Metallic Onslaught Show Archive

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Download Jeffie's birthday song for Joe

Recap by Metal Wulf; Well, we were anticipating some surprises on this particular night, since we were celebrating Joe's upcoming birthday. Honestly, we had visions of Jeffie arriving with some of the crew from The Last Exit For The Lost, most likely Just Joe and Dave. Indeed, it was probably even more surprising when Jeffie arrived WITHOUT Just Joe and Dave...
He did have Genevieve from Psyche Corporation with him, however, and it was fun to get a chance to catch up with her. Always a pleasure to have her on hand!

Anyhoo, further attempts to get Jeffie to share God's plan with us proved to be fruitless. He continued to insist that the time wasn't quite right yet.
Well, I certainly hope the time is coming soon, 'cuz I think The Metallic Onslaught may have some plans for Jeffie before God can make good on His!

So, let's see, what were some of the crazier moments? Jeffie made sure he was going to make the most of spreading birthday cheer for Joe, who oddly enough decided at a couple points in time that he actually LIKED Jeffie!
Now, Joe really doesn't like Jeffie at all, so this kinda boggled our minds. Even more puzzling was Joe's showing how much he liked Jeffie by screaming "BERSERKER RAGE!!!" and pummeling the hell out of him. Then he'd come to his senses and realize that he really didn't like Jeffie after all. This happened a few times.
For further birthday enjoyment, Jeffie played a new birthday song for Joe, which we all thought was one of his coolest pieces yet. Strangely, when we actually like some of Jeffie's songs, he doesn't seem to appreciate the music. Seriously, some people just can't take a frickin' compliment!
Then there were a couple of live musical interludes, one of which featured Genevieve singing "Happy Birthday To You"...
...backwards!
Hey, it was actually kind of fun, especially with a little accompaniment from me and Foul Mouth Girl on bongos and Casio keyboard respectively.
And since we had the instruments on board, anyway, it just seemed like a fun idea to do a live jam of Jeffie's "Rubbernecking" song, which for some reason Joe and Rick just can't seem to embrace...
Just can't please some folks, I guess!

Interesting side note to that "Rubbernecking" segment:
That silly Jeffie, I gotta tell ya...
At some point a big clump of fur flew off of my hand as I was playing bongos, and Jeffie insisted that my hand itself flew off! Can you believe it?
Look, the weather's been really hot lately, and I've been shedding a lot more than normal for this time of year, that's ALL IT WAS! Honestly, Jeffie seems to think I'm trying to pull something on everybody. How many ways can I say that I am genuinely a wolf! I am a snarling, carnivorous beast! HONESTLY!!!!

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Recap by The Metal Wulf: Well, talk about some bizarre situations. On the last show I pretty much succeeded in driving everybody out of their minds with my biscuit addiction. Once again, Jeffie is the primary party to blame, although I should have known better than to eat something that he offered me. But those biscuits were sooooo yummy...
Mmmmmm, biscuits...
NOOOOO!!!!

Okay, so maybe there's some lingering attachment there, but I've found other entertainments in the meantime. More on that in a bit...

Anyhoo, Joe had me sedated in my closing moments on that last show, and had supposedly dropped me off at Rehab.
Strange thing, though. I don't think most rehabs come equipped with an S&M Dungeon...
So, there I was chained to a wall surrounded by a bunch of leather-clad dingbats who thought they knew something about inflicting pain.
Poor, poor bastards...

Upon my arrival at the show, I explained the situation to the guys, explaining that the above-mentioned leather-clad folks were currently chained up for my further entertainment. Yep, I'd been teaching them a LOT over the previous week!
Imagine my surprise, though, when my handiwork was interrupted by my brother, Bill, who had arrived to rescue me from Rehab (using his amazing invisible Ninja skills!) and get me to the radio show in time to hang with Cry To The Blind.
In the end, I reluctantly left my victims where they were for the time being. I was pretty sure they'd be alright until I got back. I mean, a couple of dangling organs here and there couldn't have been THAT life-threatening, could they?

