall, and of course, it went directly INTO THE PLANT!
My worst nightmare right now? That plant, having tasted my blood on TWO occasions now, is going to uproot itself and become like something out of "Day Of The Triffids", making short work of everybody on the show, making its' way into the general population, spreading its' pollen and creating more, soon obliterating the human race.
Just in time for 2012!

Listen to the Show

Clandestine - Philistine
Jag Panzer - Overlord
Within Temptaion - Shot In The Dark
Tetrafusion - Last Chance
Grave Robber - Altered States

Thin Lizzy - Johnny The Fox Meets Jimmy The Weed
Thin Lizzy - Emerald
Thin Lizzy - Massacre
Stryper - Lights Out
DevilDriver - Blur
Warlord - Black Mass

Alice In Chains - It Aint Like That
Alice In Chains - Dam That River
Alice In Chains - Sea Of Sorrow
Alice In Chains - Right Turn

Protest The Hero - Tongue Splitter
Ken Mode - A Wicked Pike
Destruction - Hate Is My Fuel
Kvelertak - Sultans Of Satan
The Rods - The Night Lives To Rock
Sin-Atra (Featuring Devin Townsend) - New York, New York
Onward To Olympas - The War Within Us
Cavalera Conspiracy - Lynch Mob
Rotten Sound - Alone

Long Distance Calling - The Figrin D'an Boogie
Darkest Hour - Savor The Kill
Azrael - Acts Of Vengeance
Mad Maze - Lord Of All That Remains
Foo Fighters - White Limo
Widow Sunday - Swell The Seas

Onslaught - The Sound Of Violence
Benediction - Wrong Side Of The Grave
Volture - The Horde
Free Reign - One Step Away
Trap Them - Slumcult & Gather
Rob Carlton - Seven Thunders

Night Of The Jackal - Head Over Heels
Sorrowseed - Flowers To The Furnace
Sorrowseed - Golden Plague
Royal Thunder - Mouth of Fire
The Human Abstract - Complex Terms

Scream Arena - House Of Pain
Crowbar - Let Me Mourn
Evergrey - It Comes From Within
Omission - Beyond The Burning Gates
Zombiefication - Broken Gravestone
Order Of The Dead - More Bullets
Feral - Howling

Cauldron - Frozen In Fire
Wrath - Ripped Into Pieces
Speed\Kill/Hate - Behind The Mask
Times Of Grace - Strength In Numbers
Protest The Hero - The Reign Of Unending Terror
Motorhead - Bye Bye Bitch Bye Bye
Acid Reign - Goddess
________________________________________________________

Recap by Fire Eater Wizard; The Demon Azkath was there. He was still insisting that Jeffie did not exist, even though there had been one there the week before, and he had talked to him on the phone. He said it might be a rip in space time, and be a Jeffie from an alternate universe, or maybe it was Jeffie's ghost. He said the reason he himself had been absent last week was because Will had slashed all four of his tires. However, he said he had gotten his revenge on will, he had super glued all of the doors, and some of the windows, on his house shut, so he couldn't get out. Will was indeed not there this night. Azkath said he had also stolen Will's phone. Randy was being super annoying, constantly singing stupid songs, and making stupid, annoying noises. Joe got so fed up with him that he said no one was going to talk anymore, because everything anyone said would set him off again. Joe told Azkath to punish Randy. Azkath hit him in the eye, then, later, when Randy started up again, he gave him a thumb to the eye. Then he carved up Randy's face with a knife. It was a plastic knife, but it was still really sharp, sharp enough to make Randy scream a lot, and very loudly, in pain. However, Randy wouldn't bleed, to Azkath's great disappointment, and perplexity. Azkath took a spoon and was bothering Joe with it (so Azkath and Joe were spooning, so to speak). Then Azkath attacked Randy with the spoon. Later, Randy started up yet again, but Azkath told him he wasn't going to beat him for that. He was however going to beat him for something else. For smoking. He attacked Randy, and did a lot of wrestling moves on him, suplexing him, elbow dropping him. elbow dropping him off the chair, splashing him. Randy went into the spiky plant in the room, it's spikes are very sharp, and, thus, Azkath, to his great pleasure, finally succeeded in making Randy bleed. That is not the first time that plant has made Randy bleed. Azkath took all of Randy's cigarettes away and crushed them all... They have a new name they call Randy, The Metal Hoax, or, Hoaxie, as apposed to The Metal Wulf, Or Wulfie, as he was exposed as not really being a wolf...

March 5, 2011 -

2011-03-24T03:53:00.000-07:00

Pictures
Listen to the Show

Recap by Randy, aka Wulfie

Okay, I'm imagining that anybody who tuned in this past Friday is just as confused as any of us who are actually on the show. I can't imagine for the life of me how there can possibly be another Jeffie roaming around, but once again he dropped in. Now, bear in mind that Azkath said he wouldn't make another Jeffie to send to us, unless we actually asked for it, and also that Azkath has insisted that there can't possibly be another Jeffie running around. Well, it seems that the Demon was actually listening at the right time, and now knows that another Jeffie is on the loose!

Imagine his surprise! Maybe he'll have some insight into this phenomenon the next time he drops in!
Jeffie seemed pretty damned confused,in all honesty. He thought it was my birthday, and I had to assure him that it wasn't. Then he seemed concerned that he'd actually missed my birthday, so we had to also assure him that he had BEEN THERE on the night that we celebrated it! Oh, and he also thought he'd missed out on seeing Shoebox, meaning we had to further assure him that Shoebox had been there on that night as well!
Makes me head hurt just thinkin' about it...
So, the evening consisted of the usual goofiness one would expect when there's a Jeffie around. Poor Bill had to once again watch as his Droid became the object of a game of "What's In Jeffie's Pants", and then some of us had to endure "uncomfortable face touching", not to mention talk of Jeffie's "multi-nippular boobs".
Ugggghhh, nobody should have that image in their heads, EVER!!!!
Shades seemed a little surprised to see Jeffie, going so far as admitting that he'd slashed the tires on Akath's Car. It took him a bit to realize this was NOT Azkath.
Speaking of Shades, there seems to be something contagious about this guy. At one point, no less than four of us (Bill, Lindsey, myself, and of course, Shades) were wearing sunglasses and acting just a bit douche-baggish. Could be a phenomenon worth investigating further...
Gotta say something about Lindsey, here. Most weeks you don't hear a lot out of her, but something about Shades seems to be opening her up a bit more. I mean, this, after all, is the little lady we'd brought on to act as the "Mommy in the Stupid Room", a role that I think she felt to be a lost cause after some honest attempts at controlling the silliness. I'm guessing this is a case of "If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em..."
Really, I figured right along that it would only be a matter of time before the Stupid Room rubbed off on her!
Eventually Shades and Jeffie got into a bit of a scuffle, and it would be a little difficult to say whether or not there was a clear winner. I was just as glad not to get caught up in the middle of it, to be honest...
Actually, I was thinking it was nice to have a couple of weeks where I didn't suffer any sort of trauma, especially to my head, which has been taking some hefty shots recently. Of course, my satisfaction in this regard was short-lived as Jeffie delivered a couple of head-butts to me...
Then, for some reason, Joe ended up telling Jeffie that it really WAS my birthday and suggested I get another lap dance, which really didn't sit well at all with me. I actually fought back this time, and the evening closed with Jeffie seeking safety in the control room with Joe and Rick while I attempted to beat down the door.
Seriously, why can't he just stay dead?

February 26, 2011 - An Educational Twist

2011-03-13T23:50:00.000-07:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf;

Despite some early technical difficulties (we could hear Joe and Rick, but they couldn't hear us...), we got rolling on a discussion about some new Stryper material, specifically a CD of covers called...The Covering!

Go figure...

Okay, so enthusiasm was a little lukewarm, I must say, although we were intrigued by the songs that were getting the Stryper touch. Joe played their version of Deep Purple's "Highway Star", and we were all pleasantly surprised! Imagine that! And their take on Ozzy's "Over The Mountain" didn't exactly suck, either!

WOW!!!!

Of course, Joe just had to once again bring up the subject of me having a photo on Facebook where I'm actually wearing a Stryper shirt. Normally I'd have just brushed it off and denied it, although the proof has been right there in the pudding for months. So, I openly confessed that, yes, I'd seen Stryper (in 1987, on the "To Hell With The Devil" tour), yes, I had a t-shirt (actually, it was a jersey...) from that show, and yes, there was a photo on Facebook of me wearing that shirt! On top of that I promised that before I went to bed, that photo would be posted to the Metallic Onslaught's Facebook page.

And being a man of my word, I did just that!

Of course, all that confession just left me a quivering lump of self-disgust, and most of you probably quite clearly heard me admit to just how lame I truly can be sometimes...

Of course, I felt a LOT better when Rick dropped his own confession. Seems he actually owned Nelson on cassette at one point!

Honestly, I don't feel so bad about liking Stryper, after knowing that! Hell, let's face it, I'm sure we all have our little guilty pleasures that really don't fit into the metal category, and in the end, it's not that big of a deal, anyway!

Let's see, other topics of discussion...

Rick gave a little recap of last weeks' Valentine's Metal Massacre show in Clyde, a show that more of us would have attended if weather and/or sleep deprivation hadn't intervened. Glad to know Rick had a good time, though!

In a similar vein, we're starting to promote Finger Lakes Metal Fest 2011, which is only two-and-a-half months away. 20 bands on two stages, all in one day, at Donselaar's in Clyde, NY, and I do believe that it is a FREE show! Oh, the Metallic Onslaught is also emceeing the show! We ran down some of the bands that will be appearing this year, and you can expect to hear lots more in the coming weeks, as well as numerous visits from Spater's Dave Henninger, and some of the other bands on the bill! We'd love to see a big turnout for this event!

Funny thing is, I'd jokingly mentioned that we should actually do a little documentary piece on the Metal Fest when the time arrives, with band interviews, as well as some fan discussions. I'd actually meant it more as a joke, but nobody seemed to be laughing. Okay, so maybe it's not that bad an idea!

Josh had actually mentioned getting an interview with one of our biggest fans during the Metal Fest, a guy who goes by the name of Necro Morbius. Not a terrible suggestion, really, it was just unfortunate that Josh had to follow that suggestion with an imitation of what that interview would sound like...

Basically implying that Necro Morbius is a toothless, beer-guzzling redneck...

Oh boy...

JOSH! WHAT THE HELL, MAN?

Okay, so we were going to assume that good ol' Necro had a good sense of humor and wasn't too insulted by Josh's remark. Seriously, I can honestly say that it wasn't intended to be insulting, and that Josh was just having some spontaneous fun.

Still, we made sure we did a three song block of Morbid Angel songs, just to appease the possible Necro rage...

There was some lamenting over the loss of Eastview Mall's FYE store, quite possibly the greatest entertainment store we had within traveling distance. Granted, Carousel Center still has one, but that place is a hole in the wall compared to what was at Eastview!

Actually, I propose a brief moment of silence for FYE at this juncture of the recap...

Wow, you can almost hear "Taps" being played, can't ya?

Don't know how we got on the subject, but apparently Joe would love to have his own rhino to ride around while wearing a modified Boba Fett helmet, and somehow this led to a brief discussion of Jeffie's bus and who should claim ownership of it.

