Metallic Onslaught Show Archive

Listen to the Show

Playlist;

Dream Theater - Outcry
Megadeth - Public Enemy No. 1
Doogie White - Time Machine

Black Sabbath - Danger Zone
Black Sabbath - Disturbing The Priest
Pain Of Salvation - Mortar Grind
Redemption - No Tickets To The Funeral
Bucket - Guitars, Beers & Tears

Alice Cooper - When Hell Comes Home
Anthrax - Earth On Hell
Forced Entry - Anaconda
Exmortus - Beyond The Nile
Crowned By Fire - Witch In The Window

Diamond Plate - Fool's Paradise
Opeth - The Lines In My Hand
Van Canto - The Seller Of Souls
Mortal Sin - Blood Of My Enemies
Vader - The Black Eye

Kyng - Bleed Easy
Haste The Day - Pressure The Hinges
Isole - Born From Shadows
Lonely Kamel - Rotten Seed

Arch/Matheos - Under Stained Glass Sky
Ed Guy - Fire On The Downline

Devastation - The Devil's Messenger
Volumes - Wormholes
Derek Sherinian - Seven Sins
Rose Funeral - Beyond The Entombed
Saviours - Fire Of Old

Morbid Angel - Rapture
Megadeth - Never Dead
Anthrax - Judas Priest
Kyng - Between The Blame
Crowned By Fire - Vulture With A Rifle
Mortal Sin - Hatred
Exmortus - Kneel Before The Steel

Pathology - Ingestion Of Creation
Kittie - I've Failed You
Borderline Suicide - Misery
Design The Skyline - Cybernetic Strawflower
Chelsea Grin - Oblivion
Chthonic - Broken Jade
Pipe - Seeds Of Hate

Anubis Gate - Golden Days
Divine Ascension - Guided By Osiris
Dr. sin - Ninja
Michael Schenker Group - Run To The Hills
Isole - Condemned

Alice Cooper - Ghouls Gone Wild
A Hill To Die Upon - Ancient Enemy Of Death
ICS vortex - Aces
Hatesphere - Smell Of Death
Mastodon - Curl Of The Burl

Anthrax - I'm Alive
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Recap by Fire Eater Wizard;

Most of the MO gang, Rick, Randy, BBBIIIIILLLLL!!!!, and, Jeffie were attending the The Last Exit For The Lost Presents Show, which left Joe and Josh holding down the fort. Lots of awesome metal was played, as always. And things were talked about, like how disgusting and just plain wrong chocolate toothpaste is, although Joe and Josh split on citrus flavored toothpaste, Joe thought that was disgusting and wrong as well, while Josh liked it... And as always, good information was given on what cool new music had been released recently, and would be released soon and where/how to look for it... As always, your great source for all things metal!

So, this show has some issues. For some reason, the last half hour of the broadcast seems to have gone dead. The internet feed continued, and thanks to a loyal fan, we were able to get a copy of the last two talk breaks. However, being recorded poorly from the internet, they sound pretty awful. You can pretty much make out what is going on, but it sounds bad. The songs are fine. We re-added those. So when you get to those breaks, now you know why they sound so poor. If anyone has a better copy, please get in touch.

Listen to the Show

Playlist;
Pagan's Mind - Walk Away In Silence
George Lynch - Rattlesnake
George Lynch - Sun
Gentlemans Pistols - Midnight Crawler

Pentagram - Everything's Turning To Night
Pentagram - Gorgon's Slave
Pentagram - Burning Saviour

Saxon - Back In 79
The Godz - Cross Country
Rival Sons - All Over The Road
Diamond Plate - Tomb With A view

Design The Skyline - Crystal Swords Kill The Hordes
Mastodon - Curl Of the Burl
Evile - Five Serpent's Teeth
Wolves Like Us - Deathless
Chimaira - Scum Of the Earth
Black Pyramid - Warswine

ICS Vortex - Odin's Tree
Jorn - We Brought The Angels Down
Nader Sadek - Sulffer
Eat The Gun - Give Sight To The Blind
Fleshgod Apocalypse - The Imposition

Bride - Evil That Men Do
Powerwolf - All We Need Is Blood
Powerwolf - Dead Boys Don't Cry
Jasta - Mourn The Illusion
Icon In Me - Aspects Of The Unknown
The Quill - More Alive

Sepultura - Embrace The Storm
Alice In Chains - A Looking In View
Trivium - Drowning In Slow Motion
Jungle Rot - Their Finest Hour
Slayer - Behind The Crooked Cross

The Browning - Bloodlust
The Devil Wears Prada - Born To Lose
Santa Hates You - Fire The Cannon
Evile - Descent Into Madness
Century - Painting Leprosy

2Cellos - Hurt
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
DC4 - People
Mercyful Fate - Desecration Of Souls
Ziltoid The Omniscient - By Your Command

Amon Amarth - For Victory Or Death
KISS - Watchin' You
Ringworm - Used Up, Spit Out
Order Of The Dead - Bullets
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Recap by Randy, aka Wulfie, aka The Hoax Formerly Known As MetalWulf

Well, it sure was cool as HELL to be back on the show after a brief departure. You may remember that I missed a week due to work scheduling, and then the following week when Rick, Bill, Erica, and myself went to Ithaca to catch Sorrow Of Batavia with Of Wrath And Ruin, LAW, and Neon Guillotine. Great show, by the way, had a killer time!
You may also remember that I'd departed the show rather abruptly the last time I was on, thanks to a strange concoction that Jeffie added to my gum. More on that later, though...