Anyways, on to the serious aspects of this weeks show: Cry To The Blind!
So, let's go back to the early part of the New Millennium, when an event called Party Project at Geneva, NY's Smith Opera House introduced me to a rap/metal combo called 40 Oz. Failure, whose sound could best be compared to Limp Bizkit. 40 Oz. Failure were a LOT heavier, and infinitely better, in my opinion.
These guys blew me away that night, as well as another band called Loopus. Over the next three years or so Bill and I took in as many shows featuring these bands as humanly possible. Seriously, I've lost track, It seems like every weekend we were seeing one or the other or both.
Well, since that time, both 40 Oz. Failure and Loopus have disbanded.
Cry To The Blind is the band that rose from the ashes of 40 Oz. Failure, with less focus on the rap aspects and more of a modern hard-rock sound. Still damned good, let me tell ya!
So, it was vocalist Jon Lamana, drummer Jay Telarico, and bassist Kory Maclauchlan who joined us in studio this week, bringing us up to date on many things, as well as reminiscing about some of the "old" days. Seriously, with enough hard work and dedication (and believe me, these guys have got it in SPADES!), the sky is the limit for this band. I wish them nothing but the best!

Anyway, other discussions drifted toward recent events concerning Jeffie. I have a feeling he may be in for a rough evening when he returns next week. I think we're all a little impatient to discover what this message from God is all about, and we may have to get some answers from him! And considering Bill has shown interest in hanging with us a bit more frequently, maybe those invisible clowns living in his pants could be of help!
Yeah, I'm expecting some extreme craziness in the coming weeks!

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Recap by The Metal Wulf: This was a rough night for ol' Wulfie, I've gotta tell ya. And it's all Jeffie's fault...
The evening started off on a positive note, as Roc City Roller Derby's Cuss Muffin and Ja-Bootie joined us once again. They brought along a fresh face this evening, although we had to look up a bit to get a good look at her. At 6', 4" we were ALL looking up at Izzy-Normous.
Anyhoo, the ladies were on hand to promote their upcoming June 12th event at the Genesee Valley Sports Arena, and we were, as always, more than happy to oblige them. We LOVE our Derby!

Rick took some time to share some of his fun memories from hosting the Fingerlakes Metal Fest, and it sounded like he had himself a great time. Two days of great music, and not a bad band to be heard among them all! Hopefully next year, more of us will get to enjoy it!

On to the not so pleasant aspects of the evening...

I'd mentioned in last weeks' recap that Jeffie had handed over some biscuits for me to try, and the effects they had on me.
Well, guess who was under the impression that Jeffie was going to be back on the show, with more biscuits. Imagine the disbelief and disappointment when informed that Jeffie wasn't coming on the show that night...
That couldn't be! There had to be MORE BISCUITS, DAMMIT!!!!!
I imagine I must have gotten a little out of hand by that point, as I kept insisting that Jeffie was coming, and the guys kept telling me he that he wouldn't be returning for another TWO WEEKS!

THAT COULDN'T BE TRUE!!!

And so, Wulfie's night on the show spiraled downward into drastic stages of biscuit withdrawal, forcing Joe's hand. Yep, the only thing left to do was to take me to...

REHAB?!?!?!?!

Of course, I insisted that wasn't necessary. Why, I could quit any time I wanted, I'd be just fine!
But, no, in the end it was an early departure from the show. Rick must have found some of that elephant tranquilizer that Steve Papagiorgio used to use on me, 'cuz the next thing I felt was a little prick in my arm, and a warm, relaxing feeling as I drifted off to sleep...

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; Well, once again we were to pay tribute to another lost member of the tribe, this time Slipknot's Paul Gray. Always sad to see someone so young pass on, especially when their band is at the top of the current heap.
Seriously, this really sucks. I mean, I'm cool with the idea of a Rock N' Roll Heaven, but I think the Higher Powers should concentrate on someone NOT in the metal universe...

We had members of Newark's "Break The Silence" on hand for a little while. They were promoting their appearance at this weekend's Finger Lakes Metal Fest.