Josh seemed to think that, since I was the one who killed Jeffie, I should actually be the one to have the bus. Of course, that discussion just got sillier as we decided it would have to be called the Hoax-mobile.

And then, once again, I honestly don't remember how the discussion came about, we got talking about Monster Movie Matinee, an old Saturday afternoon series that would play classic (and not-so-classic) fright films. None of us could remember who the host was, just that you never actually got to see his face. You'd hear his voice, and see his hand, and that was about it.

Well, thanks to a quick check on Bill's droid, that we discovered that the host in question went by the name of Dr. E. Nick Witty, and was portrayed by Alan Milair.

Not to be confused with Mike Price's classic Baron Daemon, who hosted his own series in the 1960's, and had a minor music hit with "Transylvania Twist"!

Wow, five hours of metal, some humor, and some actual educational value! Who would've figured!

February 19, 2011 - Shades vs Azkath

2011-03-13T23:27:00.000-07:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf;

So, before I get into the meat and potatoes of this week's recap, I need to go back to last week to fill in a couple of holes.

Here's the deal: I awoke in my apartment last Saturday morning, just inside my door at the bottom of my stairs, with a pounding agony tearing through my skull. Seems that after dragging me out of the radio station, Bill was left with no other alternative but to subdue me.

With a tire iron...

Now, I understand that desperate circumstances sometimes require desperate methods, but jeeeeez, did he have to hit me that hard? And neither he or his girlfriend Carissa will speak of just how bad I'd gotten, and of course, once again I have no recollection of what behavior I was displaying that brought about that particular clunk to the dome.

So, once I brought everybody up to speed with that aspect of the story, it was pretty firmly established that under no circumstances are owls to be mentioned in my presence!

Better safe than sorry...

Anyhoo, we spent a good portion of the evening promoting tonight's Valentine's Metal Massacre at Donselaar's in Clyde, a free show that features local bands Spater, Compressed, Fleshburn, Dirt Under Sky, and NCIP. We actually had Compressed AND Fleshburn in the studio last night, which made for a bit of a packed house, but was extremely cool nonetheless. Always great to have bands on hand!

Things got exceptionally insane once Azkath showed up. In addition to repeatedly having to remind him NOT to mention owls around me, another personality made itself known that really rubbed Azkath the wrong way.

Seems there's this dude who calls himself Shades, and he's a bit of a...well...how do I put this nicely?

Quite frankly, he's a bit of an arrogant douche...

Anyhow, Azkath and Shades ended up pounding the utter hell out of each other in the last hour of the show, and I ended up getting caught in the line of fire, so to speak.

Yep, somewhere along the line, I got knocked out of my chair, had an elbow dropped on me, got kicked repeatedly. Then, as I struggled to get back up, Shades jumped on top of me, followed by Azkath...

By the next talk break, I was feelin' just a little worse for wear. Joe seemed pretty convinced that I was dead, but I was up and talking, not quite lucidly, but talking. I really don't remember much, except I mistakenly thought Joe had said something about Hanson, forcing me to break out into a chorus of "Mmm-Bop".

Once I'd been corrected on the matter and understood that Joe had actually said NELSON, I proceeded to break out into a chorus of "After The Rain"...

Yeah, that beatdown really didn't seem to improve my mental faculties, and things weren't over yet. By the time the next set of music was over, Azkath had brought in a Kendo stick like device...

Y'know, after seeing these things used in ECW and assorted WWE Hardcore matches, I'd always wondered just how badly those things could hurt.

Now I know! And, I've gotta say, I really don't recommend getting struck with one!

So, yeah, the closing moments of the show were pretty much filled with carnage and left me babbling like more of a fool than usual. I'm just hoping next week will be a little more laid back, 'cuz I don't know how many more shots to the dome I can take!

February 12, 2011 - The Return of Joe...

2011-03-13T23:18:00.000-07:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf;
We were all still a little nervous at the very beginning of the evening, as Joe had STILL been MIA. The worry was short-lived, though, as Joe walked into the Stupid Room carrying a rolled-up newspaper, which he promptly used to beat me with, calling me bad Wulfie, and I think even at one point referring to me as a bad hoax!
Actually, I thought I'd made a pretty damned good hoax, considering how long we'd been able to keep Jeffie fooled. Oh well...
Yep, Joe had returned and WOW, was he pissed? Holy shit, I'd never seen his so furious! Not only about the circumstances that led him to depart the show for two weeks, but he wasn't too thrilled about me taking his car again in order to look for him.
Now, I could have sworn I'd left his car right in his driveway, but he said it wasn't there, and that it was my fault that he'd missed out on the Death Angel show!
Okay, I guess I'd have been bummed too if I'd missed that show, 'cuz it KICKED ASS!
More on that in a bit, though...
Anyway, Joe left the newspaper with Josh, in the interest of keeping me in line. Thankfully we were able to move on from my beatings long enough to pay tribute to departed guitar legend Gary Moore, focusing on his classic material from the 80's as well as a bit of his work with Thin Lizzy. Another sad loss, let's hope it's the last one for awhile.

So, Death Angel were AMAZING, I've gotta tell ya. It was more than worth taking our lives in our hands to attend the show, which was at Rochester's Montage Music Hall. Yeah, to say the weather absolutely SUCKED that night would be an understatement, and I think the fact that we even set foot out the door can stand as a testament to just how much we love this music. I shit you not, we risked our lives for that show!
Death Angel are one of those bands that I used to hear about back in the 80's and never really got around to embracing, although I always heard some pretty high praise for them.
Okay, I confess, I had my head up the ass of mainstream hard rock and metal for way too long back in the day, and I missed out on a LOT of great underground music. Can't dwell on what ya can't change...
Anyhoo, I left that show more or less kicking myself in the ass for not delving into their material more deeply. Their new disc is damned solid, and the new material holds up very nicely with the old, making for a very intense set list! Of course, it didn't hurt the evening at all that both Bonded By Blood and Lazarus A.D. both kicked ass. Definitely a great evening of metal, I strongly recommend ANY of these bands if they roll into your town!

Let's see, another point of interest...
It seems that Will Polson wants to introduce us to some dude who calls himself "Shades"... Now, the only shades I know about are the ones I wear on sunny days, so I've got no bloomin' clue as to what the hell he's blabbering about, but we could be finding out pretty damned soon, from the sounds of it.
Aww, Hell, bring him on, the more the merrier, I say!

And finally, my evening on the show ended rather...ummmm...abruptly...
Azkath mentioned that maybe it wasn't a good idea to mention that he had...
Owwww...
Something about owls...
Grrrrrr...
My head hurts just thinkin' about it...
Anyhoo, apparently I started to lose it again, and of course I don't remember anything. And apparently it was left to poor Bill to get me out of the studio and deal with the situation...
Apparently he had to hit me with a tire iron just to get me calmed down...
Sigh...
Damned Azkath...

February 5, 2011 - Roller Girls...

2011-03-13T23:10:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show - Pictures

Recap by The Metal Wulf;
Not a bad night by any stretch, although we were still lacking our host. Yep, Joe was still among the missing as of Friday night, and we were all pretty afraid that I may have frightened him off for good...
Not that I hadn't attempted to search for him. Man, I busted my ass lookin' for that guy! Knocked on his door for half an hour, and when I finally realized that neither he OR his wife were answering, I decided to expand my search. Unfortunately, I lack a ready source of transportation of my own...
Hmmm...what to do...
Figuring that he hadn't killed either Bill or myself for taking his car at Christmas, I proceeded to borrow it again! Yep, I drove that convertible of his around five counties, pretty much peeking in every window and under every rock, behind every tree...
You get the idea, and of course, I had no luck...
Anyway, blame seemed to be pretty firmly leveled at me, although I'm not liking how strange things occur whenever Azkath is on the show. Strange things like gaps in my memory...
Hmmmmm...
Seriously, were things really that much worse when we had a Jeffie running around?

Anyhoo, we had guests in the studio as well, so we really couldn't dwell on our missing host for too long!
So, Cuss Muffin and Izzy Normous had both returned to the show, and they brought a new team member, L.L. Cruel J, along with them. They were kind enough to bring us up to speed with new developments, among them the beginning of a new, longer season of derby action, a new team (the Mid-Town Maulers), and, of course, promoting their season opening bout at the Dome Arena this past Saturday night.
Always a pleasure to have these ladies visit, I've gotta say. L.L. Cruel J was nice enough to share a fun little story with us about how she got to meet Lemmy from Motorhead, and even played a game of pool with him, and Cuss Muffin shared some more tales of her travels with us. Of course, after hearing her tell of a visit to Nicaragua where she found a large spider eating a cockroach on top of her toothbrush, I'm thinking I'm not minding the cold, snowy New York winters quite so much anymore...
EWWWWWWWWW!!!

The latter portion of the evening, after our derby friends departed, found me sitting by myself in the Stupid Room. Seems that nobody wanted to share the essence (or should I say ASS-ence...) of Wulfie that was wafting about.
Hey, I didn't design the radio station! Who would have thought to put the rest room just a couple of doors away from where we all sit? Really! And you'd think if folks were so worried, they'd put in some air freshener or somethin'...

January 29, 2011 - Joe Quits the Show...

2011-03-13T22:37:00.000-07:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf;
Well, things went terribly wrong somewhere along the line last night, and I don't remember what happened!
Funny thing is, everybody tells me it's best NOT to remember. Must have been pretty damned bad!

So, the evening started off smoothly enough. Bill and I had returned after suffering from a dose of the typical offerings of the winter cold season.
An early discussion in the evening touched on my now-defunct werewolf gimmick that Jeffie had blown out of the water. Somehow it was mentioned that the whole thing could be considered a hoax, kind of a unique perspective when you think about it. Wulfie in the same league as Bigfoot, or the Loch Ness Monster? Hmmmm, does this mean that random Wulfie encounters could show up in the tabloids?
That would be pretty damned cool, if ya ask me!

Azkath from The Last Exit For The Lost had joined us once again, and it was shortly after his arrival that something terrible happened. Something so bad that nobody would speak of it, and I couldn't remember it!
Something so bad that it caused Joe, our long-suffering host, to quit the show!
Wish I could remember...
All I know is that Azkath mentioned something about having eight owls in his tree, and from there everything becomes a big ol' blur.
Apparently I went on some kind of terrifying rampage and did something so unspeakable that...well, as I said, nobody will speak of it! I mean, really, all Azkath would say was that the next time he gave me a post-hypnotic suggestion, I'd better interpret it properly!
But Azkath has said he'd NEVER hypnotize me!
Honestly, it's all very confusing...
And then everybody made me clean up the mess I'd made.
I swear, I don't even know what some of those fluids were! EWWWWWW!!!

So, of course, I really wanted to rectify the situation and make it up to Joe somehow, but he was long gone. Eventually, I decided I'd better get out and find him in the interest of setting things right!
Of course, so far I've had no luck in that department, and I' guess we'll just have to sit back and wait to see what comes of all of this...

January 22, 2011 - A Somewhat Quiet Night in Studio...