Speaking of killer, we played the title track to Evile's upcoming new CD, "Five Serpents Teeth", and it was AMAZING! Can't wait for that disc to make it into my player, along with some of the other new releases we'll be looking at in upcoming weeks. September and October are going to be pretty overwhelming, and I'm lookin' forward to it!

We did some heavy promotion for the slew of upcoming shows, some of which have come and gone as of this writing. Hagefest ran the entire weekend, and Rick got to host it on Saturday. I'm sure he'll have some fun stories to share on the next show. Oh, it had actually been mentioned by Jeffie that Rick should host the Hagefest naked, after taking his Viagra/Ecstacy mix. Rick declined, I'm happy to say. I'm sure Hagefest thanks him...

Let's see, some of you may have checked out the return of Hate Machine, a band that I never really got to experience, to be honest. I DID get to see a version of the band that came later, when they started calling themselves Omniblank, though. Still, I'm betting that was a pretty damned good time for those who checked it out!
Bill, Erica, Josh, and Joe made it to the Montage this past Saturday to see Pentagram, and feedback from them has been very positive, especially concerning openers Valent Thorr. Sadly, I had to miss out, due to my work schedule for Sunday.
That's cool though, because I WAS on hand for last nights' Amon Amarth show, and it was KILLER! I don't think Water Street's gonna be the same for awhile, they may want to investigate the foundations for cracking...
Got some pretty cool video from that show, which you can see on my Facebook page, as well as the Metallic Onslaught's Facebook.  You can also see them on YouTube under metalwulff, which is the channel I share with Bill. Feel free to check it out!
Yep, and that was just the weekend. We've got MORE shows coming within just a few more days. Gonna be an insane week!

Anyway, moving along...

I got the guys laughing over my exploits with the cable company. Seriously, have you ever attempted to discontinue a service? Now, I understand they don't want to lose customers, but quite frankly I just didn't watch enough television to warrant paying the outrageous amount this particular company wanted. Believe me, I'm quite happy with my phone and internet, not to mention my growing library of DVD titles. Not to mention I like to read! I highly doubt I'm going to have a hard time finding entertainment.
But yeah, it was like pulling teeth convincing these people that I didn't need television. What got the guys laughing though, was my story of the package that was offered to me, which was better than the one I already had. Shouldn't be too hard to guess where certain minds went from there...
And as I said, I may have passed up a once in a lifetime chance for a permanent upgrade...damn...

So, onto this weeks' Jeffie antics. I'd been lookin' forward to seeing Jeffie. Needed to have a few words with him. Still need to reconcile a certain issue, and then some.
Before getting into that, though, I should mention that we'd had a visit from Lance. Yeah, believe it or not, Lance was on hand again! And it was his second week IN A ROW! Seems we'd missed out on hanging with him and Tim Binder on the previous week while we were in Ithaca.
Anyhoo, Jeffie didn't seem to know who Lance was. Kinda strange, because most Jeffie's retain their memories from clone to clone, or at least I always got the impression that they did. But, this one seemed to think Lance's name was actually Prance. And when Lance left, Jeffie escorted him out, and returned with a strange tale of a Puddle Monster that came up and dragged Prance...er, Lance...away.
We, of course, had to assure Jeffie that there were no Puddle Monsters and that Pra-..., um, Lance...was fine. Of course, you really can't convince Jeffie of anything, so what are ya gonna do?

Oh, and believe it or not, we at one point actually had TWO Jeffie's in the room. Yeah, go figure, it seems that Josh was right and that there really was a time-travelling Jeffie, who just happened to take a moment to come and meet with the Jeffie that's been hanging out with us recently.
Sorry, I'm getting a brain cramp...
Anyway, one Jeffie left, the other stayed, I'm not really sure which was which, so enough of that. It's all just really confusing...

So, I eventually told the tale of my experiences after being dosed with Jeffie's Viagra/Ecstacy mix. Which, by the way, had more than just Viagra and Ecstacy in it. Honestly, he mentioned some hallucinogens I had never even HEARD of...
Damn him...
So, here's the deal: Poor Bill had to follow me around Geneva as I suffered the effects of this hellish concoction. I don't think I've ever been that...uuuuummmmmmmmm...
oboy...
...AROUSED! Alright, what did you expect this stuff to do? Bad enough to be suffering the effects of Ecstacy, which I'd NEVER DONE BEFORE, but then he'd mixed it with Viagra!
VIAGRA!!!
Remember when I'd joked around the "package upgrade"? Well, guess what? THAT SHIT DID IT! It was freakish!
And of course, thanks to the hallucinogens, I apparently couldn't tell human from plant.
Dammit, that tree looked like it had a nice little ass, too...I mean, it was SHAPED kinda like a woman...
In the end I'm kind of grateful that the squirrel saw me coming. Boy, was he PISSED! But, it's all well and good. Nothing like an angry squirrel gnawing on your nuts to bring you back to reality, and QUICK!
Of course, that was about the time the police arrived. I've now been labeled a dendrophiliac, not to mention a threat to the natural order...