Josh's corpse was still there this week, so, I took a few moments to roll around in it.
If you remember correctly, I killed Josh in a bestial rage on the air in the closing moments of last weeks show. Well, it seems that somebody had just tucked his body into a corner and forgot about it, and he was gettin' pretty ripe. Perfect!
Yep, as Break The Silence promoted their show, you could hear me rolling around in near-orgasmic ecstacy, crunching some of Josh's ribs in the process...
Josh didn't take too well to that after he rose as a zombie about half an hour later...
Oddly enough he wasn't looking for revenge on me, though, although the broken ribs didn't exactly sit well with him.
Nope, he was pretty well prepared to take out all his undead aggression on Jeffie. Of course, after a little speculation he decided that eating Jeffie's brains was pretty pointless. Would've been like finding a needle in a haystack, to be honest...

Then we all started annoying the hell out of our long suffering host, Joe. Poor guy...
It's Jeffie's fault, of course. Leave it to him to come up with another annoyingly catchy song to sing along to. Before long he had Josh and I chanting along to "I Am Rubbernecking, I Am Rubbernecking..."
Really, don't ask me what it means. Who knows where Jeffie comes up with this stuff. It was just insanely fun!
Except for Joe and Rick...

Okay, guilty confession, I should know better than to nibble on anything that Jeffie offers to me, mainly because you never know where it's been, but, DAMN, those dog bisquits smelled good! They were kinda like the Lays potato chips of dog bisquits, I couldn't eat just one. In fact, before the night was over, I think I can categorically say I became addicted to them...
This didn't sit well with Joe either. I mean, one minute I'm a self-respecting werewolf, and the next I'm behaving like an attention hungry chihuahua, begging for more bisquits, whining...
What the HELL were in those things?
Of course, eventually the bisquits ran out, and Jeffie had the brilliant idea of offering me peanut butter.
Talking through peanut butter is hard enough in human form, imagine what it's like through a wolf muzzle...
And then Jeffie had to go and speculate how the peanut butter would taste if he smeared it in his armpits. My stomach just kinda lurched at the thought.
It's almost impossible to puke through a mouthful of peanut butter...
Of course, Jeffie had to remark on that particular phenomenon, describing in detail how I was vomiting peanute butter and bisquit chunks through my nose...

On top of that, before the night was over, Jeffie assured us that Josh's rising as a zombie is all part of the overall plan, as we continue toward this great revelation that he says God wants to share with us in the coming weeks. He even went so far as to prepare a special bath for Josh, which brought him back to life, pretty much the same as ever.
Of course, knowing Jeffie there's going to be a catch to this somewhere. Part of me is dreading the coming weeks...

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Recap by The Metal Wulf; You never really WANT to have that moment come when you devote a portion of a radio show to the memory of one of your heroes. When it all boils down, you really just want to be selfish and go on wishing that the person in question never passed on, never had his voice forever silenced, and will still be around to continue making contributions to the music you love.
But, the reality is that Ronnie James Dio has forever left us, and that beautiful voice of his, which could go from angelic to demonic in the blink of an eye, has been silenced. There will be no more trips to the magical and sometimes frightening worlds he introduced us to in his songs.
With that being said, I'm sure we probably didn't feature the greatest tribute likely to be done in Ronnie's honor, but I'd say it was probably up there among the most heart-felt and genuine, as each and every one of us on The Metallic Onslaught know full well what Ronnie contributed to our kind of music over the years, be it with Elf, Rainbow, Black Sabbath, Dio, or Heaven And Hell.
Truth be known, each and every one of those bands was featured in our tribute, that ran slightly over the one-hour time slot that was originally planned for it. Not that any of us complained. Hell, given the opportunity, I'm sure we would've been more than happy to just keep going with it right up until the end of the show.
Ronnie, wherever you may be now, we're all going to miss you terribly. Rest In Peace!

Above and beyond that, we had Dave from Spater join us once again for some more promotion of the Finger Lakes Metal Fest, being held next weekend in Clyde! Seriously, this 2-day event has an extremely solid line-up, and shouldn't be missed if you can at all possibly avoid it!
We also had members of Lowkey on hand, who will actually be performing at the Metal Fest next week. In addition to that appearance, the boys have been hard at work on a new album. If you've been listening in recent weeks, you may have heard one of their new tracks, "Porcupine Cannonball", and in addition to that, they also provided us with another new track called "Passion". Sounded pretty damned good to me!