2011-03-13T22:33:00.000-07:00

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Recap by Fire Eater Wizard;
The Demon Azkath was there, and said he had seen the video proving that there had indeed been a Jeffie there the week before (he hadn't believed them when they told him there had been one there), and he had no idea where these Jeffies were coming from, as he wasn't making them. He didn't know where that one had gone, but, since Jeffie had said he was going home with Shoebox, he thought maybe Shoebox had him. If that is so, I bet Shoebox is just thrilled to death about that. The conversation hit on such topics as paper cuts, how they are the worst injuries to have by far, which is why there has never been a wrestling, or death match fight with them as the goal, it would just be too brutal, and penguins, what they wear, and the fact that all the species that are dying, are doing so, according to Joe at least, from liquefied innards, which would also make a cool title for a death metal song, "Death By Liquefied Innards". I'm gonna work on writing that right away, I'm sure it will be a hit, then I can become a super rock star, like Jeffie, with my own bus, groupies and everything...!!!!

January 15, 2011 - Randy's Birthday / The Return of Shoebox

2011-03-13T22:26:00.000-07:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; I had a funny hunch that this night would be a little goofier than usual, as they are when somebody's birthday is creeping up. The birthday in question this time?

Mine!

Yes, my birthday was on the 17th, so I was expecting some related fun. Truth is, I desperately attempted to beat around the bush when asked how old I was going to be. At first I was tempted to switch numbers around, but then I realized I'd only be making it worse...

But, yes, you're sometimes furry pal is now 45, and only occasionally feeling it!

I was very pleasantly surprised by a visitor that had been invited by Azkath. A previous regular on the show, Worm Quartet's Shoebox hadn't been in the studio in roughly five years. Understand, now, that my only exposure to Shoebox before Friday night, outside of briefly meeting him at a roller derby event, had been in the form of Best Of DVD's that Azkath had set me up with during my recovery from foot surgery. I spent a LOT of time laughing at many of the segments on those discs, and probably laughed loudest during any segment that featured Worm Quartet. (those are all available on the website by the way, free to watch and download!)

Now, Worm Quartet, for those who may be scratching their heads, is a one-man musical comedy act that has been featured very prominently on Dr. Demento, even garnering the honor of being that shows most requested artist for a couple of years. The material, I must say, is freakin' hilarious, and I strongly recommend it!

So, Azkath, Rick, and Joe were certainly no strangers to Shoebox, although there seemed to be some puzzlement as to where the rest of Shoebox was left. Seems the man has lost a substantial amount of weight, so it was a sleeker version that joined us in the studio. Truth be told, everybody was thrilled to have him back!

One of the funniest moments of the show that night came as we were preparing to play Worm Quartet's "The Ballad of Dr. Stopp". Shoebox was explaining the story behind the song, which is about a little procedure he had done. He was quite descriptive, actually, and the hilarious part is that the procedure wasn't really named in specific terms, although I'm pretty sure it wasn't too difficult to piece together! Azkath then made matters worse by asking even more detailed questions...

Dave Henninger from Spater had also dropped in, promoting an upcoming show his band has with Nine Round this weekend, and also to get the word out that bands submitting for this years' Fingerlakes Metal Fest should get them in soon, as time is runnin' out! That particular event will be in May, the weekend BEFORE Memorial Day, and The Metallic Onslaught will be on hand to emcee the show! Gonna be a great time!

Had a brief visit from Jeffie, who'd gotten hold of some Gold Bond powder, which promptly stank up the entire Stupid Room. Oddly enough, Azkath swears that he hasn't made another Jeffie to send our way, but if that wasn't Jeffie, who was it?

Hmmmm, could Azkath be pulling the wool over our eyes? Or could Jeffie have learned how to clone himself before I killed him the last time?

Seems we've got a bit of a mystery on our hands here...

January 8, 2011 - Best of 2010

2011-03-13T21:10:00.000-07:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf;
Not a lot of time for talk and/or random silliness, as this was our Best Of 2010 show. Considering there were five of us contributing this year, it filled the evening pretty completely, I must say!

Of course, if you tuned in at the beginning you may have been a little puzzled by the sounds of Gerry Rafferty's "Baker Street" kicking off the evening, but it was all in tribute to Mr. Rafferty's passing earlier in the week. A few Y&T songs were in there as well, as we'd also lost bassist Phil Kennemore. Let's face it, both artists contributed to some fine, memorable musical moments over the years, and respects must be paid where they are due!

Despite the limited time for talk, Bill and I did take a moment to make sure Joe found his car in acceptable condition following it's return on Christmas morning. He seemed pretty put-off by the whole thing, although I assured him that I thought we'd gotten all the reindeer poo off of his windshield.
Seriously, I've discovered, after that night, that birds are NOTHING when it comes to pooping on windshields. Flying reindeer are FAR worse, leaving a much larger area of splatter...

Anyhoo, on to the meat and potatoes of the evening!

Starting with Josh and continuing throughout the night with Bill, myself, Joe, and Rick, we played selections from our favorite albums of 2010. Now, in some cases there was a bit of overlap (a LOT in the case of Bill and myself, actually, but we listen to a lot of the same stuff, so...), but overall, I think the final tallies show a LOT of diversity in styles.
What can I say? 2010 was a HELL of a year for new music, and for my money the strongest showings were from acts that have been around for years. Kinda tells me that these acts have no plans of packing it in any time soon, and that the younger lions may need to start roaring a little louder if they wanna stay heard!

So, starting with Josh's list, here's what the Metallic Onslaught thought kicked the most ass in 2010! Take notes and check them out!

Josh Nolin's Picks
1. Iron Maiden-The Final Frontier
2. Gamma Bomb- Tales From Grave Space
3. Spiritual Beggars- Return To Zero
4. Bonded By Blood- Exiled To Earth
5. Halford IV: Made Of Metal
6. Helloween- 7 Sinners
7. The Sword- Warp Riders
8. Enslaved- Axioma Ethica Odini
9. Mago De Oz- Gaia III Atlantia
10. Tank- War Machine

Bill Smith's Picks
1. High On Fire- Snakes For The Divine
2. Murderdolls- Women And Children Last
3. Cradle Of Filth- Darkly, Darkly Venus Aversa
4. Triptykon- Eparistera Daimones
5. Dimmu Borgir- Abrahadabra
6. Watain- Lawless Darkness
7. Overkill- Ironbound
8. Rob Zombie- Hellbilly Deluxe 2
9. Black Label Society- The Order Of The Black
10. Flotsam And Jetsam- The Cold

Randy Smith's (aka Wulfie) Picks
1. Murderdolls- Women And Children Last
2. Rob Zombie- Hellbilly Deluxe 2
3. Black Label Society- The Order Of The Black
4. Overkill- Ironbound
5. High On Fire- Snakes For The Divine
6. Triptykon- Eparistera Daimones
7. Ozzy Osbourne- Scream
8. Stone Soul Foundation- Electric Valley
9. Cradle Of Filth- Darkly, Darkly Venus Aversa
10. Dimmu Borgir- Abrahadabra

Joe Wyatt's Picks (in no particular order)
Hail Of Bullets- On Divine Winds
Venomin James- Crowe Valley Blues
Atheist- Jupiter
Widow Sunday- In These Rusted Veins
Fallen Angels- Engines Of Oppression
Flotsam & Jetsam- The Cold
First Blood- Science Is Betrayed
Black Label Society- The Order Of The Black
Overkill- Ironbound

Rick Horton's Picks
1. Dimmu Borgir- Abrahadabra
2. High On Fire- Snakes For The Divine
3. Cradle Of Filth- Darkly, Darkly Venus Aversa
4. Death Angel- Relentless Retribution
5. Stone Soul Foundation- Electric Valley
6. Bleeding Through- Bleeding Through
7. Nevermore- Obsidian Conspiracy
8. Watain- Lawless Darkness
9. Enslaved- Axioma Ethica Odini
10. Kylesa- Spiral Shadow

Plenty of good music in there, let me tell ya! Makes me wonder if 2011 will be able to compete! But why stop there? Let's take a closer look where we overlapped, shall we? Because, when it all boils down, the following are the cream of the crop for 2010, and should be considered the true must-haves of the year.
Each title shows up on at least three of the previous lists. So, in no particular order:

Metallic Onslaught's Best Of 2010
High On Fire- Snakes For The Divine
Dimmu Borgir- Abrahadabra
Cradle Of Filth- Darkly, Darkly Venus Aversa
Overkill- Ironbound
Black Label Society- The Order Of The Black

Yep, I'd say that pretty much sums it up! Now check 'em out!

December 25, 2010 - Jeffie is Back?!?

2011-01-18T01:35:00.000-08:00

Listen to the Show - Pictures

Recap by The Metal Wulf; That's right, kiddies, we were live on Christmas Eve! Hey, how often is this possible, really? I was glad to jump on the opportunity to spend a portion of the holiday hanging with these guys!

Had kind of a shaky start to the evening as we encountered some technical issues, but those were remedied with a minimum of panic. Tim had joined us once again, but when he arrived without the sports car that Joe wanted for Christmas, disappointment was pretty evident. Man, Joe was really lookin' forward to that Mazeratti, too!
Of course, it was a no-go as well when Joe mentioned that Tim could just hand him over the monetary equivalent. Poor Joe...

There was some concern over the appearance of my left eye expressed, and when I tried explaining the circumstances behind it, hilarity ensued.
Here's the deal: Bill and I had visited our parents for a bit before the show. Mom and dad have three cats, and Cotton is the only one of them who falls into the "friendly" category. Marmalade and Munch, well, you just take your chances with those two. I mean, it IS possible to catch them in a good mood, but...
Anyhoo, I'd been petting Cotton, and something in her fur caused an allergic reaction that affected my eye. What I'd said on the show was something like this:
"Whenever I pet her, I puff up..."
Now, there was a very brief moment of dead silence, followed by insane laughter from EVERYBODY! It was so bad that Joe had to jump right into a music set while we got ourselves composed.
It's really blown me away how that little statement just plummeted all of our minds straight to the gutter simultaneously, quite possibly right along with all of our listeners! Seriously, it was almost like one gigantic mental toilet flush!

Probably the greatest moment of the evening, though, was the arrival of Jeffie Claus! Yes, indeed, folks, Azkath has once again sent us a Jeffie unit, and for my part, I couldn't be any happier! My best friend is back and just as goofy as ever!
For some reason, the rest of the crew didn't seem as thrilled to have him back. There was even some suggestion that Christmas had been ruined! Well, at least Tim and I were happy to see him!

And to just give you an idea of how considerate Jeffie Claus is, he gave Joe's convertible to me and Bill as a Christmas gift!
And it was AWESOME! Wow, how did Jeffie know that Bill and I wanted to spend the wee hours of Christmas morning joy riding around Seneca County? We had sooooo much fun!
More on that when we return in a couple of weeks, though! Which, by the way, will be our Best Of 2010 show, so by all means check it out and find out what albums had the biggest impact on us in the past year!

December 18, 2010 - Tim Returns

2011-01-18T01:21:00.000-08:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Another relatively quiet evening this week. Meaning, in a nutshell, there was no goofing around until somebody fell into a large, spiky houseplant.
Yeah, there are still scratch marks on my left ass cheek...

We had a pleasant surprise in the form of a visit from Tim Binder, who's back in the area to celebrate the holidays. Joe even played Giuffria's "Call To Your Heart" just for Tim, and I must say, I was a little shocked by the song choice, for a couple of reasons:

A. That has got to be the most commercial song I've EVER heard Joe play on the Onslaught. Geez, what's next, Bon Jovi? Shudder...
B. What the FUCK? He plays Giuffria, but consistently busts on my balls for liking Jackyl? DAMN!!!!