So, that was the story that was shared regarding THAT night...

Before the show finished, however, Jeffie poured a different concoction down my throat. Honestly, I did my best to convince him that there wasn't a drink in front of me, he couldn't possibly have tampered with it.
Like I said, you can't convince Jeffie of anything, and it was my undoing. Down the hatch it went, with Jeffie telling me I was gonna feel like a super-hero...
Riiiiiiight...
So, I'm taking a moment right now to apologize for the "birth" of Divot Man. Especially to the other guys on the show, who were subjected to the attempted investigations of their "divots" by me...trust me, it wasn't pleasant on either end. One of the last things I heard before departing as Divot Man was Joe saying something about getting a Deep Divot Pizza...

More on the repercussions of THAT on the next show...

Listen to the Show

Playlist
Dir En Grey - The Blossoming Beelzebub
Symphony X - Prometheus (I Am Alive)
Max Webster - Battle Scar
Twisted Sister - The Fire Still Burns

Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
2Cellos - Smooth Criminal
George Lynch - Man On Fire
Pentagram - Call The Man

Death - Suicide Machine
Nader Sadek - Mechanic Idolatry
Demonical - Through Hellfire
Eat The Gun - The Evil In You And Me
Powerwolf - Sanctified With Dynamite

Savatage - Doesn't Matter Anyway
Jorn - Shadow People
Anthrax - The Devil You Know
Vader - Come And See My Sacrifice
Guillotine - Total Mayhem

Morbid Angel - Where The Slime Live
Svartsot - Farsoten Kom
Skalmold - Valholl
Icon In Me - Wasted Ways
Bury Your Dead - Slaughterhouse-Five
Trivium - Slave New World

Cianide - Terrorstrikes
Blood Stain Child - Stargazer
Tyrant Of Death - The Heir Of Fate
KYNG - Falling Down
Dying Fetus - Born In A Casket

Of Wrath And Ruin - Waters Of The Corrupt
Nader Sadek - Petrophilia
Fleshgod Apocalypse - The Imposition
Jungle Rot - Kill On Command

Lowkey - Backstabber
Burn Everything - Ambulance Chaser
Battlecross - Push Pull Destroy
Cannabis Corpse - Dead By Bong
Chthonic - Oceanquake

Pestilence - Dissolve
Acid Drinkers - Bad Reputation
Serianna - Redeemer
World Under Blood - I Can't Stand His Name
Fair To Midland - Rikki Tikki Tavi
Sepultura - No One Will Stand

August Burns Red - Salt & Light
Ringworm - To The Grave
Altars - Severance
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Recap by The Metal Wulf;
So, here I sit, contemplating the daunting task of writing a recap for an edition of The Metallic Onslaught that I wasn't even present for.  An earlier than normal work shift made me think that it may have been a good idea to hang back for a night.
Still, I tuned in to listen, at the same time leaving my own two cents here and there on the Onslaught Facebook page, which I've been known to do on nights like that.
I'd honestly had visions of going to bed at around midnight or so, thinking I'd get plenty of sleep, but the truth is, I just didn't feel tired. So I listened some more.
12:30: Not tired
1:00 Not tired
1:30 Not tired
Sincerely, I ended up listening right up until the last talk break, not beginning to feel even remotely sleepy until roughly 1:50.
Oh well...

So, having listened throughout the evening, I was able to garner enough info to do my usual recap.

Ahem...

Roc City Roller Derby members Izzy Normous and Cuss Muffin were on hand to promote this Saturday's bout at the Dome Arena, this one entitled Babes Of The Brawl. Rick, Josh, and myself will actually be in attendance for this one. I'm releived, too, because I was starting to think I'd never make it to a derby bout this year, and that would be a damned shame!
I guess Josh will be wearing a bunny outfit to this bout. I can't honestly remember the specifics of WHY he'll be in a bunny outfit, but hey, who am I to judge? In fact, this will work out just great, because I'll be breaking out the ol' WarWulf persona. That's right, don't panic, there are going to be both a wolf AND a bunny in the suicide seats this time!
I'm thinking this is going to be insanely fun, and then some. Oh, for the record, Josh will be referred to as Floppy.
Yes, that's right, Floppy Nolin. Personally, I think Floppy O'Nolin would sound a little better, but that is entirely up to his discretion.
Seriously, though, just imagine WarWulf chasin' Floppy around the ol' Dome Arena...

There was some mention of Cuss Muffin having monkeys on her head in some of her photos. Hey, Cuss gets around, and if she's in parts of the world where monkeys can climb on you, well, hey, there's WORSE things!
Like, how about parts of the world where tarantulas eat cockroaches while perched on top of your toothbrush?
Cuss has had that happen as well...
Ick...
So, something was mentioned about somehow having monkeys brought onto the Metallic Onslaught. Personally, I think this could be fun, as long as there's no flinging of gross bodily excretions involved. Of course, it would just complement the usual assortment of poo-related humor, so...