Jeffie was once again on hand, and he seemed a little confused in the early goings of his visit. Seems he woke up in a hole after last weeks show, which saw him getting into some mushrooms I'd gathered earlier in the day.
I actually thanked him for testing them for me. Considering the after-effects, I don't think I would've enjoyed those on a pizza...
I'd remarked to him that the last time I'd seen him, he was sitting on the roof of the station. He didn't seem to remember getting up there.
I swear, I honestly don't know how he got up there! I had nothing to do with it!
Heh heh heh...
Anyhow, he started rambling about being chased by a walrus and ending up in a hole. And then looking up from the hole to look into the starlight, where God revealed his plans for the Onslaught to him.
Riiiiiiight...
He later mentioned that he couldn't tell us God's plan until we sacrificed Josh. At first, I was a little hesitant. I mean, normally if anyone dies on the show, it's a Jeffie, and we haven't had a Jeffie death in, well...I honestly think the last one was the week before I made my first appearance!
Even then, he showed up as a zombie, and eventually another Jeffie was cloned anyway...
Seriously, you can't get rid of Jeffie forever. Azkath just keeps sending us more of them...
Anyhoo, back to God's plan.
In the long run, I decided that sometimes, in the interest of having your destiny revealed, a little bloodshed may just be a tad necessary.
So, in the closing moments of the show, in a bestial rage, I killed Josh on the air.
Sorry Josh, but God has a plan for us all!

Listen to the Show - Pictures

Recap by The Metal Wulf: Well, last night was about plowing on ahead and putting No Pants Day behind us. Unfortunately, I don't think anyone reminded Jeffie that it was over, as we were periodically subjected to his pants falling down throughout the evening...
Jeffie, Jeffie, Jeffie, what are we gonna do with you?

So, we had Joe Marro back in the studio last night, along with a couple of his bandmates from Paradyme, bass player Derek Schwarzkopf and keyboardist/vocalist John Walsh. They were not only kind enough to provide a couple of demos to play on the show, but they also plugged in for a little in-studio jam session. Things seem to be gelling very well for these guys, and we're all looking forward to seeing what else they have in store in the coming months!
Gotta say I'm getting a little concerned about Mr. Marro's state of mind, though, as I'm pretty sure we all heard him state at some point in the evening that he wanted to marry Jeffie...
Funny side note to that: My girlfriend told me today that she thought it was ME who made that remark about marrying Jeffie.
EWWWWW!



I must say, having the guys in the studio with their instruments added a little extra atmosphere to the show. John even gave a little musical accompaniment to Jeffie's reading of the concert listings.
Then there was Joe Marro and his impersonation of ummmm...
Shit, what's that guys name?
Hmmmm...one of those really unique voices, ya used to hear him all the time in movie ads and television ads...
Well, just think "In a world where werewolves rule the airwaves...", and you'll know who I mean!
Yeah, Joe did a great impersonation of that guy, prompting Foul Mouth Girl to construct a Mad Lib for him to read, using that voice, with some dramatic keyboard music thrown in. Kind of a surreal moment, but worth a chuckle!

Things got pretty goofy in the latter portions of the show. Jeffie started acting more unusual than normal, and said something about taking something he found in my bag. Took me a moment to think about that one, but I realized what he must have been referring to, and I responded with something to the effect of, "You took THOSE?"
Jeffie referred to them as Goof Balls, and that certainly seems to be a reflection of what they were doing to him.
Seriously, I thought those mushrooms were perfectly safe! Thought they'd be good on a pizza!
I guess I have Jeffie to thank for testing them out, 'cuz we now know that they probably weren't very healthy in the long run. He started to hallucinate heavily, at one point thinking Josh had turned into an elf and asking him to jump into his hand.
On top of that, he thought that I had turned into a regular man! Can you imagine that? Yep, they seemed to be pretty potent. I shudder to think of what happened to poor Jeffie after the show was over...