Okay, to be honest, no disrespect to Giuffria. I've heard far worse over the years, no doubt about that. But, Giuffria sounded a little too much like Journey, and as far as I'm concerned, you only really need one Journey. Still, on the plus side, they had a damned fine guitar player in Craig Goldy, who went on to kick some ass with Dio off and on over the years. Hell, the guy is one of the main reasons that Dream Evil is one of my favorite Dio records.
Still kinda burns my tush that playing Giuffria was somehow a lesser evil than Jackyl, though...

Tim actually surprised us all a bit when he admitted that he didn't own any Metallica releases. Well, he's got Ride The Lightning ripped to his laptop now, so here's to hoping he gains a new appreciation for their stuff. Seriously, Tim, ya can't go wrong with their first three albums. Must-haves, all of them!!!

In some of the more humorous moments of the evening, Joe had remarked on how quickly our topics of discussion can spiral downward into tastelessness. It's actually kind of frightening sometimes, I have to say. Of course, if people could hear some of the shit we discuss OFF the air...

Interspersed throughout the evening was some more sounds of the season, of course. We're building up for our Christmas show next week, after all! Yes, that is correct, the Onslaught will be on for your Christmas Eve listening pleasure! Just imagine the headbanging fun you can have while wrapping those last few gifts! I have a feeling this show's going to be more fun than usual, and it's also going to be our last show of 2010, so DON'T MISS OUT!!!

December 11, 2010 - Poor Wulfie

2011-01-18T01:18:00.000-08:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; This night saw us easing a little more into the holiday mode, as we featured some sounds of the season, just done a little on the heavy side! Hey, personally, I kinda like rockin' covers of Christmas standards!

Azkath and FMG were on hand once again, and once again things got a little fuzzy for me before the end of the night. Josh and Rick had both celebrated birthdays during the previous week, and for some reason at a couple points during the evening I was compelled to give Rick a birthday lap dance... Yeah, I know...EWWWWWWWWW!!!! I'm sure it was no picnic for Rick, either... Imagine my confusion, though, when I realized I wasn't fully dressed at certain intervals of the show. Azkath assured me that Bill had hypnotized me and suggested the whole lap dance thing, although everybody else insisted it was Azkath who had suggested it... But he'd NEVER do something like that to me! I'd swear to it!

Things got really out of hand at the end of the night, though, when people started delivering a beat-down on Bill, and for some reason I was once again compelled to dance for Rick. Rick fought back violently, though, and before I knew it I was being thrown toward the storage racks for WEOS's vinyl collection. Didn't quite hit the racks, though, as I tripped over a prone Bill, falling directly into the large, spiky-leafed plant in the corner, where I not only received scratches on my left butt cheek, but I also managed to smack the back of my head on a window sill... ...and also landed on Bill's head... Poor Bill...

December 4, 2010 - Stone Soul Foundation

2011-01-18T01:12:00.000-08:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; First and foremost, we had Stone Soul Foundation in the studio. As I mentioned in last weeks' recap, these guys will be releasing their new disc, Electric Valley, very shortly. It will also be available to order from CD Baby, if you're of a mind. I've got to say, the disc is incredible. If you're a fan of Seventies hard rock, you'll probably love Electric Valley. For me, it brings to mind bands like Deep Purple and Humble Pie, without actually sounding like either. It's just got that kind of great vibe to it, a flat-out smokin' album from front to back. Definitely gotta give major props to vocalist Sean Muldoon, who has one of the best voices I've ever heard in all my years as a fan of this music. No bullshit, not an attempt to kiss anyone's ass, the guy is just THAT frickin' good! In my book, he's right up there in the same league as Robert Plant, Ian Gillan, Mick Jagger, Steven Tyler, you get the idea, I'm sure! Yeah, check 'em out, if you haven't already!

So, once we got past the midnight hump, birthday greetings were in order as Josh turned another year older! He even ended up on the end of a birthday spanking courtesy of Bill, along with The Last Exit's Azkath. Within the next week, Rick will be celebrating a birthday as well, so he can probably look forward to similar treatment!

Above and beyond that, things got very confusing for me. Something went oddly wrong toward the end of the evening, and I can't quite place what happened. I seem to remember dreaming that I pushed Jeffie into a wood chipper, but Azkath assured me that I had actually killed Jeffie by beating him with a soda bottle, disemboweling him with fragments of a broken record, and then tearing him in half. Reminded of this, I was overwhelmed with guilt and ended up strongly lamenting the loss of Jeffie. I mean, really, how could I have done that? He was my best friend in the whole world, and I killed him! The Onslaught will never be the same without him! Seriously, I was fully prepared to find a bridge and join Jeffie, I felt so bad... Somehow, I got calmed down, so things are cool. Besides, I remembered something that Azkath had mentioned. He said he wouldn't send us another Jeffie unless we asked for it! So, maybe if I ask Azkath nicely...

November 27, 2010 - Zadoc... and the Nightmare

2011-01-18T01:06:00.000-08:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Another peaceful, fun-filled night, which I still attribute to the lack of Jeffie to complicate things! And to think Azkath says we're gonna want another one eventually! HAH!!!

Speaking of Azkath, he and FMG were on hand Friday night, along with Syracuse band, Zadoc And The Nightmare. There seemed to be some confusion as to whether Zadoc was really Zadoc, due to the lack of face paint. I guess folks aren't accustomed to seeing the guy without his stage gear, and for added confusion there was actually facial hair! But, it was really him, and along with the rest of the band they treated us to a whole slew of acoustic songs, including a very cool cover of Rainbow's "Temple Of The King". All in all, a thoroughly enjoyable experience, and I'm fully behind the idea of checking them out live one of these days!

November 20, 2010 - Warblade

2011-01-18T00:59:00.000-08:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; All told, a relatively normal evening, which was a far damned cry from last week! We had a couple of members from Rochester's Warblade on hand, who were there to promote their latest CD, World War IV. Of course, we were more than happy to play a few tracks throughout their visit. Definitely a more extreme sound than a lot of what you'll hear from bands from our area, more of a Blackened Death Metal style, and very cool.

Not much else to speak of. I think Bill and I were a little worried for our future status on the Onslaught, and I did my best in the early portion of the show to keep the subject diverted from last week's takeover by Azkath and his cohorts from The Last Exit For The Lost. Basically, it was all about asking Joe how Tran-Siberian Orchestra was, and keeping him on the topic. Buuut...it didn't last and the cat got let out of the bag, and Joe found out about not only the takeover, but about us actually playing Jackyl's "The Lumberjack" during his absence... Yep, Joe wasn't too pleased, but in the end he took it easy on us. Maybe my assurance that Jeffie was dead, and that Azkath wouldn't send any more unless we asked, helped. Maybe not. Hard tellin'! I can say this much, though, it's probably gonna be a loooong damned time before any more Jackyl is played on the show!

Looks like we might have some fun guests coming on over the next coming weeks. It was mentioned last night that Zadoc And The Nightmare might...MIGHT, mind you...be joining us for a bit next week. Definitely keeping my fingers crossed on that one! And then, in two weeks, we should be getting a visit from Stone Soul Foundation, who are getting ready to release their next disc, and I am DEFINITELY looking forward to that one! Good times are a'comin', stay tuned!

November 13, 2010 - Last Exit Takeover

2011-01-18T00:55:00.000-08:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; This night should have been relatively calm and uneventful. Honestly, there was absolutely NO REASON for things to go as abysmally and catastrophically wrong as they did. But...they did...So, Rick was hosting in place of Joe, who was attending Tran-Siberian Orchestra's show in Rochester that night. Will Polson was in the control room with Rick, while Josh, Bill, and I were in our usual places, and the night was off to a pretty good start.We also had a new person on hand. Remember how I'd jokingly mentioned we needed a Mommy in the Stupid Room a few months back? Well, we now have someone to fill that position, and I must say that Lindsey was taking to the job eagerly. I, myself, ended up with two time-outs...

There was much rejoicing in the studio in the early going, as Rick and I explained how I'd killed Jeffie the week before. This turn of events came to pass on an edition of The Last Exit For The Lost, our sister show in Ithaca. Guilty confession time: I had actually considered that visit to The Last Exit as a defection from The Metallic Onslaught. After events during our Halloween show, I'd decided I needed to get away from Jeffie permanently, and considering he's not allowed on The Last Exit...You see where I was going? Well, that particular night on The Last Exit was they're Tribute To The Past Russian Roulette show. No new music was played, and the Russian Roulette aspect comes from a random selection of songs that are played. Any songs that fall into the category of overplayed, cheesy, or covers are considered "bullets", and if a bullet plays, somebody has to draw a slip of paper from a bag. Written on the slip is a random action or activity that the person must carry out. At some point, somebody pulled a slip with Jeffie's name on it, meaning that Jeffie had to be called to come to The Last Exit... Seriously, what are the frickin' odds?Well, as soon as Jeffie got there, I was on him like white on rice, bludgeoning him to death with a liter bottle of Mountain Dew and disemboweling him with a piece of broken record. What's even worse is that, in my rage, I seem to have torn what was left of Jeffie in half, literally grabbing a butt cheek in each hand and TEARING! Yeah, it was a hell of a mess! By the end of that night on The Last Exit, I'd reconsidered my decision to leave the Onslaught, and not just because we didn't have Jeffie to worry about anymore. I became the subject of a bullet, and my slip of paper simply said "Porno Joe". Meaning that Just Joe gave me a lap dance, much to my sheer terror...

So, with all that in mind and knowing that Jeffie wouldn't be tormenting us anymore, Rick was cool enough to play some Jackyl for me, thinking we could get away with it in Joe's absence. Hey, I saw absolutely no harm in enjoying "The Lumberjack"!

Well, somebody else seemed to think that it was a bad idea...

Imagine our surprise when the Demon Azkath himself showed up! The guy came in with Foul Mouth Girl and Just Joe, and proceeded to not only chloroform Rick, but he also took over the show! AND HE BLAMED ME!!! Not just for playing Jackyl, either, he'd also admitted that Jeffie's death was part of it, as well as some previous invasions by the Onslaught. Invasions by the Onslaught? Now, he couldn't possibly have meant our interrupting their interview with Moore a couple months ago? Hell, that was just all in good fun! Okay, so Azkath's the kind of guy who seems to carry a grudge, and this was his method of payback. On top of everything else, when Rick regained consciousness, HE blamed me for the takeover as well! Hell, if I'd known playing Jackyl would spark that kind of reaction, I'd have left well enough alone. Funny thing is, Rick grudgingly agreed that Azkath had been doing a good job in the control room, prompting the Demon to relinquish control of the show back to Rick. Now, one would think that things would have gone a little more smoothly, but I'd been really leary around Just Joe that evening. He claimed that he didn't remember giving me the lap dance that night on The Last Exit, but he sure didn't waste any time stripping to his boxers and bouncing on my lap again! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! Yeah, it was too much to take, and I ran for it. Don't know how the rest of the evening went, but I'd had enough!So, here's hoping that the next show will be back to normal, and that Joe won't be too angry at the turn of events during his absence...