Lowkey were also on hand, to promote the upcoming 2011 edition of Hagefest, a three-day event that takes place in Sodus, NY the weekend of August 19-21. Thirty bands in three bands, representing some of the best bands our area has to offer. I'd highly recommend going if you've nothing better to do that weekend. Always good to get out and promote the local scene. Rick will actually be there on that Saturday, and Lowkey have personally invited him to announce the bands for that day.

A disturbing topic was brought up, as something was mentioned about Jackie Stallone doing psychic readings. Based on photos of people's buttocks...
Yeah, I was pretty perplexed about this, but apparently if you send Jackie a photo of your ass, she can tell you things about yourself as related to your past and future and stuff like that.
I think she's just a strange old lady with some really twisted tastes, but that's just me...

Jeffie arrived eventually, of course, and it's probably just as well for him that I wasn't on hand this week. I've gotta have a word or two with that guy regarding some things he did to my chewing gum last week.
Seriously, this Jeffie could quite possibly lead me back to cigarette smoking. Of course, he'd probably just find a way to dose my smokes, and some of his concoctions are less than pleasant.
So, he was mentioning some things about my adventures after his Viagra/Ecstacy combination had its' way with me. Police were involved...
Squirrels were involved...
Trees...
Scratches and bite marks...
The story is still gonna have to wait a bit, though. Bill, Erica, Rick and myself will all be going to The Haunt in Ithaca to see Sorrow Of Batavia, along with  Of Wrath And Ruin, LAW (Lucifer At Work), and Neon Guillotine. Been waiting a long time to see Sorrow Of Batavia perform, and this is looking to be a kick-ass show from start to finish!
I'll be back for the show on the following week, though, and rest assured, the story will be told.

And afterward, the Malachi Crunch is going to be among the least of Jeffie's worries...

Listen to the Show

Playlist;
Cypherseer - From The Womb
Symphony X - Dehumanized
Gentlemans Pistols - Midnight Crawler
George Lynch - Brand New Day

Trivium - Watch The World Burn
Megadeth - Killing Is My Business...And Business Is Good (live)
Psychostick - Numbers (I Can Only Count To Four)
Pagan's Mind - The Master's Voice

Arch/Matheos - Stain Glass Sky
Dream Theater - On The Backs Of Angels

Uncle Knucklefunk - Acoustic Man
Scorcher - Don't Hold Back
Jasta - The Fearless Must Endure
Order Of The Dead - Brotherhood Of Darkness
Absolution Project - Delusional

Serianna - Inheritors
Bury Your Dead - Mosh N' Roll
Dir En Grey - Decayed Crow
Mastodon - Black Tongue
Fair To Midland - Rikki Tikki Tavi
August Burns Red - Internal Cannon
Sulaco - Summon The Hammer

Tyrant Of Death - Necronomicon
Communic - In Union We Stand
Doom Unit - Dead Pilot
Dark Castle - To Hide Is To Die
No Redemption - No Return

Sepultura - Relentless
Ringworm - Cleansing Of The Fall
Altars - Advocate
Exhumed - As Hammer To Anvil
Jungle Rot - Kill On Command
vanna - Passages

KYNG - Falling Down
Burn Everything - They Don't Advertise Killers
Hail!Hornet - Unholy Foe
Iwrestledabearonce - Deodorant Can't Fix Ugly
Warbringer - Living Weapon

Armored Saint - stricken By Fate
Overkill - Wrecking Crew
Candlemass - Under The Oak
Malevolence - Face The Death
The Quill - Running

I.N.C. - The Good Bones Stay Down
Affiance - Call To The Warrior
Zombie Shaker Box - Hideaway
Hands - Water
Zeroking - Black Friday
Armed With Valor - I Killed The Peeping Tom

Law - Bees
Unkind - Kaivannot
Eternity - Sleepwalk
A Hill To Die Upon - The Perfection Of Evil
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Recap by The Metal Wulf;
 Big focus on new music lately, and last night was no exception. Truth is, things are going to get a little crazy very soon, as we'll be seeing new releases from Trivium, Kittie, Warbringer, Anthrax, Dream Theater, Opeth, Evile, Machine Head, Mastodon, Skeletonwitch, and a crap load of others.
Gonna be a little tough prioritizing, but for my part I can't wait to get my hands on the Anthrax, Evile, Opeth, and Mastodon discs!