November 6, 2010 - Jeffie Takes Over

2010-12-06T21:06:00.000-08:00

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So this night, everyone from The Metallic Onslaught went to see Overkill at The Montage Music Hall in Rochester. Everyone EXCEPT Jeffie. What they didn't know, despite him warning them he would, is that Jeffie was going to take over The Metallic Onslaught this night. And he did. Apparently Joe got wind of it a bit more than halfway through, but it was really too late...

October 30, 2010 - Halloween

2010-12-06T21:00:00.000-08:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; I'd been looking forward to this show, especially when you consider I missed out on last year due to my foot surgery. Yep, celebrating Halloween on the Onslaught was a great way to kick off what would be a full weekend of fun!

Rick had brought an old friend by the name of Will along, and he definitely seemed to fit in with the rest of the crew, especially when it came time to beat on Jeffie at the end of the show! Turns out that he's done radio before, in the Buffalo area. I have a feeling we'll be seeing more of him!

Jeffie seemed a little confused when he arrived. Being in costume for this show, I was foregoing my wolf form, and Jeffie kept thinking I was Josh, and also thinking Josh was me. Yeah, it got a little annoying trying to keep him straight, but it would get worse before the night was over!

So, it seems that Jeffie's got an alternate personality called Pepe that he was embracing for the evening. So, he comes out in a Mexican bandito outfit, complete with a sombrero, a wool poncho, and maracas...Gotta say, that poncho was more than just a little on the itchy side, as Bill and I both got our heads wrapped up in it. Of course, then Jeffie had to try dressing me up as Pepe.This didn't go over too well to begin with, since I was already pretty satisfied with my zombie-demon (demon-zombie? Hmmmm...) get-up. But, before you could say "South Of The Border", I had the sombrero, the poncho, the sunglasses, and even the maracas.I tried to make the most of it, though, right up to the point where Jeffie used his bandanna to dose me with chloroform...I don't remember much after that, just that I was starting to come back to my senses and was still pretty groggy when something utterly unthinkable happened. Apparently Jeffie was pretty sure he'd killed me, and Joe had told him to give me mouth-to-mouth.Now, imagine my shock when Jeffie's tongue made it's way down my esophagus! Yep, I was pretty outraged, I must say. I even tried strangling him with his own poncho once he was finished with concert listings.

The night pretty much spiraled down from there, ending with Will and I beating on Jeffie, and Jeffie clutching Bill's leg and being dragged about the studio.

So, in retrospect, I've gotta say I'm still pretty mortified by the whole "mouth-to-mouth" thing. This whole I-Dosing thing has obviously only made Jeffie worse, and in the interest of getting away from him permanently, as of this weekend, I'M LEAVING THE METALLIC ONSLAUGHT! That's right, I can't go back there, Jeffie wins, they can have him. I'm hooking up with The Last Exit For The Lost starting this Saturday night!

Really, it can't possibly be any worse than hanging with Jeffie!

October 23, 2010 - Shockin' Audrey Returns...

2010-12-06T20:15:00.000-08:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Well, I'd say the big topic of conversation for the evening was the High On Fire show that the five of us attended the previous Saturday. It was definitely a kick-ass night all around, with all three bands pretty much bludgeoning us. In a good way! I think I may have finally pushed Joe over the edge in the early portion of the show. As in during the first talk break... I'd brought up a confession I'd made on our way to the High On Fire show (mostly in jest, by the way!) I'd mentioned that I should build a shrine to Jackyl, complete with a giant golden chainsaw that could be used for sacrificial purposes. Joe didn't really seem too keen on discussing the matter too much, but I took it a step further by mentioning that I'd also added Jesse James DuPree as a friend on Facebook! Joe's response?

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

He seemed to have regained his composure by the next talk break, though. Good thing, too, because by then we'd had a visitor arrive from Roc City Roller Derby. Yep, it had been over a year since Shockin' Audrey's last visit, and she was kind enough to bring us up to speed on her status. She's been out of action since June, when she suffered a broken leg. Happy to say that she's up and about, now, though, and pretty much ready to hit the track again! She was also promoting the season's closing bout on November 13 at the Dome Arena in Henrietta. Proceeds from this bout will be going to the Breast Cancer Coalition of Rochester, and will feature a silent auction where bidders can walk away with plaster castings of...well...the breasts of some of the derby girls! That's right, these casts have been painted and decorated, and will be up for bid, and it's all for a good cause! Just think of the potential these have as far as being conversation pieces!

Jeffie was on hand once again, and he's still I-Dosing. He's also become fond of a new song, which seems to be called "(We All Love) Yelling On The Radio!", or something to that effect. Kinda fun to participate in, but I can see where there's an underlying annoyance factor... Speaking of annoying, I wasn't too thrilled by the attention that was almost given to a donut I was nibbling on at one point. Seems Jeffie thought it would make a nice subject for a game of "What's In Jeffie's Pants?", but thankfully I had broken it in half and was eating it before he had a chance to play a special game of ring toss. EWWWWWWWWW!!!

So, next up is our Halloween show, which I'm especially looking forward to. If you remember correctly, I missed out on last year's while I was recovering from my foot surgery. But I'm on hand for this year, and I can't wait to see what kind of craziness transpires!

October 16, 2010 - Focus on the Music...

2010-11-05T05:14:00.000-07:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf;If you tuned in at 9 p.m. Friday night to find...well, not sure what exactly would have been heard at that time, to be honest...anyhoo, you may have been a little disappointed. Or not? Suffice to say, the show had been pre-empted by an hour due to circumstances beyond our control... Okay, so we went live at 10:00 instead, it was all good. It was actually a relatively calm night, with a bigger focus on the music, which, as I've said before, is never a bad thing! Kinda nice to push the silliness in the Stupid Room (as we've affectionately come to call it) off to the sides every now and then. Besides, quiet nights like these usually result in twice the craziness when things go back to "normal" on the following week.

So, as far as music goes, we were featuring new material from Flotsam And Jetsam, which is actually REALLY, REALLY good, more than worth a listen or two! Triptykon has a new EP coming out soon, and we were more than happy to feature "Shatter", the discs title track. I'll be gettin' my paws on that one, without a doubt. We also threw some High On Fire and Torche into the mix, as we anticipated seeing both bands (along with Kylesa) at Waterstreet Music Hall the following night. Yep, the entire Onslaught crew were in attendance, and I'll tell ya, that was one crazy damned crowd! Personally, the best club show I've ever attended, and High On Fire are officially the heaviest band on the frickin' planet. Okay, maybe with the exception of Behemoth, but I personally haven't seen them perform yet...

Also featured some tracks from "Bitten By The Beast", which is the new solo disc from David "Rock" Feinstein of The Rods. We'd been treated to some of these tracks at a couple of shows in recent months, but there was one track in particular that I badly wanted to hear the studio version of. "Metal Will Never Die" features vocals by David's cousin, now departed metal legend, Ronnie James Dio himself. It was great hearing David performing the song live with The Rods, back in June in Ithaca, as well as last month in Auburn, but to hear the actual song off the disc, knowing it was among Ronnie's last recordings, well that's something pretty damned special in my book!

No Jeffie last week, which probably contributed greatly to the feel of "normalcy", but he'll be back this week, I'm sure. On top of that, Halloween is fast approaching, so I can only imagine how that night's going to go! Hell, last year I totally missed out on Halloween on The Metallic Onslaught as I was recovering from my foot surgery, so this year I get to make up for lost time! Heh, heh, somethin' to look forward to!

October 9, 2010 - The Sneezing Metal Wulf

2010-11-05T04:52:00.000-07:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Well, I made a bit of a slip in the first talk break, I must admit. Joe had played Armored Saint's "Can U Deliver" in the opening set of music, and I confessed on the air that I'd almost creamed myself... Okay, so it had been awhile since I'd heard it, and I was pretty pumped. Can ya blame me? Anyway, that little slip only led to things spiraling downward very quickly in the early going of the show, especially when Steve Papagiorgio showed up. Yeah, he walked in, much to our surprise, and proceeded to hand me something, saying "Read this, Wulfie." Turns out it was a subpoena, and that he was planning on suing me for NOT BEING A WOLF! That son of a bitch! I promptly reminded Steve that he'd been in on the whole gimmick from the beginning, and that he knew full well that I wasn't really a werewolf, but he wasn't having it, telling me I'd better get a lawyer. Now, I can't quite remember who it was who mentioned this, but somebody suggested that Just Joe from The Last Exit For The Lost could represent me in court. Forgive me if I'm a little hesitant about jumping on that... From there, Joe threatened to sue Steve in return, because he isn't really a cyborg, meaning he isn't really made of metal! Oddly enough, for some reason I started sneezing at the mention of "metal". It got worse, too, because the more somebody said "metal", the more I sneezed. Something definitely wasn't right, and I mentioned that I was pretty sure something had happened when Bill, Rick, and myself had gone to visit The Last Exit the week before. Rick said that he knew what was going on, but he was sworn to secrecy. Hmmmmm...maybe Jeffie would know what was going on, assuming he wasn't still in rehab.

Cuss Muffin had joined us once again, as there was a derby bout on the next night. Joe, Rick, Josh, and I were all in attendance for that, by the way, and we had a great time cheering the Roc Stars to victory over the Boston B Party! Anyhoo, it's always great to have Cuss on the show, and she was even kind enough to bring along some brownies and cookies as a gesture of thanks for passing Animal over to her. Seems Animal has been repaired and holds a special spot in her home, which is great because I think the poor guy wouldn't have survived too much longer on the Onslaught!

Jeffie arrived eventually, and he promptly informed me that he was going to make me pay his rehab bill... WHAT?!?!?!?! Now, Papagiorgio's news was bad enough, but for Jeffie to say I was going to have to cover the rehab expenses, well, that was just a bit much, right there! On top of that, I was in pretty rough shape from sneezing all night at the mere mention of "metal". Jeffie actually made a call to Azkath to get to the bottom of the situation, and to see if there was any way to stop it.

Now, on a previous edition of The Last Exit, Just Joe had been hypnotized and was asked to envision what the Earth would be like after December of 2012. Apparently he'd seen a lot of terrible things, like rabbits...BURNING RABBITS! Hordes of 'em, and lots of tentacles, which we've come to learn are actually Shoggoths. Well, that explains a lot right there, doesn't it? I KNEW that Jeffie's word of God was anything but! More like the word of ELDER GODS!!! Anyhoo, during our recent visit to The Last Exit, Azkath had hypnotized me to get some insight into Just Joe's vision. Sure enough, I saw the burning bunnies, and the Shoggoths, and something far, FAR WORSE!!! Nope, can't think of that one, WAAAAAY too terrible to mention! Anyhow, while in that hypnotic state, Azkath had planted the suggestion in my brain that anytime I heard the word "metal", I'd become allergic to wolves, and being a wolf, well... Okay, that certainly explained the problem, but how about getting rid of it? Seems that all I had to do was envision the "unspeakable horror" I'd seen in my vision, and I'd stop sneezing. So, reluctantly I tried to remember what I'd seen, and sure enough, once I'd remembered that, the sneezing stopped. Of course, I'm still left with that vision of The Unspeakable, so things aren't really much better...