Got on some bizarre subjects last night, which is really nothing new when it all boils down, but still, there are nights where I honestly end up wondering "How in the HELL did we get on that?"
For one thing, we seemed to be in a severe non-metal slump as far as topics went. I mean, seriously, you know there's something very wrong when you end up discussing Huey Lewis and John Denver during the course of a metal radio show. I'm wondering if there was a strange astrtological convergence going on or something, the subject matter just got so weird.
Then somebody commented that someone sounded like Julia Child, so of course that just sparked shit in my brain, and next thing you know I'm imitating her, talking about braising pork chops.
Really, don't ask, I don't know why my brain makes these connections, it just does...
Of course, it just got sillier when we took the discussion even further. Somehow Bob Ross got mentioned. Remember him? The guy who painted all those "happy little trees"?
Yeah...
So, somehow saw Bob and Julia Child making a really good couple. Assuming, of course, that they were still alive, which they're not. But, really, it seemed like it could have been a match made in heaven. Bob kind of struck all of us as the type who occasionally liked to smoke some happy little trees, as well as painting them. So, occasionally he'd perhaps have the munchies.
This is where Julia Child would be his dream woman, because she'd always have something yummy on hand just for those moments!
And Bob would be able to paint all kinds of nice pictures for Julia's kitchen...
Hell, maybe, just MAVBE,  in some weird alternate reality, that's EXACTLY what happened!
Better abandon this train of thought before folks think I'VE been smoking them happy little trees...

Anyhoo...

So, the clone b.s. is continuing, and in the interest of proving me wrong, Jeffie mentioned a theory he had involving my...
Sigh...
...anal divot...
Yeah, back to that again, something about if I were a clone, my divot would be deeper than a regular person. Wasn't about to let him anywhere near my divot, by the way. Especially when he mentioned the divot in conjunction with his hands and other parts of my anatomy.
There was omething mentioned about it being like a finger puppet...
Yeah, that definitely wasn't happening! And to make it worse, Jeffie felt that I might enjoy a screwdriver to the divot.

Have I mentioned that this Jeffie is among the worse we've encountered?
Funny side note: Josh is still spouting theories about this Jeffie and another one that is possibly time travelling, in the tradition of Dr. Who. Only, in this case, instead of a Tardis, Jeffie is piloting a Re-Tardis...
When he puts it that way, it's a little hard to argue...

Anyhoo, my evening on the show last night ended rather abruptly, after Jeffie slipped a little something into my chewing gum. Honestly, at first I thought he was going to stick the pack into his pants, because we all know how much Jeffie LOVES to stick things in his pants...
Ick...
But, no, oddly enough that wasn't the case this time. I was still hestiant about chewing a piece after he'd handled it, of course, but then he forced a piece into my mouth, and from there it was all over. Seemed he'd been experimenting with something that duplicated the effects of both Ecstacy AND Viagra...
So, yeah, my night ended by stroking all kinds of interesting surfaces, and being unable to stand up without embarrasment. I eventually wandered off into the night, looking for, ummmmm...something to....
Yeah...
More on that later...MUCH later, as I'll be missing the next couple of shows. Next week because of my  day job, the following week because a few of us are going to be in Ithaca to see Sorrow Of Batavia and some other great bands at The Haunt.
So, yeah, a little patience is in order. I'll just say this much...squirrels are REALLY bad-tempered when you wake them up at night...and splinters really, REEEEAAAALLLY suck...
...especially THERE...

Listen to the Show


Playlist;

Pagan's Mind - The Master's Voice
George Lynch - Wicked Witch
Daedalus - Perspective Of The Moon
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind

Motorhead - Burner
Motorhead - Nightmare/The Dreamtime
Motorhead - Orgasmatron
Motorhead - Killed By Death

Arch/Matheos - Stained Glass Sky
Symphony x - The End Of Innocence
Devin Townsend Project - Sumeria

Armed With Valor - I Killed The Peeping Tom
Cannabis Corpse - Gateways To Inhalation
Injury - Violence Unleashed
Battlecross - Man Of Stone
Powerwolf - Night Of the Werewolves

Armed With Valor - We Used A Bandaid
Affiance - Call To The Warrior
Altars - Advocate
August Burns Red - Internal Cannon
Hands - Jovian

Kaapora - The Day I Left The Dust
Excruciator - Metal Forces
Malefice - Baying For Blood
All Shall Perish - The Death Plague
Jungle Rot - Push Comes To Shove
Lowkey - Porcupine Cannonball

The Quill - River Of A Moonchild
Megadeth - Devil's Island (Randy Burns Mix)
40 Watt Sun - Between Times
Dream Theater - On The Backs Of Angels
Trivium - In Waves

Gentlemans Pistols - Comfortably Crazy
Zeroking - Kings Of Self-Destruction
Eternity - Sleepwalk
Sepultura - Kairos
Exhumed - As Hammer To Anvil
Morbid Angel - 10 More Dead

Seven Witches - Eyes Of Flame
Voodoo Highway - The Fire Will Burn
Anthrax - Fight 'Em 'Till You Can't
Othin - When The Ash Desolves
Toxic Holocaust - Red Winter

Misfits - Helena
Ninth Moon Black - Kalyug
Ted Nugent - Dog Eat Dog
Attack Attack! - Turbo Swag
Suicide Silence - Smashed

Uriah Heep - Trail Of Diamonds
George Lynch - Rattleshake
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Recap by The Metal Wulf;

Members of Armed With Valor joined us in the studio this week. For those unfamiliar, this is a band that has formed from the ashes of Amelia Is Dead and Torment The Vein. They were kind enough to provide a couple of demo tracks for us to feature, overall not sounding bad at all. A little more melodic than fans of Amelia Is Dead might be expecting, but that's really not a bad thing in my book. Keep an eye out for them soon, as they'll be performing their debut show very soon, and they also have an opening slot for Kittie coming up next month (August 25) at The Lost Horizon in Syracuse.
They were also kind enough to take some time for an interview for YouTube and our main website. You can find that interview on YouTube as well as Metallic Onslaught Facebook page as of right now!

Now, on to the goofiness...

And when I say goofiness, I mean these guys are losin' their minds. I mean, literally bonkers, outta their minds.
Why do I say this?
Well, they seem to think that I died on the show last week. Now, I remember having a really weird dream where Bill and Jeffie slammed me through the floor, and Jeffie body splashed me from the upper floor as I was lying in the basement (covered in spiders...), and I also dreamed that Josh slipped on my blood and fell on top of me.
But it was a dream, it had to be! I mean, here I am, HELLO!!!!
I'm alive and well, and feelin' great!
Yet, they seem to think that I was cloned in the meantime, and that I'm another version of Randy. They kept referring to me as Randy 2, which is just plain ridiculous.
Honestly, at one point I suggested that, since summer is in full swing, maybe they'd been visiting the cow pastures looking for some special mushrooms. I mean, come on, that's probably the most practical explanation, not that I see any of these guys honestly partaking of hallucinogens...
Maybe they're just crazy...

Speaking of crazy, Jeffie joined us once again. He was also suggesting I was a clone, and even went so far as to mention that he'd combined his DNA with mine.
Sigh...
Truly disturbing, Jeffie kept referring to "anal divots" throughout the evening. I'm not too specifically sure what an anal divot is, but I've got a pretty good idea.
It got worse, as Jeffie suggested measuring each of our divots, and doing measurements of weenies as compared to the depths of our divots.
Do I really need to say that there were NO takers for that?
Of course, then there was mention of anal lint, or "Shlint" as I've come to hear it referred to over the years.
All I can say to that is...EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

Let's see, we'd also got on the subject of some photos I'd taken while enjoying a relaxing day in Auburn with my girlfriend, Deb. I'd mentioned that I'd gotten some pics of squirrels, as well as a mama duck with her hatchlings. Hey, is it really so terrible to have an appreciation for the outdoors, and to take advantage of having a good camera for wildlife moments? Joe seemed to think it was kinda gay, to be honest...
Seriously, what do they want? It's not like I can jump into wildlife photography with gigantic predators. Not around here, anyway, and I really would rather not encounter any bears. Been there, done that, it was a little on the scary side.
With that being said, I think the birds and herbivores should be just fine for now!

Anyhoo, before closing this for another week, just wanted to say that Rick and I are EXTREMELY stoked at our opportunity to interview Devin Townsend this Monday in Rochester. His band, The Devin Townsend Project, will be performing at the Montage Music Hall with Obscura and a few locals (including Malformed and Order Of The Dead), and it should be a damned good time. Look for the  interview on our Facebook page, as well as YouTube and our main website, very likely by Tuesday evening!

Listen to the Show

Playlist

Black Country Communion - The Battle For Hadrian's Wall
Twisted Sister - Be Chrool To Your Scuel
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind
Headcat - The Eagle Flies On Friday

Ozzy Osbourne - I Don't Know
Voodoo Highway - Till It Bleeds
The Rods - I Just Wanna Rock
Megadeth - Peace Sells

Cypherseer - Red Rain
Stone Soul Foundation - Ain't No Mystery
Deceased - Cloned (Day Of The Robot)
Thorr-Axe - Dragon King
Pestilence - Malignant

Jane Evil - March Of The Damned
Gentlemans Pistols - The Ravisher
Hands - Northern Lights
Dream Theater - On The Backs Of Angels

Steel Kingdom - Fortune Teller
Skalmold - Sorg
Hackneyed - Magic Malignancy
Earth Crisis - Total War
Svartsot - Dodedansen

Jane Evil - Not Your Saviour
Order Of The Dead - Brotherhood Of Darkness
Orodruin - Dark Rune

Cauldron - Frozen In Fire
Metallica - Whiskey In The Jar
Spater - Rat Salad
Temple Of The Dog - Hunger Strike
Stone Soul Foundation - Christian

Blizaro - City Of The Living Nightmare
A Viking Funeral - Shadows Of The Wolfpack
Exhumed - Your Funeral My Feast
Jungle Rot - Rise Up And Revolt
Death - Suicide Machine

Mastodon - Sleeping Giant
Morbid Angel - Immortal Rites
Cradle Of Filth - Her Ghost In The Fog
The Black Dahlia Murder - Great Burning Nullifier
August Burns Red - Poor Millionaire
Vanna - History On Repeat