October 2, 2010 - Fleshburn Visit

2010-11-05T04:46:00.000-07:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; This night saw Seneca Falls band Fleshburn drop in for a couple of hours. Imagine my surprise when I walked back into the studio after our traditional trip to Cold Stone Creamery to discover not only the band, but their manager, Jeff Barrett. Now, Jeff also plays in another Seneca Falls band by the name of Str8jacket, and I've personally known the guy since, hell, roughly the age of six or so! Yep, we go back a ways, and it was very cool to get to hang with him on the show! I actually mentioned that he needs to get Str8jacket to pay us a visit, but it seems that they are currently searching for a new drummer... Anyhoo, we were playing a few Fleshburn songs throughout the evening, and gotta say, ummmm...they're just a little on the heavy side! Okay, it's like this, the first song they mentioned was supposedly their "weakest" track, and it was anything but! Heavy, brutal, very much in the death metal vein. Good stuff, by all means keep your eyes and ears open accordingly!

Dave Henninger from Spater also joined us for a bit to let folks know that they're starting to look into booking bands for next years Fingerlakes Metal Fest. I was happy to hear that the event will actually be held a week earlier than usual, in the hopes that more people will attend if it's not on Memorial Day weekend. That's right, no excuses! Next year you don't have to worry about passing it up for a camping trip, and I won't have to worry about missing it because I have to work the entire holiday weekend!

Gotta point out a great moment that Josh had. During one of the music breaks, while chatting with the guys in the band, we somehow got on the subject of anal leakage (you know, chips, Olestra, unpleasant oozing from your bum...don't ask me how these things come up, they just do!) Josh joked that Anal Leakage would be a great name for a Grindcore band, and I told him I'd have to search the name out on MySpace, just for shits and giggles. Well, Bill whipped out his trusty Droid-X and searched it out himself, and guess what? THERE'S AN ACTUAL GRINDCORE BAND ON MYSPACE CALLED ANAL LEAKAGE!!! I shit you not, it's actually there! Of course, we had to bring this up on the air, which everybody agreed was a terribly wrong thing to discuss on the air. But discuss it we did, and it was pretty damned funny!

Another source of amusement was our teasing Bill about his interest in going to see Lady Gaga's show in Buffalo next March. Yes, Bill is probably a little more diverse than the rest of us in his listening interests, and he likes some of Lady Gaga's material. For my part, I don't really care for her music, but I've heard enough about her live shows to admit a grudging semi-interest. But, no, I'm passing on that one. Got myself in enough hot water just by going to see Jackyl!

No Jeffie on this show, and it was mentioned that he was probably at Wicked Ithaca. I'd brought up a bit of news I'd heard though, and passed along that he was in rehab after i-dosing just a little too much. This news was greeted by general disinterest from the rest of the crew, which really wasn't very surprising. Should be interesting to see if he happens to find his way back to us this week!

September 25, 2010 - I-Dosing Jeffie

2010-09-29T03:04:00.000-07:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Previously, the Onslaught had been pre-recorded as we all made our way to The Haunt in Ithaca to check out some great bands at a show that was hosted by our sister program, The Last Exit For The Lost. Gotta say, it was very cool that we all got down there to hang out with that crew, since it really doesn't happen very often. But, this week it was back to business as usual, meaning our usual mix of music and mayhem! Lance had dropped in for a bit, and once again we found ourselves discussing Jackyl's free show at the State Fair. I just can't seem to find a leg to stand on with this one, but at least Lance was able to try to back me up a bit. Hey, I'm of the mind that if something is pleasing to your ears, then more power to you. That's how I've always approached this kind of music. Not every genre or sub-genre is going to be to everybody's tastes, and I'm cool with that. Personally, my favorites fall into the categories of straight hard rock, shock rock, power metal, and thrash, plus a little bit of death and black metal. That is just how I'm wired, and I don't expect everybody to like the same things I get into. Besides, I've said before that it's our listening diversity that makes for a great little radio show! So, I just take the ribbing about Jackyl with a grain of salt, even if Joe seems to think I need to be sacrificed to Shagrath at the Dimmu Borgir show that's coming to Buffalo in December. Hell, I know he doesn't really mean it. At least, I hope he doesn't...

Now, in my previous recap I mentioned that Bill and I had paid a visit to The Last Exit For The Lost, where we approached the Demon Azkath about Jeffie and the fact that he totally ruined my perfectly good werewolf gimmick. Azkath had suggested a solution that would possibly make Jeffie stupider, and hopefully more tolerable and less annoying. Well, I'm glad to tell you all that it seemed to work! Yep, seems there's this cool little phenomenon called I-dosing. It uses audio stimulation to produce effects that are similar to drugs, be it marijuana, ecstasy, or acid. I'm sure there are others as well. Well, Bill acquired an i-dose version of ecstasy, which we then exposed Jeffie to. We'd explained to him that it would just make him more awesome, although he didn't seem to believe he could become any awesomer. In the end, we convinced him that it would work, and the end result was very much to our approval. Docile, quiet, not in the least annoying, and just dumb enough to be fooled by the wolf get-up! Yep, I'd have to say problem solved! I mean, what could possibly go wrong now?

September 18, 2010 - Prerecorded

2010-09-29T01:15:00.000-07:00

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So this show was just Jeffie and Joe, pre-recorded because all involved were at The Haunt in Ithaca for a Last Exit for the Lost Show... They still managed to have a good time... I believe Joe even admitted hosting the show with Jeffie was.... Fun. Listen for it.

September 11, 2010 -

2010-09-29T01:08:00.000-07:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; We had a return visit from some of our Roc City Roller Derby friends on this edition, specifically Ja-Boodie, Izzy Normous, and Cuss Muffin, who incidentally had recently returned from Nicaragua. Yep, our Cuss is a worldly lady, and always has some cool stories to relate about her travels. They were, of course, on hand to promote last night's bout at the Dome Arena. Not sure how that went for them, but I'm sure the ladies skated their hearts out. At least those who aren't on the injured list, as part of this evening's discussion centered around the number of casualties for this season. C'mon girls, stay healthy!

Now, as those of you who listen regularly know, I'd acquired a very large plush version of Animal from The Muppet Show a few months back. Well, after Friday night, Animal is no longer in my care, and it's probably for the best. He'd taken a bit of abuse and was showing more than a little wear and tear. The new owner of Animal is none other than Cuss Muffin herself, who is a tremendous fan of The Muppets, and when she'd expressed interest in him awhile back, I'd decided that if she really wanted him, I'd hand him over the next time she paid us a visit. Let me tell ya, that was one happy Derby girl who left on Friday night! Hey, in the long run, I'd rather see Animal stay in one piece with somebody who'd be happy with him than see the poor thing get decimated during the radio show. Take care of him, Cuss!

I'd taken a bit of abuse during the evening for going to see Jackyl's free show at the State Fair last Monday. I was fully expecting to take a ribbing over it, yet was completely unrepentant for having seen them. As I've said, we all have our favorite styles when it comes to heavy music, and some of my favorite bands are just straight up hard rock. The important part is that I had a GREAT time at that show. Besides, I'll have some upcoming opportunities to redeem myself as I take in upcoming shows from the Gruesome Twosome (Alice Cooper and Rob Zombie) on their Halloween Hootenanny tour, as well as High On Fire, Overkill, and quite possibly Dimmu Borgir in Buffalo! Sooooo many good shows coming up!

One of the cooler moments of the show, for me at least, came when we played a Sister Sin song for none other than The Hardcore Legend, Mick Foley, himself! "Wow, Wulfie, how did this come about?", you may ask. Well, it's kinda like this. Two weeks ago, Joe had played a Nasty Savage song that featured an appearance from Luna Vachon, a former WWE wrestler who had recently passed away. A day or so later, I was reading Mick Foley's blog, where he'd taken some time to pay his respects to Luna and relate some of his experiences with her over the years. I'd left a comment for Mick telling him about Joe's tribute, and Mick had actually responded with some interest in the show. I'd sent him a message via MySpace to fill him in a bit, and he responded with a thank you and a request for us to play some Sister Sin, as they're his new favorite band! Seriously, how damned cool is that? Or course we had to come through on this! Don't know if Mick was actually listening, but we delivered for him, by God!

I've gotta give myself a little credit, here. As I was relating that Mick Foley story, I had to attempt to ignore some distracting behavior from Jeffie, who seemed to think I'd appreciate a back massage at that moment... Then Cuss Muffin and Billiam joined him... Talk about grace under pressure. Hey, at least my back felt better! But, yeah, this led to some aggravation with Jeffie. Yep, I'd pretty much reached my limit of tolerance, and I actually told him I was going to make a trip down to Ithaca's The Last Exit For The Lost to have a discussion with the Demon Azkath. Jeffie, of course, was undeterred and wanted to come along with me. Seems Azkath doesn't really want Jeffie around either... That's okay, though, 'cuz I DID make that trip, and I think we've got a solution to make Jeffie less annoying in the coming weeks!

It won't, however, occur on the next show. Seems that next week's edition of The Metallic Onslaught will be pre-recorded as we all attend a very cool Last Exit For The Lost-hosted show at Ithaca's The Haunt. Yep, we are ALL going there to see Vindicator, Moore, Angels Beneath Me, and a special guest band who are coming down from Canada. If you like old-school thrash metal, this show may just be up your alley! Besides, how many opportunities do those involved with BOTH radio shows have to hang out on the same night? This is gonna kick ass!

September 4, 2010 - Off Kilter...

2010-09-29T01:02:00.000-07:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Seemed a little strange this week, I must say, not that there wasn't a valid reason. Bill, Rick, and myself had all taken a little pre-show trek to Suzy's Tavern in Auburn to check out Torment The Vein. This show also featured 9 Round and Caustic, and I'm sure if it weren't for the fact that we still wanted to hit the airwaves, we would have stayed for the other bands as well. There'll be other opportunities, though!

So, yes, it was a tad awkward walking into the show at about 11:30 to find Jeffie had beaten us! And he was in Rick's spot in the control room! On top of that, Josh hadn't joined us since he'd gone to the State Fair to see Coheed and Cambria's free show at Chevrolet Court. Yep, things definitely felt a little off-kilter, so to speak! It wasn't long after we arrived that I was petitioning strongly for Rick and Jeffie to trade to their usual spots. Nothing against Rick personally, at all, but Lordy, I don't think I want to know what that guy ate Friday! I even ended up visiting Joe and Jeffie in the control room, for the simple fact that it just smelled better in there! Of course, another visit was a little less pleasant for Jeffie. Seems someone thought he'd goad me into a chorus of Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name". Most other nights, with any other band, it probably would have worked. But, Wulfie's not a Bon Jovi fan... I ended up making my way into the control room, and those listening probably heard me slapping Jeffie around a bit as I yelled, "DO I LOOK LIKE A BON JOVI FAN TO YOU!?!?!?!?!?" Oh, Jeffie, Jeffie, Jeffie... I also asked him if he'd been into my mushroom collection again, because he started spouting some nonsense about unmasking me last week. Honestly, I had to ask him if he was on crack! Now, I have a feeling someone hacked my recap last week, saying some slanderous b.s. I wouldn't trust that at all! Nope, not in a million years! And if any video happens to pop up, well, don't trust that either... I am well and truly a wolf! Count on it! : )

Now, there was some speculation on this particular evening that had to do with the theory that all the stupid on the show seems to hover in the "other room", where Bill, Josh, Lance, myself, and most recently Tim, hang out. Hell, I figured it would be a little more sane in there, since Jeffie was in the control room. I mean, it stood to reason that all the stupid should have followed Jeffie in there, right? Wrong... I think I can categorically say, after an evening of Rick (yes, and me, too!) playing the "butt trumpet", and Bill playing some crazy sound bits off of his Droid-X, we have plenty of our own stupidity going on! Which is why, during the final talk break, we admitted that "WE NEED A MOMMY IN THE STUPID ROOM"!!!!