Denial Fiend - Flesh Coffin
Trivium - In Waves
MonstrO - Anchors Up!
Icon In Me - Un-Slaved
Machine Head - Locust
The Rain I Bleed - Nightmares
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Recap by The Metal Wulf;
So, after an absence of roughly three years, Jane Evil stopped in to hang with us. For those unfamiliar, Jane is no stranger for the local scene, having fronted Haunted By Angels and her own Jane Evil Band over the years, as well ab being involved with Zadoc And The Nightmare, as well. Most recently, she's earned the vocalist spot in Rochester's Steel Kingdom, replacing Sean Williams, who has fallen terminally ill.
For those who are interested in hearing Jane in her first appearance singing for Steel Kingdom, they'll be playing next Saturday night (July 9th) at the Women's Right To Rock Festival in Seneca Falls, which is a free event taking place the entire weekend. I can pretty well guarantee you'll see siome of the Onslaught crew out there as well, so come on down and hang out!
Jane was also kind enough to take some time for an interview, which is now up on YouTube, and can also be seen on Metallic Onslaught's Facebook page.
Oh, we also assured Jane that she's more than welcome to just come and hang with us any old time, even if it's not to promote anything musical.

So, onto other topics. Joe and I ended up sharing a story from a couple weeks back while we were riding home after the show. It was a moderately foggy evening, and somewhere between Border City and Waterloo we saw this figure lunge from the side of the road, arms waving, thumb out as if to hitch a ride. I had a very brief glimpse of what looked like a very slender woman with long, dark, lanky hair,
Naturally, this kind of freaked us out just a little bit. We have no clue as to what the situation was, or who the person was, just a gangly figure in the fog, looking like it was trying to get someplace else as soon as possible. Joking remarks were made regarding what Joe referred to as the "zombie chick", but to be honest, it was pretty damned creepy. I'd say we really don't need to encounter anything like that anytime soon...

What else...

Jeffie arrived, babbling something about balloon zippers.
Yeah, I'm not even going to speculate on what the hell that was all about. Something about putting zippers on balloons and using them for ceiling storage. One of those scenarios that's so utterly ridiculous that it makes my brain throb in agony trying to sort it all out...
Just ain't worth the effort, best not to think about it...

We also discussed an epic fail that came about as a result of my not paying proper attention to what the hell I was doing.
So, it's like this: Bill doesn't yet own his own computer, so when he records interviews for the Onslaught or gets some live clips from shows, he takes the files he's recorded on his Droid-X and imports them to my computer. He would then upload accordingly to his own YouTube account if he happened to have a night free to hang out here. He'd upload, I'd pop in a flick or two, and we'd just kinda hang out.
Well, in the interest of getting an abundance of clips uploaded in a timely manner, Bill entrusted me with his log-in info so I could do the job for him while he was at work. This has worked out well in the past, but on Wednesday night, something went terribly, terribly wrong...
Okay, so it was initially just ONE LITTLE FAILED UPLOAD! I went to deletei it, thought I'd checked the box for JUST THAT VIDEO, and found out later that I'd deleted EVERYTHING on Bill's YouTube...
Over 80 videos...
Gone...
Now, in retrospect folks have said that Bill should have contacted YouTube and they probably could have restored everything after explaining the situation. But, the thought of re-uploading everything was a bit too intimidating, and Bill deleted his account entirely.
Now, obviously I've felt like an utter dick about the whole thing, and despte assurances that I shouldn't kick myself in the ass over it, I have been. However, I've also taken the time to begin re-uploading his material to my account, which I fully intend on sharing with him as needed. I fucked up big time, and it's the least I could do. So, from now on, my YouTube page is also Bill's. I may even change the user name to reflect that, if possible.
Let's see, we could try Wulfliam...Metalliam...MetalBILL!!!...or maybe BILLwulf...
Hmmmmm...
Maybe not...

Listen to the Show - Pictures

Playlist
Gentlemans Pistols - Midnight Crawler
Megadeth - The Conjuring
Pyramaze - Bring Back Life
Symphony X - Bastards Of The Machine

Death - Lack Of Comprehension
Whitesnake - Crying In The Rain
Twisted Sister - One Man Woman
Pagan's Mind - Eyes Of Fire
Morbid Angel - Blades For Baal

Headcat - American Beat
The Black Dahlia Murder - The Grave Robbers Work
August Burns Red - Cutting The Ties
Cypherseer - Dying Force
Fleshburn - Live Thru Pain
Jungle Rot - Kill On Command

Clutch - Soapmakers
Deceased - In The Laboratory Of Joyous Gloom
Gentlemans Pistols - Into The Haze
U.D.O. - Motor-Borg

Hope For The Dying - Imminent War
Ark Of The Covenant - Locusts Look Like Horses
Dynasty - Wisdom & Truth
Nightshade - Lose Your Friends
Affiance - Call To The Warrior

Burn Everything - Ambulance Chaser
Polkadot Cadaver - Bloodsucker
TYR - Fields Of The Fallen
Autopsy - Bridge Of Bones
Anorexia Nervosa - Sister September

Book Of Black Earth - Research And Destroy
Black Sabbath - The Fallen
Black Sabbath - Trashed
A Pale Horse Named Death - To Die In your Arms
Black Tide - walking Dead Man
Who Cares - Out Of My Mind

Sourvein - Holy Transfusion
Order Of Nine - Gods At War
Vanna - Breathing At the Bottom
Draconian - Elysian Night
Devin Townsend Project - Deconstruction

The Clandestined - Swinging Like Judas
Chained And Desperate - Rely On Fears
Acid Drinkers - Seasons In The Abyss
James Byrd's Atlantis Rising - Fallen Warrior

Ozzy Osbourne - Steal Away (The Night)
The Rods - The Code
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Recap by The Metal Wulf;
So, the latest edition of the Onslaught capped off a very cool week, I must say. As of last Sunday (June 19), we hit a big mark on our Facebook page as we finally achieved 666 "Likes", and we're now pushing for the 700 mark, which we really aren't so very far from at the moment. And while this may seem like we're pushing it, we'd love to hit 1,000 Likes by the end of the 4th of July weekend. Still, we're just gonna think realistically and continue to just be grateful for the continued support of the local and regional music scene (fans or bands or both), as we continue to support them! Really, it's pretty damned cool how things just come together sometimes!

So, we had a big focus on new music last night, and there were definitely a few things that stood out strongly to me. Pagan's Mind (from Norway) seems to be an extremely tight power metal combo, and I was greatly impressed with the track we played from them. Must hear more! Headcat is a rockabilly combo (yeah, I said ROCKABILLY!!! Just deal with it...) that features Motorhead's Lemmy Kilmister, The Stray Cat's Slim Jim Phantom and The Lonesome Spur's Danny B. Harvey. Not even remotely metal, but cool as hell nonetheless. Take my word for it, they're well worth a listen or two! Gentleman's Pistols (from Great Britain) impressed me as well, a nice throwback to a sound similar to what was popular around the late 70's and early 80's. Just good, hard rocking music. I have a suspicion that these guys could actually be a big deal in the future. Check 'em out!
Played a new Anthrax track ("Fight 'Em "til You Can't", which was AMAZING! Can't wait to hear the full disc when it comes out, which I believe should be out sometime in September. If the rest of that disc are as good as "Fight 'em...", then it should be more than worth the wait!
Joe assigned me a bit of homework regarding another new release, this one being Rev Raptor by U.D.O.  Joe wants to know if there's any significance to  the U.D.O. logo looking like an acronym. Personally, I think the little guy has just been toying with our heads for the past 22-23 years... Still, I promised to look into it, and I fully plan on doing just that! Stay posted!

So, after all that great music, what was left? The usual assortment of goofy wrongness that everybody has come to expect from us, of course!
An early discussion centered around the selling of my man-kini after No Pants Day 2012. Now, I was willing to entertain the thought of putting it up on E-Bay fresh out of the wash, but...
Okay, for some reason somebody (Will) thought it would be more entertaining to sell the man-kini after it's been worn every day for the next ten-and-a-half months, and to me, that's just pushing the wrongness scale a little too much. I assure you that there is no way that I'm wearing that thing every day until next May, through the steamiest, hottest, most ball-drippingly gross days of summer and beyond, only to put that sweaty, unwashed thing up for bids without being run through at least ONE rinse cycle!
I mean, anything less would just be disgusting, ya know?

Let's see, a discussion regarding Bill wanting to get cheap palm trees at BJ's led to something being said about Bill getting cheap BJ's...from cheap hookers...at BJ's...
Yeah, probably shouldn't pursue that one too far...

Moving right along!

Jeffie was on hand once again. Yeah, it's a little weird getting back into that kind of vibe. It's been so long since we've had a Jeffie showing up regularly that it's been a little stressful trying to adapt once again. I mean, really, we've all gotten so used to NOT having our personal belongings shoved down Jeffie's pants that it almost came as a complete gross-out shock when the ear buds to Josh's MP3 player went right...into...Jeffie's boxers...
How 'bout a little ball cheese to go with that ear wax, Josh?
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

Had another Olaf moment, which is still really awkward. I mean, it's just weird not being myself for these unknown stretches of time, only to come back to find myself holding a large hammer, or wearing a silly cloth helmet...
Anyhoo, after a couple of Olaf moments, Jeffie decided to take some action. Apparently he thought he could cure me of Olaf by throwing a chair at my head.
In the end, the only thing he really succeeded at was hitting me, HARD, and making me bleed.
A LOT...
I mean, even after another set of music, I was still bleeding. I was actually getting a little delirious  as well. Brain damage? Loss of blood? You're guess is as good as mine. All I know is that at one point I was singing A-Ha's "Take On Me"...badly!
Of course, it probalbly wasn't too good that we discovered that part of my scalp was hanging off, and when the issue was addressed Joe just called me a wuss...
In the end, things just got worse, as my whining and bad singing prompted the suggestion that my mouth be glued shut. And let's not forget the idea of stuffing a full bag of Skittles up my nostrils! Yep, grand plan, guys, thanks a bunch!
So, the last thing folks heard on this week's show was the sound of me trying to scream and curse through a pair of glued lips, at the same time trying to expel a full bag of Skittles through my nose.
Yeah, it was EVERY BIT as unpleasant as it sounds, thank you very little!