August 28, 2010 - Sorrow of Batavia

2010-09-29T00:55:00.000-07:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Featured a lot of new music this week, with tracks from Accept, Death Angel, and former Nightwish vocalist, Tarja. From what I heard, you probably can't go wrong with any of them, although I'd personally say that the new Accept material seemed to stand out a little more. I definitely need to hear some more of that one...

Elmira death-metallers, Sorrow Of Batavia, had joined us in the studio. We'd been wanting to get them on the show for some time, and it proved to be well worth the wait. These guys flat-out blew us away when we first started playing their material on the show a few months back, one of those cases where our ears perked up and we said, "This is great, who the hell is this?" Further proof that there are some great bands throughout the area, if you look hard enough! The guys were a great deal of fun to hang with. Hell, one of the members even joined Bill, Rick, Josh, and myself on a run to Cold Stone Creamery in between talk breaks. Seems Bryan LOVES Cold Stone just as much as we do, and told Bill he'd even ride in the trunk if he had to. Bill had told him, jokingly, that there was probably room for him in the trunk. And he was right! Yes, I bullshit you not when I say that Bryan rode with us IN THE TRUNK of Bill's Nissan! We squeezed him into the back seat on the way back, though. Would've been a little difficult for him to eat his ice cream if he went back into the trunk...

Anyhoo, on to some of the craziness of the evening.

I got into a bit of a tussle with Jeffie. Can't seem to remember what sparked it, but things eventually got out of hand with his continued insistence that I'm not really a wolf and his belief that I wear a mask.Well, things came to a head during a talk break. Yep, Jeffie'd been slapping me on the snout all night, and I'd had enough! However, during one of our tussles, he got one hand on my snout and one hand on the back of my head, and then he started to twist...For those listening, you probably heard me yelling, which led to a blood-curdling scream as Jeffie twisted my head until it faced backwards.Then, you probably heard a thud as I hit the floor...Then, you probably heard me yell "THAT DOES IT!!!"And then, you probably didn't hear anything, 'cuz I accidentally hit the "on/off" switch on the surge protector that was lying on the floor. You probably did hear some confusion from Joe and Rick in the other room just before going to the next music break! Now, what you DIDN"T get to hear was me confessing that I'm NOT REALLY A WEREWOLF AFTER ALL!!!!!(GASP!!!!) And yes, it was REALLY A MASK ALL ALONG!!!! (DOUBLE GASP!!!!) Of course, if you were still tuned in after the talk break, you got to hear that confession anyway, along with Jeffie's boasting about knowing it all along! C'mon Jeffie, I had you fooled, and you know it! It took you over a year to even get a LITTLE suspicious! The joke was all on you, bro! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!Of course, I have to admit something else that was addressed on the show. I may not actually be a real werewolf, but I DID eat Jeffie's Llamas a couple months ago...EWWWWW!!!

So, yeah, for the record, let me introduce myself: My real name is Randy, and I only PRETEND to be a headbanging werewolf! But I'm sure you were all smart enough to put that together, anyway...One thing's certain: It's only gonna get crazier from here! I mean, eventually somebody else has to hear what God's message was, don't they?

August 21, 2010 - Lance's Return

2010-09-29T00:46:00.000-07:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Had a couple of surprises on this particular evening, as we were paid a visit not only from Lance, but also Lance's friend, Tim.Now, Tim's been on the show before, and I'm not 100% sure what he's involved with now, but I know as of his last visit, he was employed by Century Media. So, here's a guy who's got some closer insight to the business than we'll probably ever have. Not that I'm complaining about my little niche in all this fun, but it's kinda cool to have that extra perspective on hand from time to time. Looks like he might be hanging with us a bit more in the coming weeks, and I say the more the merrier!

Probably the funniest discussion of the evening centered around a tattoo idea for Josh. Lance suggested we all kick in for Josh to get the Helloween pumpkin design for his first tat, with the stipulation that the tat has to go on his lower back.Josh really wasn't down with the idea of a Helloween tramp stamp so to speak, but if he wants it someplace else, he's gotta pay for it himself.Of course, this concept went further as we discussed an old 80's band called Rail, who I'd remembered had a video for a song called "1,2,3,4 Rock N' Roll", and I never heard much of them since then.Well, somewhere along the line it was mentioned that maybe Josh could get a Rail tramp stamp. I went so far as to suggest that it wouldn't be so bad, as long as it wasn't a prison tattoo, because then it would give new meaning to the term "running a train"...Which led Joe to mention something about Josh's cellmate would be someone named "Gerbil"...Yeah, things spiraled down pretty low, I must say!

Possibly one of the more uncomfortable moments of the evening came when Joe went to play an Exodus song, and decided to share a couple of terrible covers from the disc in question. He didn't play the full songs, just a minute or two from each, but even that much of listening to Exodus doing versions of "Bitch" by The Rolling Stones and "Pump It Up" by Elvis Costello proved to be almost unbearable.But, we got through it only slightly worse for wear.

Also got into a little discussion about some upcoming shows (they're still teasing me about wanting to see Jackyl...), which led into a further discussion about the future of the Penny Arcade in Rochester. Now, it's been close to a year since this place hosted any shows, and it's really heartbreaking to think that it may never open it's doors again. Place has way too much history to just sit there empty, but it seems that Joe and Bill said it best when they mentioned that the current owners just seem content to run it into the ground... Now, as far as other venues go, we've got some GREAT shows coming through to the Water Street Music Hall, who'll be hosting Gwar in October, as well as High On Fire. Not to mention the Montage, who not only just hosted Devildriver and a number of others last weekend, but who will also be hosting Overkill in November, as well as Epica.Good times, good damned times!

August 14, 2010 - Jeffie Goes Nuts

2010-09-29T00:36:00.000-07:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Focused a lot on music, as Joe played a few tracks from the Murderdolls latest disc, "Women And Children Last", as well as "The Order Of The Black", from Black Label Society.Both of these discs are already among my favorites for the year, needless to say.
As far as the usual insanity went, Billiam pretty much received his official initiation to the show, as he was the subject of some Jeffie abuse.Can't remember if I've ever mentioned these pants that Bill has had for awhile. Think of the most ridiculously flared bell bottom jeans you've ever seen, then add about ten inches in diameter. There's a reason we refer to them as the "Holy Shit Pants", I assure you...Well, Jeffie decided to try sticking his head as far up Bill's pant leg as it would go, and he made it a pretty good distance. Amazingly enough, Bill managed to handle the experience with a surprising lack of hysterics.Of course, that wasn't all. Bill's new Droid-X became the subject of a game of "Guess What's In Jeffie's Pants", as did a Jester's cap that he's fond of wearing for offbeat occasions. I think his car keys may have been involved at some point as well.Poor Bill, it was bound to happen eventually! Of course, things just deteriorated from there. Got to be a bit of a mess, actually, as cases of CD's were upturned over Jeffie's head, and a Frisbee was broken over his head...Honestly, I didn't mean to break the poor Frisbee! I didn't think I'd hit him that hard, I swear!!!!Somewhere in all the chaos, I ended up nipping Jeffie. I don't think it was a full-fledged bite, but things got our of hand. He seemed to think he was going to become a werewolf, and eventually he put on this really cheap-looking vinyl wolf mask.I mean, really, it looked like something you'd buy at the zoo...Well, we called his bluff soon enough, and further carnage ensued.All has been recorded for posterity, so keep your eyes open for the impending video footage. I have a feeling it's gonna be worth more than a few chuckles!

August 6, 2010 - Lowkey

2010-08-29T22:53:00.000-07:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Alright, admittedly I wasn't there for a good portion of the show. Truth be told, Josh and Joe were pretty much on their own, since Rick, Billiam, and myself had all gone to see the Carnival Of Madness stop in Canandaigua.

Steve Papagiorgio had stopped in, along with the members of Lowkey. They were on hand to promote the upcoming Hage Fest, a whole weekend of metal music! Looks like they've got a helluva lineup, including local and non-local talent. I'd say it's probably going to be a must-see, and I'm pretty sure I heard mention of our own Rick Horton emceeing the show on that Saturday. Hell, work permitting, ya might even see a Wulf out there!

Billiam and I arrived shortly after 11:30, and we were more than happy to share the events of our evening.

I'm still seeing tentacles. Kinda played it down on Friday night, though. I figure we can get all this hashed out when Jeffie returns to the show this Friday night, maybe find out exactly what's going on here...
Maybe it's time to share the message with everybody else!

July 31, 2010 - Amelia is Dead

2010-08-29T22:48:00.000-07:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; I think we experienced some kind of record in the early portion of the show, as Jeffie joined us at approximately 9:15 p.m. My GOD! He's NEVER that early! What the hell?
Then he explained that he was just showing up late from last week, which kind of ruined our moment, damn him!
Anyhoo, it wasn't much later that we were joined by Steve Papagiorgio. Surprisingly enough, he and I didn't attempt to kill each other for THE ENTIRE NIGHT!!!
That's gotta be another kind of record! Man, we're on a roll, lately!

Of course, it also could have had something to do with the fact that we had a band in the studio that night, as well. Amelia Is Dead, from Syracuse, were kind enough to join us for a couple of hours.
What can I say about Amelia Is Dead? Sound-wise, think of a hybrid of Flyleaf (with heavier guitars), Otep, and Kittie. At least those are bands that come to my mind when I hear them.
I actually caught their performance at the Women's Right To Rock Festival in Seneca Falls roughly three weeks ago, and I loved the live show. Definitely some high energy and aggressiveness from the boys in the band, and vocalist Stephanie Smile has got a scream that will pretty well curdle your brains after she pierces your eardrums.
They also recently got to perform at the Darien Lake stop of the Van's Warped Tour, which I believe is the biggest show they've played so far. I think it's safe to say that there's loads of potential there, and I wouldn't be surprised to see bigger and better shows in their future.
All in all, had a damned good time hanging with them, and I believe we'll be seeing more of them in the coming months, quite possibly with an acoustic performance in the studio! Something to look forward to!

So, I don't remember much of what happened after the band left.
Truth is, I was kept muzzled throughout the evening, particularly while Amelia Is Dead were visiting. I'm assuming this had to do with the fact that I was still seeing tentacles. Part of me wants to take comfort in the fact that Jeffie and even Steve could see them, which tells me that maybe I'm really NOT going crazy!

Of course, Steve says he was seeing tentacles AND testicles, so I don't even want to fucking speculate as to what's up with that shit...

Anyway, I was able to slip the muzzle off once or twice, thankfully. Damned thing was uncomfortable as hell, truth be told. Don't even fully understand why they felt the need for it, I suppose they felt I might embarrass them in front of the band or something...

But, as I was saying, it was after the band left that things get blurry. All I remember is waking up in the basement of the studio and Bill helping me out shortly thereafter. Good thing he showed up, too, or he may not have gotten me to my 25-year class reunion in time!
Got the story from Bill in the meantime, though, and it seems that I just went completely bat-fuck insane during a music break. I guess I was screaming "THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!!", over and over, and attacking the walls, not to mention beating the utter shit out of Animal, who we'd had propped up in a safe place while the band was there. I guess this prompted Joe to lure me into the basement, and lock me in there until I calmed down.
All I can say is I hope I didn't damage Animal too badly, and I hope Joe's not gonna be too pissed that Bill broke me out again!

Animal, just hanging around the studio.
Poor Animal, the night ended a little badly for him...
(Don't worry, Cuss, he's still in one piece!)

July 24, 2010 - A Quiet Night of Lovely Music...

2010-08-29T21:35:00.000-07:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; More or less a quiet evening, which, as usual, meant a greater focus on music. Pretty much the way it should be!
Early discussions focused on last week's Battery show in Clyde, still can't believe the tribute band played longer than Metallica could ever have dreamed of...wow...
We also somehow got on the topic of "Shandi", a tune that is historically significant only because it is the absolute WORST KISS SONG EVER WRITTEN!!!
To be brutally honest, I'd rather listen to "Music From The Elder", front to back, a thousand times over, than ever have to hear "Shandi" again...
Believe me, I'm pretty sure the listening audience got a damned good dose of just how bad this song is when I started singing snippets of it on the air. Honestly, I don't mind the occasional breaking into song thing, but belting out "Shandi" left me feeling just a little nauseous.
Damn, I'm gettin' queasy just thinking about it...mmmph...
Jesus Christ, it's no wonder Peter and Ace left the fuckin' band...

Discussing "Shandi" seemed to leave a bad taste in all our mouths, so it's a damned good thing Rick mentioned that a Cold Stone Creamery had just opened in the Tim Horton's, which is conveniently located a short distance up the road from the station. Yep, an ice cream break was just what the doctor ordered, and I strongly recommend the Peanut Butter Cup Perfection!
Mmmmmm, ice cream!

Around the time that we would normally have been expecting Jeffie, we got word from him via phone and text that he couldn't make it, due to bus issues. Somebody mentioned tires, to be precise, prompting me to ask if he'd tried taking the square ones off...
Rick (or was it Joe? hmmmm...) mentioned that Jeffie should just try the old Fred Flintstone technique, to which I replied that Jeffie actually looks more like Captain Caveman...
Seems that Jeffie had also mentioned that the show would be fine in my hands.
Okay, so does it seem to anybody else that getting a vote of confidence from Jeffie is a bit of a dubious honor? Anybody else not quite trusting that?
Yeah, thought so...

So, no Jeffie meant that reading the listings for upcoming shows fell into Joe's hands. Eventually we got onto a discussion of some of the free shows coming to the State Fair this year, and there's actually a pretty good line-up, if you're looking for some rock. Of particular interest to me are Blue Oyster Cult (who I just recently saw in Farmington, and they were GREAT!), Kansas, Coheed And Cambria (yes, they are performing for FREE!), and Jackyl.
Now, personally I was pretty excited about Jackyl, but it seems the other guys just don't share my appreciation for some good ol' redneck rock. Not even breaking into a little bit of "I Stand Alone" could sway them, and I happen to think that's a pretty bad-ass song!
Guess it all boils down to taste, and we all have our preferences on the Metallic Onslaught. Part of what makes it a good solid show, if you ask me!

So, it seems that in some ways I really wasn't keeping it together very well on the show that night.
I can't remember much of what Jeffie had whispered in my ear last week, but I can definitely say that something is really, REEEAAALLY weird. I mean, all I saw that night were tentacles! Little by little, throughout the evening, there were more and more of them! At first, it was just one or two caressing Josh's shoulder, and then there was a mass of them all over the place by the end of the night!
And nobody else could see them! What the fuck is up with that? How could they NOT see all of that green, slimy squishiness?
Of course, knowing what I saw and where those tentacles were going, maybe it's just as well that they couldn't see anything...

July 17, 2010 - The Word of God

2010-08-29T21:30:00.000-07:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Now, last week I explained some of my reservations about resurrecting Jeffie. Tough decision, and I'd actually told the other guys on the show that I wasn't going to do it...
But, of course I did...
I mean, come on, Azkath just would have sent more. Hell, there was apparently one night before I joined up where there were 40 Jeffies, and they had to kill 39 of them!
In the end, I decided that it would be the lesser of two evils to just go ahead and resurrect the Jeffie that was sacrificed last week...
Of course, there was that whole bath thing to take care of. After a week of rotting in the heat, Jeffie's corpse was in pretty rough shape. I mean, we had to clean chipmunk nests out of his hair! EWWWWW!!!
Of course, the chipmunks themselves just served as a little snack for me. Hey, waste not, want not!
Josh had even contributed to the bath by adding a little of this and that to at least make Jeffie smell a little better when he came back.
So, at least he was nice and lemon-y fresh when he came downstairs, completely bare-assed naked...
I never, EVER want to see that again...
Anyway, when it came time for Jeffie to reveal God's plan to The Metallic Onslaught, he revealed that none of us were worthy of hearing it.
Well, with the exception of me...
Admittedly, I was a little skeptical about being the only person on the show who was deserving of this...ummm...honor..., and I almost didn't go for it. But in the end...Ia...
I did...Ia...
And the word of God...Cthulhu...apparently drove me...Fhtagn...
quite...
insane...
To be honest, I really don't remember much...something about seals and singing "Strawberry Fields"...
Hmmmmmmm...
Hey, look, a tentacle!

July 10 - Wulfie Kills Jeffie

2010-07-26T01:54:00.000-07:00

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Fun night, overall. Not only did we have Dave from Spater on hand for a couple of hours, we actually had the entire BAND in the studio! Which was cool as hell, 'cuz they've got a great show coming up this Saturday night at Donselaar's in Clyde. Yep, Spater is opening for Battery, the only Metallica tribute band that is ACTUALLY APPROVED BY METALLICA! Now, I've seen Battery, and I'll tell ya something: They are as close as you can get to the real deal without forking over roughly $90.00 a ticket. Yes, THEY ARE THAT GOOD!
Of course, if you're not a Metallica fan, you probably won't care, and that's okay! For my part, I'm gonna be there throwin' the horns and giving myself a case of whiplash...hopefully DURING Whiplash!

By the way, this recap is being typed as i enjoy my very last cigarette...or what I HOPE to be my last cigarette! It ain't gonna be easy for the next couple of days, but your fuzzy friend here is bound and determined that he's kickin' the habit! Just be careful approaching me the next couple of days, I might nip...

Anyhoo...

Well, I waited an awful long time to do this, but it has finally happened. I've experienced my very first Jeffie death on the show!
Now, if you remember correctly, I had to sacrifice Jeffie in order for him to reveal God's plan for the Metallic Onslaught. Of course, leave it to him to reveal that his death would have to take place during the last talk break of the evening. Then he tells us that his body has to rot in the studio before we resurrect him on the next show, using the same "Resurrection Bath" that was used on Josh as a trial run.
So, yes, in the closing moments of the show, I went on a little rampage of Jeffie destruction, and after what seemed like an eternity, he finally died. Which was my cue to break out that little Wal-Mart greeting card that plays the Hamster Dance. This was followed by Joe playing Angtoria's "God Has A Plan For Us All", as I felt it was a fitting piece of music.

Now, I've got a few reservations about how all this is going to turn out.
Here's the deal: Jeffie's, as I understand it, are clones of Jeff The Radio Guy, who in turn is a clone of the Demon Azkath from The Last Exit For The Lost, our sister show. Before, when a Jeffie died, Azkath would just send another along.
However, this time we're resurrecting a Jeffie, and I'm a little leery about some complications that could occur.
I mean, is it possible that this Jeffie could come back to life worse than before he died? Will he be altered in some horrible way? Will it even work? What if the bath wasn't prepared properly?
And even worse! What is Azkath sends ANOTHER Jeffie clone, anyway? Can we really handle a new Jeffie and a resurrected Jeffie?
I'm a little nervous about how this next show is gonna go, I have to admit!
Well, regardless of what transpires next, at least we'll have some good music to enjoy before the shit hits the fan!

July 3, 2010 - The Return of Lance

2010-07-26T01:49:00.000-07:00

Listen to the Show - Pictures

Recap by The Metal Wulf; So, we weren't really expecting anybody as far as guests this week, pretty much figuring most of the focus would be on the music. Hey, it IS a radio show after all! But, unexpected things happen...
There were some technical difficulties in the early going, but thankfully we got them squared away in a somewhat timely manner. Be thankful you couldn't hear what was going on in the station in the first five to ten minutes or so, there would have been some interesting things heard as some of us explored our range of creative profanity. Okay, maybe it wasn't THAT bad, but it's just as well it didn't make it over the airwaves!

Probably the most unexpected event of the evening was the return of Lance! Yeah, you read that correctly, after a hiatus of about six months or so (some would suggest years, but that was all in good fun!) Lance dropped in to catch up with us. He was kind enough to share some recently acquired music, and true to form it was heavy on the 80's glam. Hey, no complaints here, for the most part. Although I think we could have done without that Heavy Pettin' song, and to be honest, that re-recording of Dokken's "Tooth And Nail" probably wasn't the greatest thing ever. Musically, pretty sound, but I think Don's vocals were much better the first time around!
All in all, I'd say we were all pretty pleased that he showed up, though, and he promises it won't be another six months between visits.
Hmmmm...time shall tell...

Forgot to mention something about the closing moments of last week's show: Jeffie felt he needed a little reminder of what exactly God's message for the Onslaught was, so he asked if I had any more of those mushrooms. At first I told him that he'd already eaten them all, but it turned out that there were a handful or so left, which he immediately ate in the closing moments.
Well, once he showed up for this week's fun, we asked him how it all went. He knew of two things:
A. He'd been told that Lance would show up. Ummmm, yeah, easy enough to say after the fact Jeff-ward, try again...
B. He said that he would have to be killed on the show, by me. And then resurrected in the same manner that Josh had been. Seems Josh was just a test subject, to see if the process would work.

So, next week, I get to kill Jeffie and then give him the "Resurrection Bath"! Of course, I'm pretty eager to take part in my first "Jeffie Death", so I'm gonna take some time to decide exactly how I'm going to do this. I'll try to make it as memorable as possible!

We also had another edition of Jeffie's new talk show, "Long And Deep With Jeffie: Banging It In And Filling It Up All Night, Now With No Llamas", with Lance as his first guest.
Attempts at getting any insight into Lance's whereabouts over the recent months proved to be mostly fruitless, with Lance mostly commenting on just how much of an idiot Jeffie is. Really, the most that was revealed had something to do with taking a Red Rocket to Uranus, and I really don't think most folks wanna hear about that...

Oh, and how could I forget! My brother Bill was on hand again to hang with us, and we'd brought our own little special guest. Seriously, one man's trash is another's treasure, and as soon as Bill and I saw that life-sized plushie of Animal from The Muppet Show at a local yard sale, we immediately knew there'd be a place for him in conjunction with the show! We'll be bringin' him back for some fun, guaranteed! In the meantime, you'll see him in this week's photos once they're posted!

Yep, that pretty much covers the major bases, I'd say. Although, I would like to mention that no hedgehogs were actually harmed on the show that night. Hey, it's not OUR fault that some toy maker decided to make a hedgehog finger puppet, with the finger hole directly where the poor hedgehogs bunghole would be!
It WAS funny as hell, though!